dating sites are depressing

[An tSaoi]

I solved this by not putting my picture up. If someone asks, then I send it.

It's a double-edged sword. If you don't have a photo then less people will bother with your profile; we are a largely visual society after all.

 

[roundasapenguin]

Oh and folks have to be very very careful not to get sucked into those scams they have in those online dating sites. Good heavens, I can't believe how rampant these are and how many poor unsuspecting souls have been conned to send their hard earned money.

It is terrible how some people prey on the people who are just simply out there looking for love, make them feel all important and cared for, then turn around and weave a beautiful story asking for money.

Ieeeks! I can't believe these scammers. how can they live with themselves conning people like that. I hope they get infected with fleas *huffs*

 

[kimberleykat]

I was always wondering why one would choose to search on date sites but now considering what i am doing(at times),i understand it quite well.
Maybe you can just try to find some interesting buddies there.
Yeah dont expect too much from any of these sites.
And I still dont think it is a wise idea to know new guys online though.
And you are not lonely here. We all are.

 

[rickyjones09]

Most of the people who uses these dating sites are the ones who spend their most of the time staying (official or personal needs might be there), secondly those do not have confidence to move outside and propose a girl or a boy, these are shy people. Remember, you are not going to get married or going to sleep with the profile guy or girl, you saw in the dating sites. The reality might be different, so be careful and live in reality, just use those sites for a little fun, don't involve too seriously.

 

[mr p]

I'm with the "dating sites are for people that can get dates in real life"-crowd; using only dating sites fools you into thinking you're progressing even though you're not :/ It's not real life, after all.

I've been on dating sites for like 3 - 3.5 years now, and they suck. It's really just a waste of money, though I've gained lots of different experience of which I'm grateful of! Maybe it wasn't completely wasted money, but I'd rather get that experience another way.

The results of my years have been:
- ~25 one-time dates
- 2 two-timers
- 2 ~6-ers (both were a little on the big side...)

It was always up to them if we'd continue seeing each other; I was always up for it. Every single time, I got infatuated with love itself.

 

[Wyrm]

You should definitely keep it up loketron. At one point, I took my picture off of my okcupid account because I wasn't having much luck. But then I went back, put my picture back up, and tried doing things a bit differently. I changed my profile around a bit and I loosened up when messaging women.

I currently have something going on with a girl who messaged me on okcupid. Needless to say, I seem to have said the right things. Don't always try the same thing. Every single time you talk with a girl, think about how you could have done it better. To continue trying is essential, but it's also very important to keep on trying new things. Just be who you are, but try to add a few new things here and there to yourself and see what effect it has. Many girls won't be into you no matter what, but, if you take each rejection as a lesson, you'll learn gradually.... then the number of girls who will be into you will go up.

I came across these tips and found them to be very helpful:

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Photos:
-Having nice looking photos of you having fun with a group of people.
-Photos where you are the center of attention/doing something cool.
-Profile photo should show your face and look good as a thumbnail.
- Don't have pics that were obviously taken by yourself.


Profile:
-Imply (or state) that you are not taking online dating seriously.
- Mention your creative passions.
- paint a picture of your life that is interesting and FUN.
- Reason for trying should be non-creepy. Ie dislike clubs, travel a lot.
- Include 4-5 things that will "bait" girls into messaging YOU.


Time between messages/emails

Don't worry about this. Some sites let the user know if their message had been read or not yet so I usually read it, then write a reply an hour or so later depending on the girl. I've responded instantly though too so it really doesn't matter.



-Use emotionally descriptive language.
-Mention something you are passionate about and explain why.
-Include future adventure projections.
-Explain what you would do on the first date, make it fantastical.



-Messages should be 2-3 lines. Thats a safe length, you can write more but you don't want to write a book.
-Indicate WHY you messaged her. Reason should be something in her profile that stood out. Dont say you messaged her because you think shes hot, she KNOWS this.
-Keep it flirty and cheeky, remember: You're not taking this seriously.
-Qualify yes, but don't be serious about it. End messages with questions like "But, can you cook?" or "So what makes you so cool?"

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Anyway, I tried plentyoffish and I didn't have much luck on it. After reading reviews of POF, I decided not to go back........ it seems to have a nasty reputation.

 

[Olde shoe]

I tried eharmony and it never sent me my match. Oh well, some Olde Shoes don't have pairs anyway. I'm a factory defect so I never had a pair to begin with. It's fine I suppose

Funny cause the TV commercials say "Review your matches for free!" --I didn't have any

 

[Badjedidude]

Lol Hadrurus has it down to a science.

----Steve

 

[Wyrm]

In a way, it is a science (also an art, if you like to see it that way). I didn't write any of those btw, if it came across that way. Those were written by a guy with a lot of experience, and I've had some notable success in applying them to my own dating site adventures (it's also helpful to apply some of these concepts to yourself regarding real-life interaction too).

Actually, you made me want to add the link to my sig, but there's a chracter limit. Oh well, it's at least in this thread.

 

[dreamer8]

I dislike eHarmony. It just doesn't seem realistic.

 

[Eleocharis]

My friend told me to get onto okcupid, so I've been using it for a while. I guess I'm rare in that I will respond to everyone who sends me a message so long as it's moderately intelligent and not "I want to have sex with you," which is an automatic ignore.

I don't expect it to solve my social problems, but it is nice talking to people in the area who I may or may not potentially be friends with in the future.

I think the biggest turn off for most people on dating websites are (and forgive me if this sounds shallow) poor grammar/spelling/sentence structure. I would much rather chat with a guy who I don't find very attractive but I can read what he's saying to me than a guy who's really hot but is tying things like, 'hey, i like ur body.' JMO.

 

[Badjedidude]

I think the biggest turn off for most people on dating websites are (and forgive me if this sounds shallow) poor grammar/spelling/sentence structure.

I don't think that's shallow at all. It makes a lot of sense. If someone wants to show themselves as an intelligent, capable human being able to communicate with others, they need to adhere to the rules of the language.

...unless they're in a chatroom! XD

----Steve

 

[Bluey]

I think the biggest turn off for most people on dating websites are (and forgive me if this sounds shallow) poor grammar/spelling/sentence structure.

I don't think that's shallow at all. It makes a lot of sense. If someone wants to show themselves as an intelligent, capable human being able to communicate with others, they need to adhere to the rules of the language.

...unless they're in a chatroom! XD

----Steve

I think maybe you both have a point here.
I do have poor grammar and even with a spell check I still struggle.
I think this is one of the main reason I have no luck on dating sites.

Girls are OK to be friends with but for that special some one there looking as you say for that guy that comes across as intelligent so they well be, well looked after I guss. Or maybe there just never that into me lol There loss,,, NEXT

 

[CAS]

I wouldn't have thought poor grammar would be a put-off for most ladies.

 

[nerdygirl]

Poor grammar and spelling are deal breakers for me. Of course, with a user name like mine, I imagine that is not a huge surprise. My idea of "hot" has nothing to do with appearance. I get excited when a guy talks about genomes or tells me his hero is Dr. Grigori Perelman.

 

[Bluey]

Poor grammar and spelling are deal breakers for me. Of course, with a user name like mine, I imagine that is not a huge surprise. My idea of "hot" has nothing to do with appearance. I get excited when a guy talks about genomes or tells me his hero is Dr. Grigori Perelman.

lol See I am into star track

How do you know that the guy your talking to is not into this stuff though?
Am sure there are percentage wise as many geeks/nerds out there that have a problem with gramme as those that do not.

Most ppl who meet me in person would never know that I have a problem here.
I suppose I look a lot moor intelligent then I am lol
I guss am good at faking it

I have to say I have no idea who Dr. Grigori Perelman is through

 

[nerdygirl]

He might be into that stuff, but if he hasn't bothered to educate himself, then he's just not geeky/ nerdy enough for me.

 

[Bluey]

He might be into that stuff, but if he hasn't bothered to educate himself, then he's just not geeky/ nerdy enough for me.

You can be intelligent and still have a problem with grammar.
I am living prof of that.
I also have recently been called a geek cos I sorted some IT stuff out for some one that well,,,a baby could have sorted lol

So I ask you if you thought a person to be intelligent but that person had a problem with grammar would you be interested?

 

[nerdygirl]

He might be into that stuff, but if he hasn't bothered to educate himself, then he's just not geeky/ nerdy enough for me.

You can be intelligent and still have a problem with grammar.
I am living prof of that.
I also have recently been called a geek cos I sorted some IT stuff out for some one that well,,,a baby could have sorted lol

So I ask you if you thought a person to be intelligent but that person had a problem with grammar would you be interested?

You can be very intelligent and have a problem with grammar. As my first language wasn't English, I'm sure I make mistakes, myself. Still, as I already said- it's a deal breaker for me. *shrug* Some girls like the bad boys. I like the guys who can communicate with me in a clear manner!

 

[oarivan]

I have never understood this "deal breaker" thing.

Can someone please communicate the basic idea of this statement in a clear manner for me?