Giving up

[cumulus.james]

I dont think I can be bothered anymore. I spent a year in the gym losing 4 stone giving up smoking, drinking, eating and anything nice whilst working my ass off and for what? There is no reward for working hard. No reward for trying. Its all the same.

Just ******* do whatever you enjoy and die young that's all. There really is nothing to live for. Love to see what replies Ill get cos you all know it to be true. THERE IS NOTHING. NOTHING MATTERS LEAST OF ALL YOU.

do you know I am 30 years old and have never not once as far as I remember been hugged.

 

[Falling-Slowly]

Don't think that of your self. and im very sorry to hear that you've never at the least been hugged. And to be blaintly honest you should be thnakful you didn't have ne thing to do with a pedophile situation! you dont know wut kind of other problem you'd be having in life dealing with kind of situation! and there is more to live for in life, sorry you havent experienced ne thing yet but it will eventually you just need to be open to it!

 

[SofiasMami]

Just ******* do whatever you enjoy and die young that's all...
THERE IS NOTHING. NOTHING MATTERS LEAST OF ALL YOU.

That's right - eat healthfully and exercise. Die anyway.


Teresa

PS. I take exception, though, to the shouting part of your post that says I don't matter. Speak for yourself.

 

[cumulus.james]

Don't think that of your self. and im very sorry to hear that you've never at the least been hugged. And to be blaintly honest you should be thnakful you didn't have ne thing to do with a pedophile situation! you dont know wut kind of other problem you'd be having in life dealing with kind of situation! and there is more to live for in life, sorry you havent experienced ne thing yet but it will eventually you just need to be open to it!

Thank you very much for your kind words. I knew when I wrote this you are kind people and would write kind things. But it makes no difference, L only as you guys are and kind as your reply's might be you will never be my friends even though you are lonely yourselves. Just being alone that's all there is. I will never have a friend or a partner.

I am gay and without going into too much detail in my village there is a guy I have slept with twice - but I have never spoke to him! that is how messed up things are. I only know his name because my sister used to be friends with his sister. Surely that is wrong?

 

[Ak5]

No reward?

The reward is the sense of self-accomplishment! You feel better, your self-esteem and confidence increases.

You shouldn't give up.

 

[StatueInTheRain]

There is no reward for working hard. No reward for trying. Its all the same.

That seems to be true. If hard work paid off, the guy who makes minimum wage doing manual labor all day at Labor Ready would be filthy rich. I don't see it happening.

Just ******* do whatever you enjoy and die young that's all. There really is nothing to live for.

I get the feeling people are pre-programmed to drop on a certain date no matter what they do. One of my uncles was an alcoholic, six beers a day, and he made it until 86. My grandma is the most angry and unhealthy person I know. She had nine siblings and two sons who were happy, positive, healthy people. She has outlived all of them.

here's what a loser I am - we had 2 major pedophiles in our family! 2 of the c*s! not one ever touched me that's how much of a freak I am.

That would be a good line for a dark stand up comedy routine. If you were a stand up comic, I would be in the audience LMAO. That's one good thing to be said for being geeky. When I was a kid, I once lived in a duplex and the old guy downstairs was our landlord. If then was now, he would be registered. Of course, he liked all the other kids except me, which I didn't find out until many years later. That's probably the only time loserdom paid off for me.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Life can be far more pleasant if you're willing to make an effort to make it so; its been true of my own life, at the least. Lifestyle choice has at least a significant differential to your overall lifespan and the overwhelming scientific evidence to the favorable seems so difficult to dismiss that I'm not sure why anyone is. I'm sorry that things haven't improved for you, James, but perhaps its not as much about there not being hope as much as you not really attacking it on the right angle.

For starters, I remember you having a great deal of difficulty with technology, but that is certainly one of the major means that people communicate with these days. Why not, for example, try to become more familiar and conversant with that?

 

[cumulus.james]

That would be a good line for a dark stand up comedy routine. If you were a stand up comic, I would be in the audience LMAO.

I would like to try stand up actually, I have a very dark and surreal sense of humor. Most people dont care for it but if Bill Hicks can get a crowd....

---

Life can be far more pleasant if you're willing to make an effort to make it so

That's kind of the point - I have all but killed myself "making the effort" and it has got me nowhere. I have worked as hard as I can to change as much as I can and I am no better off for it.

If I am honest I think I got screwed up as a kid and it set the pattern and you can NEVER get away from that. Its what worries me with some of the teenagers in here was having the same experiences as them at their age. things never got better no matter what I did.

Perhaps there is such a thing as destiny. Mine is to be a lonely loser sat in silent isolation trying to suppress my despair for the rest of my days.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I am gay and without going into too much detail in my village there is a guy I have slept with twice - but I have never spoke to him! that is how messed up things are. I only know his name because my sister used to be friends with his sister. He came inside me and I have never spoken a sentence to him! Surely that is wrong?

You're craving for hugs because you haven't had them, but you've had freaking sex?

There is nothing "wrong" with that, unless you think there is. I would personally not want to have sex with someone I'd never talked to, if you decided to do that then that was your personal choice. It doesn't make it "wrong".

You need to stop looking at things in such an extreme and negative manner. Your comment about the child abusers strikes me as offensive (would you rather they had mentally traumatised you for life? I think not) and I hope you said that simply in the heat of the moment.

I can sympathise with the hugs thing. I'm straight myself (as you probably realise) and it's been about 2 months since a girl last hugged me, at least 6+ months before that. My mobile phone goes without an incoming phone call or text message for months.

So I know what you mean there. I think you're being far too downbeat about everything though. Losing your cool and ranting that nothing matters does not help anything.

Do you know why we're alive? Why we're on this particular planet out of all the ones that are in the universe? Why DNA is programmed to propagate it's own existence? What's the goal?

The answer is - no one knows! You have to give life it's meaning yourself. You're in the universe's boldest and biggest sandbox game, and you need to find something to do beyond getting frustrated with it.

My goal in life is to be happy. Have a good job, kids of my own one day, a wife to share it all with. To be fit and healthy so that I feel I'm physically making the most of life too. That's what my target is.

What is yours? And if you don't have one, why not?

 

[LoneKiller]

I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering like this. It's a wonderful thing to lose weight and give up bad habits that many die from.
Forgive me, but honestly, I think you do care. I think that you want a purpose in life. If you truly believe that the words you posted are true, then why waste your time seeking solace here?

 

[cumulus.james]

There is nothing "wrong" with that, unless you think there is. I would personally not want to have sex with someone I'd never talked to, if you decided to do that then that was your personal choice. It doesn't make it "wrong".

What is yours? And if you don't have one, why not?

I do think there is something wrong with having sex with someone you've never spoken to. But that is how gay life in the uk is - it has been condensed down to an app with little more information than your picture, age and location. They call it "no strings fun" or "NSA". And that's pretty much the only option for any contact with another guy is to take the spontaneous "NSA" sexual encounters when you can or go without. To be fair I did go for 5 years with no sexual encounters because I tried to opt out of that sort of behavior, but it was cutting off my nose to spite my face.

I only ever had 2 goals in life 1)To have a family and being gay put pay to that and 2)To find a partner and for the above reasons being gay put pay to that!

---

I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering like this. It's a wonderful thing to lose weight and give up bad habits that many die from.
Forgive me, but honestly, I think you do care. I think that you want a purpose in life. If you truly believe that the words you posted are true, then why waste your time seeking solace here?

Thanks. I would like a purpose yes, That is perhaps my biggest problem I have no purpose.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

There is nothing "wrong" with that, unless you think there is. I would personally not want to have sex with someone I'd never talked to, if you decided to do that then that was your personal choice. It doesn't make it "wrong".

What is yours? And if you don't have one, why not?

I do think there is something wrong with having sex with someone you've never spoken to. But that is how gay life in the uk is - it has been condensed down to an app with little more information than your picture, age and location. They call it "no strings fun" or "NSA". And that's pretty much the only option for any contact with another guy is to take the spontaneous "NSA" sexual encounters when you can or go without. To be fair I did go for 5 years with no sexual encounters because I tried to opt out of that sort of behavior, but it was cutting off my nose to spite my face.

I only ever had 2 goals in life 1)To have a family and being gay put pay to that and 2)To find a partner and for the above reasons being gay put pay to that!

I imagine it's tough when you're gay. I'm afraid I can't really help much. I know several gay guys who have been in proper stable relationships for a while now though, so it must be possible.

I'd try to take a more positive outlook (it's much more attractive to the sort of partner you seem to want) and avoid the casual meetups because you're doing a disservice to your own values. That's not going to do you any good emotionally in the long run.

Hell, if you're really hurting for hugs, bro-hug a straight buddy! Other heterosexual guys "bro-hug" quite often it'd seem from what I witness, so try to get in with a bunch of guys or girls you can just be matey with and hug every now and then perhaps?

A hug from anyone feels nice I find, check out my "positive" thread and note how much better I felt just getting some friendly hugs. Surprised even me o_0

That's what I'm trying to do to offset my need for physical contact right now - just getting friendly with a girl and encouraging friendly hugging and stuff like I always see other people doing.

There are more options now for having a family if you're gay than there ever have been - adoption and so on. I think it's also possible to find a decent partner if you're willing to persevere.

I find it hard enough just knowing if a girl is interested in me, and of course the gender difference at least gives me pointers to start with. So I do empathise with the extra difficulties you must face with dating. It must be very tough.

Don't let it get you down though, you have to make your own goals in life. If one thing is going to crap, you need to establish another plan and set yourself on a path that keeps you happy.

 

[roguewave]

Have you tried one of popular online dating sites to meet guys who are interested in a more serious relationship?
Being female in the gay community, I can't know what you're going through but the gay boys tell me how different it is. Women like the security of settling down but guys like their independence more.
I do know a couple older gay guys that have decided to be life partners so it is possible, I've seen it more than once. You might have more luck dating older men.

 

[LoneKiller]

There is nothing "wrong" with that, unless you think there is. I would personally not want to have sex with someone I'd never talked to, if you decided to do that then that was your personal choice. It doesn't make it "wrong".

What is yours? And if you don't have one, why not?

I do think there is something wrong with having sex with someone you've never spoken to. But that is how gay life in the uk is - it has been condensed down to an app with little more information than your picture, age and location. They call it "no strings fun" or "NSA". And that's pretty much the only option for any contact with another guy is to take the spontaneous "NSA" sexual encounters when you can or go without. To be fair I did go for 5 years with no sexual encounters because I tried to opt out of that sort of behavior, but it was cutting off my nose to spite my face.

I only ever had 2 goals in life 1)To have a family and being gay put pay to that and 2)To find a partner and for the above reasons being gay put pay to that!

---

I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering like this. It's a wonderful thing to lose weight and give up bad habits that many die from.
Forgive me, but honestly, I think you do care. I think that you want a purpose in life. If you truly believe that the words you posted are true, then why waste your time seeking solace here?

Thanks. I would like a purpose yes, That is perhaps my biggest problem I have no purpose.

---

You are very welcome. Stay strong and give it all you've got. That way, you or anyone else can ever accuse you of not trying.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Life can be far more pleasant if you're willing to make an effort to make it so

That's kind of the point - I have all but killed myself "making the effort" and it has got me nowhere. I have worked as hard as I can to change as much as I can and I am no better off for it.

If I am honest I think I got screwed up as a kid and it set the pattern and you can NEVER get away from that. Its what worries me with some of the teenagers in here was having the same experiences as them at their age. things never got better no matter what I did.

Perhaps there is such a thing as destiny. Mine is to be a lonely loser sat in silent isolation trying to suppress my despair for the rest of my days.

I would like to reiterate my note about technology. I do appreciate you trying an effort, but sometimes it does seem like your effort is focused on what you feel is helpful virtually magically, rather than anything specific to communication or lack of thereof. Its a lot like wanting to make cheese by pounding on a slab of stone - the effort is amazing, but no matter how smooth you pound on the stone, cheese will not appear.

In all honesty, you look like a completely normal guy by appearance; you're not unattractive at all physically. If anything, in truth, its your personality that veers between blackly lashing out at people and depressive brooding that might bother at least friends away more. The most common factor about people is that they are interested in themselves, and you don't appear to spend a lot of time focused on others.

 

[SofiasMami]

If I am honest I think I got screwed up as a kid and it set the pattern and you can NEVER get away from that....

This is more for the benefit of others who are reading, including younger people who are having problems...
That's just false and I can testify to that. My past doesn't define me nor should it for anyone else.
However, if someone's decided they can never get away from their past, well, they're right. They won't because they don't want to.

I agree with Ignored One's advice, it seems the most sensible.
Frankly, this isn't the first thread I've seen from you, James, with the same themes and complaints. Just an observation.

Teresa

 

[cumulus.james]

If I am honest I think I got screwed up as a kid and it set the pattern and you can NEVER get away from that....

This is more for the benefit of others who are reading, including younger people who are having problems...
That's just false and I can testify to that. My past doesn't define me nor should it for anyone else.
However, if someone's decided they can never get away from their past, well, they're right. They won't because they don't want to.

I agree with Ignored One's advice, it seems the most sensible.
Frankly, this isn't the first thread I've seen from you, James, with the same themes and complaints. Just an observation.

Teresa

I resent your response, it was not helpful or nice. From the looks of your profile you're religions and American. I am a gay man so if you are indeed a christian fundamentalist member of the tea party then I would appreciate you not commenting on my posts. If they bother you dont read simple. But I feel very strongly that your response was ignorant at best.

*blows rasberry*

ner ner neeee ner ner.

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[/quote]
The most common factor about people is that they are interested in themselves, and you don't appear to spend a lot of time focused on others.

[/quote]

I've never had any others to focus on so how would I have gained that skill? I've only eve known loneliness, isolation and unhappiness, I look inwards because that is the only place to look. People are not interested in me, I gave up on that idea a long time ago. I tried to find some charity work i thought I could at least give something towards making someone Else's life a bit better. But in their beige bland middle class town there are not even opportunities to do that.

It is established that people are not attracted towards me, for some of the reasons you mentioned, so finding a needy person who who I could help is unrealistic. I dont know that I have any skills to bring anything to anyone's life either. I've tried to be helpful to others on this forum because even that would be something. But I am not very good at it.

I am not just hung up on the bad life Ive had, I genuinely dont have the skills or opportunities to change them. Ive dont everything it is in my power to do. And it has not paid off.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I resent your response, it was not helpful or nice. From the looks of your profile you're religions and American. I am a gay man so if you are indeed a christian fundamentalist member of the tea party then I would appreciate you not commenting on my posts. If they bother you dont read simple. But I feel very strongly that your response was ignorant at best.

Don't be mean to people who are trying to be nice to you - she is trying to help. You never know if someone can become a friend despite differences. By being prejudiced, you reduce your available pool of possible friends.

I've never had any others to focus on so how would I have gained that skill? I've only eve known loneliness, isolation and unhappiness, I look inwards because that is the only place to look. People are not interested in me, I gave up on that idea a long time ago.

You can change all of that by listening. Listen to people next time, try to understand them; be interested in them. Try to be an observer and understand why people feel the way they do.

You'll be surprised how much you can hear; and people will appreciate just having someone listen to them.