I certainly don't want an unsuccessful life. But I'm not sure how to avoid it, because a successful life means you have to be good at something, and I'm not sure what that can be for me.
It's hard to be committed, or work hard at something, or even be interested in learning and doing something at all, when you don't feel like you are good at it, and therefore don't have any room to move forward at it, any capacity to improve. I always thought that you could only meaningfully and significantly improve at something that you were naturally above average at in the first place, just by being as you are by default, as a result of your natural traits and mind, before you have any formal or informal instruction - something that was easy for you in the first place. I thought that that's how you knew you could get better - that you could get better at something as long as it was still easy for you. Once it got harder, I figured that's when you know you're probably hitting your genetic limit. The few people that push past that limit, become the professional athletes, rock stars, movie stars, company founders, etc.
I read an article about Derek Jeter last week - it was about a lot of different aspects of his career, but one thing that caught my eye was that he said that he had some difficulty in the beginning of his career, and that it was his first time playing baseball that he struggled. But the thing is, this time that he was struggling, was already well beyond the highest level that most people could ever play baseball at all. That's similar to how I thought about skills all my life - that to get anywhere at anything, it has to be easy for you to start with, and that you can only improve as long as it stays easy. That's why I never really thought successful people worked hard, at least not for a long time - instead, I thought they were people who were born with natural genetic strengths that allowed something to be easy for them, and to stay easy for them long after it got too hard for most people. I thought they only started having to work hard, once they got to a level where any person, even genetically gifted people, would have to work hard at it.
It got me thinking about skills in general. What if the first time you struggle at something, is right away? What if it's like that, for everything you do? It's pretty hard to feel like you can become successful at anything, or even get interested in anything at all, when right away it feels like you can't really do it. It's hard to believe in hard work, when everything feels like a dead end. That's why I never believed in "tough love", I thought it was bullsh*t, thought it was a lie. I thought that for most people, hard work doesn't work, because it's all about genetics. It's also why the stars never inspired me, because if it's hereditary, then it's just another form of aristocracy. It's only interesting and inspiring if you could do it too. Otherwise, it's just genetically gifted people doing things you need to be genetically gifted to do, much like royals doing things you need to be born into royalty to do. There's nothing really interesting or inspiring about hereditary predetermination.
I also want to say that, for the most part, I don't really care for the "tough love" crowd.
It seems like they're usually one of a few kinds of people:
- the kind of person who just so happened to find what they are good at early, who finds something easy that most people find hard, and therefore enjoys it because it's a positive feedback loop for them and makes them feel strong and competent and therefore they seek it out again, and when they practice they get better instead of stuck, so they seek that out again too and wonder what else they can do with it, and is so egotistical that they refuse to even consider anyone else's experiences outside of their own - especially in regards to muscle and STEM - people that are muscular and/or good at STEM, generally have an easy time in life because they just so happen to have the things the world values the most, and don't understand or relate to the perspectives and experiences of people who aren't naturally muscular or good at STEM,
- the kind of person who isn't actually successful or good at anything, but likes to take on a "tough love" attitude because berating others makes them feel superior to someone, and better about themselves.
I think most "tough love" people are in this second category, especially here on this forum (talking about old, inactive members like on this thread). Most of them go on and on about how others are "whining" and things like that, but offer little to no proof of their own supposed success. Think about it - successful people are busy people, who are interested in their own lives. What successful person has the time, or would want to make the time, to go on and on putting others down on this forum for not working hard enough, or complaining too much, etc.? Actual successful people are busy, they don't have time for this, and they don't care. They don't need to put others down to feel good, they feel good because they have good lives. It just makes me think that the people going on and on about "tough love" here, are really just putting others down to boost their own ego.
