Unacceptance said:
I'd rather not take the only human being who honestly refers to me as a friend and means it for granted.
Of course and that's not what I'm doing. I refer to them as my friends and they refer to me the same.. It's just that I feel we don't have that much in common and that there's another group who I'd be more compatible with.
VanillaCreme said:
Shouldn't you have friends because you share a common interest, or some people click as friends right away. Not because they're low on the totem pole, you're low on the totem pole, so you're just on the bottom together. Does it really matter where in society your friends rank?
Make friends with people who you feel a trust with. Even a bond. I don't keep friends myself, I think they're a pain in the ass, but there are a few people that I can honestly say I'm good friends with.
Of course, that makes sense. But this hasn't anything to do with how society ranks them- it doesn't do that period, in fact. I'm not trying to engage in some popularity contest either. I just feel like we don't share that much in common and that the only reason that I have had them as my group of friends this whole time was because I wasn't accepted anywhere else due to my unsocialness and awkward nature.
As for the comment that you don't keep friends yourself, I think it's helpful to hold on to as many friends as possible, (unless of course they're negative, put you down constantly, etc), as not only do you get to have more of a social life, you might come to rely on their assistance some day and it's good to have a wide assortment of people you could turn to.
Silverknight said:
Hm. Low on the "cool" scale you say? Weeellll, don't we all hang out on a "lonely life" forum? Wonder where does it put us on the standard scale of coolness *looking down ponderously*. But if your reason for not liking your current friends is other than their perceived lack of coolness, then, by all means, look for another group.
First of all, it's the "A Lonely Life" forum. There is no other one lol. But you have a point. I guess everyone here is uncool in that case then.. Honestly, however, I'm willing to bet that no one spends the majority of their day here. I certainly don't- I just check back once daily to respond to others' posts or to start a new thread once in a while. And of course "coolness" is generally a very loose, undefined term. What I understand by "coolness" (in someone) is that they have good social skills, have lots of things they can relate about and are generally more fun, easygoing and have had diverse, interesting (sometimes unusual) life experiences they can share with others. Hence, I'm not judging my friends from someone else's (or "societal") perspective but only from my own. They are good friends as I said, but they have rather geeky, boring interests in my opinion and I often find myself bored in their presence because I don't particularly relate to their interests. Now you could suggest of course that I myself suggest to them more fun, more "typical" activities, but in a sense that's trying to make something slightly more out of something which is small in extent initially, I believe. They're just not those "fun" kind of people in my opinion and they innately have narrow, rather uncommon interests. Looking for another group, meanwhile, is something which I've been thinking about for a long time, but it's just not that easy. There's this other group I know which I'd prefer to be with but I barely ever encounter them. The only other option is to get absorbed into some social circle at university, but since I commute and it's generally difficult to become "friends" (not just people who could lend you their notes if you miss a lecture or two) with people at your classes, that's pretty difficult.. The only other option is clubs, though still, the problem of having to commute plus the lack of a guarantee that you'll hit it off with everyone there keeps this a difficult issue.
friendsvme said:
I'm not really sure what do you ACTUALLY meant by "COOL"?
However
I'm same as you on the whole "friends aren't really that right for you" thing.
I think I know what you mean, but my situation is different though.
My group of friends are actually, "too cool" for me and they always ignore me, oh well
Ok, well, my advice for you
Why don't you try to be the active one? I know that you envy the other groups of people where they 'going-out-having-a-good-time" more often than your group of friends.
So, try to be the one that plans and organizes those "going out" events.
Or maybe in other words, try to pull up their "cool scale" yourself
Basically my response to Silvernight. These people have comprised my only group of friends for a long time and I've been looking to divulge from them/add some variety to the people who I hang out with for a long time with little results so far. Sure, I know people from other groups (even have numbers of some of them), though they don't consider me a part of their group and subsequently never contact me. If you're tired of your friends, even planning a "cool" event/way to spend the time, won't do much..
On a related note, I actually have this slight fear of being judged negatively by others by the people who comprise my friends. It's not a very good thing, I know, but that's on a slightly different note..
As to the issue of your group of friends who you say are 'too cool' for you and hence ignore you, I would say they're not that right for you probably and hence suggest finding other people who are more supportive of you and don't disparage.