How do you accept the fact that you'll be single forever?

[ardour]

There are plenty of women who never get a second glance either.

Fewer, though. Sucks for them too, but there isn't the same stigma attached.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

[...]
Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

It did but from my experience that only works with attractive guys.

I can tell you that I've had times where a girl and I hit it off, were at ease talking about anything and when I asked something like that it immediately weirded her out. And that's the typical answer. It's a no, but it's not just that, it's more along the lines of "eww no, why would you even ask that".
If that is all you've experienced and you're also a kind of shy/introverted guy to begin with this WILL bring you down and make you extremely hesitant in the future.

I feel that with alot of people such as ourselves with our varying degrees of social anxiety, our egos and sense of self-worth sits like a fragile house of cards. That one rejection knocks everything down, and it's near impossible to pick back up. Even if we could, would we really want to if someone's just going to knock it down again?

And I've seen alot more more indifference and even annoyance towards this topic lately, in which people like us are told to either man up, or shut up. I can't say I really blame them either. I mean, you can imagine how exhausting it must be on our peers when they have to repeat the same feel good words every time we come crying because we're too chickenshit to go out and take a hit.

I've come to accept that if I really can't/won't find the courage to ask a girl on a date/tell her my feelings, then I'm probably not going to be suitable boyfriend material. Call it acceptance of natural selection, and my place in that order if you will.

 

[Amthorn]

[...]
Did it ever occur to some guys that if they wanted something - to tell a female she looked nice, or a cup of coffee out, or a date or something - that all they have to do is ask? We're not monsters. If y'all don't want to ask for whatever reason - I don't care what reason, nerves, thinking she'll say no, I don't care - then that's on you. You want something? You ask. Least that can happen is a no. If you get a positive response, then you're pleasantly surprised for the day.

It did but from my experience that only works with attractive guys.

I can tell you that I've had times where a girl and I hit it off, were at ease talking about anything and when I asked something like that it immediately weirded her out. And that's the typical answer. It's a no, but it's not just that, it's more along the lines of "eww no, why would you even ask that".
If that is all you've experienced and you're also a kind of shy/introverted guy to begin with this WILL bring you down and make you extremely hesitant in the future.

I feel that with alot of people such as ourselves with our varying degrees of social anxiety, our egos and sense of self-worth sits like a fragile house of cards. That one rejection knocks everything down, and it's near impossible to pick back up. Even if we could, would we really want to if someone's just going to knock it down again?

And I've seen alot more more indifference and even annoyance towards this topic lately, in which people like us are told to either man up, or shut up. I can't say I really blame them either. I mean, you can imagine how exhausting it must be on our peers when they have to repeat the same feel good words every time we come crying because we're too chickenshit to go out and take a hit.

I've come to accept that if I really can't/won't find the courage to ask a girl on a date/tell her my feelings, then I'm probably not going to be suitable boyfriend material. Call it acceptance of natural selection, and my place in that order if you will.

If you're really ok with it, there's nothing wrong with staying single. You'll never get hit up for child support, you can watch whatever you want on TV, and you can go on vacation whenever you want. And if, by chance, you DO meet someone you're hot for, you don't have to back off because you already have a gf!!!

 

[looking glass]

[...]
I feel that with alot of people such as ourselves with our varying degrees of social anxiety, our egos and sense of self-worth sits like a fragile house of cards. That one rejection knocks everything down, and it's near impossible to pick back up. Even if we could, would we really want to if someone's just going to knock it down again?

And I've seen alot more more indifference and even annoyance towards this topic lately, in which people like us are told to either man up, or shut up. I can't say I really blame them either. I mean, you can imagine how exhausting it must be on our peers when they have to repeat the same feel good words every time we come crying because we're too chickenshit to go out and take a hit.

I've come to accept that if I really can't/won't find the courage to ask a girl on a date/tell her my feelings, then I'm probably not going to be suitable boyfriend material. Call it acceptance of natural selection, and my place in that order if you will.

I hear you. I've actually had a friend tell me how he's tired of listening to me self-pitying myself - and I can understand that. Not only is it tiring to hang out with someone who's down himself but who also gets others down with his attitude and by talking about it etc.
But on the other hand... you cannot win. Because if you don't talk about it it's only going to get worse and worse because it bottles up inside you. It's emotionally painful and really stressful. Sometimes it's so bad it starts physically hurting.
I'm not sure whether there's anything that can help oneself in such a case. My former therapist told me that these feelings will only probably stop once I find a girlfriend but now I'm actually not sure anymore. I think these feelings have become such an intrinsic part of me that I'll carry them with me forever.

Which also relates to what you said about being boyfriend material. Even if I can find a girl to date and what not I will always feel inadequate and feel like I probably don't deserve this and be afraid that the relationship might end. I'll be either too clingy because I'd be afraid to let go or too distant because I'd be afraid of being too clingy and pushing her away.

It's like we don't really fit into this world, as if there is no place for us and thus, as you said, natural selection takes its course and gets rid of us.

It still really, really hurts not being able to find love or to find someone and to be doomed to be alone forever. But life is neither fair nor unfair. There is no karma. The world just is as it is.

 

[ardour]

I can tell you that I've had times where a girl and I hit it off, were at ease talking about anything and when I asked something like that it immediately weirded her out. And that's the typical answer. It's a no, but it's not just that, it's more along the lines of "eww no, why would you even ask that".
If that is all you've experienced and you're also a kind of shy/introverted guy to begin with this WILL bring you down and make you extremely hesitant in the future.

You're right, it isn't the "no" or even the inevitable awkwardness, but the shock and disgust that accompanies it. After experiencing that it must be grating to hear advice about being upfront and honest.

Guess we shouldn't complain too much though, there are far worse things to go through (obviously). Some of us might not be relationship material in the first place. I'm sure I would also be a clingy insecure boyfriend in constant fear of being dumped.

 

[EveWasFramed]

*sigh*
That kind of stuff happens to us ladies as well.

Edit: Note TB's "big tall women" comment. As Ive said before, (it's been said in other threads) being tall and overweight, that remark is pretty hurtful.

But it makes my point PERFECTLY that women get the same treatment that men do.

Edit 2: In fact, the more I think about it, the more pissed off I become. Men haven't cornered the market on getting the weird looks, the shameful treatment and ugly comments (read: "I find them repulsive.")
So the next time someone wants to suggest that men have it worse when it comes to honeysuckle like that, think again. :club:

 

[ardour]

*sigh*
That kind of stuff happens to us ladies as well.

Edit: Note TB's "big tall women" comment. As Ive said before, being tall and overweight, that remark is pretty hurtful.

But it makes my point PERFECTLY that women get the same treatment that men do.

Except I doubt he would have immediately thought her a creep if she had shown some interest in him. Or made out that he was afraid of her, communicated serious discomfort about the situation to his friends, causing his friends and anyone else who happened to hear to pass judgement on her.

Edit: the "repulsive" comment was pretty nasty and uncalled for.

 

[constant stranger]

This thread is like an echo of my life story.....around and around. I'll be 62 this year and I'm fearful of aging alone but I'm also fearful of approaching anybody again. What I do in the end will depend on what scares me more. Sad really, because I seem to be motivated more by avoiding a negative than embracing a positive.

 

[EveWasFramed]

*sigh*
That kind of stuff happens to us ladies as well.

Edit: Note TB's "big tall women" comment. As Ive said before, being tall and overweight, that remark is pretty hurtful.

But it makes my point PERFECTLY that women get the same treatment that men do.

Except I doubt he would have immediately thought her a creep if she had shown some interest in him. Or made out that he was afraid of her, or communicated serious discomfort about the situation to his friends, causing his friends and anyone else who happened to hear to pass judgement on her.

Then you obviously haven't been paying close enough attention to his comments here and in other threads for the past couple of years.

But TB aside (and this isn't an attack on him) he does prove my point. And anyone who dismisses my argument isn't doing their homework and doesn't know honeysuckle about the things women endure.

Everyone is certainly entitled to their own opinions, but comments like that are just as hurtful for women as they are men.

*climbs down off of soap box*

 

[looking glass]

*sigh*
That kind of stuff happens to us ladies as well.

Edit: Note TB's "big tall women" comment. As Ive said before, (it's been said in other threads) being tall and overweight, that remark is pretty hurtful.

But it makes my point PERFECTLY that women get the same treatment that men do.

Edit 2: In fact, the more I think about it, the more pissed off I become. Men haven't cornered the market on getting the weird looks, the shameful treatment and ugly comments (read: "I find them repulsive.")
So the next time someone wants to suggest that men have it worse when it comes to honeysuckle like that, think again. :club:

I apologise, I never meant to imply that women do not go through these things. I merely described my own experiences. I'm sure there are women out there who go through the same things that I do.
It's just that I find it difficult to cope with my own problems and so I lose track of what happens to other people.

 

[EveWasFramed]

*sigh*
That kind of stuff happens to us ladies as well.

Edit: Note TB's "big tall women" comment. As Ive said before, (it's been said in other threads) being tall and overweight, that remark is pretty hurtful.

But it makes my point PERFECTLY that women get the same treatment that men do.

Edit 2: In fact, the more I think about it, the more pissed off I become. Men haven't cornered the market on getting the weird looks, the shameful treatment and ugly comments (read: "I find them repulsive.")
So the next time someone wants to suggest that men have it worse when it comes to honeysuckle like that, think again. :club:

I apologise, I never meant to imply that women do not go through these things. I merely described my own experiences. I'm sure there are women out there who go through the same things that I do.
It's just that I find it difficult to cope with my own problems and so I lose track of what happens to other people.

No no...please don't apologize. My comments weren't aimed at you at all! I wasn't at all offended by anything you said and I know that both sexes tolerate a fair amount of those types of behaviors.
Please, please don't feel you need to apologize.

 

[ninako]

Except I doubt he would have immediately thought her a creep if she had shown some interest in him. Or made out that he was afraid of her, communicated serious discomfort about the situation to his friends, causing his friends and anyone else who happened to hear to pass judgement on her.

what that happens to me all the time
just sayin happens to girls too [but maybe its just me]

 

[Locke]

Anyone who claims they have it worse than others shows a complete lack of empathy, sympathy and compassion. When they claim a entire gender has it better than they do, they show a complete lack of logic and understanding.

It's strange that these people argue that women must not have it as hard because you don't see them complaining as much. That too is false. Women complain about not receiving equal pay and opportunities. They complain about being sexually harassed. And yes, they even complain about being rejected based on their physical appearance. There are many other gender-specific things that they can and do complain about. The fact is that women have had it very hard throughout history. All one has to do is listen to do them for a few minutes to find out how and why. But of course, listening requires logic, compassion and sympathy.

You only get one life. If you want to waste it moaning about how hard it is and how women have it so much easier, then it's your loss. From what I've seen (on this forum and elsewhere), the only difference between men and women who complain is that the women try to improve their situation while still remaining compassionate and logical. Many of the men continue to sink deeper into their misery. It's easier for them to spend years of their life complaining about how it's all so unfair than it is for them to try to change things.

 

[ardour]

It's strange that these people argue that women must not have it as hard because you don't see them complaining as much. That too is false. Women complain about not receiving equal pay and opportunities. They complain about being sexually harassed. And yes, they even complain about being rejected based on their physical appearance.

Yet here you are claiming one group does in fact have it significantly worse, referring to issues outside of dating altogether. Women in the developed world still have it worse in some important respects. Doesn't invalidate issues related specifically to men.

There are many other gender-specific things that they can and do complain about. The fact is that women have had it very hard throughout history. All one has to do is listen to do them for a few minutes to find out how and why. But of course, listening requires logic, compassion and sympathy.

Women are being reincarnated and suffering the cumulative effects of thousands of years of oppression. Good argument.

You only get one life. If you want to waste it moaning about how hard it is and how women have it so much easier, then it's your loss. From what I've seen (on this forum and elsewhere), the only difference between men and women who complain is that the women try to improve their situation while still remaining compassionate and logical. Many of the men continue to sink deeper into their misery. It's easier for them to spend years of their life complaining about how it's all so unfair than it is for them to try to change things.

Well let's see some examples of these vastly different outlooks then.

 

[Locke]

Pretty serious charge there.

But fair

..and yet here you are claiming that one group does in fact have it worse, referring to some issues outside of dating altogether.

Where did I say that women have it worse? Your lack of reading and comprehension skills is boring.

Women in the West still 'have it worse' in some important respects. Doesn't invalidate issues related specifically to men.

Men who aren't you you mean, right? I'm just assuming that, since you haven't asked a woman out in years and have zero dating experience. You don't have a reason to complain at all, since you don't even try.

Women are being reincarnated and suffering the cumulative effects of thousands of years of oppression. Good argument.

Again, your comprehension skills are boring.

Well let's see some examples then. You get some reputation points for this though.

I don't know what makes you think I give a **** about rep points. I wouldn't care if they all disappeared. Maybe it's because, unlike you, I don't spend 10 hours a day on this forum crying about how the mean women are keeping me down.

But since you care about them so much, let me explain why you don't get more: All you ever post is misogynistic, hate-filled garbage. People don't like that.

Oh, one more thing:

Poor you! Life is sooo unfair, isn't it?

 

[ardour]

All you ever post is misogynistic, hate-filled garbage. People don't like that.

Nope, not actually accurate, I give general thoughts/advice.. such as it is.

You turn up on a semi regular basis, arrogantly pick someone apart then disappear.

 

[Locke]

All you ever post is misogynistic, hate-filled garbage. People don't like that.

Nope, not actually accurate, I give general thoughts/advice.. such as it is.

You appear on a semi regular basis, pick someone apart then disappear, and it does seem like there's another agenda/purpose here.

Is that like how you see feminist conspiracies where there are none? Whatever the case, your paranoia isn't my problem. And if "pick someone apart" means calling you on your crap after you attacked my post, then yep. I also get bored sometimes, and come here.

Edit: Also, if you're going to claim that I came here to start something with you, re-read my original post in this thread. I didn't mention you. You are the one who replied to me. If you don't like my posts, I suggest you ignore them, or put me on your ignore list. How hard is that?

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

Anyone who claims they have it worse than others shows a complete lack of empathy, sympathy and compassion. When they claim a entire gender has it better than they do, they show a complete lack of logic and understanding.

This is very relevant. Even with my lack of experience with dating/love/romance/etc, even I know that these three things are absolutely essential in any relationship-let alone romantic. Anyone that blames the opposite gender-regardless of what's between their legs for their romantic short comings clearly lacks these things, and should probably be kept away from in everyone's best interests....

I think maybe 4 years ago, I was in that place. Only I blamed everyone. I blamed all the loud, obnoxious Jersey Shore extras for being the arrogant showboating jerks they are, and yeah. I blamed the women that lavished them with attention for generally being shallow instead of looking deeper for a nicer person such as myself (spoiler alert: I'm actually not nice).

...Then Rodger Elliot happened. It was impossible to have avoided the #yesallwomen trend at the time, so I made myself watch some of the Rodge's rants. To my disgust, many of his rants mirrored my own frustrations. Rodger Elliot forced me to the conclusion that maybe I'm not as nice as I like to convince everyone I am. Perhaps I too have deep-rooted misogynistic tendencies, and that It's probably for the best that I keep myself locked away from any sort of romantic involvement.

Nowadays, I've come to accept that my shortcomings in love are exactly that-mine. Not the result of any individual, group, or entire gender. It's all on me, and as such, require a measure of personal responsibility. Alot of the decisions I've made in the past have been dictated by fear. But, as the saying goes. Fear is an emotion. Cowardice is a choice.

 

[ardour]

Edit: Also, if you're going to claim that I came here to start something with you, re-read my original post in this thread. I didn't mention you. You are the one who replied to me. If you don't like my posts, I suggest you ignore them, or put me on your ignore list. How hard is that?

You came here to start something with *someone*, out of boredom, in the process implying that someone is completely lacking empathy.

And I think I'll stay aware of you if you don't mind.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Both of you knock it off.