honeysuckle! I think I found someone!

[Triple Bogey]

I'm late to the discussion so I apologize if I'm talking out of turn. By your last comment it seems you've figured out that you probably came on too strong too early and you'll have to learn from that mistake. In my experience, the girls I have dated and were successful (successful meaning we dated long-term) was because we let things unfold naturally. When I forced the issue it made them less receptive to me and eventually turned me down.

I get that in the beginning it's exciting and all you want to do is revel in the euphoria that a new, promising relationship brings. It's easy to get your head in the clouds in the beginning. Try to stay grounded, however, and try to keep your expectations to a minimum. For me, it's the best way not to feel so much anguish by the rejection and disappointment in a failed opportunity.

I've never dated someone with a child, so I can't offer an opinion on that. If you feel it's not going to be a problem to you, perhaps reassure her that you are willing to accept them both in your life.

Yeah, just my .02 cents. Good luck with it, and enjoy the experience!

Hello, thanks for your reply. I did ask her questions about how her son so she must know that that is no problem for me.
I have been needy and the only way for me to recoil from this is by not contacting her for a long time, perhaps maybe she will contact me ...or never.

Has she contacted you since your 'meeting' ?

 

[Hawx79]

I'm late to the discussion so I apologize if I'm talking out of turn. By your last comment it seems you've figured out that you probably came on too strong too early and you'll have to learn from that mistake. In my experience, the girls I have dated and were successful (successful meaning we dated long-term) was because we let things unfold naturally. When I forced the issue it made them less receptive to me and eventually turned me down.

I get that in the beginning it's exciting and all you want to do is revel in the euphoria that a new, promising relationship brings. It's easy to get your head in the clouds in the beginning. Try to stay grounded, however, and try to keep your expectations to a minimum. For me, it's the best way not to feel so much anguish by the rejection and disappointment in a failed opportunity.

I've never dated someone with a child, so I can't offer an opinion on that. If you feel it's not going to be a problem to you, perhaps reassure her that you are willing to accept them both in your life.

Yeah, just my .02 cents. Good luck with it, and enjoy the experience!

Hello, thanks for your reply. I did ask her questions about how her son so she must know that that is no problem for me.
I have been needy and the only way for me to recoil from this is by not contacting her for a long time, perhaps maybe she will contact me ...or never.

Has she contacted you since your 'meeting' ?

No. She knows I'm crazy about her. I think she has lost her respect for me.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I'm late to the discussion so I apologize if I'm talking out of turn. By your last comment it seems you've figured out that you probably came on too strong too early and you'll have to learn from that mistake. In my experience, the girls I have dated and were successful (successful meaning we dated long-term) was because we let things unfold naturally. When I forced the issue it made them less receptive to me and eventually turned me down.

I get that in the beginning it's exciting and all you want to do is revel in the euphoria that a new, promising relationship brings. It's easy to get your head in the clouds in the beginning. Try to stay grounded, however, and try to keep your expectations to a minimum. For me, it's the best way not to feel so much anguish by the rejection and disappointment in a failed opportunity.

I've never dated someone with a child, so I can't offer an opinion on that. If you feel it's not going to be a problem to you, perhaps reassure her that you are willing to accept them both in your life.

Yeah, just my .02 cents. Good luck with it, and enjoy the experience!

Hello, thanks for your reply. I did ask her questions about how her son so she must know that that is no problem for me.
I have been needy and the only way for me to recoil from this is by not contacting her for a long time, perhaps maybe she will contact me ...or never.

Has she contacted you since your 'meeting' ?

No. She knows I'm crazy about her. I think she has lost her respect for me.

Sounds like she doesn't care. I know it's been said before but my advice would be to move on.

I know what it's like. I was years and years single and then I meet somebody and it's over in a few weeks, just like that. She choose some other **** instead of me. Happened again a few years later. That lasted one date. I was soon forgotten about.

 

[VanillaCreme]

The combination of these two posts would make me suggest not harping on the fact that she doesn't seem to want to date you:

I have been needy and the only way for me to recoil from this is by not contacting her for a long time, perhaps maybe she will contact me ...or never.

No. She knows I'm crazy about her. I think she has lost her respect for me.

I don't know either of you very well, but I honestly don't believe that her respect (if it has truly vanished for whatever reason) will come back simply because you decided to talk to her again a few weeks later. I'm sorry, but the vibes I'm getting just from you posting about it is that she doesn't want to be bothered by you, and instead of just saying that, she decided to dip out in what she thought was a decent enough way.

That's only my 2 cents on it, though. No one really knows what could happen. She might not even know. But I wouldn't sit around, waiting for that ship to come coasting back around.

 

[Hawx79]

Reading your two posts is really painful. So I should give up completely and not waste my time on her?
Her silent rejection makes me feel unwanted and undesirable not just to her but to all women. It makes my self esteem drop like lead!

That first date I had with her was probably the happiest day in years for me. She really liked me then. She is 27 with a son of 6. She lives in a crappy old apartment at the center of the city, with her sick mother who takes on the care of her son.
The father of her son never even visit's him!
And her boyfriend left her as he lied the whole time as he was cheating on his own wife. SHE CHOSE THOSE 2 SCUMBAGS OF MEN OVER ME!!!
I would have gladly wanted to help her out in her life but she must have had to saw something about me on the 2nd date that made her doubt me. I'm not sure what it was, perhaps my nervousness or neediness, or perhaps she decided she could never love a ugly guy like me after all. One thing I noticed how easy it was to make her feel good with a small compliment or gesture.

I'm just not cut out for dating as your putting your heart on the line everytime you do it. I will never do it again as I dont want to experience this again.
I have to man up now and stop acting like a child and harden myself up for a life as a loner.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Reading your two posts is really painful. So I should give up completely and not waste my time on her?
Her silent rejection makes me feel unwanted and undesirable not just to her but to all women. It makes my self esteem drop like lead!

That first date I had with her was probably the happiest day in years for me. She really liked me then. She is 27 with a son of 6. She lives in a crappy old apartment at the center of the city, with her sick mother who takes on the care of her son.
The father of her son never even visit's him!
And her boyfriend left her as he lied the whole time as he was cheating on his own wife. SHE CHOSE THOSE 2 SCUMBAGS OF MEN OVER ME!!!
I would have gladly wanted to help her out in her life but she must have had to saw something about me on the 2nd date that made her doubt me. I'm not sure what it was, perhaps my nervousness or neediness, or perhaps she decided she could never love a ugly guy like me after all. One thing I noticed how easy it was to make her feel good with a small compliment or gesture.

I'm just not cut out for dating as your putting your heart on the line everytime you do it. I will never do it again as I dont want to experience this again.
I have to man up now and stop acting like a child and harden myself up for a life as a loner.

Didn't you only have one date? Also, how does she choose 2 guys that were in her PAST over you?

Dude, I'm sorry, but you are being very clingy to her. Any decent mother would shy away from that. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Not all single mothers are looking for handout or someone to "save" them.

And is the child 4 or 6? I'm a little confused on that one, since you've said he was both ages.

 

[ardour]

Didn't you only have one date? Also, how does she choose 2 guys that were in her PAST over you?

Dude, I'm sorry, but you are being very clingy to her. Any decent mother would shy away from that. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Not all single mothers are looking for handout or someone to "save" them.

And is the child 4 or 6? I'm a little confused on that one, since you've said he was both ages.

So two low-life users are preferable to "clingy"... I get the impression that you likes the bad boys.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Didn't you only have one date? Also, how does she choose 2 guys that were in her PAST over you?

Dude, I'm sorry, but you are being very clingy to her. Any decent mother would shy away from that. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Not all single mothers are looking for handout or someone to "save" them.

And is the child 4 or 6? I'm a little confused on that one, since you've said he was both ages.

So two low-life users are preferable to "clingy"...

Chances are, the OP likely knows NOTHING of either man. Yes, he says the guy cheated on his wife with her, but, as he said, she did not know that he was married. As for the father of her child, well, you don't know what happened there. My ex rarely sees his kids and he's more often than not, an *******. HOWEVER, he was not that way when I married him. People change, you don't know the circumstances, so don't judge based on your own petty delusions.

---

I get the impression that you likes the bad boys.

And since you edited that. What I like is none of your ******* business and I'll thank you not to push your bullshit on me and my life.

 

[ardour]

My ex rarely sees his kids and he's more often than not, an *******. HOWEVER, he was not that way when I married him. People change, you don't know the circumstances, so don't judge based on your own petty delusions.

okay I stand corrected. Forget it.

 

[Hawx79]

Reading your two posts is really painful. So I should give up completely and not waste my time on her?
Her silent rejection makes me feel unwanted and undesirable not just to her but to all women. It makes my self esteem drop like lead!

That first date I had with her was probably the happiest day in years for me. She really liked me then. She is 27 with a son of 6. She lives in a crappy old apartment at the center of the city, with her sick mother who takes on the care of her son.
The father of her son never even visit's him!
And her boyfriend left her as he lied the whole time as he was cheating on his own wife. SHE CHOSE THOSE 2 SCUMBAGS OF MEN OVER ME!!!
I would have gladly wanted to help her out in her life but she must have had to saw something about me on the 2nd date that made her doubt me. I'm not sure what it was, perhaps my nervousness or neediness, or perhaps she decided she could never love a ugly guy like me after all. One thing I noticed how easy it was to make her feel good with a small compliment or gesture.

I'm just not cut out for dating as your putting your heart on the line everytime you do it. I will never do it again as I dont want to experience this again.
I have to man up now and stop acting like a child and harden myself up for a life as a loner.

Didn't you only have one date? Also, how does she choose 2 guys that were in her PAST over you?

Dude, I'm sorry, but you are being very clingy to her. Any decent mother would shy away from that. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Not all single mothers are looking for handout or someone to "save" them.

And is the child 4 or 6? I'm a little confused on that one, since you've said he was both ages.

Sorry for the confusion, I had 2 dates and her son is 6.
What also still bugs me is that she didn't even say thanks for the 2nd date. I travelled more then an hour too see her and insisted to pay for everything and even the take away she had. While at the first date she did thank me in person and then again with a message.

 

[Hawx79]

My ex rarely sees his kids and he's more often than not, an *******. HOWEVER, he was not that way when I married him. People change, you don't know the circumstances, so don't judge based on your own petty delusions.

okay I stand corrected. Forget it.

NOTHING can justify a man putting a baby in the world then leaving it for trash with the woman. That was a very shallow thing of you to say Callie!

 

[VanillaCreme]

Reading your two posts is really painful. So I should give up completely and not waste my time on her?
Her silent rejection makes me feel unwanted and undesirable not just to her but to all women. It makes my self esteem drop like lead!

I apologize if I hurt your feelings in any way. That wasn't my intention. There may be many reasons why she doesn't want pursue another date with you, or pursue anything with you. Her child may be a factor. Another guy may be a factor. Unless she actually tells you that it was you, don't think it's you, because that puts a doubt in your mind that wouldn't be there otherwise.

Should you give up? I don't know. I'm not you. I can't tell you what to do. But when I read posts of yours like this:

What also still bugs me is that she didn't even say thanks for the 2nd date. I travelled more then an hour too see her and insisted to pay for everything and even the take away she had. While at the first date she did thank me in person and then again with a message.

It would honestly just make me tell someone (anyone, not just you in this situation) to leave it be. Sometimes, there's a fine line between wanting to pursue someone who might have interest, and giving someone unwanted attention. For whatever reason she has, I get the feeling that she no longer wants attention from you. Sure, it's heartbreaking, but at least she didn't lead you on. She didn't whisper sweet nothings in your ear at the last date, only to leave you high and dry now.

I suppose it's one of those things where you should sit back and read between the lines, because unfortunately she wasn't exactly forthcoming about her reasons or her own intentions at all.

 

[TheRealCallie]

My ex rarely sees his kids and he's more often than not, an *******. HOWEVER, he was not that way when I married him. People change, you don't know the circumstances, so don't judge based on your own petty delusions.

okay I stand corrected. Forget it.

NOTHING can justify a man putting a baby in the world then leaving it for trash with the woman. That was a very shallow thing of you to say Callie!

I don't recall justifying it. Don't start putting words in my mouth and twisting what I say to benefit yourself.
What I SAID, not that you bothered to actually read what I wrote, is that just because a person is a jackass NOW, does not mean they were always that way. Such as my ex, who was, at one time, a **** good father and husband. He no longer is. This does NOT mean that I pick "lowlifes" over "better" people or that I'm into "bad boys." It just means that my ex changed, OH HEY, that's part of why he's my EX.
The same could apply for this girl you are obsessing over. You don't know the father of her kid, you don't know the story, so you can't know the situation or what happened. Just because he's an ******* now, does NOT mean he always was.

But honestly, if you want the truth, while we are on the subject, sometimes children are better off without one or both of their parents. Because, guess what, some people are HORRIBLE parents who abuse and neglect their children. So, if a person like that were to "leave it like trash with the mother," well, that's a GOOD thing in my book.

But to reiterate....you don't know the story of what happened (even if she told you some of it) and you certainly don't know mine or what I said, so perhaps you should back up and actually READ before trying to call me (or what I say) shallow.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Reading your two posts is really painful. So I should give up completely and not waste my time on her?
Her silent rejection makes me feel unwanted and undesirable not just to her but to all women. It makes my self esteem drop like lead!

That first date I had with her was probably the happiest day in years for me. She really liked me then. She is 27 with a son of 6. She lives in a crappy old apartment at the center of the city, with her sick mother who takes on the care of her son.
The father of her son never even visit's him!
And her boyfriend left her as he lied the whole time as he was cheating on his own wife. SHE CHOSE THOSE 2 SCUMBAGS OF MEN OVER ME!!!
I would have gladly wanted to help her out in her life but she must have had to saw something about me on the 2nd date that made her doubt me. I'm not sure what it was, perhaps my nervousness or neediness, or perhaps she decided she could never love a ugly guy like me after all. One thing I noticed how easy it was to make her feel good with a small compliment or gesture.

I'm just not cut out for dating as your putting your heart on the line everytime you do it. I will never do it again as I dont want to experience this again.
I have to man up now and stop acting like a child and harden myself up for a life as a loner.

Didn't you only have one date? Also, how does she choose 2 guys that were in her PAST over you?

Dude, I'm sorry, but you are being very clingy to her. Any decent mother would shy away from that. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Not all single mothers are looking for handout or someone to "save" them.

And is the child 4 or 6? I'm a little confused on that one, since you've said he was both ages.

Sorry for the confusion, I had 2 dates and her son is 6.
What also still bugs me is that she didn't even say thanks for the 2nd date. I travelled more then an hour too see her and insisted to pay for everything and even the take away she had. While at the first date she did thank me in person and then again with a message.

She isn't worth knowing. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. You saved yourself from tons of honeysuckle you don't need in your life.

But you can't give up on women just because of her attitude. Loads of nice women out there !

---

Reading your two posts is really painful. So I should give up completely and not waste my time on her?
Her silent rejection makes me feel unwanted and undesirable not just to her but to all women. It makes my self esteem drop like lead!

That first date I had with her was probably the happiest day in years for me. She really liked me then. She is 27 with a son of 6. She lives in a crappy old apartment at the center of the city, with her sick mother who takes on the care of her son.
The father of her son never even visit's him!
And her boyfriend left her as he lied the whole time as he was cheating on his own wife. SHE CHOSE THOSE 2 SCUMBAGS OF MEN OVER ME!!!
I would have gladly wanted to help her out in her life but she must have had to saw something about me on the 2nd date that made her doubt me. I'm not sure what it was, perhaps my nervousness or neediness, or perhaps she decided she could never love a ugly guy like me after all. One thing I noticed how easy it was to make her feel good with a small compliment or gesture.

I'm just not cut out for dating as your putting your heart on the line everytime you do it. I will never do it again as I dont want to experience this again.
I have to man up now and stop acting like a child and harden myself up for a life as a loner.

Didn't you only have one date? Also, how does she choose 2 guys that were in her PAST over you?

Dude, I'm sorry, but you are being very clingy to her. Any decent mother would shy away from that. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Not all single mothers are looking for handout or someone to "save" them.

And is the child 4 or 6? I'm a little confused on that one, since you've said he was both ages.

This reminds of this lass I asked out over 10 years ago. I asked her twice and she very rude about it. A few years later she apparently went to this house party and 'got off with' some bloke who was there. She decided in a few minutes that she wanted to be involved with him. I wasn't good enough yet she decides in a moment this other guy is. Why was he so desirable compared to me ? It's shite and I have loads of situations similar. Complete wankers getting the girl instead of me. Blokes who cheat, are rude, have no manners, do drugs. It's not fair but I honestly don't give a honeysuckle anymore. Their loss.

 

[ardour]

This reminds of this lass I asked out over 10 years ago. I asked her twice and she very rude about it. A few years later she apparently went to this house party and 'got off with' some bloke who was there. She decided in a few minutes that she wanted to be involved with him. I wasn't good enough yet she decides in a moment this other guy is. Why was he so desirable compared to me ? It's shite and I have loads of situations similar. Complete wankers getting the girl instead of me. Blokes who cheat, are rude, have no manners, do drugs. It's not fair but I honestly don't give a honeysuckle anymore. Their loss.

She found him attractive, not you. You can't really criticize her for that, as I doubt you would want to be involved with someone you weren't attracted to.

Sometimes I think 'bad behaviour' is interpreted as good if the guy's desirable and has charisma, which is a shame, but who are we to criticise, right?

 

[SophiaGrace]

This reminds of this lass I asked out over 10 years ago. I asked her twice and she very rude about it. A few years later she apparently went to this house party and 'got off with' some bloke who was there. She decided in a few minutes that she wanted to be involved with him. I wasn't good enough yet she decides in a moment this other guy is. Why was he so desirable compared to me ? It's shite and I have loads of situations similar. Complete wankers getting the girl instead of me. Blokes who cheat, are rude, have no manners, do drugs. It's not fair but I honestly don't give a honeysuckle anymore. Their loss.

She found him attractive, not you. You can't really criticize her for that, as I doubt you would want to be involved with someone you weren't attracted to.

Sometimes I think 'bad behaviour' is interpreted as good if the guy's desirable and has charisma, which is a shame, but who are we to criticise, right?

You know, guys...

It hurts my feelings when you judge women based on their gender, it feels like an attack on part of my identity I have no control over. I've not done anything wrong and you assume things about me because I'm a woman.


:/ That hurts.

 

[SofiasMami]

Sometimes I think 'bad behaviour' is interpreted as good if the guy's desirable...

Nope. That's a circular argument. Bad behavior is not desirable.

-Teresa

 

[EveWasFramed]

This reminds of this lass I asked out over 10 years ago. I asked her twice and she very rude about it. A few years later she apparently went to this house party and 'got off with' some bloke who was there. She decided in a few minutes that she wanted to be involved with him. I wasn't good enough yet she decides in a moment this other guy is. Why was he so desirable compared to me ? It's shite and I have loads of situations similar. Complete wankers getting the girl instead of me. Blokes who cheat, are rude, have no manners, do drugs. It's not fair but I honestly don't give a honeysuckle anymore. Their loss.

She found him attractive, not you. You can't really criticize her for that, as I doubt you would want to be involved with someone you weren't attracted to.

Sometimes I think 'bad behaviour' is interpreted as good if the guy's desirable and has charisma, which is a shame, but who are we to criticise, right?

You know, guys...

It hurts my feelings when you judge women based on their gender, it feels like an attack on part of my identity I have no control over. I've not done anything wrong and you assume things about me because I'm a woman.


:/ That hurts.

Wait, what?
Im no fan of a lot of the comments I see here at times, but saying that TB and Ardour are suggesting you personally did something wrong or are assuming anything about you as a person (because of your sex) doesn't make much sense to me (in the context of this thread and in general).
I feel their comments are...well, a bit tactless to be honest, but I'm not sure they were attacking the female gender in this case.

 

[SophiaGrace]

This reminds of this lass I asked out over 10 years ago. I asked her twice and she very rude about it. A few years later she apparently went to this house party and 'got off with' some bloke who was there. She decided in a few minutes that she wanted to be involved with him. I wasn't good enough yet she decides in a moment this other guy is. Why was he so desirable compared to me ? It's shite and I have loads of situations similar. Complete wankers getting the girl instead of me. Blokes who cheat, are rude, have no manners, do drugs. It's not fair but I honestly don't give a honeysuckle anymore. Their loss.

She found him attractive, not you. You can't really criticize her for that, as I doubt you would want to be involved with someone you weren't attracted to.

Sometimes I think 'bad behaviour' is interpreted as good if the guy's desirable and has charisma, which is a shame, but who are we to criticise, right?

You know, guys...

It hurts my feelings when you judge women based on their gender, it feels like an attack on part of my identity I have no control over. I've not done anything wrong and you assume things about me because I'm a woman.


:/ That hurts.

Wait, what?
Im no fan of a lot of the comments I see here at times, but saying that TB and Ardour are suggesting you personally did something wrong or are assuming anything about you as a person (because of your sex) doesn't make much sense to me (in the context of this thread and in general).
I feel their comments are...well, a bit tactless to be honest, but I'm not sure they were attacking the female gender in this case.

I felt like they were perpetuating the whole "girls like bad boys" mindset.

 

[EveWasFramed]

This reminds of this lass I asked out over 10 years ago. I asked her twice and she very rude about it. A few years later she apparently went to this house party and 'got off with' some bloke who was there. She decided in a few minutes that she wanted to be involved with him. I wasn't good enough yet she decides in a moment this other guy is. Why was he so desirable compared to me ? It's shite and I have loads of situations similar. Complete wankers getting the girl instead of me. Blokes who cheat, are rude, have no manners, do drugs. It's not fair but I honestly don't give a honeysuckle anymore. Their loss.

She found him attractive, not you. You can't really criticize her for that, as I doubt you would want to be involved with someone you weren't attracted to.

Sometimes I think 'bad behaviour' is interpreted as good if the guy's desirable and has charisma, which is a shame, but who are we to criticise, right?

You know, guys...

It hurts my feelings when you judge women based on their gender, it feels like an attack on part of my identity I have no control over. I've not done anything wrong and you assume things about me because I'm a woman.


:/ That hurts.

Wait, what?
Im no fan of a lot of the comments I see here at times, but saying that TB and Ardour are suggesting you personally did something wrong or are assuming anything about you as a person (because of your sex) doesn't make much sense to me (in the context of this thread and in general).
I feel their comments are...well, a bit tactless to be honest, but I'm not sure they were attacking the female gender in this case.

I felt like they were perpetuating the whole "girls like bad boys" mindset.

I can see why you'd feel that way, of course, Soph. I just meant that I didn't think they were aiming their remarks at you personally (based on your comment, "I've not done anything wrong and you assume things about me because I'm a woman.").