Hi, I am new and I live in hell

[Josey wales]

Hello everyone, I am twenty-something guy from eastern europe and I am glad that I can join this forum. Here is my story. I am from totally dysfunctional family and this ruined my life (so far). My father is a messed-up alcoholic and he was attacking me in past without any reason, he even threatened to shoot me (multiple times, he unfortunately owns a gun). Since I was 14, he was not employed. My mother is really weird, she never wanted divorce. She has a good job, so she spends all day there. When I was teenager, my life was horrible. I had only little in common with my schoolmates at high school and I was really shy, because I was ashamed for my father and poverty I lived in. Through my teenage years I lost most of childhood friends and I made only a few new friends. When I was approximately 16 years, I started using drugs and after a while I was taking drugs on daily basis. I did it mainly to escape horrible reality, which was unbearable. (I kicked this habit in third year of studies at university). After I finished high school, I enrolled on prestigious university. My life become even more horrible. I was afraid of people and I fell into deep depression. First two years of university studies I was still living with my parents. It was really hard. I did not have good studying environment at home, my father was drinking heavily every day, and from time to time he was shouting rude words on us, threating us, throwing our stuff out of window. There was no one to help me, I was totally alone. All the time I was pretending before others that my family is ok, because I could not stand such shame. Now I am finishing university as a totally broken man. I am completely alone, I am afraid of people and there is nothing to look forward to. I have never had a relationship, which would last more than a few weeks. There is no one for me, because I am poor and no reasonable parent will allow his daughter to date someone, who is from such a bad family like I am. Thanks for reading. I am sorry for mistakes, I am not from English speaking country.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome to the forum, Josey. I know full well the damage an alcoholic family member can have on a person and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I hope you can find what you're looking for here.

 

[9006]

Welcome to the site.

I can only imagine how tough it might be to live through something like that, but from the sounds of it you've managed to rise above these issues to a good education. At least you have prospects, and while you have that it's something to work towards, it's hard but you shouldn't let your negative past warp your judgement about future events like dating somebody.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hey Josey, welcome to the forum. Hope you'll find some peace and what you're looking for on this forum.

 

[jaguarundi]

Hello and welcome. You sound as if you have overcome a great deal. Hang on in there!

 

[Tulip23]

Hi and welcome to the site.

I hope you find this site helps you

 

[Nicolelt]

Welcome Josey.

I hope you find what you need. You don't deserve what has happened to you.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Hello, welcome to the Forums! =)

Hope you enjoy you're time on here.

 

[Josey wales]

thank you all for your replies and encourangements, they gave me strength

 

[Hysterious Loner]

hey, with university degree you could go somewhere... leave the hell behind

 

[reloadlife23]

Hello everyone, I am twenty-something guy from eastern europe and I am glad that I can join this forum. Here is my story. I am from totally dysfunctional family and this ruined my life (so far). My father is a messed-up alcoholic and he was attacking me in past without any reason, he even threatened to shoot me (multiple times, he unfortunately owns a gun). Since I was 14, he was not employed. My mother is really weird, she never wanted divorce. She has a good job, so she spends all day there. When I was teenager, my life was horrible. I had only little in common with my schoolmates at high school and I was really shy, because I was ashamed for my father and poverty I lived in. Through my teenage years I lost most of childhood friends and I made only a few new friends. When I was approximately 16 years, I started using drugs and after a while I was taking drugs on daily basis. I did it mainly to escape horrible reality, which was unbearable. (I kicked this habit in third year of studies at university). After I finished high school, I enrolled on prestigious university. My life become even more horrible. I was afraid of people and I fell into deep depression. First two years of university studies I was still living with my parents. It was really hard. I did not have good studying environment at home, my father was drinking heavily every day, and from time to time he was shouting rude words on us, threating us, throwing our stuff out of window. There was no one to help me, I was totally alone. All the time I was pretending before others that my family is ok, because I could not stand such shame. Now I am finishing university as a totally broken man. I am completely alone, I am afraid of people and there is nothing to look forward to. I have never had a relationship, which would last more than a few weeks. There is no one for me, because I am poor and no reasonable parent will allow his daughter to date someone, who is from such a bad family like I am. Thanks for reading. I am sorry for mistakes, I am not from English speaking country.

Hello
Many families are dysfunctual, I also came from one and was very
angry and troubled all my life until I was in so much pain, that I cried out for help to a God I did not now.
My family didn't either so I know where you are coming from.
That was the beginning of self understanding and I realize it was my anger and resentment was my problem, I judged everybody.
I came across someone who taught a meditation that really woke me up, I was honest with myself seeing the truth for the first time.

I am glad you kicked the habit, it is no answer, we have to see the darkness that was in us and learn to stop listening to it's thoughts that almost destroyed me. I suffered horribly from migraines and swearing caused by my anger.
That meditation worked miracles in my life. It calmed my mind and renewed it.

If you want the meditation, I can refer you to it.
Take care and don't give up.
Louise

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Welcome.
I can't imagine going through what you have, but I am a fellow survivor of the alcoholic parent.
I hope that you can find much more encouragement here!

 

[robinstoke]

I feel you guys totally. Drinkings hard...

 

[Josey wales]

I was angry too, and I judged people too harshly, because from my point of view they had everything (loving family, friends, nice things) and I had only suffering, but after years I moved over it...still, I am amazed that others have some much love and happines in their lifes, while I have nothing