Hey all, I'm kinda new around here so I hope this is going in the right spot.
I'm sure everyone's tired of these topics, but I've got to put this somewhere, since I don't have the courage to tell anyone in real life. I'm currently a 20 year old college student, originally from the Seattle area but I moved to Wyoming for school. The funny thing is, I never saw myself here. I had planned to enlist in the military from a pretty early age (Since it was kind of a family tradition, and just something I really wanted to do) but my poor vision stopped me. I'm legally blind in the right eye, about 20/400, and with limited vision in the left - 20/50-. I was disqualified from enlisting in any branch of the armed services three days before my senior year of high school started. So now I'm in the middle of nowhere trying to get a degree in Homeland Security.
Anyway, I've had this on my mind for a while, and just recently it got too big for me to ignore. I've been on this earth for twenty years, and in that time I've never, ever had a relationship with a girl. Never kissed one. Never held hands with one. It obviously wasn't a huge thing in middle school, and even in high school there wasn't a whole lot wrong with it. But I've been in college for two years and although I've made plenty of friends, very few of them are girls and of those that are, they're all involved in pretty serious relationships already. And if I take a step back and look at it objectively, I don't believe that I'm totally hideous. Not trying to brag, just saying that I'm not the ugliest thing to ever crawl out of the ooze (but still close.) Average height/weight, maybe a bit dorky looking but not revolting.
I feel like every passing day I'm further away from ever...well, "having" someone. I can't imagine a girl wanting to be with me, holding my hand or smiling when I call them. It's impossible for me to consider the possibility that they would want to spend any significant time with me, or that I would be able to tell them that I love them. I feel that I can't contribute anything to a relationship. I can't drive a car yet (because of my vision) I'm working a low-paying job that barely keeps my head above water, everything I've ever wanted to do has been ripped away from me because of my disability. My mind tells me every day that I'm weak and undeserving of being in a relationship. Why would someone want to be my girlfriend when I can't even go anywhere that's outside waking distance without a ride or can't read a book without sticking it three inches from my nose? I want to have the courage to ask a girl out, but every time the thought crosses my mind I remember everything that I've failed at before, and think "Why would this be any different?"
I'm sure everyone's tired of these topics, but I've got to put this somewhere, since I don't have the courage to tell anyone in real life. I'm currently a 20 year old college student, originally from the Seattle area but I moved to Wyoming for school. The funny thing is, I never saw myself here. I had planned to enlist in the military from a pretty early age (Since it was kind of a family tradition, and just something I really wanted to do) but my poor vision stopped me. I'm legally blind in the right eye, about 20/400, and with limited vision in the left - 20/50-. I was disqualified from enlisting in any branch of the armed services three days before my senior year of high school started. So now I'm in the middle of nowhere trying to get a degree in Homeland Security.
Anyway, I've had this on my mind for a while, and just recently it got too big for me to ignore. I've been on this earth for twenty years, and in that time I've never, ever had a relationship with a girl. Never kissed one. Never held hands with one. It obviously wasn't a huge thing in middle school, and even in high school there wasn't a whole lot wrong with it. But I've been in college for two years and although I've made plenty of friends, very few of them are girls and of those that are, they're all involved in pretty serious relationships already. And if I take a step back and look at it objectively, I don't believe that I'm totally hideous. Not trying to brag, just saying that I'm not the ugliest thing to ever crawl out of the ooze (but still close.) Average height/weight, maybe a bit dorky looking but not revolting.
I feel like every passing day I'm further away from ever...well, "having" someone. I can't imagine a girl wanting to be with me, holding my hand or smiling when I call them. It's impossible for me to consider the possibility that they would want to spend any significant time with me, or that I would be able to tell them that I love them. I feel that I can't contribute anything to a relationship. I can't drive a car yet (because of my vision) I'm working a low-paying job that barely keeps my head above water, everything I've ever wanted to do has been ripped away from me because of my disability. My mind tells me every day that I'm weak and undeserving of being in a relationship. Why would someone want to be my girlfriend when I can't even go anywhere that's outside waking distance without a ride or can't read a book without sticking it three inches from my nose? I want to have the courage to ask a girl out, but every time the thought crosses my mind I remember everything that I've failed at before, and think "Why would this be any different?"