disappointed (partially)

[floffyschneeman]

For some months, I've rarely visited this forum. I don't know why exactly but I probably got tired of the posts, and well to be blatantly honest, some of the people as well.

I feel like it's losing its soul. I've came here when I was feeling sad and lonely, and of course I wanted attention, but I was also scared of it. I feel like most people here just want attention and then almost everyone would talk and very few would listen.

I've always believed that this forum values each member, but lately I am starting to doubt that. I wish that other people would also be sensitive to other people and that sometimes they'd also take a stand back and let others have the chance to talk.

This is a lonely forum, but it doesn't mean that when no one is talking, that it is dead. cos it's better to share an honest conversation than a forced one.

All I'd like to say is that this forum mean a great a deal to me and I am sure, to most people here as well. Let's take care of it.

 

[Barbaloot]

<3

 

[The Good Citizen]

I tend to post at work when its very quiet on here so my name is often the last post on quite a few threads which makes me feel a bit daft but theres fewer people to interact with. I don't try to start too many threads though, I just engage with what has been posted the previous evening and then pick up any responses and read new posts the next day. When its quiet I wish the US would all work nights instead to give me some more real time company!

Don't know how you mean really floffyschneeman, do you mean there are too many dominant personalities on here? I've only been here a couple of months so can't compare to how it was previously but I always think there is a good vibe, its rarely poisonous on here and if it is it gets clamped down on soon enough. Maybe if you don't feel so sad and lonely anymore (as you say) you perspective has changed rather than the forum?

 

[floffyschneeman]

I tend to post at work when its very quiet on here so my name is often the last post on quite a few threads which makes me feel a bit daft but theres fewer people to interact with. I don't try to start too many threads though, I just engage with what has been posted the previous evening and then pick up any responses and read new posts the next day. When its quiet I wish the US would all work nights instead to give me some more real time company!

Don't know how you mean really floffyschneeman, do you mean there are too many dominant personalities on here? I've only been here a couple of months so can't compare to how it was previously but I always think there is a good vibe, its rarely poisonous on here and if it is it gets clamped down on soon enough. Maybe if you don't feel so sad and lonely anymore (as you say) you perspective has changed rather than the forum?

Probably, you do have a point. But I've just been noticing, there's more talking than listening. There's more drama than real personal issues. There's more bashing than helping. Just my opinion and observation. But good point you have

 

[The Good Citizen]

Probably, you do have a point. But I've just been noticing, there's more talking than listening. There's more drama than real personal issues. There's more bashing than helping. Just my opinion and observation. But good point you have

I think some days I'm in the mood to listen but I don't tend to respond unless I have something I think's meaningful. I don't like to see posts just get completely ignored though. I remember a couple of weeks back some lad poured his heart out and it hadn't had a single response for a couple of days, I thought that was a bit harsh.

I should make more of an effort in the new members forum though, poguesy Sci Fi Pezza and Jilted John are really good at that in fairness, they always say hello.

 

[Ak5]

In forums especially like this one we have to understand and help each other. We must be here for each other, to talk with and of course to listen to. We cannot get divided, we must not get divided. We are a forum for lonely people, and for that reason we have to stick together for the well-being of all of us.

 

[floffyschneeman]

I think some days I'm in the mood to listen but I don't tend to respond unless I have something I think's meaningful. I don't like to see posts just get completely ignored though. I remember a couple of weeks back some lad poured his heart out and it hadn't had a single response for a couple of days, I thought that was a bit harsh.

I should make more of an effort in the new members forum though, poguesy Sci Fi Pezza and Jilted John are really good at that in fairness, they always say hello.

Yeah, I feel that too. I sometimes feel guilty, I don't post much and is always not helpful, and then other times, when I get angry, it really shows. My posting chi is moody as well. sometimes I feel comfy posting other times I just delete things I write.
I know it's something that would be good for me to work out as well. and yes I am grateful for people who make new member feel welcomed.

---

In forums especially like this one we have to understand and help each other. We must be here for each other, to talk with and of course to listen to. We cannot get divided, we must not get divided. We are a forum for lonely people, and for that reason we have to stick together for the well-being of all of us.

+1

 

[Peter Lorre]

I agree Floff, this forum used to feel more 'open' and 'welcoming'. These days it seems like most newcomers don't stick around for long, I see this as a clear sign that times have changed.

I do care for this forum and the people on it though, and I want to stick around to show them that I do. I know that most of the members mean well, that they genuinely want to help the other posters. So all's not lost, this place has potential... we just need to find a way to make it come out more

 

[floffyschneeman]

I agree Floff, this forum used to feel more 'open' and 'welcoming'. These days it seems like most newcomers don't stick around for long, I see this as a clear sign that times have changed.

I do care for this forum and the people on it though, and I want to stick around to show them that I do. I know that most of the members mean well, that they genuinely want to help the other posters. So all's not lost, this place has potential... we just need to find a way to make it come out more

Thanks Peter

 

[IambicBlonde]

I agree with you somehwat, floffy; perhaps for different reasons. One of the faults with this forum (if you can call it a flaw) is that sometimes people bark advice AT someone rather than asking them questions. Advice isn't a bad thing. It's why a lot of people are here. But I feel that by asking people questions about their posts it demonstrates concern or consideration for what they're going through; rather than someone trying to play Mr. or Mrs. Fix-It in a response. Though I've been guilty of that in some posts, so no judging others here. Plus some people aren't very good at responding to their posts so asking them questions allows them a reason to keep the conversation going. Is that what you meant, by the way?

 

[floffyschneeman]

I agree with you somehwat, floffy; perhaps for different reasons. One of the faults with this forum (if you can call it a flaw) is that sometimes people bark advice AT someone rather than asking them questions. Advice isn't a bad thing. It's why a lot of people are here. But I feel that by asking people questions about their posts it demonstrates concern or consideration for what they're going through; rather than someone trying to play Mr. or Mrs. Fix-It in a response. Though I've been guilty of that in some posts, so no judging others here. Plus some people aren't very good at responding to their posts so asking them questions allows them a reason to keep the conversation going. Is that what you meant, by the way?

Some of it perhaps. but people are different in their ways of communicating. I guess we all have something we find that won't fit to our liking. What I mostly found sad is the amount of threads made for the sake of making threads. I know a lot of people will disagree with me in this, but most people here can't cope with the real world because they don't know how to socialize, how to chit chat, to talk about things they can't relate or have no connection to how they feel at the moment. Some people don't even know how to talk at all unless about something they really believe in or they have a strong opinion about. Also, most new comer here are seeking for someone who can relate to what they feel, most of them are feeling desperate, hence, they are able to find this forum. When most of the topics are topics similar to what sociable people talk in a barber shop or at a buss stop, then I can see why people would feel tired and bored of it, like I did. I know people have their different ways of coping, but other people are coping as well and sometimes they just want someone whom they can connect about ideas they share without having them risk opening themselves up when they're not ready. And I think that's how some forums came about.... anyway, these are just my opinion.

 

[Felix]

Personally I think there's been a lot of pointless arguing lately. Sometimes this comes for people not liking certain topics. In this particular case, I believe it would be best that if someone was disgusted by a topic, they just ignore it. I do that, otherwise you are contributing to an non possitive atmosphere. Everyone that's been here a few months knows how this things start... if you don't like it, you don't feed it... this is the internet. I don't think is necessary to take so serious what's said on a topic, everyones right to be offended ends in other's peoples right to free speech. If the mods approve, they're playing by the rules.

This are just topics... if you wanna see something different, I'd suggest go ahead and contribute to a topic that you like. By replying to something you dislike, you are making something you dislike grow. By making a new topic, you are starting something you'll like and making that grow. Which one is better? be the change you want to see in the world!!

 

[Sci-Fi]

Very well put Felix. If you ignore it the thread dies. Contributing to it only makes it worse.

*mod hat off*

There are a lot of threads on here where people are asking for help or advice and they are getting ignored, or pushed down because most would rather fight and argue in a thread instead of letting it die. I wish more people would post in those threads, one or two people can't do it alone especially when you don't know what to say. Another person who's too busy fighting in anther thread could be that person. Instead they get all angry over one thread and just leave. Look for something that would be a better use of your time. What irritates me are those who like to create drama out of nothing or purposely irritate other members. What's the purpose in that?

Everyone gets caught up in the drama, this always happens on every forum. There comes a point where you have to just stop, realize you are only feeding the drama and walk away.

Here's a radical idea, instead of people complaining about it, people need to be more constructive with their time and find a thread where they can help somebody in. That's what this forum is for.

 

[Callie]

I feel like it's losing its soul.

I've always believed that this forum values each member, but lately I am starting to doubt that.

this forum used to feel more 'open' and 'welcoming'.

I agree fully with these statements.


To add a disclaimer, I edited the posts from above, do not judge the people quoted as to only what I have here, go back and read what they wrote in their entirety and don't make any harsh judgments on them for the way I chose to edit out.

 

[floffyschneeman]

Personally I think there's been a lot of pointless arguing lately. Sometimes this comes for people not liking certain topics. In this particular case, I believe it would be best that if someone was disgusted by a topic, they just ignore it. I do that, otherwise you are contributing to an non possitive atmosphere. Everyone that's been here a few months knows how this things start... if you don't like it, you don't feed it... this is the internet. I don't think is necessary to take so serious what's said on a topic, everyones right to be offended ends in other's peoples right to free speech. If the mods approve, they're playing by the rules.

This are just topics... if you wanna see something different, I'd suggest go ahead and contribute to a topic that you like. By replying to something you dislike, you are making something you dislike grow. By making a new topic, you are starting something you'll like and making that grow. Which one is better? be the change you want to see in the world!!

I agree to what you said, but to some extent. You see what I meant here is not disliking a certain topic, but disliking the atmosphere of this forum (lately) Meaning, I am pointing to what kind of topics people mostly post as we define this forum by the topic we create and the topic we talk about. Though I know that everyone is free to voice out their opinion as this is the internet, I've always considered this forum as something different from what is out there. The only reason for that is I've always found this forum as honest, people on here are not here to create drama or just to create something to talk about. As if we lack drama in our lives.

I also disagree with your statement, ''if mods approve, they're playing by the rules'' as I don't always agree with some of the decisions the mods make. Although I respect every mods here, I also know that they are regular members as well. Meaning that they're like any other member on this forum. But they are the mods and I don't have any choice but to stay or leave. I choose to stay as I.. well to put it as is,.. love this forum. But I think that following the rules is not merely following its technicalities. Because we could follow each rules yet still lead this forum to the opposite direction on which this forum was made in the first place. I'm also not saying that who ever people feel they dislike should be reprimanded so harshly, but a simple friendly PM or private advice would do. And that is what I meant by taking care of this forum. meaning, to preserve its honest atmosphere most would always feel welcomed by because for some this maybe a past time as any other sites in the internet are, but for others this is a shelter.

 

[Limlim]

Could be a signal to noise thing as well. When you first join the forum and you see the threads from people asking for help and whatnot, you could be giving it your all, but after several months of seeing the same problems but from different people it might feel as though things have gotten stale, when in fact they haven't but from your experience it seems like it has. Only that the freshness factor you once felt is gone.

When I log on I regularly hit the "find new posts" button and really only even look at 3 or 4 of the threads before closing my browser, then maybe will reply to one of them, and even then you have about an 80% chance that my comment will be something stupid.

I posted a lot more when I first started, but I'm not sure if the threads really appeared to be any different than they are now (Aside from the fact that there are a lot more threads popping up by some users which aren't really related to loneliness at all).

 

[LoneKiller]

I think we all know that my "Hooker" thread went over like a cement balloon. That being said, I think that from time to time we forget that we are all suffering, no matter how hard we try at times to hide it.

If most of us took the same advice we give others and applied it to ourselves we would all be doing better. This forum is for the most part, is a truly good one, but it's broken right now. We need to fix it, but how?

I'm far from perfect. I'm no better than any other member. The kind of things that are going on between us are bad. "Trolling" is the last thing that should be going on in a forum like this.

The reason we have so many new members that leave this forum so soon is because most are very fragile and nervous to begin with. When they first join,the slightest little conflict or instability they witness, scares them away.

I don't care how much we try to make others feel that we have it together, the truth is, we all are fragile in our own way. This is not a gaming forum or a sports forum. Members here, including myself can be very thin skinned at times.

For Christ's sake. I've left other forums due to trolling and disrespect that is currently going on here. At this current time, we are no different than other other type of forum when it comes to negative things such as trolling and disharmony. This honeysuckle has to stop now, or it is just going to get worse, I promise you.

 

[SophiaGrace]

So let's (and I do mean everyone) stop complaining about it and do more posting in the issues section than making threads in the general section?

Action speaks louder than words.

My thread in the brighten someone's day category of the forum just got locked because people chose to argue in it. The thread was meant to help those an give attention to those that felt ignored. Lonely people in general easily feel ignored so that was the function of the thread. I am dissapointed that people chose to argue in it.

---

Anyways. Off to post in the issues section. 3 threads is my goal.

 

[floffyschneeman]

I think this thread has served its purpose. The things I wrote here are my own opinion, views, observations and I know that they're subject to my own biases as well. I didn't mean any particular person just the over all atmosphere of the forum. If some felt they are being directed, I mean no harm. I think for most part, what I was really hoping for is for us to realize we are sharing this space to a whole lot of people who also have different stories, struggles in their lives. We need not to make drama and issues among ourselves as we certainly have a lot within ourselves already.

Good day everyone ^^

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Mods please close thread, Thanks

 

[Drama]

Well since my thread is closed I must make somethign clear. Flaneur and I bet that he will not finish a book in time and the wager was that the loser must create the 'if you must go gay/lesbian for a member who would it be?' (remark if there was a bookclub section, i'd have posted it there )
hesaid he won and i had to respect the part of the bet and created the thread. He later told me he actually lost the bet (d) what a jerk.

It is sad that a joke developed into a fight. It is also sad taht people directly think it's ill meant and would just start throwing accusations around. I learnt at least to never bet with that cheater again