Questions for the Women

[TheRealCallie]

I assume you take the resposibility for your life choices too, including your relationship history. Because you know how it sounds if I blame you for your experiences.

I DO take responsibility.  Not for all of it because I certainly didn't make my ex an abusive alcoholic or a cheater, but I wasn't blameless in how I handled honeysuckle or what I did. If you actually read what I have written here, you would know that.

 

[Xpendable]

There's a lot of things I and many other people "didn't make" happen. You can still control whom you choose, I don't control the way I was born.

 

[kamya]

This is ridiculous.  If you want to know why you have issues, look at yourselves because that's where the problem is.  Not the shallow ass women, not the bad boys, not the...well, whatever else you try to blame.  The problem is with you.  If you can't/won't see that, that's also on you.  You have quite a few women (and even a man or two) telling you the same thing, but clearly we are all liars because it couldn't possibly be your perfect self that has the issue.

Who is blaming anything on anyone? This is your go to argument whenever you don't like what is being said whether it applies to anything or not.

You asked a question and you got some answers. I don't see any whining or blaming anywhere. I only see possible explanations on why guys might react to your advice the way you say they do.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Lol

 

[kamya]

I assume you take the resposibility for your life choices too, including your relationship history. Because you know how it sounds if I blame you for your experiences.

I DO take responsibility.  Not for all of it because I certainly didn't make my ex an abusive alcoholic or a cheater, but I wasn't blameless in how I handled honeysuckle or what I did. If you actually read what I have written here, you would know that.

And see this is the point.

You see someone that always talks badly about their ex and how he was abusive and an alcoholic and cheater. Not to mention all of the other times we see you trash him for whatever thing it is THIS time. We see and notice this and think, "well, this is the kind of guy she actually ended up with!"

So you can't blame someone for maybe not taking your advice on what girls are attracted to too seriously. Because in the end, that is the type of person that you were into enough to commit to.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Lol

 

[reynard_muldrake]

Lol = "I don't have an argument, so I'll just snidely brush it off"

fixed

 

[TheRealCallie]

Lol, this is so moronic I won't even bother to reply. Lol

There I fixed it.  Don't speak for me.

 

[ardour]

Well this has ended well.

Attacks us for answering the question she asked...

To be fair, Callie has said he ex wasn't like that when she met him.

 

[Xpendable]

That's what they always say, honestly.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Thank you, ardour.  Most of what I said today wasn't directed at you. And that is why I said it was moronic.  Picking and choosing what to remember so they can try to bash you, while ignoring vital parts of what was said.  
I do, however,  feel that most issues are caused by the person, not others in this kind of situation.  Yes, there are some shallow ass women out there (and men), but every single female you have encountered can't possibly be that way, can they? 
Maybe they aren't your "type," but how does anyone really know their "type" if you don't give others a chance? Not to mention each person is different and you can't really tell who a person is unless you give them a chance. 
Someone you do get to know and care for can turn into an *******, but someone you don't think you could care for could turn out to be exactly what you wanted.

 

[kamya]

To be fair, Callie has said he ex wasn't like that when she met him.

Even if it's true it doesn't really change much. There are always red flags and signs ignored at the end of the day. Whatever personality traits he had that she was attracted to ended up being in some part the traits that lend themselves more easily to becoming the person he ended up becoming.

And no, no one is trying to bash you. This isn't something personal. Its just one example. 

Almost every guy has experienced this kind of thing. Some woman trying to give them generic well meaning "advice" that is contradicted by their actions. It's really hard to trust the self awareness of someone giving advice on what women want when their different ex's have either abused them, stalked them, cheated on them, or did whatever other stereotypical shitty thing to them. Every guy has experienced receiving the generic advice from this type of girl. Most guys actually notice this hypocrisy. If they aren't mentioning it, the thought has still likely crossed their minds.

For the cherry on top, if you stick around long enough you usually get to watch these women turn around and do the SAME exact thing they always do when picking out the next guy they end up with. 

See? There is 0 whining or complaining. Just like there has been 0 whining or complaining in all of the other posts.
People have only been trying to answer your question. You just REALLY don't seem to like the answers being given.

---

Maybe they aren't your "type," but how does anyone really know their "type" if you don't give others a chance? Not to mention each person is different and you can't really tell who a person is unless you give them a chance. 

If only more people thought this way. There would definitely be a lot less lonely guys whining about being rejected all the time and asking for useless advice in the world. Many aren't even really given a chance.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Please end this conversation about it now.

 

[kamya]

I'm not sure why you suddenly feel the need to step in here but sure.

If it were ANYONE else or if the roles were reversed I'm sure you wouldn't see a problem. 

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm not sure why you suddenly feel the need to step in here but sure.

If it were ANYONE else or if the roles were reversed I'm sure you wouldn't see a problem. 

If you weren't a judgemental person, you'd know that I'd say the same to anything that was getting off track. You're so sunk into justifying why you behave the way you do, that you fail to realize why certain things happen to you. When you act from a nasty attitude, you get a nasty attitude.

The warning wasn't just to you, either.

 

[kamya]

It was completely on track though. I'm sorry for answering a question (that was opened to anyone) in a thread where people ask questions.

For the record, I have a few pretty solid ideas on why certain things happen to me, on here and in life in general. I'll keep them to myself in this instance because I'd rather not get in any more trouble if I can help it.

Also its definitely not JUST me that notices your favoritism. It has nothing to do with me personally being judgmental. You can only deny the claims being made by so many people for so long.

 

[MisterLonely]

Men and women hurt each other in very different ways, when a woman is subjected to abuse from a partner it's 9 out of 10 times physical and/or sexual of nature, for a man it's 9 out of 10 times emotional/psychological abuse.

Because of this women grow wary over time, especially if they have made the wrong choices in life over and over again, we all know the stereotype of women saying "why do I always end up with an *******, what is it about me that attracts them?", better question would be "why are you still attracted to those men, why haven't you learned?"

And the same is true for men, men grow wary women because of what women say vs what they see them do, and how they act towards them, we all know the cliché the guy that gets "friend-zoned" and is "like a brother to her", The guy is left thinking "why am I never good enough, I'm doing everything right because they all love me?", the better question would be "Why are you still listening to them, why haven't you learned?"

I don't think it's something that comes easily, I would say Kamya has "learned", I think Callie has "learned" as well, if so this puts them at opposite ends, one saying honestly what she wants/values, and the other not taking anything words for truth anymore until he sees the actions to back them up.

Just a theory, feel free to poke holes

 

[DarkSelene]

I'm not 100% on board with the males hurt physically thing, I think everyone have the potential to hurt each other emotionally and if it gets to physical abuse it's usually reciprocal and regarding very toxic relationships -- so it shouldn't be defined as a gendered thing and it shouldn't be comparable (sexual abuse is another story completely).

The friendzone thing relates to the useless "be yourself" advice, and it's useless because if women or anyone actually gave people the opportunity to "not be their type, but end up being exactly what they were looking for" there wouldn't be so many lonely guys whining because women won't even consider giving them the chance. I don't think it's inherently being a superficial person thing and I don't judge women for that because I also don't judge men for not giving some women a chance... but it's clear that most males are not really trying to cover up when they're not attracted or into certain kinds of women, it's way harder to see males with a bunch of orbiters because when males see that they have a shot they take it, even if it's just sorta using it for sex.

I don't think it's something that comes easily, I would say Kamya has "learned", I think Callie has "learned" as well, if so this puts them at opposite ends, one saying honestly what she wants/values, and the other not taking anything words for truth anymore until he sees the actions to back them up.

but yeah that's why this happens, makes lots of sense.

 

[MisterLonely]

I'm not 100% on board with the males hurt physically thing, I think everyone have the potential to hurt each other emotionally and if it gets to physical abuse it's usually reciprocal and regarding very toxic relationships -- so it shouldn't be defined as a gendered thing and it shouldn't be comparable (sexual abuse is another story completely).

There are always exceptions, reciprocal physical abuse is something else yes, but I would still think the majority of physical abuse cases is one sided abuse, I've seen it happen with my sister, she never hit anyone, and she wasn't emotionally abusive either, she just fell in with a monster hiding behind the mask of a nice guy (He really was super sweet whenever they visited)

The friendzone thing relates to the useless "be yourself" advice, and it's useless because if women or anyone actually gave people the opportunity to "not be their type, but end up being exactly what they were looking for" there wouldn't be so many lonely guys whining because women won't even consider giving them the chance. I don't think it's inherently being a superficial person thing and I don't judge women for that because I also don't judge men for not giving some women a chance... but it's clear that most males are not really trying to cover up when they're not attracted or into certain kinds of women, it's way harder to see males with a bunch of orbiters because when males see that they have a shot they take it, even if it's just sorta using it for sex.

I agree for the most, one thing I don't agree with is that men take every opportunity they see, I'm someone that doesn't wok like that, I'd have to know someone better, be it through chat or in person conversation or dating, I wished that sex would be so easy for me, I know of 3 women over the last 10 years that I'm 100% sure would have slept with me like that, but I never did.
To be honest I have changed a lot last 2 years, and given the opportunity again, I might take it...

P.S.: Yes i know this is mostly a personal standpoint

 

[VanillaCreme]

It was completely on track though. I'm sorry for answering a question (that was opened to anyone) in a thread where people ask questions.

For the record, I have a few pretty solid ideas on why certain things happen to me, on here and in life in general. I'll keep them to myself in this instance because I'd rather not get in any more trouble if I can help it.

Also its definitely not JUST me that notices your favoritism. It has nothing to do with me personally being judgmental. You can only deny the claims being made by so many people for so long.

There is no favoritism. I don't defend Jen, if that's what you're implying. I don't have to. And someone who doesn't particularly care for her has even noticed the horrid behavior. So it's not just me, and it's not because I'm playing favorites. I suggest you stop while you're ahead.