I really hate the separation. I feel like it completely writes off a person's potential. Don't we believe that people can change and improve? The separation says no, there are superior and inferior people, and you just have to hope you won the genetic lottery and if not you're messed, better hope you like alcohol because you're never going to escape the romantic/sexual gutter. Especially for guys, you have to hope that you're already impressive enough for the girl you like in order to get her to admire you, otherwise she'll look down on you and that kicks you into "friends" aka she thinks you're inferior like some kind of peasant. But it's hard to talk and act like a lord when your life has always reminded you that you're not one. There are so many social areas you have to do correctly, and so many mistakes you have to avoid, in order to get it right. There's always this talk about "being yourself" but certain personalities seem to work for sex and relationships and other personalities seem to always get stuck on friendship. It really is a mating dance to show that you're competent, impressive, and thrilling, and all the while you have to show as little weakness as possible - mistakes, complaints, frustration, neediness are all signs of weakness and inferiority. I think neediness is a big problem because if you're lonely, you're needy. You want to get into a relationship and you want this loneliness to end, just like if you were starving, freezing, poor, in jail, sick, you just want the misery to end. But if you say you want it to end, you're seen as weak, and it continues. In this way, loneliness can be like quicksand or an undertow.
And if you aren't really impressive, you have to know how to smooth-talk, you have to know how to "game" women. And if smooth-talking or "game" isn't something you know how to do or are willing to do, once again, good luck, you'll need it.
I don't know if I can ever become impressive, especially for an attractive woman to admire me and cause feelings of attraction. I hope I can, but again, everything has always been hard for me and I've never been a natural at anything. I've never really been able to beat other people at things. It comes down to being able to be a valuable person, but I don't know if I can become one or if my genetics aren't good enough for that. And I don't think I can ever learn "game". I don't like it, and it's not natural to me either. I just fundamentally don't get it. I'd also like to have interactions where I can just enjoy getting to know the person instead of playing some kind of game of social one-upsmanship, some kind of social chess, maneuvering for advantage and dominance. But that's another frustrating thing about it. I get to know people slowly. It's not a ******* agenda any more than "game" is, it's just how I work, how I get to know people. I see if I can talk to them and hope that we can grow closer through conversation and enjoying each other's company. I don't think it's a matter of not having enough in common or being able to talk because there are a lot of people I have little to nothing in common with and I don't see how I can talk to them well. I think it's a matter of not being impressive enough. My looks are okay I think, maybe they don't help me much but I don't think they hurt me that much either. But I'm not popular and I will even admit that I'm not impressive, so I don't cause women to admire me and I really feel like that admiration is the key component to attraction. I have things I want to be good at and I have things I'd like to do, but I don't know how to communicate that, I'm not good at anything and I don't have many stories. I guess I need to work on that, if I even can. I feel like there must be something I can do because the same guys usually win and the same guys usually lose. I just hope there's some way that something I can do will matter. Some days I feel like I'd almost sell my soul for attractive women to take me seriously for ******* once.
