DTR's Mind Dump - Part VI: The Dump Goes Mobile

[Doubt The Rabbit]

October 20th, 2010

Well, mobile throughout the thread, anyway. This is coming live to you from my Wii! Laptop's at the hospital so I got my old rubber keyboard out, hooked up the ol' console, and decided to take the opera browser for a spin. Let me tell you, typing with a rubber keyboard is no fun at all. I don't care how cool it looks in the box.
Anyway, I decided to post this one in the loneliness section because this post is largely about just that. I was kind of coaxed into joining a literary group that is stationed downtown. Initially, it was pretty fun. We just goofed off the entire time. But at some point, my insecurities kicked in and let's just say that the night ended with a heavy, hurting heart and a package of oreos, single-handedly emptied by yours truly. No, I'm not proud of that. Here's the entry in my Group Journal that pretty much sums it all up.

"Lounge Night
October 20th, 2010

Being out and about in the city can be a wonderful experience. You can meet with friends. Catch a movie. Converse over coffee. Check out a concert.
However, when you're a person like me...
Shy...awkward...disconnected...alone....
You may as well be a tabby walking into a lion's den. Of course, amidst a pride of beautiful, strong, majestic lions, you look at your puny, unimpressive self and within seconds you've already drawn up a categorized list of everything that is wrong with you. You project it on a screen before your eyes throughout your walk of shame on the streets of downtown. Even if you manage to get out with a group, it always seems as if they are a hundred times more stylish, confident, and experiencned than you are. They assure you that you have your merits, but let's face it--who do they think they're fooling?
You walk with a sorry acceptance for the fact that you just aren't cut out for being in public. Secretly, though, you wish someone would just suddenly appear to show you that you are a special person. You just wish for some predestined person to sweep you off your feet and tell you everything is okay, as if he knew everything that you were going through. As if he knew for a fact that you would turn out just fine.
But there is no such person like that. You sit quietly on the bus along with the other worthless rejects of the world and make your retreat back to your cold, empty home, leaving the special people to live amongst themselves in their own beautiful world. You stare into the bleak, starless sky and wonder to yourself why you were chosen to be the outcast.
I have had more than my fair share of nights like this. Tonight is no different. I should have stayed in bed."

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Sad... but very well written. Thanks for sharing this, DTR.

*hug*

I think you're quite special... don't worry so much about how others look. Pay more attention to those that DO care about you for who you are, and you'll be fine.

 

[Samuel Lonewolf]

I had nights like that too where I left early with hardly saying good bye and then wondered in frustration why I even bothered.

 

[discolemonade]

I love this. I feel the exact way you do. Do you have a blog? This is great blogging stuff

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

^^^Sad... but very well written. Thanks for sharing this, DTR.

*hug*

I think you're quite special... don't worry so much about how others look. Pay more attention to those that DO care about you for who you are, and you'll be fine.

Haha. You're definitely right. When people like that show up in my life, I will
But I still have you wonderful guys to talk to, so I actually don't feel as bad as I would have a few weeks ago. :shy:

<333 You...

I thought you'd like this most of all! *hugs*

I had nights like that too where I left early with hardly saying good bye and then wondered in frustration why I even bothered.

Yes....It's not a good feeling...like you're the odd one out and everyone is wondering why you even step outside of your house every day. It may not even be like that, but sometimes you can't help but feel that way. I don't know. Maybe being home schooled for my entire preteen and teenage life made me messed up in the social department. These days I'm just trying to keep above water.

I love this. I feel the exact way you do. Do you have a blog? This is great blogging stuff

Haha, I should have a blog! But I somehow never kept up with it. Only recently have I been interested in journaling. I suppose I just have a lot of stuff on my mind these days :shy: Stuff from my journal usually ends up here so keep an eye out for DTR's Magical Traveling Mind Dump (oh yes. I will call it that )

 

[Nina]

DTR,
As always this is flawlessly written. A gifted soul you are. I see where it is your own unique perspective and totally respect that, but I just have to add that there are just as many of the, "Special People" who were and still are, just as lost as anyone else. There really aren't any worthless rejects on the bus, because we are all worth something, we just have to see and claim that value. Keep writing though, I enjoy every word.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

DTR,
As always this is flawlessly written. A gifted soul you are. I see where it is your own unique perspective and totally respect that, but I just have to add that there are just as many of the, "Special People" who were and still are, just as lost as anyone else. There really aren't any worthless rejects on the bus, because we are all worth something, we just have to see and claim that value. Keep writing though, I enjoy every word.

Nina, you're such an amazing and sweet person I guess the world just has a way of making people believe there is a social caste system and that there are those of us who just aren't worth anything and those who are the gods of the crowd. I wish I had the patience and goodwill you have to keep a positive outlook on things regardless of what I'm faced with.
Thanks for taking the time to read my little softspoken rant!

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

There was more last night but I erased it

Aaaawww, why? I love reading what you have to say. PM me, maybe? :3

---

That's okay. When you feel like talking, you can always PM me. (seriously, I love PMs *w* )
I like to know what people are really thinking instead of what's just on the surface. A rare interest, I know :shy:

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

I could say the same for you. The feelings you described in your thread about another cursed winter have been the very feelings that have plagued me every winter for as long as I could remember. I suppose every once in a while you find yourself talking to a person (albeit not face-to-face ^^ who just gets you. Anyway, I don't think I'd have the courage to extend my feelings to a specific person in hopes that he accepts them. Even on the level of "just friends." Besides, I don't exactly physically portray the type of person I am inside. I'm pretty, uh, plain? Eheh. I feel like even if I had the courage to approach anyone, I'd be terribly out of place doing so anyway.
And so that brings us to the online world where no one can see me and everything is random and therefore nothing is "out of place." :shy:

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Hun, you ain't never had a friend like me (cookies for you if you know where that reference came from )
I actually enjoy listening to people talk about what's really on their mind. Even if they don't agree with me or think I'm annoying, I'd rather be told I'm hated than be lied to. For me it's just refreshing to watch someone let loose for once in this world of fakes, phonies and facades (**** my wii and its hatred for foreign words under the English setting). I was very glad that you wound up sharing with me the thoughts you had last night too. :shy:
I think that the world is full of different people for a reason. Why should we have to hide who we really are?
Anyway, I wouldn't hate ya. Certainly not for something like honesty.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

That depends. You got the milk?
[/serious business]

 

[bens]

Hey, that is really well written. I enjoyed it and it definitley made me feel a bit less alone. Imma read more of your mind dumps now. . Cheers.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Hey, that is really well written. I enjoyed it and it definitley made me feel a bit less alone. Imma read more of your mind dumps now. . Cheers.

Eeek! O-O The rest of them are really crappy though!

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Of course, I'm drinking milk out of a sylvester the cat coffee mug as we speak.

Alright then. We can get down to business. I happen to know that two packages of original and cool mint oreos are due to arrive at the dock in precisely one hour. You in?

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Who is this Santini of which you speak? That man's dead to me.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Ah, if he's taking a nap with lobster traps

You, sir, are the Dr. Seuss of the mafia.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

I bring yous in, I make yous a part of my family, I treat yous like a brother! And dis is how yous repay me? Lustin' after my sistah?

 

[dead]

doubt, your writing is superb.
seriously. keep at it, you have a real talent.

do you write stories/novels/poems/other cool things as well?

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Eheh :shy: Well I have two excerpts from some short stories and a poem in the expression topic...

 

[dead]

HA. my powers of stalking are intact, i see

you are really, really talented. keep writing. and i'll join the person that wanted an autographed copy of everything that comes out of your cool hands. (you know, will be worth gajillions one day )