dating sites are depressing

[SophiaGrace]

I've had a profile in OKCupid for a few weeks now (because it's free... without a job a can't pay for that kind of service, the succes of which it's not even assured), but to no use... mostly because I'm too shy to PM anyone, so I just "sit" there waiting for someone to aproach me, but that won't happen... That means either that the place it's full of shy people like me, or simply, they don't like me, which I understand. I know my attitude is not the right one, that I should try and contac someone, but I can't do it, even if I try to force my self (I suspect I suffer social anxiety), because I feel like the poor girl I choose to talk with will be mortified and will have a bad time rejecting me, and I don't want her to be bothered by me. Plus, I feel so pathetic and embarassed by the fact that I look for love or Brian knows what in those places, just because I feel desperately lonely.

This is where you step up to the plate and take a crack at the ball being thrown at you. PM guys on the site that seem interesting to you!

Dont be shy *hug*

 

[lonelygirl87]

Thanks for encouraging me, but there's no use, well, on the bright side, I guess life is less complicated when you don't have to deal with a relationships that demans attention and time, and many other emotional requisits. I guess love is not for me, I'm too individualist and introverted. It's better this way, though some days I doubt it. Thanks anyway.

 

[JustJones]

Please don't give up though! I'm extremely introverted yet somehow I found myself in a relationship
by all means try and find peace in being single. But to give up completely is a very sad thing. I've been there.

 

[Random]

I've come to realise that internet dating is simply the battle of the 'fittest' and therefore a complete waste of my time. I'm not attractive so the majority of (actually 100% of after sending a picture) the time I get ignored. Thing is, I know I'm not a loser and am actually a fairly nice, intelligent and fun person. Problem is that with internet dating the messages you send are pretty generic, no feeling about what you send etc. so less emphasis on your personality which they can't really learn about in a few messages anyway and which if you're in my situation you'd need to use to your advantage to make up for other shortcomings. In person you can express yourself and actually make someone you're talking to 'feel' engaged by what you say, feel drawn in by your personality if they like it, and you'd undoubtedly have the opportunity to converse in different ways about different things. Aside from that, having the confidence to approach someone in the first place may be viewed by someone as attractive. It's also easier to ignore people over the internet - you don't need balls to do it, just a delete button. I think as well users, particularly women, set much higher standards owing to the number of replies they get (and probably in many cases their exaggerated self-perception) and therefore feel they can pick and choose (which of course they can). I wouldn't let it get you down as it got me down for a while and I've realised now it's pointless getting angry or upset over.

 

[h i]

i know a girl kind of from craigslist, that wouldnt talk to me on POF or cupid... because she didnt like my pictures, but theyre okay now...

 

[roundasapenguin]

I've not had much success with internet dating sites either *sigh* but I guess a lot of it is also dependent on visuals they get. A picture speaks a thousand words, they say. Oh heck, a picture also decides whether you get rejected or not, to be frank. They'll say "I'm not shallow, I'm just looking for an average girl". And then you'd think oh yeah, I'm average and not particularly repulsive, I think I'll send him my picture and then ....*sound of crickets chirping in the background* you don't hear from him at all.

it can get depressing. it can be a bit beat-down factor for your self-confidence. i've totally given up joining online dating sites anymore, think I'll need to lick my wounds and salvage my self-confidence first before i have a go at it again.

 

[Remedy]

That is why I would never go to a dating site probably because it just makes mostly everyone so depressed. It's like people tend to have the most ridiculous standards on dating sites. Its almost as if they can be more selective in who they choose because there are so many people too choose from who are all looking for a date. Maybe they just go for the most attractive people on the sites and keep trying because they don't want to settle for the average. I'm pretty sure I'm not that attractive although I would at least hope I'm average but even as average you don't seem to get the time of day from anyone on dating sites so I think I'll stick with just trying it the old fashioned way.

 

[Zackarydoo]

I hate dating sites too. I used to use them all the time, but never got anywhere. The huge majority of women never wrote back to me, and of the odd few who did, they were never interested after writing once or twice. Several times I've had replies telling me that they're not really looking for anyone at the moment - Well why are they using the site then! I know I can't blame someone for not liking me, but they only need to be honest. "Sorry, I'm not interested but it was nice of you to write". Something like that would be good (and VERY occasionally it's happened).

You'd think the free sites like Plentoffish and OKCupid would be great for meeting people, huh? Well maybe if you looked perfect and your life is perfect! I don't even know why people who look nice and have an active social life use dating sites.

Then I'm told to be more positive. Yea, right. Based on a life-time of negativity from others? It's not like my profiles ever show my negative feelings anyway, so it's nothing to do with that. I know my photo is the main problem and please don't anyone tell me it isn't, because it clearly is. I can't blame anyone for that though, I know, and I don't.

Anyway I'm not using dating sites at the moment because of a long-distance thing I have, but that's another story.

 

[celestial]

I to have created accounts on dating sites, i have never tried to contact a girl though. I just check my messages seeing if someone has viewed my profile. I think im trying to gauge how attractive i appear to others by the types of women that look at my profile. Or it could be that i am very vein and need constant reasourance on my looks, i also spend alot of time looking at myself in the mirror. I always buy expensive clothes and i am lured by objects that are apealing to the eye. But what i find is i have had like 1 message and only a handful of visits. Some of the girls have been rather atractive. Im worried that when they meet me in person i wont live up to the photo of me. But when i look through the majority of girls in my area i notice many are good looking and i wonder why they would bother creating a dating acount. Surely they have no problem finding dates.

 

[Radomir]

I think you are vein(scared ) and that is not important what is important is within you. what you have inside is what you are giving to other people....So if u want to give them god time,be good inside and they will feel that

*Bravely Forward*

 

[Hitori]

Sure they're depressing. They're a safe method to meet people twice your age, very bad looking and who lie constantly. Once I met a hikikomori too, by a time I wasn't really one. He became my bf and I helped him to leave his hiki like plus his pervertions with the porn. Anyway, I think that there are lots of people with psichologic problems in those sites. As for myself I'm tired of dating sites, BTW, I haven't any intention of meeting no one in real life. Spaniards really suck, they're cold n hypocrites.

 

[duality]

It gets specially depressing when you see those dating site commercials, claiming that they work. I wish it was that easy.

 

[Hitori]

It gets specially depressing when you see those dating site commercials, claiming that they work. I wish it was that easy.

The same thing about those products that promise to make you slimer, healthier or more attractive. The same thing about Fathers day, Mothers Day, Xmas and so on... We live in a consumer society, you know... if at least they created Losers Day, I'll have a day to rejoice myself, lol!

 

[Badjedidude]

Haha, I agree, Duality: I always laugh at the aftershave/cologne/shampoo commercials that show scores of women just piling all over the guy using the product. Then when I go and buy the stuff, I wait for the women to show up but they never come!

I'm suing for false advertisement.

P.S. I love the idea of Loser's Day, Hitori!

 

[An tSaoi]

Dating sites annoy me because a lot of the people who use them see it as a matter of convenience, rather than as a last option. They have no problem putting their photo online, they have no problem communicating with people; they could probably find a partner without the use of a dating site.

When you're not a very sociable person, people often recommend dating sites as if that will solve all your problems. But they don't realise that low self esteem means it's very difficult for some of us to take that step and present ourselves online. To me it's just as difficult as going to a club; in fact it's even more daunting because in a real-life social situation only a few dozen people will see you, whereas online it could be anyone.

 

[Yanni S]

I met someone via a dating site. We weren't a very good match, but I was lonely. Now I realize that it's ebtter to be alone than to be with someone you're not really compatible with. It's very difficult to meet someone on a dating site because I'm so introverted and my social skills are not the best, haha. Dating sites suck.

 

[Bluey]

I have tried a dating site for a little bit. I probably never gave it much chance to be honest.
All the woman on there seemed to have nothing in common with me and seemed to only be interested in the very fit and successful kinder guy.
I would say I do have a nice personality but I am mostly just kinder the middle of the road guy.
I don't work for health reasons and I think that puts them off
Kinder makes me come a cross as a loser when I tell them that. First impressions count I guss.

 

[Forlorn]

Dating sites for the most part are honeysuckle, especially pay ones they are total ripoffs. I had the most luck at plentyoffish as i atleast talked to a few ppl there, nobody i'm really interested in or who's interested in me though . Anyways imo your just as or more likely to find someone on myspace.

 

[ragiop]

Dating sites annoy me because a lot of the people who use them see it as a matter of convenience, rather than as a last option. They have no problem putting their photo online, they have no problem communicating with people; they could probably find a partner without the use of a dating site.

When you're not a very sociable person, people often recommend dating sites as if that will solve all your problems. But they don't realise that low self esteem means it's very difficult for some of us to take that step and present ourselves online. To me it's just as difficult as going to a club; in fact it's even more daunting because in a real-life social situation only a few dozen people will see you, whereas online it could be anyone.

I solved this by not putting my picture up. If someone asks, then I send it.

It's good because people who are looking for someone in terms of interest's likeability etc, have to read your profile. However, a majority of the time, people probebly ignore you.

 

[Yanni S]

Dating sites for the most part are honeysuckle, especially pay ones they are total ripoffs. I had the most luck at plentyoffish as i atleast talked to a few ppl there, nobody i'm really interested in or who's interested in me though . Anyways imo your just as or more likely to find someone on myspace.

I used match.com. That was money well spent