How do you all deal with Anger?

[VanillaCreme]

Get yourself together, and this girl will wash right out of your system. Who knows, if you become what you want to be this girl might come running after you. This thing with the "thug" probably won't last, they rarely ever do, unless she's an idiot.

Agree with everything except that. He should not be holding out hope for this, it will just hold him back and keep him depressed and wallowing in anger/self pity. Self improvement for the sake of someone's approval won't lead to long term progress.

I agree. I don't get the idea of changing just for the sake of wanting someone to like you. Like me as I am, or leave me be.

 

[Ymir]

Holy honeysuckle, the girl is just 19? All of this because a 19 years old GIRL? Mate, you are getting so worked up for nothing. Young people are immature. IF she buys into the "bad boy" image there's albout nothing you can do about it. She's just a young woman, plus it's an online relationship and you are broke (from what I've read). Maybe she doesn't want the work a long distance relationship entails.

Also, Ska, people are giving you good advice here. But it seems like your lack of self awareness and awareness of others as well as your lack of empathy will always speak louder. I said therapy, and I'm not joking. You should really get that checked before doing any progress towards being a better person.

 

[jjessea]

So here's what I want to know:
How old is this girl?
almost 20

So 19. This is what I suspected. You started talking to her when she was 18 years old, and probably fresh out of high school. She was probably flattered that an older man was interested in her. I don't know her but if she's a healthy 19 year old girl, she's going to be making stupid choices in regard to men for the next 3-4 years, at least. If she's smart she'll keep her eyes open and her options clear until she figures out what she really wants in life. Until she figures out who's right for her. I don't know much about you either, but I can almost guarantee that you're not it. Someone closer to her age, in her peer group would be a much better candidate.

Also, I know it's legal, and in some circles socially acceptable, but in my opinion this borders on being predatory. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Have you met in person yet?
no
How often do the two of you talk?
used to be almost daily for almost a year. we talked about deep things too and shared a lot of personal things. now just here and there after we argued.

Well, she's probably over it then, I suggest you do the same.

How much have you told her about how strongly you feel about her?
sort of

That's basically a no.

How do you think she would react? or how did she react if you already told her?
she gave me some excuse about how she would change or "ruin" me. I think it's because she's young and naive.

Yep, she's young and naive. Why the fresia are you fixated on her? Let her grow up and find herself for fucks sake. The phase of her life where she talked to you every day is over, now she's probably in the "making dumbass decisions with boys phase". Hopefully she makes it through it alright. Keeps your fingers crossed.

Was she involved with this man/boy when you met her?
no. I knew her for almost a year and a half first
How well do you know this man/boy she has chosen?
she told me he almost OD'ed and almost went to jail for possession and caused her all kinds of stress. and i've obviously seen what kind of person he is, the thug image and all, before i unfollowed her because i could no longer bear it.

So you don't really know him at all. Just like from facebook or something. How well does your profile or whatever reflect who you really are? I don't have an online profile, except on forums, so I don't really know anything about it, sorry.

The internet is what's unhealthy for you. Get off of it. Get out of the house. Go to the gym. Get a ******* career, a passion, you're almost 30 years old man. You are a MAN, start acting like one.

Do you think that this is healthy for you?
do i think what is unhealthy? this feeling? no, it hurts and when something hurts it generally means it's bad. but I don't want to give up either. I love her.

How, how, how can you love her if you think that a man who's almost 10 years her senior, who's never met her in person, who at the moment has no prospects and no clear future could be any good for her. Unless she's exceptional, she doesn't even know whats good for her. She probably hasn't figured herself out yet.

Would your life have been better if you had never met her?
it's tough to say. it would have saved me a lot of anger and stress, but she really did help me with things and genuinely showed an interest in my life.

I think this will be a good thing for you if you get over her. If you continue to fixate on her and let it ruin your life, then you're probably messed.

Do you think you'd be able to get over this girl if you had no other choice?
some part of me will always miss her. i've only ever met 2 other girls that even compare.

I believe you that there's something special about her. Some women are just gems, and they outshine everyone else around them.

Aaaaand, try and describe the type of man that you think she deserves. How close are you?
Who do I think she deserves? Well, someone good-looking, healthy, intelligent, well-read, creative, playful, interesting, exciting, adventurous, and fun. Honestly, I'm really not that close though. I'm behind in a lot of ways but that is another problem/long story in and of itself. But that's who I'd like to be someday.

So that's what came to your mind? Not caring, not understanding, not someone who can make her laugh, or hold her when she cries? Not someone who will be there for her in the long term? Not someone who could support her and a future family? Not someone who would hold her to her dreams and aspirations? Not someone who would help her live her life? Someone who would challenge her? Just a bunch of superficial attributes that you might as well list on a resume? C'mon...

---

Look, I really don't know the situation between you and this young lady, so I may be way off base, but I think you're fooling yourself man. You seem like you're at a rough point in your life, and I'd wager that your own personal difficulty is why you're so focused on this girl. Taking a hard look at yourself has to be difficult right now. The thing is, if you're not right, then whatever relationship you get into isn't going to be right either.

You keep talking about being who you want to be and being able to attract who you want, and not settling. But living with your parents, not having a job, not having a future or any aspirations, and surfing the ******* internet all day is settling. Every day you settle for being the person you are right now. Every moment.

Get yourself together, and this girl will wash right out of your system. Who knows, if you become what you want to be this girl might come running after you. This thing with the "thug" probably won't last, they rarely ever do, unless she's an idiot.

Also, the guy she's with probably has some growing up to do too. If he's around her age then he probably doesn't really know who he is either. If he OD'd, then he's got some problems of his own to work through. He may fail and turn into a piece of honeysuckle, or he may work through it and get himself together. Who the fresia are you to make that decision for him and end his life before he gets that chance. Most people are idiots, but in the end, they're really not all that bad. Just a little stupid.

On another note, this is something that my partner an I argue a lot about. Some people are really just born stupid, and you can't actually fix that. Stupid doesn't mean uneducated or ignorant, I'm talking stupid. Like can't understand the complexities of society and human nature. You can't let them take advantage of society or the system, but sometimes a little compassion and understanding is warranted. You can't go out and buy a new ******* brain for heavens sake. He doesn't get it.

---

This awful. I feel awful about this.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Is Ska really unaware? He's said a few times he knows all these. Why do we drive ourselves crazy like this, I don't know.

 

[jjessea]

He doesn't seem oblivious or out of touch, just in bad shape atm

 

[TheRealCallie]

Is Ska really unaware? He's said a few times he knows all these. Why do we drive ourselves crazy like this, I don't know.

He's been on the forum for 6 MONTHS and he's still talking about the SAME thing. Nothing changes, it's always the same thing. Even if he tries to switch it up, by the end of it, it's back to square one.

I'd say that's pretty unaware.....Obsession can do that to you. And it's also creepy.

 

[Ymir]

He knows, but does he understand? I don't think so, especially not if Ska has been talking about the same thing for six months.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Well, I hope Ska, you will come out of this and will be okay. :\

 

[PieBeNice]

The point is you are angry to the level that it feels physically nauseating. How do you calm yourself down before you do something stupid? How do you just not get to this level where it's literally making you feel heavy and sick? And how do you prevent it while still trying to solve your problem?

So my nature and appearance is similar to those who have ended up on the news for mass killings. When I was younger I found myself relating more and more to the outward descriptions of sociopaths and serial killers than I did to others around me. Moreover I felt a lack of control in regard to my anger and my violent fantasies. I had many violent fantasies, and sometimes still do. I was scared to death of myself. I ran away from home in part because I was afraid that I was eventually going to hurt my mother, who is nothing but sweet, kind, and caring.

Despite my anger, my frustration, and my fascination with violence and the pain of other people, I have never hurt anyone, and I'm confident now that I never will. I just made rules, and they were simple:

• Kill yourself before you kill anyone else
• Survive in misery before killing yourself and hurting those who love you
• Thrive in happiness as opposed to surviving in misery

The last is a goal rather than a rule, but I leave it in there as a reminder. I have yet to reach it.

As far as the PM's are concerned, I can't. Getting close to people is too hard for me, and PM's to me seem like a first step in that process. I like the idea of someone actually enjoying my presence, but when I really see it happening it makes me nauseated. It's like I just can't handle it. So I'm leaving the PM's disabled for now. Maybe the anti-depressants will help.​

Second rule is derpy. Why should you suffer for others?

 

[Rosebolt]

Nonono Ska, get your honeysuckle together. While you don't, other people will. You got great potential man, i know you do. Don't let it be wasted by something like hate. You know you're wrong, i know you know. Your love turned into hate, and it will achieve nothing.

You can hate people who do drugs all you want, but if you go around murdering people, what does that make you? The taking of another life is alot more serious than the decisions of someone else's life. It's their life, not yours.

You've lost who you are. Love has devoured you. I've seen it happen before, and it's one of the most horrid things that can happen to someone. But you can snap out of it, i know you can. You've lost who you are and now you're obsessed with how other people are. Hating them does not make you, it breaks you, sooner rather than later. You may already be broken, but you can fix yourself. You don't fix yourself by lashing out and focussing at/on others. You start focussing on yourself.

If you don't want to do that, and keep up the hate, then you might as well stop posting, because you'll be alone forever.

But not you Ska, not you. You got so much potential. Don't waste your life this way! Remember if you need help with something, pm me or anyone, and we're willing to help. Stay safe, please.

 

[Nicolelt]

Nonono Ska, get your honeysuckle together. While you don't, other people will. You got great potential man, i know you do. Don't let it be wasted by something like hate. You know you're wrong, i know you know. Your love turned into hate, and it will achieve nothing.

You can hate people who do drugs all you want, but if you go around murdering people, what does that make you? The taking of another life is alot more serious than the decisions of someone else's life. It's their life, not yours.

You've lost who you are. Love has devoured you. I've seen it happen before, and it's one of the most horrid things that can happen to someone. But you can snap out of it, i know you can. You've lost who you are and now you're obsessed with how other people are. Hating them does not make you, it breaks you, sooner rather than later. You may already be broken, but you can fix yourself. You don't fix yourself by lashing out and focussing at/on others. You start focussing on yourself.

If you don't want to do that, and keep up the hate, then you might as well stop posting, because you'll be alone forever.

But not you Ska, not you. You got so much potential. Don't waste your life this way! Remember if you need help with something, pm me or anyone, and we're willing to help. Stay safe, please.

^This^

 

[TheSkaFish]

Also, the guy she's with probably has some growing up to do too.....Who the fresia are you to make that decision for him and end his life before he gets that chance. Most people are idiots, but in the end, they're really not all that bad. Just a little stupid.

You know what, no. The rest of society might think he is "so cool" and "hard" and kiss his ass but I'm not going to excuse this dirtbag or any of his kind. Never. Who the fresia am I to decide? Someone who isn't going to bow down and kiss the ass of guys like that and just helplessly watch everything good go to them and act content with what they choose to leave, that's who the fresia I am.

So that's what came to your mind? Not caring, not understanding, not someone who can make her laugh, or hold her when she cries? Not someone who will be there for her in the long term? Not someone who could support her and a future family? Not someone who would hold her to her dreams and aspirations? Not someone who would help her live her life? Someone who would challenge her? Just a bunch of superficial attributes that you might as well list on a resume? C'mon...

What the goddamn fresia, man. I gave her plenty of all of those. I didn't bother listing them because I thought they were par for the course, I thought they fell under the category of "being nice" which we all know is an EXPECTATION, not sufficient without excitement. I can recall several occasions where I provided each one of those, and she did for me, except the future family thing because that was not applicable to the situation. Yeah, the more I read this the more I think you're a little off-base with this after all.

Do you really think I don't want to improve my situation? Do you really think that I think that I even can get by just sitting here in my parents' house? That I ENJOY having no money and not being where I know I should be???? I KNOW I have to get more ambitious. I know I have to fix some things not just to get a girlfriend but to survive. honeysuckle, if I'd been working like I was supposed to, then perhaps I could have invited her to move in with me when she was talking to me about wanting to move. Goddamn it. Not a day goes by that I don't regret not being ready when the time was right.

Honestly I'm very disappointed in this response and if anything it's only pissed me off more. Giving me answers like it's ME who is some ******* scumbag predator and giving the real scumbag absolution. No, you don't know the situation. You don't know what it was like. Why can't I be right for her? Because I'm just not a person who things work out for, because fresia me, huh? And I'm just supposed to "move on" and just take it, and just accept my role as a goddamn loser. Well fresia this honeysuckle.

I love her. We had a connection, I know we did from the way she acted and the things she said to me. She said the things no one else could say. No one available will ever be able to take her place.

---

I still don't understand why you have a hatred of what other people have or get.

Because I'm so tired of being dicked around by life that it's unreal. I'm tired of the way that things don't work out for me when they count. It seems like there are 2 kinds of people in this world: those who get their way, and those who get what's left and just have to make due with it. I don't want to just learn to pretend to be happy with someone that life just picks out for me at random. I want to be the kind of person who gets what they want. Who can make that happen. I'm just so angry because I get one life, and instead of being in love like I would be with her, instead of getting to experience the real thing in all its brightness, the best I am allowed is to just pretend to be happy with someone who I am not really interested in but who is all I can get. All I'll get to do is just go through the motions, in my one life. I don't get to experience creating, developing, and joy, my experience will be acceptance and resignation. Goddamn. And then someday I will be the old man saying to some angry young guy, "you're either someone who gets the good things, or you're not. Life's a ***** and then you die. Get used to it."

Ska, I like you. Aside from all this hatred for people who don't even know your name, you seem like a cool dude.

Thanks. But it's hard to believe I have anything likeable when life keeps shutting me out.

They are not the black cloud over your head. Your attitude and your view, and everything that is sullied and sodden with the detestation you hold for this... It's bringing you down. When was the last day you refused to let other people rule over your feelings?

On some level I know this, that's why I made the thread. I don't want to go through the rest of my life in this haze of anger and sadness, because I just don't do anything but stew in these feelings. I just kind of stop living. Sometimes I feel like I'm choking on these feelings, they make me feel ill. I honestly don't remember the last time I was fine. Probably Halloween. That was just before everything started to go to hell. She was still sweet to me then. Then I went to a party and she went to the psych ward. And she hasn't been the same since.

Love is a real ***** if you don't have what it takes to play the game. I'm caught in limbo between wanting to do more with my life and just feeling done. I'm clearly not the kind of person that can make things happen, that's why this is the outcome. So why bother trying. I'm just going to get what I'm allowed regardless of whether I like it or not. I just want to be someone else. I want to be someone who gets what they want, not just another loser who just resigns themselves to mediocrity.

 

[painter's radio]

Take Valium and have a good old angry wank.

#yolo

 

[TheSkaFish]

Take Valium and have a good old angry wank.

#yolo

I don't like taking pills and masturbation only adds an exclamation point to my loneliness. It just rips open and salts the wound. It also makes me feel physically ill. No joke.

 

[painter's radio]

Yer I was just saying that's what I do when I'm angry.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You know what, no. The rest of society might think he is "so cool" and "hard" and kiss his ass but I'm not going to excuse this dirtbag or any of his kind. Never. Who the fresia am I to decide? Someone who isn't going to bow down and kiss the ass of guys like that and just helplessly watch everything good go to them and act content with what they choose to leave, that's who the fresia I am.

Yes, because they should be doing that for YOU?

Seriously dude, it's time to wake the fresia up and join the real world. Sorry, but you are in denial about quite a few things....

 

[Rosebolt]

Don't let it eat you dude, please. :/

 

[jjessea]

Second rule is derpy. Why should you suffer for others?

It would destroy my mother. She's as alone as I am and has been good to me all my life, but I haven't been necessarily good to her. She would be devastated and she doesn't deserve that.

Besides, if I haven't reached the third stage by the time she dies I'm just gonna end it anyway. What's a few more years of misery to me?

 

[user 115627]

Only one thing is clear to me here: If you continue on the road of hatred and anger, it's gonna gnaw you to the bone till nothing's left of you. This overly competitive attitude is not healthy either. Life is not some game to be won with preset quests to be completed while you're at it. No woman is a damsel in distress asking to be rescued by a white knight. And you don't have to fight any barbarians here either. You're not picking from the 'refuse pile' just because you don't compete with anyone over a woman. That's so goddam childish anyway. It's only a contest if you want to make one out of it.

This whole bad boy business...I don't know where you're coming from and I can only imagine how much of a thorn in your side the daily confrontation with these people is. You can keep telling yourself that something's fundamentally wrong within society when these guys are successful with women...but that does not change reality. Bad things happen to good people and good things to bad people. Who deserves something and who does not is not yours to decide. Vigilante actions for greater justice aren't helping either. You don't have control about about people's preferences and they have to make bad decisions and experiences all by themselves.

But you have control over your own life.
Don't judge it by childish categories such as winning or losing...

PS: I'm aware that I'm probably just repeating arguments others have made before me...

 

[TheSkaFish]

Long story short, I'm mad because I've been kicked around so much and you can only have that happen so much before you want to see the other guy get knocked down for a change. I always see these tough guys smugly riding high, and everyone thinks they are the coolest thing ever. I want to see them get cut down to size. I want to see them get knocked down a peg or two.

Well why do some people get to pick and choose with no resistance from life, while others have to just settle for whoever or whatever is left?

Everyone says I have so much control and so much freedom, but it seems the only choice I have available to me is to accept loss. To just accept that I won't get anything I want. Especially with women. The only option I get is between someone plain and dull or nothing, and all I can do is choose between being angry about it or resigning myself to it. Happiness is not on the table. Meanwhile others have the option to choose whatever they want. I don't want to accept, I want to fix this problem. If I could learn to get what I want like other people can, some of my anger would disappear.