how many people thought of ending ur own life?

[Lishniy Chelovek]

God I really wish I could kill myself. Life hasn't worked out well and it doesn't seem like it ever will. The present is something to be endured and the future is something to be feared. I have no idea why I continue this stupid charade.

Pretend that was someone else's comment and you had just read it. How would you respond to it? Coz that's your answer (if you're looking for one).

I know, probably a shitty thing to say but I have this terrible habit of being honest.

 

[the_ice_man]

I know, probably a shitty thing to say but I have this terrible habit of being honest.

Not a shitty thing to say, if that's how you're feeling right now. I think a few people on here have felt like that at some point in their lives (me included).
The things is I don't always feel like that, so deep inside I know those dark thoughts will subside. Quite often something makes me very miserable and I will feel very sorry for myself. The suicidal thoughts are like a way of punishing myself for not being able to cope, coz I feel useless. So I have a good cry and I'm disgusted with myself. But after a while I have a cup of tea and wonder what the fuss is all about! The key is to stop thinking too much! Our thought are the real killers here. What's the name of that book? "Change your thoughts, change your mind" I found that quite helpful...

 

[ardour]

As I get older I look more and more like that disgusting man... I've cut what hair I have off short and you can really see the resemblance.
I have maybe 2-friends, but women hate me, never had any relationship experience and most acquaintances go from agreeable to turning on me in a short time. But I won't consider it because it's like an attempt guilt trip people from a post-mortem state, that and it sends the message that there really was something wrong with me. I have a right to life as much as the next person. No-one's going to make me feel bad enough to throw it away.

It's really annoying to hear those who have friends, a spouse, KIDS complain that it's all so pointless. Makes me think that some people don't deserve what they have.

 

[the_ice_man]

It's really annoying to hear those who have friends, a spouse, KIDS complain that it's all so pointless. Makes me think that some people don't deserve what they have.

When you suffer from depression, you are alone no matter what your circumstances are. You suffer alone. I admit it's nice to have my kids around me now and then, and a g/f to do things with, but it's all a facade. I feel like a drowning man struggling for air sometimes.

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's really annoying to hear those who have friends, a spouse, KIDS complain that it's all so pointless. Makes me think that some people don't deserve what they have.

When you suffer from depression, you are alone no matter what your circumstances are. You suffer alone. I admit it's nice to have my kids around me now and then, and a g/f to do things with, but it's all a facade. I feel like a drowning man struggling for air sometimes.

You CHOOSE to be alone. You don't have to be. You can get help and you can get better, if you want to....if you let go of the fear and doubt and negativity.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's really annoying to hear those who have friends, a spouse, KIDS complain that it's all so pointless. Makes me think that some people don't deserve what they have.

What does it matter what someone has? They can't feel a certain way because of that? A person's married so they can't ever feel lonely? Or they have kids, so they can't ever feel like they may not have a purpose? Having certain things doesn't mean feelings are canceled out.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Never and I never will.

 

[M_also_lonely]

I attempted twice, but failed both the times....

 

[JHK]

I've tried twice. Once when I was 13, once when I was 17. I've come **** close recently. If it wasn't for one person (who I've treated like honeysuckle and plan to rectify that today) I probably would have again this past month.
I don't like myself. I don't like what I have been, and I don't like what I am. I think I'm a waste and I can't see why anyone would be bothered with the likes of me.
I have a plan, though. 27 seems as good a time as many.

 

[ICU]

Quite often. Nothing really stopped me as I never came close to doing it. It's not the right time.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I've tried twice. Once when I was 13, once when I was 17. I've come **** close recently. If it wasn't for one person (who I've treated like honeysuckle and plan to rectify that today) I probably would have again this past month.
I don't like myself. I don't like what I have been, and I don't like what I am. I think I'm a waste and I can't see why anyone would be bothered with the likes of me.
I have a plan, though. 27 seems as good a time as many.

Many of us can't see why within ourselves. But that doesn't stop people from caring.

 

[niceguysfinishlast]

I have on a couple occasions but thankfully not recently.

 

[M_also_lonely]

because of the worthless people around us? Nobody should've....

 

[Digitales]

I don't have typical suicidal ideation, I just derive comfort from knowing that one day, I will take my life.

It won't be old age, cancer or other illness. It will be me.. and I will go on my own terms, when I feel the moment is right.

It is not right now.. and won't be right for a very long time, I hope.

 

[Hauntyoueveryday]

Every now and then. But not seriously in a long time if ever.

 

[PenDragon]

Have I tried It? No. Have I thought about It? Yes, just once for 2-3 seconds but It was gone like wisp of clouds. Never again I've thought about It since.

 

[Musicman]

Often. But I couldn't do that to my family or my few friends or my dog, and I don't want the people who've wronged me to think it's their fault... I dislike them but they don't deserve that guilt.

 

[NightHawkJohn]

I have tried a few times when i was a teen and once when i was in my twenty's, luckily i did not succeed.

I kinda thought those feelings were behind me but, I have been having suicidal thoughts lately as my long term GF/Fiance has broke up with me, i don't think they will turn into actions as after my last nearly successful attempt around 11years ago i felt like i was meant to be here no matter how bad i felt and that it would not solve anything as i am meant to be living here and trying to overcome my problems.

But i am pretty messed up at the moment, cant seem to sleep or eat and although i went out just a little while ago to do some shopping the whole time i felt like i was going to burst into tears every few minutes now i am back home i am trying to distract myself with it all.
I am also going to book an appointment to see a therapist as i feel like i need help putting my life back together.

I really do feel for you all on here who don't have anybody and those that feel so sad i hope things get better for you all, i don't know what i would do without everyone here as i don't have anyone to talk to and have no friends so its nice to have somewhere to talk or whatever.

 

[xwmstormx]

have u thought of sucide ... and what stopped you from doing it?

Yes. Sorry for the very long post here all. Maybe it'll help someone.

When I was in Middle School I took a handful of mixed painkillers anywhere between 20-30. Didn't kill me, just put me to sleep during science class and woke up in math class. Back then teachers did multiple jobs.

In high school I overdosed on acid. Took 9 hits of double dipped white blotter laced with speed. I have a bad mitral valve and my heart was racing but it didn't explode.
- I also drank a 5th on the bus on the way to school every day. Oddly no teachers noticed that I was drunk. Still can't figure that out today.

In my early 20's I tried to drink myself to death and wound up with a dui and a cold nights sleep in the police station's drunk tank. Drinking pattern realized.

I've cut, took pills, drank, done drugs, drove too reckless, got in the wrong crowds, been to rehab, had guns put to my head, jumped off buildings, been hit by a car, got thrown from an amusement park ride, had heart surgery that was not needed and the crazy list goes on from how many ways I could have and perhaps should have died...

... I'm still here..

Very thankful for that by the way.

See, now that I'm in my 40's I can look back at all the things of my past that made me the man I am today. It took time to realize a lot of important things.

Like:
- I control me. No others control my thoughts and actions. Nor can they sway or manipulate them.
- I am one of a kind (unique/individual): No others will be like me. I am unique and when I am gone no other after me will be the same as me. I have my own thoughts, feelings and my own opinions. No other can be me in those aspects.

The most important part:
- I am mortal:

I will die one day and all memories I have will be gone. I'll never get to experience life again. To see a sunset, a sunrise, a thunderstorm. Get to run in the rain, jump in a puddle, make a snowman and throw snowballs. Get a tan on the beach and swim in the water. Sit and watch the seasons change in the trees with their magical colors from green to reds and browns.

I'll never get to look at the stars, smell the clean air after a rainfall, kick back aside a fireplace hearing the crackling of the wood. Taste food and cook food that makes my mouth water for more.

I'm so very thankful that I did not succeed in killing myself. Regardless of the good and bad emotional times I've had in my past it is because of those that I am extremely happy in my life today. I know who I am, what I want and I go for it every day.

For those thinking about suicide I only have so many words. I will offer those if you are in need of such. My PM box is open to you to use if you choose to use it.

I can't in any way shape or form explain how I went from suicidal, hating life, unhappy thinking that no one will ever care for me to the complete opposite that I am today.

I am thankful that I am a suicide survivor and each day I appreciate life in a way that no others in my life understand or can even comprehend. I see life for what it is.

Extraordinary!

The good keeps us going and the bad reminds us that we can get stronger from that experience.

Sorry that this was a long post. I got a lot said but not all that I could say is in this post.

So how do I end this post..

..

I was once young. Needing people to notice and accept me into their lives. Doing so meant that I had to be someone that I was not. Over time I grew up accepting who I am. I found myself. Those people that I knew went away because they could no longer control me.

From that moment I was truly alive. Since then I found people that actually accept and appreciate me for who I am.

I am alive.

I exist.

I am a survivor.

 

[Volt]

^ That post was beautiful, sir wmstorm, thanks alot for it, too. It's helpful to me, i think i'll save it, if that's okay with you. Lots of love to you!