EveWasFramed said:
I rarely ask my family or friends (the few I have) for ANYTHING.
Not money, not favors, and certainly not an ear to listen. I'm a fairly private person, who doesn't tend to open myself up to speculation, ridicule or pity from others. I have no idea why I'm this way, other than perhaps being burned in the past (on the few occasions I dared to open myself up). [...]
I have to wonder if I'm doing something to cause people to abruptly discard me. I know I'm not perfect but I have a lot to offer someone. Love, loyalty, understanding, empathy...
Of all the men (listed above) who have come into my life in some sort of romantic capacity, almost NONE of them are similar in personality. I can't even blame it on "I attract or am attracted to the wrong kind of man."
You are a strong and independent woman. This is something almost everybody notices. Especially men. So on the one hand, that increases your attractivity, on the other it may induce to some men a complex of inferiority that makes them feel insecure. i don`t know. Some psychologists say that it`s in the nature of men to be the "hunter/predator". My guess is that you don`t "smell/look" like a prey.
I won`t analyze or judge your ex-es, I trust you made conscious choices at that time that looked good enough for you to start the relationships. What came afterwards was not foreknown or foreseen. But I also think your feminine intuition is working well, when it makes you stop and wonder, what the root of all this is. I would also ask myself if it were me. For this the only thing that comes to my mind is to try and see yourself through the eyes of others (family, ex) and your perception of them. Even an imaginary roleplay maybe. Who knows, maybe you`ll find partial answers. One thing I know: the answers are there, the subconscious has them, we are unaware of them.
I mean...my own family uses me as something disposable. My mother is the one exception. [...] I'm the "go to" person. I'm the ear that listens, the shoulder that gets cried on and the personal banker in some cases. I think that sometimes, things become the "norm" even if they're messed up.
See? you`re the element of stability that has become so familiar that is taken for granted and it`s natural to be so (in their eyes). Well, if you don`t want to change that and make it clear that you have your own boundaries set, at least by being aware of how things work in your family, it`s easier to accept and adjust to them.
I don't want to be a bitter person and I have to wonder, at what point, it might become inevitable. Do I simply keep interacting with people, knowing I'm nothing more than something disposable to them? Or, do I turn into a recluse, who keeps my interactions with others to a minimum, to avoid being repeatedly hurt?
I made a conscious choice of becoming a recluse. It is not an easy way, because it involves being alone and lonely. But it was my choice and I`m at peace with it. The other way, of giving yourself as many chances as necessary to have a happy relationship, isn`t easy either and I admire those who have this courage and don`t give up.
I think you`ll find eventually a good partner and have a wonderful relationship. You have all the qualities, like many have said above. But however much you analyze yourself, apart from bringing you personal insights, once you start a relationship it`s like a stick with two ends held by you and your partner, and whatever happens will be the outcome of your interaction +/- compromises ( not the merit or guilt of just one).
Hug, Eve. Don`t let yourself be discouraged, because as many above also said, you have absolutely no reason to doubt yourself. (Hug)
