How do you all deal with Anger?

[TheSkaFish]

What do you think will happen if you don't solve your anger issue?

I'm not sure. I think the anger will come and go. Some days I'll be calm, but some days, I'll be almost twitching with anger wanting to fight at the slightest provocation. And I will either act on it or not. Maybe something catastrophic. Maybe nothing. I don't know. Maybe I won't act on it, but bottling it up inside will wear my health down rapidly. Maybe it will take away my motivation to do anything else. Most likely I don't think I'd ever get to the point of attacking someone, as much as I would like to. Like I said, my life has value to me so I know I have too much to lose to act upon my anger. But then it just wells up inside. I think I will most likely become a bitter, angry, lonely old man.

I don't know what will happen but I'd like it to diminish because I don't want to go through the rest of my life just waiting for the next anger storm to happen. I want things to get better. Not just an endless cycle of being pushed around by problems and the anger that results from it.

As far as what I'm angry at, it's "bad boys" and how no one seems to be willing or able to put them in their place. There doesn't seem to be a way to call "bullshit" on them and expose them for being just that. Like, there doesn't seem to be a way to push them back. To beat them at life. They just seem to get their way because of their image and because society publicly condemns them but in actions, it backs them up. Which only adds to their smug position as people who get to take whatever they want.

I'm angry that I can't seem to figure this out and do something to stop it from happening over and over and over.

 

[Lowlander]

You could smoke a bowl, it tends to calm people down, or drink some chamomille tea. Are some relaxing medication. You could also change your view of the world, instead of being angry at everyone for no reason, you could just start with yourself and try to make something out of your life. There are more than just a handful of women on this planet, remember that.

There's lots of everything in this world. But only a handful of that is actually desirable. This is the problem.

I think that's kinda your problem, you are too picky. Just 'loosen up' just a little, it might open your eyes, give you some more experiences?

 

[PieBeNice]

What do you think will happen if you don't solve your anger issue?

I'm not sure. I think the anger will come and go. Some days I'll be calm, but some days, I'll be almost twitching with anger wanting to fight at the slightest provocation. And I will either act on it or not. Maybe something catastrophic. Maybe nothing. I don't know. Maybe I won't act on it, but bottling it up inside will wear my health down rapidly. Maybe it will take away my motivation to do anything else. Most likely I don't think I'd ever get to the point of attacking someone, as much as I would like to. Like I said, my life has value to me so I know I have too much to lose to act upon my anger. But then it just wells up inside. I think I will most likely become a bitter, angry, lonely old man.

I don't know what will happen but I'd like it to diminish because I don't want to go through the rest of my life just waiting for the next anger storm to happen. I want things to get better. Not just an endless cycle of being pushed around by problems and the anger that results from it.

As far as what I'm angry at, it's "bad boys" and how no one seems to be willing or able to put them in their place. There doesn't seem to be a way to call "bullshit" on them and expose them for being just that. Like, there doesn't seem to be a way to push them back. To beat them at life. They just seem to get their way because of their image and because society publicly condemns them but in actions, it backs them up. Which only adds to their smug position as people who get to take whatever they want.

I'm angry that I can't seem to figure this out and do something to stop it from happening over and over and over.

I don't see why it's fair on yourself to say you have to control your anger. It's not your fault that you feel this way. You can't get rid of your anger other than by releasing it, and its really unhealthy to do anything else. There's nothing wrong with shouting at people who deserve it at the very least when you get put in these situations. It will serve no practical purpose but if you need to rant then you ought to. Don't lower yourself by taking the standards of the "bad boys" as you or the people who treat them better by committing violence. Harming people is their way of doing things.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

 

[PieBeNice]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

He's not entitled to not feel angry? He can't judge people based on actions he clearly described in his posts? He has to know someone personally to have an opinion on the way they're affecting his life?

k

 

[Lowlander]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

He's not entitled to not feel angry? He can't judge people based on actions he clearly described in his posts? He has to know someone personally to have an opinion on the way they're affecting his life?

k

Well, I think he can, but he kinda contradicts himself at times.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

He's not entitled to not feel angry? He can't judge people based on actions he clearly described in his posts? He has to know someone personally to have an opinion on the way they're affecting his life?

k

I don't feel anyone is entitled to much of anything. Certainly not other human beings.
He can judge whatever he wants, but all he's doing is putting himself in with the same crowd of people he hates for no good reason.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

Oh, right. Because that guy wearing baggy pants, a bandanna, and a shirt that says "thug life" or some crap on it throwing up signs isn't trying to convey any message at all. Neither is the guy on the Harley with tattoo sleeves and an outlaw biker vest, revving and making all kinds of noise and driving like a dick. Nope. They aren't trying to suggest anything whatsoever. They are just wonderful people that probably help old ladies across the street and never drink nor smoke nor get high and are sweet family men who always on time to work and donate half their paychecks to the local orphanage, and I'm just a jerk for stereotyping them.

Please.

 

[PieBeNice]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

He's not entitled to not feel angry? He can't judge people based on actions he clearly described in his posts? He has to know someone personally to have an opinion on the way they're affecting his life?

k

I don't feel anyone is entitled to much of anything. Certainly not other human beings.
He can judge whatever he wants, but all he's doing is putting himself in with the same crowd of people he hates for no good reason.

In the thread he's never claimed entitlement to others. He's said that because he hasn't had the same oppurtunities as others he's become angry. In fact several times he's stated the opposite to being entitled, he's said he won't act on his anger. I don't see what good it does putting words into his mouth.

 

[Lowlander]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

Oh, right. Because that guy wearing baggy pants, a bandanna, and a shirt that says "thug life" or some crap on it throwing up signs isn't trying to convey any message at all. Neither is the guy on the Harley with tattoo sleeves and an outlaw biker vest, revving and making all kinds of noise and driving like a dick. Nope. They aren't trying to suggest anything whatsoever. They are just wonderful people that probably help old ladies across the street and never drink nor smoke nor get high and are sweet family men who always on time to work and donate half their paychecks to the local orphanage, and I'm just a jerk for stereotyping them.

Please.

Let me just say something. I am an average guy with normal clothing however I am a metalhead and I have LOTS of black clothes, band shirts, and gloves with studs on it. If I were to walk next to you, you would judge me on my clothing but you wouldn't know my inside at all. You're so shallow minded and full of yourself, people also wear clothes to express themselfs/creativity .. not to just carry negative messages or things like you imply.

 

[PieBeNice]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

Oh, right. Because that guy wearing baggy pants, a bandanna, and a shirt that says "thug life" or some crap on it throwing up signs isn't trying to convey any message at all. Neither is the guy on the Harley with tattoo sleeves and an outlaw biker vest, revving and making all kinds of noise and driving like a dick. Nope. They aren't trying to suggest anything whatsoever. They are just wonderful people that probably help old ladies across the street and never drink nor smoke nor get high and are sweet family men who always on time to work and donate half their paychecks to the local orphanage, and I'm just a jerk for stereotyping them.

Please.

Let me just say something. I am an average guy with normal clothing however I am a metalhead and I have LOTS of black clothes, band shirts, and gloves with studs on it. If I were to walk next to you, you would judge me on my clothing but you wouldn't know my inside at all. You're so shallow minded and full of yourself, people also wear clothes to express themselfs/creativity .. not to just carry negative messages or things like you imply.

You don't have any clothes. I've seen you enough to know this. I don't think he gave what you said as an example though.

 

[Lowlander]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

Oh, right. Because that guy wearing baggy pants, a bandanna, and a shirt that says "thug life" or some crap on it throwing up signs isn't trying to convey any message at all. Neither is the guy on the Harley with tattoo sleeves and an outlaw biker vest, revving and making all kinds of noise and driving like a dick. Nope. They aren't trying to suggest anything whatsoever. They are just wonderful people that probably help old ladies across the street and never drink nor smoke nor get high and are sweet family men who always on time to work and donate half their paychecks to the local orphanage, and I'm just a jerk for stereotyping them.

Please.

Let me just say something. I am an average guy with normal clothing however I am a metalhead and I have LOTS of black clothes, band shirts, and gloves with studs on it. If I were to walk next to you, you would judge me on my clothing but you wouldn't know my inside at all. You're so shallow minded and full of yourself, people also wear clothes to express themselfs/creativity .. not to just carry negative messages or things like you imply.

You don't have any clothes. I've seen you enough to know this. I don't think he gave what you said as an example though.

So what did he give?

 

[PieBeNice]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

Oh, right. Because that guy wearing baggy pants, a bandanna, and a shirt that says "thug life" or some crap on it throwing up signs isn't trying to convey any message at all. Neither is the guy on the Harley with tattoo sleeves and an outlaw biker vest, revving and making all kinds of noise and driving like a dick. Nope. They aren't trying to suggest anything whatsoever. They are just wonderful people that probably help old ladies across the street and never drink nor smoke nor get high and are sweet family men who always on time to work and donate half their paychecks to the local orphanage, and I'm just a jerk for stereotyping them.

Please.

Let me just say something. I am an average guy with normal clothing however I am a metalhead and I have LOTS of black clothes, band shirts, and gloves with studs on it. If I were to walk next to you, you would judge me on my clothing but you wouldn't know my inside at all. You're so shallow minded and full of yourself, people also wear clothes to express themselfs/creativity .. not to just carry negative messages or things like you imply.

You don't have any clothes. I've seen you enough to know this. I don't think he gave what you said as an example though.

So what did he give?

Read his post...

 

[TheSkaFish]

Let me just say something. I am an average guy with normal clothing however I am a metalhead and I have LOTS of black clothes, band shirts, and gloves with studs on it. If I were to walk next to you, you would judge me on my clothing but you wouldn't know my inside at all. You're so shallow minded and full of yourself, people also wear clothes to express themselfs/creativity .. not to just carry negative messages or things like you imply.

I'm a pretty big music fan myself, lots of band shirts and such. Punk rock bands at that (from before it was what it is today). Most of my guitar heroes would probably disagree with me but I just like the music. I don't do the "tough guy" image crap. I love creativity and expression but the thing is, some things definitely carry a certain image more than others and that's why they wear them. People don't just accidentally look like "gangstas" and outlaw bikers. People don't get sleeves because they like all the pretty colors. They do it to send a message of "you want to watch out for me, I'm a thug, I'm too badass to care about the pain".

Worse are those who use drugs as a way of being "badass" and "cool". "Oh I do drugs, I'm so cool. I don't care that it's unhealthy because I'm tough". This junior high mentality abounds even in adult life and it makes me sick. Smoke if you want, I don't (I even think some psychedelics have value) but don't flaunt it like it makes you so great. Yet people still eat it up.

I'm not shallow. I'm not the one who spends all their money and time cultivating an image.

 

[jjessea]

Ska, why don't you tell us about the situation at hand. Instead of asking about how to handle symptoms and running through page after page of reply's when people don't get it.

Here is what I know so far: there's a younger girl that your interested in, who you met online. You talked to and related to this person, and she seems to you like everything you would want out of a partner. She's played with your emotions a bit, fed into your interest in her, and she may even reciprocate that interest on some level. Despite that she has chosen someone else, someone who characterizes everything you hate; a posturing, transparent bad boy type that many women seem to fall for, and it is ******* you up. Big time.

So here's what I want to know:
How old is this girl?

Have you met in person yet?

How often do the two of you talk?

How much have you told her about how strongly you feel about her?

How do you think she would react? or how did she react if you already told her?

Was she involved with this man/boy when you met her?

How well do you know this man/boy she has chosen?

Do you think that this is healthy for you?

Would your life have been better if you had never met her?

Do you think you'd be able to get over this girl if you had no other choice?

Aaaaand, try and describe the type of man that you think she deserves. How close are you?

I kinda just want to know the story here, since it always seems to come back to the same subject line with you. You seem have a common theme, or so I've noticed, and I've only been on here for like 3-4 weeks.

---

...sorry if some of that has already been stated before, I just don't have time to run through page after page of posts and reply's.
I also apologize if my assessment was just plain wrong.​

 

[TheRealCallie]

Can I just insert into this thread that you can claim these are "bad boys" all you want, but YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! Stop judging them based on them getting what YOU want. Stop judging them because they have what you think you deserve. Just stop. You are stereotyping them because of what YOU think. That's bullshit, I'm sorry, but it is. You say you aren't a bad person, but all I've seen in this thread is bad behavior, bad attitude and self entitlement.

Oh, right. Because that guy wearing baggy pants, a bandanna, and a shirt that says "thug life" or some crap on it throwing up signs isn't trying to convey any message at all. Neither is the guy on the Harley with tattoo sleeves and an outlaw biker vest, revving and making all kinds of noise and driving like a dick. Nope. They aren't trying to suggest anything whatsoever. They are just wonderful people that probably help old ladies across the street and never drink nor smoke nor get high and are sweet family men who always on time to work and donate half their paychecks to the local orphanage, and I'm just a jerk for stereotyping them.

Please.

No, you have no idea who and what those people are. You have NO right to judge them based on ignorant stereotypes. You are generalizing everyone that rides a motorcycles and has tattoos or wears "gang" clothing as a bad person, yet it's likely a good bet that you have never once gotten to know anyone like. I know a good deal of people who ride motorcycles and are covered in tats and they are better people than most. On the other side of that, I know plenty of people that have NO tattoos and pretend to be model citizens that are far worse than any of the "tough" guys I know.
YOU DO NOT KNOW THEM! You have no right to judge them.

In the thread he's never claimed entitlement to others. He's said that because he hasn't had the same oppurtunities as others he's become angry. In fact several times he's stated the opposite to being entitled, he's said he won't act on his anger. I don't see what good it does putting words into his mouth.

Yes, and I could claim to be a 500 pound hairy gorilla, but that doesn't mean it's the truth

 

[TheSkaFish]

Ska, why don't you tell us about the situation at hand. Instead of asking about how to handle symptoms and running through page after page of reply's when people don't understand.

...sorry if some of that has already been stated before, I just don't have time to run through page after page of posts and reply's.
I also apologize if my assessment was just plain wrong.​

Thanks, jjessea. This is probably one of the most sensible and helpful replies I've received.

But I think the majority of the post would be better resolved through PM. I can answer your questions there, if you still wish to help. I kind of unwittingly helped degrade the thread by talking about what was making me angry, versus the general concept of dealing with greater than average anger itself, how to calm oneself down when caught in the throes of anger, and how to prevent anger in the first place but while still being proactive about solving rather than accepting the problems you face.

What I was really after in this thread is:

In this scenario, you are already very angry. It can be about anything and it doesn't matter what. My specific example was "bad boys" but you can be angry at any person, group, thing, situation, etc. The point is you are angry to the level that it feels physically nauseating. How do you calm yourself down before you do something stupid? How do you just not get to this level where it's literally making you feel heavy and sick? And how do you prevent it while still trying to solve your problem?

 

[Lowlander]

You want us to help yet you wish to go into detail in pm? So how are we supposed to help you in a good, efficient way? Also, I don't know if you were implying so, but I do not go for the 'tough guy' image. See, the thing is, you automatically assume people are tough by judging them on their clothes, which is something you shouldn't do. You judge too much, THAT is your biggest problem. Some adequate advice: Try to not judge people .. like they say 'you can't judge a book by its cover'

 

[jjessea]

The point is you are angry to the level that it feels physically nauseating. How do you calm yourself down before you do something stupid? How do you just not get to this level where it's literally making you feel heavy and sick? And how do you prevent it while still trying to solve your problem?

So my nature and appearance is similar to those who have ended up on the news for mass killings. When I was younger I found myself relating more and more to the outward descriptions of sociopaths and serial killers than I did to others around me. Moreover I felt a lack of control in regard to my anger and my violent fantasies. I had many violent fantasies, and sometimes still do. I was scared to death of myself. I ran away from home in part because I was afraid that I was eventually going to hurt my mother, who is nothing but sweet, kind, and caring.

Despite my anger, my frustration, and my fascination with violence and the pain of other people, I have never hurt anyone, and I'm confident now that I never will. I just made rules, and they were simple:

• Kill yourself before you kill anyone else
• Survive in misery before killing yourself and hurting those who love you
• Thrive in happiness as opposed to surviving in misery

The last is a goal rather than a rule, but I leave it in there as a reminder. I have yet to reach it.

As far as the PM's are concerned, I can't. Getting close to people is too hard for me, and PM's to me seem like a first step in that process. I like the idea of someone actually enjoying my presence, but when I really see it happening it makes me nauseated. It's like I just can't handle it. So I'm leaving the PM's disabled for now. Maybe the anti-depressants will help.​

 

[TheSkaFish]

You want us to help yet you wish to go into detail in pm? So how are we supposed to help you in a good, efficient way? Also, I don't know if you were implying so, but I do not go for the 'tough guy' image. See, the thing is, you automatically assume people are tough by judging them on their clothes, which is something you shouldn't do. You judge too much, THAT is your biggest problem. Some adequate advice: Try to not judge people .. like they say 'you can't judge a book by its cover'

Well, I wasn't saying that YOU do. I've never seen a picture of you nor know anything about you other than this post. The guy who is at the source of my anger though, is definitely going for the "tough guy/badass/you don't want to mess with me" macho bullshit. You can just tell. I mean, come on. It is a "tough" image. It doesn't intimidate me, personally I think most things of that nature are corny and lame. But "tough" is the general feeling a lot of such people are trying to convey.