Cindy Lu's amazing Four Man Plan!

[Locke]

But you are targeting me, when VanillaCreme, Locke, Felix, and theglasscell have already said what I said. I made a private joke, which was never meant to be serious.

I'd just like to point out that all I said was that this thread was probably going to turn into an argument. Oh yeah, I also mentioned a commercial for a reality TV show. Other than that, I've tried to stay as neutral and off-topic as possible.

Does anyone else really like pizza? (See? Off topic! )

Carry on.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I can't find the video, Eve. Can you point me to a link that is not full of a virus?

And it depends on what a "loser" is. I don't know anybody who would go out with someone they defined as a loser, but that word gets thrown around, even to guys who are fine on paper but just socially or physically awkward, and you can see why guys HATE that word.

And I'm tired of hearing about bad boys. It should be illegal for that to come out of anybody's mouth. That and nice guys.

No one defined what "loser" was - it was just something an audience member threw out there. It was a TINY piece of the video - it wasn't really related to what the video was actually about.
In fact, the lady in the video said that the only three things a woman needed to look for in a guy was honesty, caring and something else I forget...it was along the lines of the first two. She said that anything else was just gravy.
As for a link to the video, I could only find snippets, not the entire 75 minute video.

The 3 qualities are honest, loving and willing. The entire 75 minute video is on the website I posted. I know some people were having problems accessing it, their server was crashing. Sorry, I didn't know that would happen, it works fine on my computer.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I watched twenty minutes into the video. This lady is a moron.

She seems to split men into three different categories: losers, badboys, and husband material. As if men aren't human beings but just prizes that you need to try and win.

She didn't do any such thing. At one point, she asked the audience members for what people call "deal breakers." I think "loser" was one of them. I watched the ENTIRE video and if anything, she encourages women to give ANY guy a chance - not just ones that meet some sort of "criteria" other than basic things, such as he can't be gay (for obvious reasons) for example.
Again, watch the entire video before commenting.

^The bolded - that's what I gathered from the video mainly too.

Also, I don't think she's a moron. If anything, she is speaking out of her own experiences and is sharing what she's learnt.

 

[robberrt]

There were 4 posts on this thread when I saw it yesterday. Its busy in here now hahah!

 

[VanillaCreme]

One, I'd like to say, considering what Lady posted, I agree. I personally don't see the harm in giving anyone a chance. I've always said, you never know what could happen. Would I do that? No, probably not. I've had one or two guys ask me, and I've told them no in the nicest way possible. Why? Because I don't just go with anyone. Does every female have to be this way? No, of course not. Was I going back on my own word? In a sense, yes, but I know what's right for me. And I turned one guy down because something just didn't feel right about it. I have my reasons.

And also:

I basically said the same thing VanillaCreme did. In fact, Vanilla said more.

Hold on a minute. I added more from my perspective of a female. Would I ever court more than one guy? No, I wouldn't do that. Some people (guys and ladies) may not have an issue with it. Also, I don't really think "dating" is being in a committed relationship. But like I said, I don't really have a clear, solid definition of "dating" considering I never did it.

Also! I didn't watch the video, and from what a few of you said about your security blocking it, that's the reason why I didn't. I don't just click on everything, and with reason. I have to know where it comes from.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Vanilla, that was before I realized that what the topic was on and what I was assuming (assume, make an ass out of you and me), was not meshed together.

 

[ardour]

I disagree with seeing more than one person at a time, even if it's at the stage where there's no commitment or personal connection.

It seems cold and dishonest and likely to cause offence if they found out.

Best to just date one person and get to know them relatively quickly, then move on if it isn't right.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I disagree with seeing more than one person at a time, even if it's at the stage where there's no commitment or personal connection.

It seems cold and dishonest and likely to cause offence if they found out.

Best to just date one person and get to know them relatively quickly, then move on if it isn't right.

Different strokes for different folks. Some people are more comfortable just dating one at a time. That's o.k. There is however, no dishonesty with the four man plan. At the end of date # 2 the woman is supposed to say" I had a good time, I'd like to see you again. I just want you to know I'm seeing other men." Nothing to hide.

Here is a disadvantage to dating one person at a time when no mutual decision on exclusivity or commitment has been reached. You see someone. You hear from him 2 weeks later, you may get together again but you don't know when you'll see him again because after all, you're just dating, it's not a relationship. That's a lot of time in between pinning hopes on one person. It's not practical. Dating multiple people allows the opportunity to explore your options. For me this plan could work very well. I don't expect to date 4 men at a time That's a lot and I may not find that many, but I'm o.k. with knowing it's o.k. to date up to 4 at a time, 1 to 4 at a time to get to know people without getting stuck on one until exclusivity is discussed and mutually agreed upon with one.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I had a good time, I'd like to see you again. I just want you to know I'm seeing other men

And that would be such a turnoff to me that I would say, "See the other men, see you later." And kiss her off.

It's really bad practice to say something like that. A lot of guys will get offended.

 

[ardour]

IMO there's a moral problem with developing emotions for more than one person then deciding which you like best. If one were obviously more suitable or he were the only one showing much interest it might not be so bad.

And it's going to be harder to gauge your feelings for each with 3 others in the background.

You see someone. You hear from him 2 weeks later, you may get together again but you don't know when you'll see him again because after all, you're just dating, it's not a relationship. That's a lot of time in between pinning hopes on one person.

Maybe stop relying on him to initiate all the time.

And that would be such a turnoff to me that I would say, "See the other men, see you later." And kiss her off.

It's really bad practice to say something like that. A lot of guys will get offended.

Agree, it would seem like only way to make is work is NOT to be upfront.

 

[mountainvista]

I had a good time, I'd like to see you again. I just want you to know I'm seeing other men

And that would be such a turnoff to me that I would say, "See the other men, see you later." And kiss her off.

It's really bad practice to say something like that. A lot of guys will get offended.

I'm a woman, and I wouldn't appreciate hearing that from a guy I've started out seeing either. I don't think that people can give someone a decent chance if, the whole time, they've got one eye open for something better coming along. It's one of the most glaring problems with online dating. This illusion of plenty leads people to believe that if they just keep looking, they'll find THE PERFECT FIT.

I've got news for you: There is no such thing, That implies that there will be no effort involved in maintaining the relationship, and THAT, my friends, is the very worst attitude to take when embarking on the path to finding a relationship.

Sorry for the tangent there, but I thought it was relevant.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Different strokes for different folks. Some people are more comfortable just dating one at a time. That's o.k. There is however, no dishonesty with the four man plan. At the end of date # 2 the woman is supposed to say" I had a good time, I'd like to see you again. I just want you to know I'm seeing other men." Nothing to hide.

I'm sorry but I have to strongly disagree with this statement. That is being dishonest, the person should be straight up honest BEFORE the first date be woman or man. The other person should know from the very beginning that the person they are going to attempt to date is seeing other people at the same time, not at the end of the second date. The other person should have the choice if they want to date a person who is seeing other people at the same time before the first date, it is dishonest to not give them that option until after a couple dates when they've already invested their time. That is wrong.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

It just seems to me that no committment or exclusivity should be expected after one or two dates with a stranger. I'm not talking about sleeping around, it's just a matter of hanging out with people. Maybe there is a better way to go about it but it should be o.k. to date more than one person at a time.

Maybe one could say it like this. "I'm seeing other people, I'm not sleeping with anyone, just keeping my options open until I find the right person." Why should that be such a turn off? It's reasonable.

 

[theglasscell]

I don't know about the four man dating rule in itself, but Cindy Lu comes across as so shallow that it's really hard to take anything she says seriously.

Her attempts at comedy are cringeworthy, and her views of dating and men are very childish.

She clearly hasn't dealt with the issue of her father abandoning her as a little girl and I don't see how manipulating lonely single women into shelling out money for her crappy book is going to help her come to terms with it.

She's like the female equivalent of that guy Tucker Max.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

I don't know about the four man dating rule in itself, but Cindy Lu comes across as so shallow that it's really hard to take anything she says seriously.

Her attempts at comedy are cringeworthy, and her views of dating and men are very childish.

She clearly hasn't dealt with the issue of her father abandoning her as a little girl and I don't see how manipulating lonely single women into shelling out money for her crappy book is going to help her come to terms with it.

She's like the female equivalent of that guy Tucker Max.

I respect your opinion but disagree.

---

Ok, I'll phrase it like this. "I had a good time, I'd like to see you again. Just to let you know I'm keeping my options open until I find the right person, not dating anyone exclusively right now." I still think the end of the second date is the right time to say it since it's absolutely unreasonable to expect exclusivity after one date, or even two.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I had a good time, I'd like to see you again. I just want you to know I'm seeing other men

And that would be such a turnoff to me that I would say, "See the other men, see you later." And kiss her off.

It's really bad practice to say something like that. A lot of guys will get offended.

A lot may think, "What the hell?" But not all, I wouldn't think. Some may think it's alright. After all, the dating isn't commitment, and I suppose the logic in that is: We're not serious right now. I can test the water with a few more.

I would think that as long as it doesn't go as far as sleeping with every potential person, it's fine. However, if I were becoming close from the get-go with someone, thinking that they were only talking to me, and then I heard that... I'd be put-off to say the least. But if I'm meeting someone for the first or second time, and I didn't really know them all that much, I see the logic in it.

 

[mountainvista]

Yeah ok, maybe I'm just an uppity *****, but if I knew for sure that a guy whom I thought I was "dating casually" was also "casually dating" other women, I'd lose interest in him pretty fast. It would seem as though he wasn't devoting the right amount of attention to seeing whether or not a relationship with me had potential.

As strange a sentence as this is, I do my dates the courtesy of dating them one at a time, and I would appreciate the same courtesy in return. To me, it is a mark of disrespect to have a bunch of people on a string, sex or no sex. And then ANNOUNCING it, as if to let it be known that I am in some sort of messed up competition for the guy? Well the hell with that. There is a difference between "dating" and "hanging out."

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't know about the four man dating rule in itself, but Cindy Lu comes across as so shallow that it's really hard to take anything she says seriously.

Her attempts at comedy are cringeworthy, and her views of dating and men are very childish.

She clearly hasn't dealt with the issue of her father abandoning her as a little girl and I don't see how manipulating lonely single women into shelling out money for her crappy book is going to help her come to terms with it.

She's like the female equivalent of that guy Tucker Max.

I respect your opinion but disagree.

---

Ok, I'll phrase it like this. "I had a good time, I'd like to see you again. Just to let you know I'm keeping my options open until I find the right person, not dating anyone exclusively right now." I still think the end of the second date is the right time to say it since it's absolutely unreasonable to expect exclusivity after one date, or even two.

---

I agree.
I think some people think of "dating" as always being some sort of committed relationship when that's not always the case.

 

[Minus]

Does anyone else really like pizza?

I do

 

[Sigma]

Here's my 2 cents.
If a shallow/semi-one night standish relationship is your kind of thing then go for it, but don't do it behind the guys backs, tell them beforehand.
If everyone is OK with it I don't see why the hell not, if it's done without their knowledge you're basically using them as tools.
I'd personally politely say goodbye the moment I heard I was just another guy on the list, but if there's guys who want to swap wives there must be guys wanting to share a girlfriend as well.