L
Luna
Guest
Where to begin?
QUITE LONG I WARN YOU!!! I've been holding this in for a very longgg time; have had no one else to talk to. So here is (just a watered-down version) of my life story lol.
1. BULLIED
From the day that I started school, I remember feeling "different" from everyone else.
During my Elementary school years, I was singled out - for whatever reason - constantly having names hurled at me, being pushed, laughed and scoffed at.
During the wintertime, I would make snow angels and lie in them, wishing that the cold would just envelop me so that the pain would stop. The only thing that kept me going, was the little bit of hope that I still had buried deep inside me and my love for my family.
At the end of 6th grade, I was excited for Junior High thinking that it would be a new chapter of my life. Ready to start the teen years; that I would not have to suffer through racism and bullying as we were all "mature" now.
Boy, was I mistaken. My Junior High years were a complete nightmare. The name-calling, pushing, harassing was at its peak. I was bullied in the classroom, in the hallways, in the courtyard, at the bus stop, even on the **** bus ride home! I was followed everywhere and was constantly told that I was ugly/fugly/hideous/a monster on a daily basis by several different (and groups) people.
I remember walking to the bus stop after school one day, had a hot chick stick her **** idiot head out of the window, and scream to me "YOU'RE F***ING UGLY!!!".
I remember sitting on the bench by myself near the school gym eating lunch, having a group of eight guys stop and stare at me, and one tell me that "You're the F***ing ugliest girl I have ever seen".
I ended up using food - namely chocolate - to cope and gained around 20-30 pounds in a few months. My self-esteem was torn to shreds at this point.
Despite how much they hurt me, I never showed my tears to my bullies. Not the time that I was shoved into a locker nor the time was I punched in the face.
Fast forward to high school, I missed probably around 40-60 days of school each year. At the end of 12th grade, I finally got tired of feeling sorry for myself, and worked hard to lose the weight and succeeded.
2. CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS
Losing weight has helped me come out of my shell a bit more, though I still suffer from a poor self-image. However, I am a friendly, approachable person and have desperately tried to change my life.
I know, I know. I have always been told to take up hobbies and involve myself in activities that I enjoy. Yes. I have done that all of my life - EVERYTHING, alone. I have: joined church groups, joined city events, joined volunteering, tried online dating and meetup sites to no success.
Even in a room full of people, I still feel alone.
You ask my co-workers, they will say that I am "nice/sweet/friendly/funny" etc, but they are not interested in getting to know me further outside of work.
I want a friend.
A friend that I understand, and understands me back. A person that I can talk freely to about the ups and downs in life. I want to be able to just go to the park, go to the movies, travel...not alone for once.
A friend that will give me a shoulder to cry on or a warm hug during times like these when I am feeling sad, and let me know that I am not alone.
3. MEN
Men. don't. like. me.
I am too "baby-faced" is what I am told by my family...or maybe I am just ugly, I don't know lol.
I'm the kind of girl that your mom or grandma would adore.
Lol, that isn't exactly "hot" is it?
I have no sex appeal I guess. When guys see me, perhaps they think of their little sister.
Arggg...I am just so frustrated. Frustrated with my non-existent love life.
What is it like, to be "loved"?
I crave for attention, affection, to be in love and for someone to love me back.
Aside from that, I am craving other things to, but I'll spare you all from the graphic details lol.
Enough misery! I am off to bed now! Only in my dreams do I feel happy...
SIGH!
P.S. You deserve a gold star if you read this far! *MWAH!*
QUITE LONG I WARN YOU!!! I've been holding this in for a very longgg time; have had no one else to talk to. So here is (just a watered-down version) of my life story lol.
1. BULLIED
From the day that I started school, I remember feeling "different" from everyone else.
During my Elementary school years, I was singled out - for whatever reason - constantly having names hurled at me, being pushed, laughed and scoffed at.
During the wintertime, I would make snow angels and lie in them, wishing that the cold would just envelop me so that the pain would stop. The only thing that kept me going, was the little bit of hope that I still had buried deep inside me and my love for my family.
At the end of 6th grade, I was excited for Junior High thinking that it would be a new chapter of my life. Ready to start the teen years; that I would not have to suffer through racism and bullying as we were all "mature" now.
Boy, was I mistaken. My Junior High years were a complete nightmare. The name-calling, pushing, harassing was at its peak. I was bullied in the classroom, in the hallways, in the courtyard, at the bus stop, even on the **** bus ride home! I was followed everywhere and was constantly told that I was ugly/fugly/hideous/a monster on a daily basis by several different (and groups) people.
I remember walking to the bus stop after school one day, had a hot chick stick her **** idiot head out of the window, and scream to me "YOU'RE F***ING UGLY!!!".
I remember sitting on the bench by myself near the school gym eating lunch, having a group of eight guys stop and stare at me, and one tell me that "You're the F***ing ugliest girl I have ever seen".
I ended up using food - namely chocolate - to cope and gained around 20-30 pounds in a few months. My self-esteem was torn to shreds at this point.
Despite how much they hurt me, I never showed my tears to my bullies. Not the time that I was shoved into a locker nor the time was I punched in the face.
Fast forward to high school, I missed probably around 40-60 days of school each year. At the end of 12th grade, I finally got tired of feeling sorry for myself, and worked hard to lose the weight and succeeded.
2. CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS
Losing weight has helped me come out of my shell a bit more, though I still suffer from a poor self-image. However, I am a friendly, approachable person and have desperately tried to change my life.
I know, I know. I have always been told to take up hobbies and involve myself in activities that I enjoy. Yes. I have done that all of my life - EVERYTHING, alone. I have: joined church groups, joined city events, joined volunteering, tried online dating and meetup sites to no success.
Even in a room full of people, I still feel alone.
You ask my co-workers, they will say that I am "nice/sweet/friendly/funny" etc, but they are not interested in getting to know me further outside of work.
I want a friend.
A friend that I understand, and understands me back. A person that I can talk freely to about the ups and downs in life. I want to be able to just go to the park, go to the movies, travel...not alone for once.
A friend that will give me a shoulder to cry on or a warm hug during times like these when I am feeling sad, and let me know that I am not alone.
3. MEN
Men. don't. like. me.
I am too "baby-faced" is what I am told by my family...or maybe I am just ugly, I don't know lol.
I'm the kind of girl that your mom or grandma would adore.
Lol, that isn't exactly "hot" is it?
I have no sex appeal I guess. When guys see me, perhaps they think of their little sister.
Arggg...I am just so frustrated. Frustrated with my non-existent love life.
What is it like, to be "loved"?
I crave for attention, affection, to be in love and for someone to love me back.
Aside from that, I am craving other things to, but I'll spare you all from the graphic details lol.
Enough misery! I am off to bed now! Only in my dreams do I feel happy...
SIGH!
P.S. You deserve a gold star if you read this far! *MWAH!*