I guess some people aren't meant to be, and no matter how many times they bust their asses to change and desperately try to make friends, find their soul mate and build a healthy social life where people love and care for them, it just can't happen to them because its their fate thats been chosen for them. To eternally rot in loneliness. I don't believe in no God or religion whatsoever. Everything happens for a reason. Its all about fate. And FATE can be quite unfair sometimes. Life isn't fair, you can't always get what you want. They say you could put your mind to anything, that goes for most people. But unfortunately some people just have to be left in the dark. Never to see the light or receive the things they truly want that they just can't get. This has nothing at all to do with Karma, it just happens like cancer. People are born with this curse. And there is no way to get rid of it.
Being one of the "unlucky ones"
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Ak5
Well-known member
Be thankful you haven't had cancer.
IgnoredOne
Well-known member
I think believing in fate believes that there's actually some force moving it. Anyway, I do think that the only crippling and unsurmountable obstacles would be a lack of willingness to put in the effort.
as messed up as this sounds id rather have cancer eat me away then live a long healthy life but endlessly suffer mentally. And to the other guy/girl ive been putting in the effort since I was 15. And all I have received since then is honeysuckle. A social life cannot be THAT difficult to make.
IgnoredOne
Well-known member
pearl92 said:
It isn't. You're probably making some mistake and repeating it; I've had that happen to me.
But I should note that I grew up virtually completely alone(homeschooled) until I was 16, when I got into college and was severely and even physically socially anxious. I committed myself eventually to a program to systematically identify, focus on, and attack obstacles; I can't saw if I am brilliantly social now, but I do seem to get along well enough.
L
Lonely in BC
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IgnoredOne said:
This! Thank you for putting the words to the response I was trying to come up with I.O.
+1
I've had cancer and am lonely and find the loneliness harder to deal with. I don't know if being lonely is my fate-I am trying so hard to not let it be by going out and doing things, but sometimes I wonder if I will always be lonely. Going to reading groups and other groups takes the edge off for a while, but there is always the feeling that I am on the edge of other people's lives. Many others do seem to fall into relationships eaaily, so maybe the fault is in me that it hasn't happened. I think, Pearl92, that we just have to keep trying to make connectiuons with people and hopefully one day we will find what we are lookingfor.
Tiina63 said:
i tend to agree with the op.
But even if I havent got a nice woman in my life doesn't mean I am going to miserable. A girlfriend is the icing on the cake i think. The bonus.
I don't think i have been lucky enough. There probably is a woman out there who thinks I'm wonderful. trouble is I havent met her yet.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
Well, I think Pearl and Putter have found the perfect half to their pair in each other, yes? If you learn not to become bitter about everything in life, you'll also learn that you make the best of out any situation, whether it be a good one or one that puts you in a bad way. Yes, you can learn from negative things. People usually don't want to put in any effort that comes with the downs in life. You don't even realize all the positive things that happens in life on a daily basis.
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
pearl92 said:
I don't think it's ALL about fate. Actions have consequences and there is such a thing called cause and effect.
You won't be left in the dark if you try all possible ways of making changes happen. Life is vast and wide and there are so many different opportunities out there for you to take up, it's a matter of whether you have found it or not or whether it's the right time or not. I believe in fate, yes, fate probably determines when something happens, but whether it happens or not depends on your efforts.
With your way of thinking of how it's a curse and can never get rid of it will just let things be that way for you. Mindset also plays an important role in how things work out. You've no idea how powerful the mind is in the way you see things in life.
Also, I don't think anyone would wish to get cancer. Please don't wish for that as even though I'm a stranger, I think I value your life in this world as I believe you can also do good things to other less fortunate people and make this world a better place, even on a small part of the earth.
ladyforsaken said:
we could debate all day.
I do know women don't find me attractive. They didn't when I was 17 and they don't now. They do like me as a person. There is no debating that. The majority of women who meet me probably think I'm a nice guy. But not somebody they want to date.
I'm not walking around thinking all women hate me, it's not like that at all.
Ak5
Well-known member
The future isn't written. If you can't succeed, you just continue trying.
aribeth
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I got a dear john email.. I just found me a girlfriend, so can we be friends. Kinda stung. This week I went camping and I can't get over how shy I became. Never used to be shy till the stroke. The stroke left me with lack of memory and slow to responding. I would get introduced And I'd just dummy up bigtime. Like what does one say, especially with no long term memory. I blank after just saying hi. And I have a hard time making eye contact even. Just too darn shy! I just hate it. I have only 3 friends and they are all busy with their lives.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
Ak5 said:
Well said, Ak.
AFrozenSoul
Well-known member
I agree, that is just how life is, some of us are just screwed from the second or parents first have sex.
HappyYogi
Well-known member
You said it perfectly Tina. Feeling like you are on the "edge" of people's lives. I feel that all the time.
I've always wished that life was like a video game where if you realize early on that you ended up with a "bad hand", you could hit the restart button and try again.
You aren't the only one that feels like that. I don't understand what it is that makes a guy stand out as something other than nice. Unfortunately they don't teach that in school. Maybe I should use bug spray. Maybe they are attracted to that.
I was at a community service event a couple weeks ago. One of the people I was partnered up with was a married woman somewhat older than I am. She could immediately tell I was not only not married but not dating. She mentioned I should get a girlfriend and I told her I had no idea how to get one. She told me that it didn't make sense that women were not after me since I am such a nice guy. I told her "that's my problem. I'm nice." *laughs*
putter65 said:
You aren't the only one that feels like that. I don't understand what it is that makes a guy stand out as something other than nice. Unfortunately they don't teach that in school. Maybe I should use bug spray. Maybe they are attracted to that.
I was at a community service event a couple weeks ago. One of the people I was partnered up with was a married woman somewhat older than I am. She could immediately tell I was not only not married but not dating. She mentioned I should get a girlfriend and I told her I had no idea how to get one. She told me that it didn't make sense that women were not after me since I am such a nice guy. I told her "that's my problem. I'm nice." *laughs*
IgnoredOne
Well-known member
blackdot said:
Well, that's simple, then.
You radiate exactly one personality trait: being nice and only that. That's a good thing to have, but I don't think many women would fall for you just because you're nice; its kind of scary, too, a bit like falling for a puppy who always follows you and worships you, it usually isn't amazingly attractive.
When they say 'be yourself', its a lot about having a personality that doesn't revolve around just being a sop to girls. Be something, believe in yourself, show that you have passion for a cause and a willingness to adhere to it, whatever that is, or something. Girls want to be a part of your life, not the new random focus and pride of your life, which can easily can run the gamut from sad to creepy and sometimes both.
