giving up...going celibate

[snow]

I just can't take it any more...been seriously thinking about going celibate. Any woman that is the least bit attractive wants nothing to do with me...and I've spent so much time and money trying to learn...its all just been a catastrophic failure. Of the few relationships I've been in, they only lasted a few months and I get put through the ringer over and over. Oh yes, I know I can't help being the 'nice guy', forever cute and endearing. I've tried being other people, and it just doesn't work.

If there's just a way to program myself to be asexual and to have no desires, I would love to do it. Wondering if anyone else has been able to do it for very long (Luna?). To see attractive women, or other happy couples and feel nothing... pain is not better than nothing at all...i hate that song

 

[LonelyDesert]

look to hard and you will not see, expect nothing and everything will come to you, famous lines... I do not begin to understand how relationships work nor feel any authority on them. However I have noticed that when I'm at my crossroads and I question or I have doubt, then I'm less attractive to women, when I'm sure of myself and my thoughts and presence then they feel confidence in the situation. I wouldn't say that is recipe to follow, just my observations, when I'm weak, I like myself less, how could I possible expect someone to like me more. only my true loves have seen my through the darkest hours/days/weeks, but to get them to know me it took a long long time. trust has always been the first and most important thing on the agenda

 

[Code S.O.L]

I've found that whenever the pain of being alone begins to bite, that playing a really manly video game helps. That's assuming you play games. If not, then..... maybe try watching a movie that doesn't have love interests?

 

[Ladysphinx]

I know what it feels like. Guys use to always break up with me and never me with them. had to many to count but once I gave up trying, thought that I'll be alone forever. Then I met hubby when he mentioned marriage he was ringed and tagged before he could ask, I took it cause I thought if I waited to long he'll leave me too. Don't get dishearten but let it happen by it self and don't look too desperate, last but not least don't be too clingy. Just show them you care,and only tell what they are ready to hear, hints are a good way to see if it's worth to tell. The right person for you will stick around but they don't always have to know when your sad.

 

[SophiaGrace]

If you think going celibate would help you then by all means do it. Maybe being the "nice guy" means that you arent acting like you have your own opinions and you let your s/o walk all over you. Don't be like that. Then again, you've already said that you've tried to change but it doesnt work.

Guess you're just going to have to find someone that likes you for you. The question is, what kind of person would that be?

 

[Seraphina]

Hey Snow,

Most of the guys I have met in the town I live in are jerks who have the intellectual capacity of a can of spam. I'd love to see more good guys in the world, don't give up!

<3

 

[VanillaCreme]

I can't help but think that concentrating on looks too much doesn't help you. I don't know you, or where you really come from, but I think wanting to find someone you click with more as opposed to finding "hottest" girl is more important. Personally, I don't really have any desires sexually for anyone. I just want to be by myself for now.

 

[HermesReborn]

I can't help but think that concentrating on looks too much doesn't help you. I don't know you, or where you really come from, but I think wanting to find someone you click with more as opposed to finding "hottest" girl is more important. Personally, I don't really have any desires sexually for anyone. I just want to be by myself for now.

Whilst I agree, this is easier said then done.
We humans are superficial creatures. Some more than others. And because of the superficial infestation of pop culture, we are brain washed from birth to search for the most "beautiful" mate.

I believe in actuality, that celibacy could help but only for the right reasons. i've done it (and am doing it now) for purification. Both mental and spiritual. Being focused on sex can sometimes ruin you, and the pursuit of it is sometimes ridiculous. Sometimes you need to strengthen yourself from within. To tell & prove to yourself that you don't need it.

I wouldn't do it however because of fear.
thats the wrong mentality.

 

[RckyMtnHgh]

I feel like giving up a lot lately. I too have been put through the ringer and now here I am alone with a dog and a big house. Every time I play the nice guy someone rips my heart out. I want to give up and stop looking but a little nagging voice inside won't let me stop. ~sigh

 

[The_Iblis_Trigger]

I feel like giving up a lot lately. I too have been put through the ringer and now here I am alone with a dog and a big house. Every time I play the nice guy someone rips my heart out. I want to give up and stop looking but a little nagging voice inside won't let me stop. ~sigh

Don't listen to it!

 

[Tramp]

Snow, know that you're not alone. I know, it's probably of very little consolation.

 

[Adrolak]

Your life can be loved alone, learn to be lonely, you can still enjoy a long happy life If you really do feel this is the right thing to do, and your capable, go for it. Plus, you can always start looking again if you ever have the desire. I know right now, as much as I want to let go and give up, something in me just won't let me. Now the thing is, celibacy only implies no sexual relationship, that doesn't mean you cannot still become close to somebody else as a companion. However I congratulate you for your choice man! Normally I'd have more to say but the words just arn't flowing right at the moment..