How can serial killers get girlfriends but "nice guys" can't?

[xninjaguyx]

Err, I'm not talking about uncaught serial killers.

I'm talking about the women that write to serial killers who are in prison, on death row, and expect a relationship out of it. Many get married to these serial killers, despite the fact that they will never get out of prison alive.

How can you argue that these women are not ill? Someone who kills someone because they are female is probably not the best suited match for you, if you are female.

As far as arguing that uncaught serial killers can have spouses and girlfriends, that is very true. But that is argued for those that aren't serial killers as well. People that are charismatic, confident, assertive, and good looking generally don't have to look far for dates.

I'm not arguing about the women who knowingly date serial killers. My posts were about the ones who DON'T know. I agree that those who go into relationships, knowing what they did are some sort of twisted. But my point was - question really - what about those who don't know?

Anyone can be quick to say, "What the hell is wrong with her?" about those who DO know. But some of the wives of some of these serial killers had no idea. And that was my original point. You can't ask, "What the hell is wrong with her?" when you don't know if she knew or not.

If she did know, then hell... I would just be baffled. Husband, boyfriend, lover... whatever, he'd be gone if I were in that situation of knowing. I personally couldn't keep that to myself.

And then I think, what about the women who know, but are too scared? What if the husband/boyfriend/lover who is the killer threatens them as well? I would believe that would be harder than I could imagine to deal with. A lot of these serial killers usually do their deeds for power, and then they drag their woman into it for even more power.

I feel like watching a detective show now.

It's easier said, but I hope a woman stuck in a relationship out of fear can be brave enough to discreetly seek police or family protection. Sometimes though, fear can freeze a person, and completely void them of their will. It's sad to think of a forced relationship. But if the killer gets arrested, and she continues to write or wait for him, then he must have dominated her to the point where she feels useless without him. She may seek someone with a violent nature or may never feel whole again, without some serious therapy and rehabilitation.
Not everyone is as mentally insecure though, so with the killer out of her life, she may be finally free to live it.

Women who are attracted to a serial killer to be just as disgusting, imo.

And you've met every woman who has been genuinely interested in a serial killer? Surely your opinion is based on something solid, right?

An opinion isn't a fact guy.
I've never met a nazi as far as I'm aware, but I sure don't like them. Not necessarily comparing them together, but do you have solid evidence to tell me I'm wrong in my opinion?

I'm not implying anything, not disagreeing or agreeing. I'm only questioning your reply.

Well it looked like you were attacking my reply for some reason.

I would think the reason for finding someone knowingly interested in a serial killer to be disturbing would be obvious.
If I must explain, they are probably vain and selfish, thinking that just because they won't be harmed, they have no concern for any of the other victims. I'm sure many are more sentimental, and try to change they're killer lover, but because they can't bring themselves to turn them in, or find outside help, they hide the killer and risk even more victims for the sake of their lover.

 

[WL7.3]

Shy nice guys are my type. Why don't guys like shy nice girls?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I like shy nice girls, but the problem is putting two shy people together. Someone has to make the first move.

 

[9006]

Shy nice guys are my type. Why don't guys like shy nice girls?

They do. I once went out with a girl that was really shy, it took a lot of time and trust in order for her to relax and open up more, but when she did it was one of the best relationships I've ever had. Maybe it's this that deters people, I don't know.

 

[VanillaCreme]

And of course, that isn't what this thread is about, unless you're talking about killers who were sent to prison, and let out on technicalities?

It has some relation to the thread, because he's asking if serial killers have girlfriends and wives and lovers, why can't nice guys... Well, some of these women are already with them. So they don't know.

Anyway, I think I'll look into watching some crime shows on Netflix soon.

The whole "nice guy" thing is completely varied by person in the first place. What I consider nice is different from the next female you'd ask. It depends on the person, and if you're able to get along with them in the first place. Why classify yourself anyway? Just be a guy. Just be you.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

The thread is started by the same bitter misogynist that generally starts these threads. It IS misogynistic to believe that women are a hive mind.

Let's take Twilight, for example. A perfect example of popular culture. A lot of women get into that, because of the good looking actors. Others like the plots. A lot of women don't like either, and make fun of it.

A guy, say, who likes Twilight is also assumed to be something. That is part of the hive mind. He is assumed to be gay...despite a LOT of straight men who own the books and the movies because they enjoy them. It is entertainment. Society boxes them into a corner, however, and assumes that they will be a certain way, because of stereotypes.

Where am I going with this? Well, a nice, attractive, and successful woman is expected to be attracted to a certain type of guy (muscle jock, tattooed bad boy), simply because that is what is shown in entertainment and what she is expected to chase. Doesn't mean that she will chase that kind of guy. And it also doesn't mean that, say she meets a tattooed jock, that he won't also be a smart geek who is nice to her and treats her right.

People need to stop assuming honeysuckle. I don't get girls, but I'm through with throwing a stereotype on why I don't get women. I simply just haven't been in the right situation yet...but if I ***** and moan about it, that will be even more of a turnoff than the fact that I haven't been with a girl.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It may have started that way, I would agree, however I think it actually turned out to be a great conversation thread. At least it wasn't the typical arguing back and forth, tossing out names and whatnot. Interesting thread this turned out to be.

 

[ladyforsaken]

They do. I once went out with a girl that was really shy, it took a lot of time and trust in order for her to relax and open up more, but when she did it was one of the best relationships I've ever had. Maybe it's this that deters people, I don't know.

Nice. There's more to shy people than you'd think there is.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

To answer the OP it’s because attraction to serial killers is a known condition called Hybristophilia, or Bonnie and Clyde syndrome.

I don't really give much credence to that as a disorder, you can call anything a disorder if it doesn't conform to whats expected human behaviour which in itself is a little disconcerting trend we have nowadays.

I mean really I just replied to use the new word I've learned...even my spell check doesn't recognise it.... WORD!!

 

[LoneKiller]

Bundy knew how to charm and manipulate women in a very effective way. He became a celebrity of sorts which brings many "Star *******" out of the woodwork.

 

[ardour]

I'm not exactly sure what the term "nice guy" really means - there are so many different ways that it's used, I honestly don't know how to take it.

But, if it means something like, "does everything a woman asks of them, and showers them with praise and gifts and whatever", then the answer is that there is nothing sexy about a guy who licks a woman's boots; and if this is what you think it means to be a nice guy, then you really need to rethink your approach to dating because (like the question implies), women would sooner date a serial killer than you.

just.. wow.
I guess being a murderer has it's benefits. Better to be the lowest of the low than a decent guy with a poorly thought through approach to dating... nothing worse than that, eh?

I think, though, that there are a lot of guys who think of themselves as "nice guys", who really aren't - and I'm willing to bet many serial killers would call themselves "nice guys". The problem is too many guys wear the nice guy mask, and underneath are nothing like how they act (often, without even realizing they aren't nice guys). I've known several guys IRL who say they are nice guys, and then, when they are in a relationship, are emotionally abusive to their woman - they genuinely believe that they are nice to their woman, but they act that way because, they "love her so much" or they "don't want to lose her". Frankly, I've seen some members on this forum (I don't mean anyone posting in this thread) who considered themselves "nice" but were pretty clearly passive-aggressive ******** who would (I'm willing to bet) be emotionally abusive (or more) to any partner they were with. It's clear to me why women don't want to be with them.

If nice means something like, "Doesn't treat their woman like honeysuckle, but doesn't fawn over her incessantly like a little puppy", then the question doesn't really apply, because this kind of "nice guy" does get girls.
.

Any man falling short of the standards, the perfect combination of "nice but not too needy" must be some passive-aggressive abuser. The sheer arrogance of that. You're qualified to make these sweeping judgements, somehow.

There was a famous killer who killed his whole family (her wife and daughters). He had a woman waiting for him to be released out of prision... they got married and they're liveing together here, in my neighbourhood :O
...
There should be a documentary about this... Loius Theroux, if you're reading this, you're the right guy to go meet serial killer's wives.

Ha.. it's real Louis Theroux 'weird weekend' material.


No doubt women interested in these guys have problems. It is however an indication of how perceptions of confidence and power in men are so important in society, so much so that some mentally disturbed women who lack perspective are willing to overlook what they've done.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Rdor, there is a difference between being a good guy, and being a sponge.

 

[theraab]

I'm not exactly sure what the term "nice guy" really means - there are so many different ways that it's used, I honestly don't know how to take it.

But, if it means something like, "does everything a woman asks of them, and showers them with praise and gifts and whatever", then the answer is that there is nothing sexy about a guy who licks a woman's boots; and if this is what you think it means to be a nice guy, then you really need to rethink your approach to dating because (like the question implies), women would sooner date a serial killer than you.

just.. wow.
I guess being a murderer has it's benefits. Better to be the lowest of the low than a decent guy with a poorly thought through approach to dating... nothing worse than that, eh?

My point was that worshiping the ground a woman walks on doesn't get you a girlfriend.

I think, though, that there are a lot of guys who think of themselves as "nice guys", who really aren't - and I'm willing to bet many serial killers would call themselves "nice guys". The problem is too many guys wear the nice guy mask, and underneath are nothing like how they act (often, without even realizing they aren't nice guys). I've known several guys IRL who say they are nice guys, and then, when they are in a relationship, are emotionally abusive to their woman - they genuinely believe that they are nice to their woman, but they act that way because, they "love her so much" or they "don't want to lose her". Frankly, I've seen some members on this forum (I don't mean anyone posting in this thread) who considered themselves "nice" but were pretty clearly passive-aggressive ******** who would (I'm willing to bet) be emotionally abusive (or more) to any partner they were with. It's clear to me why women don't want to be with them.

If nice means something like, "Doesn't treat their woman like honeysuckle, but doesn't fawn over her incessantly like a little puppy", then the question doesn't really apply, because this kind of "nice guy" does get girls.

Any man falling short of the standards, the perfect combination of "nice but not too needy" must be some passive-aggressive abusive creep. The sheer arrogance of that. You're qualified to make those judgements, somehow?

I didn't say those are the only two things that someone can be.

And, I assume I'm qualified to make these judgments - I guess I never thought about it - it's just one of those things I'm confident about, so I don't think about it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Any man falling short of the standards, the perfect combination of "nice but not too needy" must be some passive-aggressive abusive creep. The sheer arrogance of that. You're qualified to make those judgements, somehow?

I didn't say those are the only two things that someone can be.

And, I assume I'm qualified to make these judgments - I guess I never thought about it - it's just one of those things I'm confident about, so I don't think about it.

Ding.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

Any man falling short of the standards, the perfect combination of "nice but not too needy" must be some passive-aggressive abusive creep. The sheer arrogance of that. You're qualified to make those judgements, somehow?

I didn't say those are the only two things that someone can be.

And, I assume I'm qualified to make these judgments - I guess I never thought about it - it's just one of those things I'm confident about, so I don't think about it.

Ding.

Do you have to be qualified to express an opinion on this forum? ****, I think a few of us need to go back to discussion school.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Qualified for what?

 

[Lippy_Kid]

Qualified for what?

University of life mate... best education you can get.

 

[Mike413]

It's mostly about the fame. When the guy who shot and killed John Lennon asked why he did it he replied that he wanted his fame. That's a very sick and dysfunctional reason to take someone's life but unfortunately it seems to be the reason a lot of serial killers do it(aside from being sick and twisted that is).

Here are some functional ways to meet and get women interested in you:

Become a musician- women love musicians. Everyone knows that. You didn't even really need to be in a band. Just pick up a guitar and start playing.

Become an artist- Draw, paint then put your art on display. Women love that stuff and they'll want to meet you. It hasn't worked for a friend of mine so much but that doesn't mean it's not worth a shot.

Start your own business- women love self made men (ie rich men).

Become a model- That will give you some value.

Buy an expensive sports car. Or just buy a toy car and say you shrunk it.

Go out to bars and clubs like a lot of people do to meet women. Just don't be shy. Go up to them and start talking to them. Eventually you'll meet some women.

Internet dating- It's not for everyone but there's lots of single women there.

Cook-women love men who can cook

Dance- women love men who can dance


One of these days I'm actually going to take some of my own advice.

 

[VanillaCreme]

The dancing and cooking I can agree to. Can't even agree to the car, because my dude has a Camaro and it's just kind of... there.

 

[blackdot]

well, probably because of what women keep telling me, women don't date nice guys.

serial killers are right up most women's alleys. psychotic, controlling, manipulative, ...