gf/bf... its not so important!

[Gothmother]

This is just an obs:

One thing ive noticed alot in my time here, is alot of you seem to put an awful lot of pressure on yourselves regarding not having a gf/bf or your life is crap without one.
Why?
I envy some of you guys, alot of you are half my age, you have no children, live at home or at college, you have your whole life ahead of you, but you seem to have this huge ass hangup that you should have a partner and it becomes obsessive and makes you depressed.
Belive me, having a life and having freedom is somthing i never had and now im older and wiser and have got where i want to be in life and im not far from content, i wish that you could see that there realy is more to life then having that gf/bf.
I know what the deppressed feeling is like, been to the bottom and back a few times and probably why i feel so at home here as we all know how it can be and here i can be myself.
But i realy wish that you guys would stop beating yourselves up over not having gf/bfs.
You have so much time for that and life is too short to worry that much about things you realy do not need to worry about.

I just wish i could wave my magic wand and make the world a happyier and better place for everyone but i cant so instead, ill just place a thought of peace and love to everyone.

Hugs.
Gothmother.

 

[Gothmother]

I'm refraining from saying what I want to, but I'll just simply say, I'd give up everything I have, just to be with the right person to share my life with, and I don't think that is wrong.

Say what you like because ill say it how i see it.
And just for the record, i did not for one moment say it was wrong. Just that there is alot of emphasis on having someone which comes across that will solve everything.

 

[Porman]

I totally agree with you mum. Take advantage of how much freedom you have being single. You have no one to report to, no one stopping you from spontaneously moving all over the country, no one nagging when your out all night with your mates. I had a gf for over a year when i was 17/18 and the whole time felt restricted. 9/10 relationships at young ages fail anyway. I have a lot of goals to accomplish before I get a gf, and if i had one, they couldn't come true, so i prioritize.

 

[Hope_Reigns]

*deletes her posts and feels sick* the reason most relationships fail now is because so many are totally self absorbed that all they can think about is themselves.. they don't care if someone may worry about them because they care about them...they want to do what they want, when they want to, and don't think anyone else is worth consideration. A good relationship is loving, supportive, there is consideration and true caring, and they do not hold you back, they help you get further, helping each other attain goals and dreams. There is strength in true unity. People who truly love each other wouldn't even consider making the other person worry unnecessarily. There is truth, honor, loyalty, consideration, caring, and support.

Of course no one should just get any bf/gf.. but the right one, should always be valued because it's truly rare and special and no amount of cash or promotions could even come close to equaling it.

Anyone unable, unwilling or unready to care about someone else, or consider their feelings as well as their own, shouldn't get into a relationship.. if that's what you're saying, then I agree

 

[Bluey]

This is just an obs:

One thing ive noticed alot in my time here, is alot of you seem to put an awful lot of pressure on yourselves regarding not having a gf/bf or your life is crap without one.
Why?
I envy some of you guys, alot of you are half my age, you have no children, live at home or at college, you have your whole life ahead of you, but you seem to have this huge ass hangup that you should have a partner and it becomes obsessive and makes you depressed.
Belive me, having a life and having freedom is somthing i never had and now im older and wiser and have got where i want to be in life and im not far from content, i wish that you could see that there realy is more to life then having that gf/bf.
I know what the deppressed feeling is like, been to the bottom and back a few times and probably why i feel so at home here as we all know how it can be and here i can be myself.
But i realy wish that you guys would stop beating yourselves up over not having gf/bfs.
You have so much time for that and life is too short to worry that much about things you realy do not need to worry about.

I just wish i could wave my magic wand and make the world a happyier and better place for everyone but i cant so instead, ill just place a thought of peace and love to everyone.

Hugs.
Gothmother.

I love you

How true is all that. I think you only begin to understand this when you get older tho. I would say when in your 20s this would not be so possible to accept.

You share a persons life cos they enhance yours and cos you want to share your life with a person. But even then they should only be apart of your life. In that you should still be your own person. I would not get with someone for the sake of just not feeling lonely of to have sexy time.


I think a lot of the time you have to find your self be for you find someone else to share your life with. And a lot of the time when you have found your self you realize that to find a partner is not the be all and end all. just another improvement to your life Get happy with in your self then other ppl well wont to be with you. A lot of ppl now days I am finding do not have time for a partner cos there to busy socializing and living there own life goals. Baseicly when you do get happy with in your self you don't put happiness on finding a partner. And really if you can not make your self happy how are you going to try and make someone else's life better?

 

[SighX99]

I feel like absolute honeysuckle and suicidal when i see a happy couple, or when my friends are talking about their girlfriends or sex, or when i see someones myspace full of pictures with their better half, or when im hanging out with my friends and their girlfriends..... i dont want to feel like killing myself whenever i encounter these cirumstances.

so maybe its a little bit important.

your opinion GothMother?

whenever i see forum posts about problems and arguments with bf/gf, i always think "at least you people have something to complain. i dont even have a gf. girls dont even want to talk to me. let alone me ranting about how my gf might be cheating..."

its the experience i long for...

your opinion GothMother?

 

[SadRabbit]

I agree with Bluey and Hope_Reign. People nowadays think too much of themselves. ITS ALL ABOUT ME ME ME!...Love is more to that than restrictions on freedom. So what if you have to report. That means your partner cares about you...how if you like you go overseas or even out for the whole night, she/he couldn't care less about you? Anyway, sometimes, we must not forget how fortunate some of us are. Some get the chance of experiencing love, like having a gf/bf, but some don't even have a chance at having a shot at romance. Its like a similar situation, comparing a poor man to a rich man. The rich man can say, ah money is crap and superficial, money cannot buy you happiness, when there, this poor man, is trying very hard to make ends meet, worrying about having even money to eat the next day. So tell me, what happiness does this poor man has? Happy that he has an empty stomach? Happy he has no roof over his head? Rubbish. This goes the same for romance.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dear god..grant me a super model.
5'3"- 5'7"...average build , size C. Beautiful long hair. Sparkly eyes.
Soft lips and a vioce of an angel. Smells good and tastes good.
Someone that has similar hope and dreams as mine.
A gentle, caring, consiserate person.
Someone I can talk to. Someone i can listen to.
Someone I can play with. Someone I can make love to.
Someone to hold my hands as i walk through this life.
Someone I can share my life with.
Someone I can hold at night and in public
Someone I can come home to and charish
Someone I can go camping with
Someone I can stroll with at the beach or anywhere.
Someone I can share my triumphs and failures.
Someone that will share their triumphs and failures.
Someone to hold me tight when I cry
Someone I can hold when they cry.
Someone I can talk to about anything and everything.
Someone that i can trust
Someone that's honest
Someone I can be a friend to and be my friend.
Someone that I can love and loves mer back too.
Someone that can stand on her own and is her own person.
Someone that's not afriad to tell me when I'm wrong.
Someone that's not afriad to admit their mistakes.
Someone I can write music for.
Someone I can make breakfest in bed for
Someone I can make a bubble bath for.
Someone I can roll around in the hay with.
Someone I can dance under the moon light with
Someone I can travel with..to place I'v never been and experince things I've never experince.
Someone that wont's use me or abuse me.
Someone that will encourage me and that i can encourage
Someone that won't be jealous
Someone I can have a water gun fight with.
Someone that love and value themselves.
Someone i can be in love with
Someone that makes me feels like my heart will explode becuase i love her so much.
Someone that will truley love me.
Someone i can have awsome sex with.
Someone that's totally awsome....

Will...I hope that's not too much to ask for.
I know i don't need her...but I'm still asking anyway.
I do deserve to be love like that ....that's what everyone tells me.

People also told me to becareful what I ask for becuase I'll get it.
I hope I'm careful and specific enough...

I've worked so hard on letting go of my pains this past year.
Now I'm ready for love, fun and happiness.

I have work
I play
I have faith
Love...that's what I'm missing today.

I'm about as ready for her as I'm ever going to be.
Send her into my life, someway, somehow and help me...
I belive I'm not afriad of love anymore.

Dain it...i forgot to put...someone that won't drive me nucken nutz

 

[Gothmother]

I feel like absolute honeysuckle and suicidal when i see a happy couple, or when my friends are talking about their girlfriends or sex, or when i see someones myspace full of pictures with their better half, or when im hanging out with my friends and their girlfriends..... i dont want to feel like killing myself whenever i encounter these cirumstances.

so maybe its a little bit important.

your opinion GothMother?

whenever i see forum posts about problems and arguments with bf/gf, i always think "at least you people have something to complain. i dont even have a gf. girls dont even want to talk to me. let alone me ranting about how my gf might be cheating..."

its the experience i long for...

your opinion GothMother?

im not sure if your being sarcastic or want a genuine answer, so i wont give do either but give you some advice a lady once told me.
She said "get over yourself" for feeling blue, and you know, i still hear her now and then and it works better then any therapy ever did.

 

[grundel70]

relationships are hard. There are times when I am broken hearted that I wish I never knew love to begin with.

However we are all creatures that want to be loved. that is why it hurts so much when it is taken away. I think we all seek it.

What my dear friend Gothmother is saying, however, is that having someone special in your life is NOT the answer we may be seeking. All of our problems will not go away because someone tells us that they love us, or if they share intimacy with us.

I think the world makes us feel like crap if we don't have anyone to love. We see those **** diamond commercials. We see those xmas commercials where a happy couple exchanges gifts. We see happy couples holding hands, and it rubs the fact that we are lone right in our faces!

However, if you are not happy with yourself...if the seed of your depression springs from some emptiness within...then getting a girl/boy friend will not fix it. I had no self respect before I got married. Because of that my wife did not respect me. She left me because of that. Getting her did not solve any problems. I had to look at myself long and hard, and then take action myself to correct alot of things before I even tried again...and this is something I wish I did before I even met her. I was so desperate for someone...and my desperation cost me dearly.

I know many of you may not listen to me, or even beleive me. But please understand that happiness comes from within. If you cannot be happy with yourself, then you will struggle to be happy with someone else. There is a huge difference when a special someone comes along and completes you...and when someone comes along that you expect to fix you.

There was one relationship that I was in that when she broke up with me, I was releived. I felt like a huge weight was removed!

I am not trying to discount any of your feelings of loneliness. I long to be loved again. I want to hold someone special in my arms. But right now I need to resolve some issues with myself before I can really consider doing so. I know this because when I jumped into relationships with unresolved issues it only caused more pain.

Alot of you I know have never had a 'significant other'. I urge you to heed those that have had that experience...and learn from it. Of course seek it...but try to find your own inner balance first. Find your center. Start working on you. Get yourself right with yourself. If you hate yourself...then a gf/bf is not going to fix you. I thought it would...and i was wrong. As a result I went through the most painful thing I have ever went through in my entire life.

 

[SilentThinker]

Relationships started because of self.

We want a friend.
We need a friend.

Let talk about the interest.It is always my interest,I like to play soccer so you should play too.

 

[SighX99]

I feel like absolute honeysuckle and suicidal when i see a happy couple, or when my friends are talking about their girlfriends or sex, or when i see someones myspace full of pictures with their better half, or when im hanging out with my friends and their girlfriends..... i dont want to feel like killing myself whenever i encounter these cirumstances.

so maybe its a little bit important.

your opinion GothMother?

whenever i see forum posts about problems and arguments with bf/gf, i always think "at least you people have something to complain. i dont even have a gf. girls dont even want to talk to me. let alone me ranting about how my gf might be cheating..."

its the experience i long for...

your opinion GothMother?

im not sure if your being sarcastic or want a genuine answer, so i wont give do either but give you some advice a lady once told me.
She said "get over yourself" for feeling blue, and you know, i still hear her now and then and it works better then any therapy ever did.

lol i really needed a geniune answer. im not a sarcastic person.

i cant get over myself. i cant get my brain to stop thinking about the honeysuckle that it thinks about. how can i go about "getting over myself" ? drugs and alcohol dont do much these days.

 

[Silvernight]

Hi, Gothmother. I don't even know if my wish to have a relationship is more influenced by the general opinion "because i"m really supposed to at my age" (almost 26) or because I truly need one. I actually only started wanting one at about 23, I never cared about bfs before. Why do I want one now? I want one to be my soulmate and best friend (and that I would finally have someone to travel around with dammit cuz now my choices in that department are limited to my sister, and I have to pay for her too). At my age, I have a total zero of experience in relationships, and that, I think, is not entirely normal. It does make me feel deficient sometimes.

But then I think in terms of "what can I actually give to that potential partner?". Well, I can give companionship (that sums up in one word all the points Lonesome Crow listed above, except for sex). But I'm not sure if that would be good enough. Especially without the sex part. I don't know if I'm good enough to have a bf really.

Don't mean to sound pessimistic by the way, but I don't think we really have that much time. Time flies by so ridiculously fast and seems to be accelerating along the way.

 

[SighX99]

Hi, Gothmother. I don't even know if my wish to have a relationship is more influenced by the general opinion "because i"m really supposed to at my age" (almost 26) or because I truly need one. I actually only started wanting one at about 23, I never cared about bfs before. Why do I want one now? I want one to be my soulmate and best friend (and that I would finally have someone to travel around with dammit cuz now my choices in that department are limited to my sister, and I have to pay for her too). At my age, I have a total zero of experience in relationships, and that, I think, is not entirely normal. It does make me feel deficient sometimes.

But then I think in terms of "what can I actually give to that potential partner?". Well, I can give companionship (that sums up in one word all the points Lonesome Crow listed above, except for sex). But I'm not sure if that would be good enough. Especially without the sex part. I don't know if I'm good enough to have a bf really.

Don't mean to sound pessimistic by the way, but I don't think we really have that much time. Time flies by so ridiculously fast and seems to be accelerating along the way.

i totally agree. i have almost no experience in relationships, i really dont think its normal.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I think that finding someone to share your life with is very important. But that's simply how I feel and doesn't mean others may feel that way. Now, having said that, I don't mean that I would feel incomplete if I wasn't in a relationship either. I think that you have to be relatively happy with who you are, before you can be happy with someone else. We shouldn't rely on someone else to make us happy. I've been alone for various periods of time throughout my life. I'm usually more BORED than lonely.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that how important a partner is, will always be determined by the individual. It's more important to some, than others and that's normal.

 

[NeverMore]

Thanks for that goth mother, it's something that I think we oftentimes forget and need to actually hear someone say it to remind us there is more to life. I think a lot of this opinion comes from the media portraying life as dull, menial or unlivable until their significant other comes round and changes their world for the better and they live happily ever after, I mean how many times has that been a plot for a movie? Like a million and three. Also, I think it comes from us trying to mimic the people around us. With as much as people talk about the opposite sex with other people, and all their dating news and stuff, I think we pick up that we should put as much energy into the search as they are, because that seems like whats normal to do. But what makes them happy doesn't necessarily make you happy, you gotta live your own life.

Personally I think I'd be happy to be surrounded by friends and loved ones. Not to say I'd be entirely against finding a significant other, just that it's not as high a priority.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Dear God i command you to send me my true love today

You know what's up with me god...
You know me better than myself.
You know my wants and my needs.

If it true that life was ment to lived and an expression of love.
Start expressing love to me through a super model or what I deem
as the perfect woman or companion.

well..adam was lonely...you gave him Eve.
mmm...I get lonely too sometimes. I think you understand that.
I can't do this alone. I need her in my life just as much as I need you.
I'll leave it up to you...of what's her name will be.

if you send her into my life today...i will be truely gratful...
not that i'm not gratful now..you know what i mean..god.
Even if you don't hear me...I ma still asking...
It's that important to me.
Btw god..I love you too.
Thanks in advance.....

Please don't send me a crazy one...well, if you deem i need to pray to you everyday, that's cool.
How about we compermise...? mmm...she can go crazy once a month.
I'll pray everyday reguardless. I'm not going to promise that I'll do that but I'll try to make a cousious effort.
I do think about you everyday though, god.

 

[Silvernight]

I think that finding someone to share your life with is very important.

Yes, I agree, though I didn't have much luck with that so far.

I think that you have to be relatively happy with who you are, before you can be happy with someone else. We shouldn't rely on someone else to make us happy.

True, again. I stopped beating myself up about a boyfriend once I realised that. If you can't be happy being your own person, how are you going to make the other person happy? Just looking sad and needy is definitely not attractive.

 

[Hope_Reigns]

Well yeah, you have to be able to take care of yourself and survive on your own of course. I think I just take that as granted since even in a relationship you need to be able to take care of yourself, that's never anyone elses job. I really don't think I could ever be honestly happy alone, unless I lied to myself about it and convinced myself I was, which I don't do. *hates fake* I'll be happy if I can reach resigned and not depressed. Being alone is boring, I think that's a huge part of it too, not the whole part, but definitely an aspect of it. (k that's an odd thing to say, happy to be content alone *thinks hard*) Why does life seem to be a series of conflicting info lately lol

Being sad can actually get you someone, it's the whole prince syndrome, some men do like feeling a knight. But I agree it's not the right way to find someone because once you do get on your feet emotionally again, they don't feel needed anymore and look for someone else to save.

 

[Silvernight]

Well, yeah, being totally alone is indeed boring and depressing. In my case, however, if I have some friends that I can see on a regular basis, I actually feel pretty happy and in no dire need of a bf. Even a bf I need by and large as a 'best friend'.