theglasscell
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2013
- Messages
- 268
- Reaction score
- 0
I was at the pool at this resort for the last four days. I wasn't really going to socialize or meet girls or anything like that. It was just to play with my son and watch him while he played with other kids in the pool.
I felt weird about walking around with my shirt off. I'm not in terrible shape but I am really fair skinned so I look white compared to most people and I'm not in great shape either.
I couldn't help feeling inadequate next to a lot of the guys at the pool. Like the lifeguards were so ripped and have golden tans and a lot of the guys were just really buff.
And a lot of the women looked like they'd stepped right out of Baywatch. It was just one of those moments where you feel like you are really low on the scale and then it made me feel lazy for not working out all the time.
Another thing is that I used to be a cutter from 14 until about 30 and my right arm is covered with horrible scars all up and down from wrists to my shoulder and even a few on my chest.
I get really self conscious about them and then I feel so stupid for having done it without considering that I was scarring my body, at the time I really just didn't care, cutting myself was always practicing to slash my wrists so it seemed like scars would never matter.
I feel like such a freak sometimes which is why I generally avoid beaches and pools.
Does anyone else have that issue? Where you go out and it seems like everyone is so perfect and flawless and you feel like you're the bottom of the barrel?
When I was a kid growing up my first exposure to pop culture was Nirvana and people like Kurt Cobain. At the time it seemed like being freaky or flawed looking was cool and it was okay to dress however you wanted. Then I feel like I carried that into adulthood and now I feel like all of a sudden it stopped being okay to dress however you want or have shaggy hair.
I know this post is all over the place but what it comes down to is feeling comfortable in your own skin. I just don't feel comfortable or feel like I'm honeysuckle half the time.
Like the other day at work I had lunch with my boss and all my co-workers and they were talking about how I was one of the hardest workers they'd ever seen and people were saying all these nice things and people will always say I'm so loving with my son, but I see myself as this freaky piece of sh#t. When I sit next to someone on the subway I think they must feel disgusted that I am near them.
When I go to McDonald's to buy a burger I feel almost like I have to apologize to the cashier for even being there and having them serve me.
Whenever someone compliments me I assume they are being sarcastic.
Does anyone else feel that way about themselves? Like no matter what they change as far as clothes or hair or anything that they still feel uncomfortable and out of place?
I saw this really fat guy the other day and he had zits all over his face, he had bright pink hair and a pink goatee plus huge earring. He was dressed in stupid Ed Hardy t-shirt but he carried himself in a way where you could tell he was totally comfortable with himself. I envied him so much, I just want to be that person, he can just be fine with themselves and not care if anyone looks at them weird or stares at them.
I hate always worrying about what other people think.
It could be anything. Like when I do my laundry in my building I will pour and extra cup of detergent in and I actually in my head will imagine the security guy watching me on camera and being like "Oh that guy is so wasteful, he just runs through detergent like it was free."
Obviously that guy isn't watching me or judging me on my detergent use, but I think of it and then it almost becomes real. I feel like I am insane that way.
I felt weird about walking around with my shirt off. I'm not in terrible shape but I am really fair skinned so I look white compared to most people and I'm not in great shape either.
I couldn't help feeling inadequate next to a lot of the guys at the pool. Like the lifeguards were so ripped and have golden tans and a lot of the guys were just really buff.
And a lot of the women looked like they'd stepped right out of Baywatch. It was just one of those moments where you feel like you are really low on the scale and then it made me feel lazy for not working out all the time.
Another thing is that I used to be a cutter from 14 until about 30 and my right arm is covered with horrible scars all up and down from wrists to my shoulder and even a few on my chest.
I get really self conscious about them and then I feel so stupid for having done it without considering that I was scarring my body, at the time I really just didn't care, cutting myself was always practicing to slash my wrists so it seemed like scars would never matter.
I feel like such a freak sometimes which is why I generally avoid beaches and pools.
Does anyone else have that issue? Where you go out and it seems like everyone is so perfect and flawless and you feel like you're the bottom of the barrel?
When I was a kid growing up my first exposure to pop culture was Nirvana and people like Kurt Cobain. At the time it seemed like being freaky or flawed looking was cool and it was okay to dress however you wanted. Then I feel like I carried that into adulthood and now I feel like all of a sudden it stopped being okay to dress however you want or have shaggy hair.
I know this post is all over the place but what it comes down to is feeling comfortable in your own skin. I just don't feel comfortable or feel like I'm honeysuckle half the time.
Like the other day at work I had lunch with my boss and all my co-workers and they were talking about how I was one of the hardest workers they'd ever seen and people were saying all these nice things and people will always say I'm so loving with my son, but I see myself as this freaky piece of sh#t. When I sit next to someone on the subway I think they must feel disgusted that I am near them.
When I go to McDonald's to buy a burger I feel almost like I have to apologize to the cashier for even being there and having them serve me.
Whenever someone compliments me I assume they are being sarcastic.
Does anyone else feel that way about themselves? Like no matter what they change as far as clothes or hair or anything that they still feel uncomfortable and out of place?
I saw this really fat guy the other day and he had zits all over his face, he had bright pink hair and a pink goatee plus huge earring. He was dressed in stupid Ed Hardy t-shirt but he carried himself in a way where you could tell he was totally comfortable with himself. I envied him so much, I just want to be that person, he can just be fine with themselves and not care if anyone looks at them weird or stares at them.
I hate always worrying about what other people think.
It could be anything. Like when I do my laundry in my building I will pour and extra cup of detergent in and I actually in my head will imagine the security guy watching me on camera and being like "Oh that guy is so wasteful, he just runs through detergent like it was free."
Obviously that guy isn't watching me or judging me on my detergent use, but I think of it and then it almost becomes real. I feel like I am insane that way.