Does it really get better?

[JasonM]

I know I am recognized here mostly for jokes and sly comments, but I do take to heart all the postings I read about individuals who are losing or have lost all sense of hope that their lives can be any different then the way they currently are. When I was younger I was often told that things would get better and everything changes given enough time, but looking up from the bottom of the pool it is often difficult to hear such things due to the crushing weight of the water.

Due to a variety of reasons that I won't go into, I was basically hopeless, trudging through life because one option seemed just as meaningless as the next. I consumed, expelled, walked, talked, had relationships all in the hope that something would act as a life preserver. At the time, what I had never considered is that I had filled my own pockets with stones over the years and I was what was keeping me at the bottom of the pool. It took a long time but after realizing the true reasons for my angst, I was able to let go of those stones and rise to the surface on my own.

Today I can't say that I have everything I ever wanted, but I have much more than I ever thought I could. The point to all my analogies is that it DID get better and I wanted to share that with those whom feel hopeless and give a chance for others to share their experiences to prove I'm not the only one.

 

[The Good Citizen]

In my experience, life always throws up an opportunity eventually. A friend of mine had been single for 7 years, desperately wanted kids and a GF but was in a low paid job and a flat he could barely afford to keep. In the last couple of months, he met a nice girl in a chance encounter at a family party, he also got a sizeable payoff from an accident at work which has allowed him to leave his job and move down to live near his girlfriend and her little girl and is now looking at a couple of jobs which should mean he can afford to live again. Things just changed from going nowhere to having pretty much everything he needed. He'll be the first to admit he didn't really do much too initiate it, it was mostly chance but the important thing was when opportunity came knocking he was wise enough to grab it with both hands.

Important thing is to keep your head up and your eyes open, if you have your head down you're liable to miss the chance when it comes along. Stay positive.

 

[Veruca]

Thanks for taking the time to put these encouraging posts up. Very motivating!

I do have a question though. I am all about taking chances and grabbing opportunities, but do you sometimes feel overwhelmed with possibilities? As in you've got people all around you telling you to do this, or that at the same time and you feel obligated to give it all a shot, but at the end of the day you feel unfocused and confused? And when you turn something down, people will tell you that god proposed and man disposed which essentially makes you feel guilty? How would you deal with that? Be selective and stay focused on your own life plan?

I hope that made sense

 

[The Good Citizen]

Yeah I know what you're saying, I think you should treat life like a blank canvas and if whatever you paint doesn't appeal you can just scrub it and start afresh. I think maybe if I had my time over, I know having a kid for instance at 21, that tied me to a certain path and it was a happy one but it limited my options definitely. So while you are exploring life and its many options, maybe stay light, friends yes but I think a relationship can wait ideally until it can happen in a time and place that suits you, so rent a house dont buy too early also, keep your options open. Once you've found what you want then you can set down some roots. I think thats the best way to go, I did it the other way round, made roots then tried to make the best of it!

 

[EveWasFramed]

. In the last couple of months, he met a nice girl in a chance encounter at a family party, he also got a sizeable payoff from an accident at work which has allowed him to leave his job and move down to live near his girlfriend and her little girl ...

Not to be off topic here, but kudos to your friend for not ruling out a single parent.

 

[The Good Citizen]

. In the last couple of months, he met a nice girl in a chance encounter at a family party, he also got a sizeable payoff from an accident at work which has allowed him to leave his job and move down to live near his girlfriend and her little girl ...

Not to be off topic here, but kudos to your friend for not ruling out a single parent.

True, its been the making of him to be honest; he is such a nice guy and he loves spending time with them both, plus her dad's long gone so I think its something new for her too. Last time I went round he was baking with the girl, they were getting on great, you could see her mum was chuffed. It was a very sweet scene actually.

 

[Lua]

I've been thinking about this too recently. Whenever people told me things would get better, I couldn't quite believe them. I was convinced that something was essentially wrong with me, so I thought their good advice and positive experiences couldn't apply to me. I was that shy, boring, socially awkward girl nobody ever got to know because she hardly even said anything around new people.

Surprisingly, it has gotten better though. I've made a few friends and I no longer worry about everything 24/7, think I'm a horrible person or secretly wish to drop dead countless times a day. It actually seems like I might achieve some of the things I want. If you keep your eyes open, an opportunity is likely to come up in the end. I realize that getting a past a negative mindset is extremely difficult though. What did it for me was something as silly as wanting a crush to like me and thus trying to like myself a bit too.

These are really encouraging to read! And aww TGC, that is too lovely

 

[JasonM]

do you sometimes feel overwhelmed with possibilities? As in you've got people all around you telling you to do this, or that at the same time and you feel obligated to give it all a shot, but at the end of the day you feel unfocused and confused? And when you turn something down, people will tell you that god proposed and man disposed which essentially makes you feel guilty? How would you deal with that? Be selective and stay focused on your own life plan?

I can't say I have a life plan per say; there are just things I want and I focus on that (sometimes to the point of tunnel-vision). As for other people, at the end of the day you are the one who has to live with yourself, so your decisions should be primarily based on what you want.

Do I feel overwhelmed? Quite often actually. Things always change and new experiences always occur; I think the real trick is figuring out to prioritize and deal with them better. So yes, be selective and stay focused...but (at least to me) a 'life plan' is at too high of a level to not be overwhelming. I try at the mico level and build on that.

One of the reason's that I am not being more specific about myself in this thread is that it's not about me, it's about having hope enough to keep dragging yourself forward and the belief that you can someday make it through.

 

[Veruca]

Yeah I know what you're saying, I think you should treat life like a blank canvas and if whatever you paint doesn't appeal you can just scrub it and start afresh.

So yes, be selective and stay focused...but (at least to me) a 'life plan' is at too high of a level to not be overwhelming. I try at the mico level and build on that.

One of the reason's that I am not being more specific about myself in this thread is that it's not about me, it's about having hope enough to keep dragging yourself forward and the belief that you can someday make it through.

Excellent advice! Thank you!

 

[EveWasFramed]

You know....does anyone ever really make it "through" to some imagined point in life?
Or is about being able to manage the ups and downs that life tends to throw at all of us?
Something to think about I guess.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I've been thinking about this too recently. Whenever people told me things would get better, I couldn't quite believe them. I was convinced that something was essentially wrong with me, so I thought their good advice and positive experiences couldn't apply to me. I was that shy, boring, socially awkward girl nobody ever got to know because she hardly even said anything around new people.

Surprisingly, it has gotten better though. I've made a few friends and I no longer worry about everything 24/7, think I'm a horrible person or secretly wish to drop dead countless times a day. It actually seems like I might achieve some of the things I want. If you keep your eyes open, an opportunity is likely to come up in the end. I realize that getting a past a negative mindset is extremely difficult though. What did it for me was something as silly as wanting a crush to like me and thus trying to like myself a bit too.

These are really encouraging to read! And aww TGC, that is too lovely

Yeah I'm gonna miss the grumpy old sod when he's gone

I think really you go through adolescence which sort of throws everything you know and believe in up in the air and when you come out of that in your late teens it takes few years just to piece it all together again and realise who you are. You need a bit of time to grow into that new mold I guess. I went from a happy go lucky and confident 12 year old to a painfully shy 14 year old and remained that way until my mid twenties I'd say.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

I know I am recognized here mostly for jokes and sly comments, but I do take to heart all the postings I read about individuals who are losing or have lost all sense of hope that their lives can be any different then the way they currently are. When I was younger I was often told that things would get better and everything changes given enough time, but looking up from the bottom of the pool it is often difficult to hear such things due to the crushing weight of the water.

Due to a variety of reasons that I won't go into, I was basically hopeless, trudging through life because one option seemed just as meaningless as the next. I consumed, expelled, walked, talked, had relationships all in the hope that something would act as a life preserver. At the time, what I had never considered is that I had filled my own pockets with stones over the years and I was what was keeping me at the bottom of the pool. It took a long time but after realizing the true reasons for my angst, I was able to let go of those stones and rise to the surface on my own.

Today I can't say that I have everything I ever wanted, but I have much more than I ever thought I could. The point to all my analogies is that it DID get better and I wanted to share that with those whom feel hopeless and give a chance for others to share their experiences to prove I'm not the only one.

No, not it doesn't get better. I talked myself out of suicide at age eighteen, (basically the "you have so much to live for" speech, only I was giving it to myself). I haven't a decent job because I've become phobic of interview rejection, and live with my parents, said parents are constantly nagging me for one. What would personally make me happy is not a job but like a soulmate to spend life with. Every woman I meet is either looking for sex, or a provider type to mooch off of. So yea, almost 12 years later, and I'm just as miserable.

Live to take care of those you love, and live to get revenge on overachiever types that have taken jobs, gfs, and dreams away from you. That's at least fun to do.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Live to take care of those you love, and live to get revenge on overachiever types that have taken jobs, gfs, and dreams away from you. That's at least fun to do.

I swear that has to be one of the most absurd things I've ever read.

 

[Barbaloot]

Live to take care of those you love, and live to get revenge on overachiever types that have taken jobs, gfs, and dreams away from you. That's at least fun to do.

I swear that has to be one of the most absurd things I've ever read.

Yeah, really. Why punish people who are more successful at life than you are? Why not just strive to be your best self so it doesn't matter what other people do? That's a pretty scary mentality.

 

[JasonM]

Live to take care of those you love, and live to get revenge on overachiever types that have taken jobs, gfs, and dreams away from you. That's at least fun to do.

I swear that has to be one of the most absurd things I've ever read.

You obviously have not been paying attention to 90% of my posts.

but ya, no, cookbook.

[edit] HA! Spell check make Cuckoo into cook book.

Thank you and good night!

 

[EveWasFramed]

Live to take care of those you love, and live to get revenge on overachiever types that have taken jobs, gfs, and dreams away from you. That's at least fun to do.

I swear that has to be one of the most absurd things I've ever read.

You obviously have not been paying attention to 90% of my posts.

but ya, no, cookbook.

[edit] HA! Spell check make Cuckoo into cook book.

Thank you and good night!

I was talking about bumel's apparent need to take "revenge" on people for having a job, etc.

 

[Lone Apothecary]

The thing that has always bothered me the most about "things do get better" or "things will get better" is the use of words that imply certainty about the future. The future is just a big ol' bed of shifting sand. Words like "do" or "will" just don't make sense to me. Why not "the future might get better," "the future may get better," or "the future can get better." Personally, I prefer the last one. I'm a pessimist, I'm depressed, and I'm more than a tad cynical, but the future can get better if you do something about it. I've taken a few baby steps towards getting treatment, now I'm just playing the waiting game.

Don't just say "things will get better," that'll leave people the impression that something good will fall into their laps if they wait long enough. Tell them the truth. Tell them that life most likely only get better if you take action, and even then there's no guarantee.

Speaking with certainty and implying good stuff will just happen if you wait long enough rubs me the wrong way.

 

[bodafuko]

Don't just say "things will get better," that'll leave people the impression that something good will fall into their laps if they wait long enough. Tell them the truth. Tell them that life most likely only get better if you take action, and even then there's no guarantee.

People don't want the truth. People want comfort, plain and simple. I agree with you, but most humans are not strong enough to handle the truth. Just ask Jack Nicholson.

 

[BrokenInside]

Waiting for the miracle

 

[Lone Apothecary]

People don't want the truth. People want comfort, plain and simple. I agree with you, but most humans are not strong enough to handle the truth. Just ask Jack Nicholson.

Very true. When I was sulking around being lazy and apathetic, if someone had sat my ass down and said "You're wasting away more and more with each passing day. You need help, so go get it." I'd be much better off than I am now. Sure, some people don't take too well to unrequested advice, but I can make an exception and not get snippy if what they're saying is the truth.

I've chosen truth over comfort many times and each time I did that, even though it sometimes made me sad for a while, it made me a better person in the long run. But hey, it's not for everyone.