dating sites are depressing

[Olde shoe]

I would have to say that I'm a person who's more articulate in writing than I am at speaking. I'm silent 95% of the time even in the presence of my friends and family (Haven't seen my parents and sisters in almost a decade--my friends, give or take 5 years). I usually have very little things to say at any given time and to be truthful, often I feel as if I'm autistic or less intelligent than the average person.

I have no real social skills. I can't flirt. I'm very low-key and silent. Perhaps that's one of the many reasons why I'm not popular with women. I can't write well and I have a limited vocabulary. Being in the medical field, the only words I know are medical or scientific terms.

Just by reading some of the replies on this thread, I can see that most women do in fact like intelligent, and "bad boy" men. --I fit in neither of those categories. :club: Oh well.

It's fun just being in the background. I can do things like my job and go largely unnoticed. --Oh yeah, that's probably why I'm the only one in my apartment.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I have never understood this "deal breaker" thing.

Can someone please communicate the basic idea of this statement in a clear manner for me?

It's usually used to describe something which we will absolutely not consider. It's like what lies outside the boundary of a set of acceptable conditions.

So for example, if I say that chewing tobacco is a deal-breaker it means that under no circumstances will I date a guy who chews.

---

Just by reading some of the replies on this thread, I can see that most women do in fact like intelligent, and "bad boy" men.

I went back through this thread and read all the responses again and fail to see how you drew the conclusion that women like bad boys. None of the women who responded in this thread say, "I can't resist an *******-type."

You can not simply conclude that because the nice guys in this thread have not had success with these sites that it means that women go for the Bad Boy archetype. That's bad logic.

 

[Olde shoe]

You can not simply conclude that because the nice guys in this thread have not had success with these sites that it means that women go for the Bad Boy archetype. That's bad logic.

It probably is bad logic. Unfortunately for me, my ex-fiancee went for that sort of type when she cheated on me. She even said that I was "too nice"

To each her own I guess. I was rather unfortunate to have such a relationship.

 

[oarivan]

You can not simply conclude that because the nice guys in this thread have not had success with these sites that it means that women go for the Bad Boy archetype. That's bad logic.

It probably is bad logic. Unfortunately for me, my ex-fiancee went for that sort of type when she cheated on me. She even said that I was "too nice"

To each her own I guess. I was rather unfortunate to have such a relationship.

Well either you're too nice or she's a *****. Personally, I wouldn't think too hard about some statement made by a cheating fiancée.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

You can not simply conclude that because the nice guys in this thread have not had success with these sites that it means that women go for the Bad Boy archetype. That's bad logic.

It probably is bad logic. Unfortunately for me, my ex-fiancee went for that sort of type when she cheated on me. She even said that I was "too nice"

To each her own I guess. I was rather unfortunate to have such a relationship.

Yes it was unfortunate. Her "too nice" comment is absurd.

My ex left me for another woman, but I'm not assuming that all men are potentially cheating ******** because of it. So, we were both unfortunate. Yay us.

 

[Olde shoe]

Well either you're too nice or she's a *****. Personally, I wouldn't think too hard about some statement made by a cheating fiancée.

If she cheated on me then there's probably something wrong with me that I'm not aware of . I'm certain there's something.

Me---> :club: <----Life

 

[oarivan]

Well either you're too nice or she's a *****. Personally, I wouldn't think too hard about some statement made by a cheating fiancée.

If she cheated on me then there's probably something wrong with me that I'm not aware of . I'm certain there's something.

Me---> :club: <----Life

Good gawd man, I hope you don't seriously believe that? Ever consider that maybe there's something wrong with her?

 

[cheaptrickfan]

If she cheated on me then there's probably something wrong with me that I'm not aware of . I'm certain there's something.

I am very familiar with this propensity for self-blame, so I understand what you are saying.

Now, I know nothing about the dynamics of your relationship, but IMO the fact that she cheated does not indicate that there is anything wrong with you. Maybe there was something amiss with the relationship itself, but a relationship is the sum of what two people put in. Perhaps it was 100% her problem- she wanted something that she perceived she wasn't going to get from you. The blame in that respect can be shifted onto her for not talking to you about what she needed/wanted.

If she told you again and again what she wanted and you refused to accommodate her (if it was a reasonable request), then you bear more of the "blame."

It can be hard not to question ourselves when we've been betrayed by someone we love. I'm sorry.

 

[Olde shoe]

Good gawd man, I hope you don't seriously believe that? Ever consider that maybe there's something wrong with her?

I suppose.

Life keeps throwing crap at me so I decided to wear a pair of gloves, a mask, goggles and coveralls and work for the sanitation department to dispose of all that crap properly.

 

[firemanco3]

I have been relying on online dating websites because I feel they are the best way to meet someone. At my age I'm finding that when I meet someone elsewhere that I really like I find out that they are married or in a relationship, then I just get mad about the situation. I've been dissappointed on numerous occasions by dating websites and I've spent alot of money only to see the same profiles over and over again. I have people write me who I am not interested in, i.e. people with three kids and no job or people who worship Satan or whatever, and people who I write but never hear from, but I've met nice people too. Its just like meeting people anywhere else. Right now I'm sticking with Plentyofish because its free. I'm tired of spending money and getting no results.

 

[sinisterplague]

Without reading through the whole thread.

seriously
surfing through peoples profiles, way more succesful than me.
messaging people, that will never write back.

why would anyone do this to themselves, like i am

F*** okcupid.com

Yes! That's how I met my whore of an ex!

F*** plentyoffish.com

Been on there damned near five months. Went on a few dates but other than that, no luck. Alot of the girls on there come across as just plain stupid.

 

[TheWickedOne]

Very few people come across well on a dating site, I find. Sweet On Geeks was probably the only site I've ever been on wherein people came across as somewhat unaffected.

 

[randomman]

I have found that dating sites work for me. However, I am also a fairly attractive person. That said, I'm not WAY TOO attractive, so if I end up on a date from a dating website with someone who's more attractive than I am, it's a one date deal. It's sad, but they really turn things into a meat market.

Yes, I'm attractive enough, and confident enough, to get dates.

No, I'm not attractive enough to date exceedingly attractive people more than once.

In real life, I have dated highly attractive people for the long term, so to me that really shows how shallow they turn people.

However, my self-confidence issues have nothing to do with dating - I turned myself into a narcissist/jerk in highschool to get women. It worked. However, I'm still lonely, with few friends. Just dates.

Trust me kids, choose friends before dates. Always.

 

[dontwant2beelonely]

Try to go out instead of that b/c it is depressing to me if people at least don't write back but the way more sucessful thing I know i can have that lifestyle too!So I would'nt worry about it.

 

[AndrewM]

I'm one of those who has had positive experiences using a dating site. I don't at the moment because I'm not in a situation where I can really except to carry on a committed relationship (or expect anyone else to want to have a relationship with me). But when I did use it I found it a fun way to meet people. Initially I wasn't successful at all but I worked on my profile, trying to make myself sound more attractive without lying about anything, and putting up profile pictures that were more flattering without giving an unrealistic impression. Pretty soon I was getting plenty of contacts. In my age group (mid-30s) there are literally thousands of women who are single and looking for a guy. Anyway, I really enjoyed the dating process, which got me out of the house and led to interesting conversations. You do meet a lot of lonely people, but they all have something interesting about them. I had two short-term relationships which didn't work out, and which could have led to long-term friendships if I had been more sensible about it.

On the negative side, I think these sites do encourage a sort of "try before you buy" mentality, and there are people (both men and women I'm sure) who will go out with you for a while and then decide they can do better and dump you on that basis - rather than trying to make a pretty good thing work. My advice is: be aware of that, try to find someone genuine, be prepared to wait for the right person (it might take a lot of dates), and if you get the feeling someone has dumped you for the wrong reasons - well, that's their prerogative and you have to learn to get over it and take the opportunity to find someone you're better suited to. Having the right attitude is really important. And that means patience, patience, and being pro-active. See it as a long term project.

 

[TheWickedOne]

While I agree with Andrew M, I have to say that sometimes, there are few things that make me want to rip out my own soul than reading dating sites. Especially, as I live in the Boston area, where I see ad after ad after ad after ad of men with a user name of REDSOXFAN4U! or variation thereof.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I wonder the same thing. I recently opened a profile on a dating site... by recently I mean this weekend, and I have already lost hope. Not for the same reasons as you, but for different reasons.

 

[Derelict]

seriously
surfing through peoples profiles, way more succesful than me.
messaging people, that will never write back.

why would anyone do this to themselves, like i am

F*** okcupid.com
F*** plentyoffish.com

grrrrrrr

Haha, I've been on both sites for over 5 months now. I've messaged every person that was my "match" or visited my page and have yet to get a response.

 

[TheWickedOne]

When you say you've messaged them, are you just sending out one generic message to all the people who are either your match or have visited your page?

 

[TearyWoman86]

Yeah, it is dissapointing sometimes. But many people lie online and pretend they are way better and happier than they are. So you never know what lies behind their smiles.

I guess its better to try to make meaningfull friends because getting romantically involved online might only bring insecurities and dissapointment.

Wish you to best.