Advice on assertiveness?

[CenotaphGirl]

So most people know on here by now that I stick to my guns, I am loud and proud and I love a good debate.
However, in real life I am a timid little thing, and confrontation terrifies the life out of me.
Typically, I work around issues and put up with wrongful treatment to avoid confrontation, which is okay because it effects me.
My daughters foot is really messed up and may require surgery, I have been trying to get her seen but it's so difficult.
Before the doctor looked at her foot he was like, "is she happy? healthy?" I was like "yeah, she's very happy" he then said...
"So why are you here? She looks and seems fine? are you overreacting?" I felt my heart stop and my body freeze, my voice was shaking even moreee
I could barely get out the words why I was there and I felt like I failed her, after examining the foot he is referring her to a specialist,
But now one specialist said it's too advanced and she needs to go to a different one without even seeing her... not a picture or X-ray...
I could get my mum to do it, like call up and make things happen, but I feel like this is my job...

So ALL... any advice on how to become more assertive? Am I worrying about the doctors small comments too much? I just dont know

 

[TheRealCallie]

So, she doesn't need anything done because she's happy, but it's too advanced for one doctor to even see her? Kind of contradictory isn't it? WTF is wrong with docs over there?

Now, here's my opinion on the matter. If this doctor is saying he can't do it because it's too advanced, would you really want her to see that doc? This is obviously coming from an American who can choose her own doctors, but since the specialist said that, I would say get a referral to someone else who is confident they can do it.
I would try yourself first. Call the doc and just say hey, this idiot said he can't do it, can I get a referral to someone else....There's no real confrontation in that, unless you actually call him an idiot, but it is taking care of business.

Now, that said...when it comes to your kids, do whatever it takes to make things happen. If that turns out to be calling on your mom and have her make it happen, DO IT. What the child needs is most important in the end and if you have a way around some of that red tape, take it for your daughter.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

You have to become comfortable within your own certainty in order to follow through, is the thing.
The way that I was taught to do this as a manager was to simply follow through, and reflect later.
If in my reflection later I find that my judgment was in error, than I owe someone an apology.
Learning to apologize is important when you have learned of your mistake, because it shows that you value and care about the relationship with the person you are apologizing to. However, if you do not apologize when you've learned of your mistakes, than that only contributes to damaging or destroying the relationship with that person.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

So, she doesn't need anything done because she's happy, but it's too advanced for one doctor to even see her? Kind of contradictory isn't it? WTF is wrong with docs over there?

Now, here's my opinion on the matter. If this doctor is saying he can't do it because it's too advanced, would you really want her to see that doc? This is obviously coming from an American who can choose her own doctors, but since the specialist said that, I would say get a referral to someone else who is confident they can do it.
I would try yourself first. Call the doc and just say hey, this idiot said he can't do it, can I get a referral to someone else....There's no real confrontation in that, unless you actually call him an idiot, but it is taking care of business.

Now, that said...when it comes to your kids, do whatever it takes to make things happen. If that turns out to be calling on your mom and have her make it happen, DO IT. What the child needs is most important in the end and if you have a way around some of that red tape, take it for your daughter.

Yeah he like said all that before he even looked at her made me feel stupid/unwelcome you know?

But I have been considering and swallowing my pride and letting mum be a boss lady and handle these healthcare professionals but I feel so disappointed that im not “adulting” properly

You have to become comfortable within your own certainty in order to follow through, is the thing.
The way that I was taught to do this as a manager was to simply follow through, and reflect later.
If in my reflection later I find that my judgment was in error, than I owe someone an apology.
Learning to apologize is important when you have learned of your mistake, because it shows that you value and care about the relationship with the person you are apologizing to. However, if you do not apologize when you've learned of your mistakes, than that only contributes to damaging or destroying the relationship with that person.

Yeah thats the thing Apexie he didn't even say “you’re right to come in” after literally making me feel stupid for coming

 

[TheRealCallie]

Yeah he like said all that before he even looked at her made me feel stupid/unwelcome you know?

But I have been considering and swallowing my pride and letting mum be a boss lady and handle these healthcare professionals but I feel so disappointed that im not “adulting” properly

Don't EVER let a doctor make you feel stupid. If someone is going to talk to you like that, they are just a pompous ass and you should find someone else.

I wouldn't be too worried about whether you are "adulting" properly when it comes to things like this. Especially with what I understand of the medical field over there. If it was in America where you have a million options....sure, maybe, but not over there where you apparently get told "you can go here and nowhere else"

 

[Tryingtosurvive]

I had the same Dr for a long time and he was quite condescending, arrogant and made me feel like a simpleton until i started being sarcastic/played him at his own game. With any injury, serious pain, wound or anything you'll see a Dr as it's the most logical step to take. You didn't go there for sh*ts and giggles, you want to make sure everything is ok like a good mother should. You are a great mother and are adulting by doing what you do, so don't let these cheeseburgers get you down.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Yeah thats the thing Apexie he didn't even say “you’re right to come in” after literally making me feel stupid for coming

Ooohh. Well, ****. Look into finding a doctor whose perhaps got a better developed practice of bedside manner.

 

[Rohini]

Most doctors these days lack compassion of any sort. It actually makes me want to cry. The whole purpose and reasoning behind becoming a doctor in the first place is because you're supposed to want to help people. Genuinely.
Someone who genuinely wants to help those who are suffering. I find this notion of what a doctor is meant to be has flown the coop. It's just become a show of their academic accomplishments and making everyone else they come into contact with who doesn't have that piece of paper that they cling to for dear life seem like a bumbling fool.

It's annoying, aggravating... you name it...
Don't let them treat you that way, definitely as other said, seek out someone else who actually *WANTS* to help and has compassion for children. Not raging ego-maniacs like this who have something to prove..

My 2 cents..

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Most doctors these days lack compassion of any sort. It actually makes me want to cry. The whole purpose and reasoning behind becoming a doctor in the first place is because you're supposed to want to help people. Genuinely.
Someone who genuinely wants to help those who are suffering. I find this notion of what a doctor is meant to be has flown the coop. It's just become a show of their academic accomplishments and making everyone else they come into contact with who doesn't have that piece of paper that thing cling to for dear life seem like a bumbling fool.

It's annoying, aggravating... you name it...
Don't let them treat you that way, definitely as other said, seek out someone else who actually *WANTS* to help and has compassion for children. Not raging ego-maniacs like this who have something to prove..

My 2 cents..

Yeah you guys are right, its just shes getting passed along and no one is really looking at her, I think i’ll just swallow my pride and let my mum sort it but I wish I could call and demand an appointment for her, be assertive

 

[randomguy]

Was it a NHS doctor? Whole systems falling apart, there's a handful of consultants and the rest are junior Dr's working 80+ hours a week for next to no money and no experience or common-sense. I'd say go private but they're not much better. We've lost way too many medical practitioners to country's that pay them a decent wage and allow them to have some quality of life. Hence the upcoming walkouts.

 

[okidoke]

Doctors, pffft! I am so sick of them. With three daughters with various and multiple issues, and my own condition and my wife’s ailments, we have had to deal with PLENTY of stupid, arrogant and ignorant health professionals over the years. Just last week I had a GP tell me that there’s nothing you can do to to improve your immune system (I was having a skin check) and I looked at high with disdain because I knew he just wanted me to return to him for any treatments, but I’ll never see him again.

To be a bit more assertive, I think you just have to get a bit angry and know that you’re trying to do what’s right. There is nothing wrong with getting second third and even forth opinions. We did find more knowledgeable health professionals in certain fields. Too often regular doctors are just too ignorant. I’ve had GPs google stuff as I sat there with my eyebrows raised! I’ve done my research and heal myself a lot of the time now. I’ve not felt this healthy in years!

Your gut instinct should never be ignored.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Was it a NHS doctor? Whole systems falling apart, there's a handful of consultants and the rest are junior Dr's working 80+ hours a week for next to no money and no experience or common-sense. I'd say go private but they're not much better. We've lost way too many medical practitioners to country's that pay them a decent wage and allow them to have some quality of life. Hence the upcoming walkouts.

Yeahhh my mum was like take her NHS first because thats her doctor from birth, but its ridiculous.

Doctors, pffft! I am so sick of them. With three daughters with various and multiple issues, and my own condition and my wife’s ailments, we have had to deal with PLENTY of stupid, arrogant and ignorant health professionals over the years. Just last week I had a GP tell me that there’s nothing you can do to to improve your immune system (I was having a skin check) and I looked at high with disdain because I knew he just wanted me to return to him for any treatments, but I’ll never see him again.

To be a bit more assertive, I think you just have to get a bit angry and know that you’re trying to do what’s right. There is nothing wrong with getting second third and even forth opinions. We did find more knowledgeable health professionals in certain fields. Too often regular doctors are just too ignorant. I’ve had GPs google stuff as I sat there with my eyebrows raised! I’ve done my research and heal myself a lot of the time now. I’ve not felt this healthy in years!

Your gut instinct should never be ignored.

Ugh thats awful I always thought what Rohini said doctors wanted to help people but it seems like a fairytale just human like the rest of us

 

[Tryingtosurvive]

The NHS is in a honeysuckle without a paddle and many lives are going to be lost. Whether it's the old or the young, it should be called "Broken Britain" and not "Great Britain" because nothing is great about it at all. People are destitute and on the bones of their ars*s as we speak. I've met good Dr's with empathy and ones who gave a "honeysuckle", but most of them are just arrogant/horrible because they are a Dr.

 

[Finished]

What works for me is getting mad. I can do just about anything if I let my self get mad. Darn doctor is trying to brush me off!!!! He deserves my anger! It helps me to speak up or shout when I would normally just think, idiot, and leave feeling defeated.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

The NHS is in a honeysuckle without a paddle and many lives are going to be lost. Whether it's the old or the young, it should be called "Broken Britain" and not "Great Britain" because nothing is great about it at all. People are destitute and on the bones of their ars*s as we speak. I've met good Dr's with empathy and ones who gave a "honeysuckle", but most of them are just arrogant/horrible because they are a Dr.

I swear I thought is it me or… lol is this doctor making me wanna let the floor swallow me lol

What works for me is getting mad. I can do just about anything if I let my self get mad. Darn doctor is trying to brush me off!!!! He deserves my anger! It helps me to speak up or shout when I would normally just think, idiot, and leave feeling defeated.

I think this is my problem my brain skips anger and just gets bitchy or sad or both

 

[Tryingtosurvive]

Surely being bitchy is a good thing in this case? As it shows you can't be messed around

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Surely being bitchy is a good thing in this case? As it shows you can't be messed around

Nooo because then you give them reason not to work with you and they act like they have done nothing wrong total nightmare lol

 

[Tryingtosurvive]

Nooo because then you give them reason not to work with you and they act like they have done nothing wrong total nightmare lol

Well, being a sarcastic smart ars*e worked wonders with my Dr because he did it to me for years and he actually stopped being a gimp. Be more bitchy and watch them fold like a cheap suit

 

[Unsigned]

My daughters foot is really messed up and may require surgery, I have been trying to get her seen but it's so difficult.

So you (and her) can tell that she has a problem and the doctor still "poo-poo'd" you???
Dump him.
Immediately.
The best diagnosis comes from the patient.
And DOCTORS have told me this.
If there is pain and a noticeable visual issue...there IS A PROBLEM!
Please take your little girl to another MD.


EDIT:
Apologies for getting political here, but this may be a symptom of UK socialized medicine.
No incentive for being thorough and better.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

So you (and her) can tell that she has a problem and the doctor still "poo-poo'd" you???
Dump him.
Immediately.
The best diagnosis comes from the patient.
And DOCTORS have told me this.
If there is pain and a noticeable visual issue...there IS A PROBLEM!
Please take your little girl to another MD.

Well the thing is her foot didnt look so bad at first, so I was monitoring it, but school said they are super concerned and when I checked it out it looks plain weird with a curve at the top.

So its like he accepted there was an issue after he looked at it but I was so shaken up that point from the initial “why are you here” and comments that I just felt like I didnt ask everything I needed to. Or say important things I’ve noticed like it goes pale white at the bottom and freezing cold at times my mum said thats a huge issue I should have mentioned but I was too busy panicking