How do you accept the fact that you'll be single forever?

[Locke]

Go gain some dating experience, or rejection experience, or any kind of knowledge that doesn't come from creepy anti-feminist blogs, then you'll be worth debating. Until then, I'm just enjoying myself while laughing at these half-baked theories.

You should be ashamed of yourself. It's not women's fault that you're alone, it's yours. I think deep down you know that. But you don't try to change. You let your anger and bitterness eat away at your mind, and you come up with these ridiculous reasons why you're never to blame for your problems. There is no arguing with you. You know it's wrong already and you won't stop. You're afraid. I know it, you know it, just about everyone on this forum knows it.

---

Anyway....I got things to do. So do what you want. Spend the rest of your life being miserable, lonely and scared as hell if that's what you think will work. Just ask yourself: Has it worked so far? It hasn't, and it's no ones fault but your own.

Chances are you'll still be posting this same crap a few years from now, and you'll still be lonely and miserable. But it doesn't bother me. Good luck with all that anyway.

 

[ardour]

Those "half-baked theories" weren't influenced by MRA blogs but their feminist equivalents. You could directly quote some so-called mainstream third wave bloggers, change the context, then make almost identical posts to mine.

---

Dating would have been complicated and difficult from my mid 20's to early 30's, even if could have mustered up the courage. It was to do with a family member, but I won't go into detail.

 

[Locke]

Fine. Y'know, I wouldn't care if you were misquoting something Eleanor Roosevelt said.

I'm sorry you've had such a hard life, whatever happened. I know what it's like when life is honeysuckle constantly, day after day, and you have to watch while everyone gets what they want. And you suffer. I know what it can do to a person. But this isn't the right way. I'm not going to explain why. I'm afraid you'll just call me arrogant, or accuse me of having some strange ulterior motive. Passing insults back and forth isn't helping, so I'll stop. I don't want to argue. I'm sick, and I've had a long crappy day.

Just....this isn't the way. It doesn't have to be my way, but what you're doing is never going to lead to anything good or positive in your life.

I wish you believed me.

Anyway, I'll leave it at that. See you again in another few months maybe. Although I'm sure you hope we don't talk again.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Stop arguing, guys. It's not necessary.

You've just proved my point. You say you are not pretty and you've only been asked out once and that was a joke. You seem a really nice person though. So your 'looks' are making it harder for you to attract somebody. BINGO !

And everybody and his dog say it's all about personality. You are saying it ! People need to wake up. Looks are an advantage. Anybody who thinks otherwise needs to stop dreaming. In an ideal world maybe but many people are shallow.

Anyway, I'm confused over this. You say you don't care about looks, but the above contradicts that.

My looks didn't really matter to me. So I made it not matter to him either. I'm loved for my fried chicken and peach cobbler.

 

[Triple Bogey]

One point I haven't mentioned is - I don't ask some women out because I don't want to hurt their feelings.
Some women are sensitive and I can imagine they don't want the stress of someone asking them for a date.
However innocent my intentions, I have offended a few women in the past. Clearly upset them by asking. I didn't mean to but I did.

 

[WishingWell]

After a lot of failed relationships, the age I am, and a disability, I resigned myself to the fact I'll never re-marry. However, everyone says you'll never know. I looked up your name and there is no date of birth there, but I would bet the ranch that I much older than you. What one man sees in a woman isn't necessarily what another sees. What I hear is a lot of bad self esteem, and I am going to say what everyone says to me...you never know. You may get involved with a male friend and it can go further, etc. I know with my past, you will believe I don't have the right to give advice. It sounds like it, but I am not. I am just saying you need to like yourself first. Just because I failed, I tried. The best to you! (P.S. 80% of the relationships, I ended!)

 

[Greenish]

@ Wishingwell,

Having read your post I have to say there is a lot that I agree with. The ability to have relationships has a lot to do with self esteem and your willingness to expand your boundaries, take risks.
Where I differ from you though is the disability issue. I'm paraplegic and can tell you that it has nothing to do with the inabilty to meet people or build relationships. I know of many disabled people who have met partners and have gotten married after being injured.
I know someone who has recently remarried and this guy is in his 50's. A lady I chatted to on another forum also met her partner in her 50's. No, using disability as an excuse, I cannot agree.

 

[johnny196775Again]

Finding the pefect mate is like winning the lotery.

 

[Serenia]

I don't think you need the perfect mate, nothing is perfect. Meeting someone with plenty in common even passionate about, but mainly sharing the same values. Then it is a case of both looking after each other.

 

[Amthorn]

I don't think you need the perfect mate, nothing is perfect. Meeting someone with plenty in common even passionate about, but mainly sharing the same values. Then it is a case of both looking after each other.

I would just like someone who liked to do some of the same things I do. But, I am not going to let this affect my happiness!

 

[Serenia]

I don't think you need the perfect mate, nothing is perfect. Meeting someone with plenty in common even passionate about, but mainly sharing the same values. Then it is a case of both looking after each other.

I would just like someone who liked to do some of the same things I do. But, I am not going to let this affect my happiness!

Yeah it all depends on what level of togetherness you want.

 

[johnny196775Again]

Perfect was not a good word. I guess i meant compatible.

 

[Serenia]

^ I know what you mean.

 

[Amthorn]

I don't think you need the perfect mate, nothing is perfect. Meeting someone with plenty in common even passionate about, but mainly sharing the same values. Then it is a case of both looking after each other.

I would just like someone who liked to do some of the same things I do. But, I am not going to let this affect my happiness!

Yeah it all depends on what level of togetherness you want.

I think the problem a lot of people have, they immediately try to jump into a relationship without taking the time to befriend someone. You may have good sexual chemistry with someone, even share viewpoints and values, but if you don't like doing the same sorts of activities, it will be hard to maintain a practical long term relationship. Unless, of course, you can reconcile with having different preferences.

 

[ardour]

However innocent my intentions, I have offended a few women in the past. Clearly upset them by asking. I didn't mean to but I did.

I get paranoid about that too.

She may have been harassed or assaulted.

They're likely to view any 'attention' in the worst possible light unless they happen to return the interest (low chance of that).

 

[Triple Bogey]

However innocent my intentions, I have offended a few women in the past. Clearly upset them by asking. I didn't mean to but I did.

I get paranoid about that too.

She may have been harassed or assaulted.

They're likely to view any 'attention' in the worst possible light unless they happen to return the interest (low chance of that).

I think women (and men) in general don't like unwanted attention.
That's why asking somebody out is always tricky and needs some thinking and evaluating the pros and cons.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

I think women (and men) in general don't like unwanted attention.
That's why asking somebody out is always tricky and needs some thinking and evaluating the pros and cons.

... I'm inclined to agree with this. To all the posts I read in response to long term chronically single men-yes, I'm going to say men in the sense that tradition still expects the first move to come from us-generally. But yeah. To all those posts that more or less tell us to grow some nuts and just ask her out like it's just that simple, well I'm sorry. But no. It really isn't.

See, there's more to it than just getting a simple 'no'. Say you've established a friendship. You ask the question, and get rejected. You can't just take it back like it never happened. Now that she's aware of your romantic and/or sexual intentions, there'll be an air of awkwardness about the friendship. most likely scenario, the friendship fizzles out due to awkwardness, and MAYBE you reconnect again as acquaintances in a few years. Worst case scenario, you get cut out violently for betraying her trust in your character, and you never hear from her again. Ever. Best case scenario assumes you aren't rejected, but let's be honest here guys.....

So you see that it's not as simple as just asking. Not when those friendships are valued, and especially not when they're few and far between.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think women (and men) in general don't like unwanted attention.
That's why asking somebody out is always tricky and needs some thinking and evaluating the pros and cons.

... I'm inclined to agree with this. To all the posts I read in response to long term chronically single men-yes, I'm going to say men in the sense that tradition still expects the first move to come from us-generally. But yeah. To all those posts that more or less tell us to grow some nuts and just ask her out like it's just that simple, well I'm sorry. But no. It really isn't.

See, there's more to it than just getting a simple 'no'. Say you've established a friendship. You ask the question, and get rejected. You can't just take it back like it never happened. Now that she's aware of your romantic and/or sexual intentions, there'll be an air of awkwardness about the friendship. most likely scenario, the friendship fizzles out due to awkwardness, and MAYBE you reconnect again as acquaintances in a few years. Worst case scenario, you get cut out violently for betraying her trust in your character, and you never hear from her again. Ever. Best case scenario assumes you aren't rejected, but let's be honest here guys.....

So you see that it's not as simple as just asking. Not when those friendships are valued, and especially not when they're few and far between.

Exactly !

---

I actually nearly asked a woman out today. Somebody from work but we don't work any shifts together.
She gave me her number today. So I sent her a text with my number. She replied straight away, told me some stuff. I replied got another text. Back and forth, general stuff, she started asking me about my photographs. I thought 'hey why not ? I will ask, see what happens. see how easy it is' - so I sent a text implying a meeting of some kind, a bit vague - I mentioned showing her some of my photographs' - I thought if she replies to that I will ask her for a drink. No answer ! The slightest hint from me and it's silence. 4 hours of it.

My exact words (regarding my photo's)- 'I will have to show them to you sometime' - No Answer, no okay, fine, nothing. I get defeated at the very first hurdle. I imply a meeting outside of work and it's silence. There could be another reason, her credit ran out or she got busy but it makes you think. I feel like a jinx of some kind. Not like I am that bothered about her to be honest.

 

[ardour]

... I'm inclined to agree with this. To all the posts I read in response to long term chronically single men-yes, I'm going to say men in the sense that tradition still expects the first move to come from us-generally. But yeah. To all those posts that more or less tell us to grow some nuts and just ask her out like it's just that simple, well I'm sorry. But no. It really isn't.

See, there's more to it than just getting a simple 'no'. Say you've established a friendship. You ask the question, and get rejected. You can't just take it back like it never happened. Now that she's aware of your romantic and/or sexual intentions, there'll be an air of awkwardness about the friendship. most likely scenario, the friendship fizzles out due to awkwardness, and MAYBE you reconnect again as acquaintances in a few years. Worst case scenario, you get cut out violently for betraying her trust in your character, and you never hear from her again. Ever. Best case scenario assumes you aren't rejected, but let's be honest here guys.....

So you see that it's not as simple as just asking. Not when those friendships are valued, and especially not when they're few and far between.

Really well put.

In a situation like that people seem eager to jump to the conclusion that he must have faked friendship so he could hit on her. This is largely due to the Nice Guy stereotype that gets misapplied.

 

[Solivagant]

People seem eager to jump to the conclusion that a guy must have faked friendship so he could hit on her, as if friendship and attraction must start out mutually exclusive.

Some will say the same occurs when women ask male friend out...just no. Most of us wouldn't assume the worst and hate them for that.

So yeah, thanks, smug middle-class feminists for painting every man with a crush on a friend with the Nice Guy stereotype.

Wow, talk about painting with stereotypes.