Dating site without photos

[Triple Bogey]

I've had on here a woman say she loves me. She didn't even know me.
I always thought (or worried) about the time when she actually met me.
Her attitude certainly changed in a dramatic way after she met me for real.

Really? A member from ALL?
That is extremely odd.

Yes a couple of years ago. She isn't here now.

 

[ardour]

Yes a couple of years ago. She isn't here now.

you've had your share of unpleasant experiences.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Yes a couple of years ago. She isn't here now.

you've had your share of unpleasant experiences.

Yes, loads. This lass at work is always telling me to go out and meet somebody and that's exactly what I told her. Loads of unpleasant experiences.

 

[Tealeaf]

Agree with that; it would really sting, having built up a rapport with someone online only to see their faces drop when they finally see you. Suddenly it's apparent -despite their efforts to hide the fact- that they're no longer interested in talking and just want to get out of the situation.

If you have particularly low self-esteem you might end up feeling guilty for 'doing that to them'.

I certainly did. It still stings to remember cute things I said that were well-received when it was only text that would be unwelcome and uncomfortable now. It stings to give that out to people fearing that the only reason my affection is being accepted is because they don't know the other side of me, and that the only reason I'm not crossing a boundary is because they have an image of me in their mind that is not what I really look like. Essentially coasting on an assumption in some misguided attempt to be progressive about appearances.

I'm not that kind of woman. I don't like flirting with people who are even unsure whether or not they're enjoying it. It makes me feel like a gross person.

 

[ardour]

I certainly did. It still stings to remember cute things I said that were well-received when it was only text that would be unwelcome and uncomfortable now. It stings to give that out to people fearing that the only reason my affection is being accepted is because they don't know the other side of me, and that the only reason I'm not crossing a boundary is because they have an image of me in their mind that is not what I really look like. Essentially coasting on an assumption in some misguided attempt to be progressive about appearances.

I'm not that kind of woman. I don't like flirting with people who are even unsure whether or not they're enjoying it. It makes me feel like a gross person.

I know what you mean: same you but a different reception and you end up feeling ashamed of behaviour that was previously well-received.

I’m a pretty adept at spotting the signs someone is uncomfortable now, just in daily interactions with people. In any kind of date/meet-up situation it would be immediately obvious. Not an experience you want if it can be avoided.

 

[there is no hope]

Someone is going to want as much information as possible when judging someone. Most likely on such a site I would want to exchange photos as soon as possible.

I think I look more or less fine, until people are with me face to face and my obvious social retardation can't be hidden. I can't fake being someone who women can date, and in the long run I know my past and what I am inside is what makes relationships and life in general impossible; and that isn't so much a matter of what the woman is judging, but the realistic outcomes of any interaction. What am I going to do in a relationship exactly? Have children? - that would be one of the worst things I could possibly do, if I want to subject my children to being immediate targets for social workers trying to put them in institutions or force them into a life of hiding then I'm doing something completely horrible. There sure as hell is no financial incentive for me to marry or cohabitate. This is all assuming I can be with a woman who can be trusted at all, and who for some reason likes me enough to put up with all of that bullshit which is unavoidable no matter how much I fix myself.

I guess it's easier to look at the really superficial things rather than face uncomfortable realities about ourselves and our place in society. Unfortunately, what people are taught to believe is to blame themselves and internalize judgements others make about them. I don't doubt that a lot of guys on here do suffer because of their looks, but I think the reasons why this happens are misunderstood, especially when for cultural reasons people are fed egotism and pettiness as virtues.

 

[Batman55]

The only social retardation that exists in the world is 1) arrogance and 2) an unquestioning adherence to group dynamics, whereupon the individual ceases to exist and can only be judged on whether they belong, on status, or other meaningless things.

It's just a fact. No point in arguing otherwise and imprinting more pessimistic or nihilistic thought patterns on folks who are almost at the point of no return anyway.

 

[ardour]

The only social retardation that exists in the world is 1) arrogance and 2) an unquestioning adherence to group dynamics, whereupon the individual ceases to exist and can only be judged on whether they belong, on status, or other meaningless things.

How about being so inexperienced that you can’t ‘think on your feet’ or follow another’s train of thought? Or be aware of simple things like knowing when to talk, when to shut up, when to ask questions etc?

There are many ways to fail at socializing that don't necessarily involve major personality flaws outside of the ability to articulate oneself in a social setting.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Someone is going to want as much information as possible when judging someone. Most likely on such a site I would want to exchange photos as soon as possible.

Personally, I'd rather get to know someone before I find out what they look like. I would rather someone get to know ME before they find out what I look like.

Some guys see what I look like and only want one thing from me, so I'd rather them get to know me before they find out what I look like.

The only social retardation that exists in the world is 1) arrogance and 2) an unquestioning adherence to group dynamics, whereupon the individual ceases to exist and can only be judged on whether they belong, on status, or other meaningless things.

How about being so inexperienced that you can’t ‘think on your feet’ or follow another’s train of thought? Or be aware of simple things like knowing when to talk, when to shut up, when to ask questions etc?

There are many ways to fail at socializing that don't necessarily involve major personality flaws outside of the ability to articulate oneself in a social setting.

I would say that's fear getting in the way of doing what comes naturally.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Someone is going to want as much information as possible when judging someone. Most likely on such a site I would want to exchange photos as soon as possible.

Personally, I'd rather get to know someone before I find out what they look like. I would rather someone get to know ME before they find out what I look like.

Some guys see what I look like and only want one thing from me, so I'd rather them get to know me before they find out what I look like.

The only social retardation that exists in the world is 1) arrogance and 2) an unquestioning adherence to group dynamics, whereupon the individual ceases to exist and can only be judged on whether they belong, on status, or other meaningless things.

How about being so inexperienced that you can’t ‘think on your feet’ or follow another’s train of thought? Or be aware of simple things like knowing when to talk, when to shut up, when to ask questions etc?

There are many ways to fail at socializing that don't necessarily involve major personality flaws outside of the ability to articulate oneself in a social setting.

I would say that's fear getting in the way of doing what comes naturally.

I've tried socializing. I've really made an effort. But people generally don't want to talk to me. And I often find in groups of people, there is always one person who gets picked on more than most. I am often that person. People start taking digs at me, poking fun, getting nasty, giving me honeysuckle, whatever you want to call it.

Drinking makes me quiet and depressed so that's why I try to avoid it. I enjoy talking, one night years ago I was trying to make conversation and people were laughing at me. I left soon after. Just walked off and went home. Many of the worst times of my life have been on nights out. People at work don't understand, they say I am talkative at work, why can't I be talkative on a night out ?

I don't mind with one other person. I enjoy that. I figure they have no option but to talk to me. There is no way I could be left out. The times I have been stood in a room surrounded by people all by myself. just stood there, nobody taking to me or even noticing I am there.

 

[Blueforge88]

I think there are pros and cons to getting to know someone anonymously.

I think an advantage to meeting someone online without knowing what they look like eases your anxiety. You wont have to worry about your looks or feel insecure about the comparison between who your talking to. You can gradually have a decent conversation and talk about mutual interest, hobbies, and such. It can also provide an escape when, you need to get away from reality. In time, you may find that you enjoy them for themselves, and your feelings may outweigh other reservations you may have. However, this is only possible if, your really getting to know someone and you are both sincere in your relationship.

A disadvantage to "no photos" lies in the same factor with meeting anyone online. There is no way of knowing if, the person your talking to is sincere. In fact, its easy to give false information about yourself, and perpetuate the lie for years, if you've never actually met in person. Their are scam artist yes but, their are also people who feel insecure about themselves so, they fabricate something for fear of the relationship ending.

People change in online as well, so you may never meet them but, you get to see a side of them through chat. If your happy remaining anonymous then, I think their is reward in that but, if you want something more indept and serious then, you will eventually have meet each other.

 

[Serenia]

Going back to the original point of this post. There was an alternative to regular on line dating, fine it isn't for everyone, that is why we have such a thing as choice.

Also if you are fine and don't want or need a relationship then great! But if you do really want to find someone, it takes commitment and patience it isn't just about dating sites, it's about meeting people in all different areas of life getting out there and living your life, making the best opportunity of everyday. If you have a problem with socializing be honest with people, be brave and be who you are(unless you happen to be doing something hurtful or illegal!) if anyone asks or expects you to do otherwise then they are not the right people to spend time with, and if you have i.e. family, learn techniques to let their words wash over you or not penetrate. If you feel awkward, if people know that, then they have the chance to understand, they aren't psychic after all, they might misread your body language and not feel able to approach you.