Have a voice that feels mattered

[jetsuo]

Hey,

So i have spent a lot of time analysing myself. And one thing i dont like about my self is my fear of rejection or boring people.
I want to know, how i can talk and not think in the back of my head that i am a boring twat and this person is only listening to me for the sake of it?

Now the thing is, I have a friend who talks allot more than me (well more than most) and he is able to make others feel relaxed all night long without running out of things to say. And tbh its not all that interesting sometimes, but people will listen regardless as its nice to hear someone talk in a group.
I just want to know how i can get rid of the voice in my head that convinces me that i am boring. I know i am not boring, but i just want to stop thinking it!
Or i want to have a conversation and to stop thinking in the back of my head that they want to walk away. When i think like this, it prevents me talking about more stuff and going into more detail.

I think this comes from childhood expierance. When i was a kid, my voice didnt matter and people always talked over me. That doesnt happen anymore but the psycological affects remain.

 

[9006]

When you're talking, think this:

"In a 100 years, is he gonna give a honeysuckle what I'm saying?"

 

[LoneKiller]

Be genuine when you talk to others. People can detect it when the ones they're talking to are full of honeysuckle. Try and keep up with current events and things that everyone is talking about. Discuss other's interests.

On that horrendous day the towers fell in New York, I can promise you that the hot talk among the people who reside there weren't the New York Yankees.

People love talking about themselves. If you are on a date with a woman for example, and ALL you talk about is yourself. She's going get a little pissed off and bored, but like a lady, will still try and be polite. Chances of a next date might be slim though.

You must be sincere. Do things in life that you and others find interesting or are impressed with. Do things that will increase your self respect. When you respect yourself, your thoughts of how you are being told that you are boring will subside a lot in time, thus leaving room for a plethora of interesting discussion topics.

Hope this helps Chief.


https://www.google.ca/#output=searc...38,d.dmQ&fp=886c4aac1d06d75a&biw=1309&bih=704

 

[purplebutterfly]

find out what the person likes and if you have stuff in common then just talk about that. if all else fails peoples favourite talking subjects tend to be one of the following... politics/religion (never boring talking about those two as most people have strong opinions about them), pets/children (we all have one or the other and are generally smitten and proud to boast about either), holidays/purchases, the news/weather (if something interesting happened/we have exceptionally good/bad weather, I always like to ask people about their drinking habits/favourite drink. starting conversations and making friends is easy it's when they want to get to know you personally it gets scarey!!!

 

[jetsuo]

hey guys. thanks for replies, but u guys missed the point slightly. I have no problem talking to people aand making small talk.

 

[Tuppence]

I have a similar problem. My parents used to tell me I was boring all the time, and I still kind of hear their voices saying that. I'm not sure if this will be helpful, but I try and take a mental note of any moments where I feel the conversation has 'worked' - in this case, where people were definitely showing signs of not being bored. No matter how short they are or who they are with. Then use your analysis in a positive way, see what went right. Highlight what went well instead of what went badly, positive reinforcement.

It doesn't always work for me, but unlike you, I'm not very good in social situations, so I have lots of problems mixed together. So maybe it will work better for you.

 

[Masque]

Or i want to have a conversation and to stop thinking in the back of my head that they want to walk away. When i think like this, it prevents me talking about more stuff and going into more detail.

Does this mean you stick to casual topics? If so, you should soldier through it and see firtshand that people will enjoy talking about deeper topics and opinions with you. Well, a number of them, anyway... can't please everyone. Just the experience with it might help.