How/where can you meet girls when you are really shy?

[TheRealCallie]

I think OP is great the way he is.

So, being shy is something that you should improve from. I see, so being shy is bad and being less shy makes you a better person. Got it.

Being shy is only bad when it stops you from doing what you need or want to do. ANYTHING is bad if it stops you from doing what you need or want to do. How have you not realized this yet?

 

[Paraiyar]

I think OP is great the way he is.

Well the op didn't start a thread to get our opinions on that, he started one about trying to meet girls whilst being shy. We told him that if that's what he wants then he should work on his shyness since that is likely what he needs to do to get what he says he wants, right or wrong.

 

[Xpendable]

I think OP doesn't need that. Shyness hasn't stoped me from getting valuable things in life, because the good things are not determined on how shy you are for getting them.

 

[coltcrimson]

I have some advice for OP. I've been shy my entire life. I had to work through it,too. You may want to try meeting people in settings away from your "comfort zone". Like instead of trying to talk to the girl that lives down the street, go a few towns over where no one knows you and try. I've found that, with me anyways, shyness stemmed from knowing lady A knew lady B, and if I was rejected it would get around. If this is a problem for you as well, it's sound advice. Also try handing the cute waitress your receipt with your number or your business card.

As far as a private setting, those are hard to come by unless you work night shift at a diner or something like that. The Internet is a good place to meet people, but check into whatever app or website you intend to use. Some are only for boots calls, and that could turn out to be nothing but drama, pregnancy tests, and antibiotic. A friend of mine found a good woman on Eharmony, and several people I know have found significant others and evendors spouses on PlentyofFish.

If you are active in a sport or a hobby, get more involved. "K Runs" are also good places to meet women, because large groups normally head over to a pub or bar afterwards.

 

[coltcrimson]

One more thing I remembered, buy the girls you like gifts. They can be cliche like flowers, or if you know what they are into tailor it to them, like a new CD, poster, or hoodie.

You don't even have to be there when they get them. You can have them delivered or drop them off. You can also have a friend drop it off. Just make sure there is a little card or something original that let's them know how you feel. And if you are worried about them not liking you, drop the worrying. If a woman is good enough for you to want to get to know or date, then she is worth a gift. Also word will spread that you're a good guy, and it may open other doors for you

 

[achillesfoot]

Are males always the ones that are expected to initiate something? What if you are just not that type of person? Aren't other people supposed to accept and respect other people's differences? Are there any females out there that will initiate communication, etc.?

yes, it's just how society leans, it's just unfortunate for those of us who cannot

 

[handheart]

Well start changing this perception over you that you will be shy .if you continue to think this way you will be forever instead autosugest you everyday with emotion that you are courageos and social and you enjoy life and easy easy you will defeat it .Its like having a huge fire and by turning on it a glass of water everyday you will kill the fire .Its the same with your shyness

 

[The One]

I can act confident and speak to groups easily, but it's all an act, I hate doing that. If I'm real with myself I'm actually shy, and get no-where, I hate this equally.

Personally shyness to me is a terrible thing, as described it's caused me to fresia a lot up, miss good things bla bla. It's in my experience shy people get nowhere in life over confident people, this is just what I've seen growing up. Some people are shy and don't give a fresia, good, I support you, fresia everyone else, but I've been lonely for too long, so I'm sick of it, I have no choice, for me, I HAVE to break this.

How do you break this? Initiate conversation, make that approach, I don't do it, and it's something I seriously plan on doing.

 

[Bluey]

I feel like I will never be able to meet someone special because I am too shy, I don't seem to connect to or relate to anyone around where I live, and I am not able to open myself up.

Are males always the ones that are expected to initiate something?

No, not in my limited experience.
When I left school I started working with a lot of girls.
Where I was working there where twice has many girls has boys.
Every girl I have ever been out with I got to know first. That is only 3 BTW but 2 of them was frow working with them.
In my 20s I used to go clubbing more then once a week sometimes. I never met anyone doing that. I dont think most girls see me has a date or BF when they first meet me. Am not exactly big, tall and strong. And I walk with a limp.
Its only normally after we get to know one another that we click.
The 3ed girl I went out with for only a few months lived just up the road from me. she was the one that made the first move. She just knocked on my door and said ive seen you around and wounded if you fenced a date. That was a bit of a shook but, anyway girls make the first move just has much has boys do I would say.

There is only one way to stop being shy and thats get into a place where its easy to start talking to girls
Shyness does normally go with age has well.

 

[Xpendable]

What if your interests are not the type that puts you around many women?
I'm kinda ashamed of saying I joined this book club to see if girls went there. They weren't. I was also determined to choose to study in a place where there isn't many women. Sometimes I see other students for other universities and I see how the demographic is 50/50, but where I study is 1 girl for every 20 men.

 

[Bluey]

What if your interests are not the type that puts you around many women?

Well I have the same problom.
You could try a night class or somthing?
On line dating sights all tho there seems to be 10x more men then womon on thos. I never get a look in on thos things.

I'm kinda ashamed of saying I joined this book club to see if girls went there. They weren't.

lol, Better then going to charch for that reson I would say XD

I dont think that idea was so bad tho. Yea gotta try this stuff sometimes

 

[TheRealCallie]

What if your interests are not the type that puts you around many women?
I'm kinda ashamed of saying I joined this book club to see if girls went there. They weren't. I was also determined to choose to study in a place where there isn't many women. Sometimes I see other students for other universities and I see how the demographic is 50/50, but where I study is 1 girl for every 20 men.

Well then, you get additional interests that DO have girls going to them....or you talk to girls in other ways. Such as saying hi to them as you see them on the street or in the store or wherever else you may visit that has girls.

 

[Xpendable]

What if your interests are not the type that puts you around many women?
I'm kinda ashamed of saying I joined this book club to see if girls went there. They weren't. I was also determined to choose to study in a place where there isn't many women. Sometimes I see other students for other universities and I see how the demographic is 50/50, but where I study is 1 girl for every 20 men.

Well then, you get additional interests that DO have girls going to them....or you talk to girls in other ways. Such as saying hi to them as you see them on the street or in the store or wherever else you may visit that has girls.

Well, I don't know. "get interests" is what I thought too but they won't be really interests if they are forced. Like those movies where the boy joins the football team to get closer to the cheerleader. It sounds fake and conformist. Like a social sell-out who goes with everything that makes him belong, independent if that really is what interest him. And about saying "hi" to strangers. No. Not a chance. Would you be ok if a random guy said hi to you while you're waiting the bus? A guy you have never seen before and know nothing about. In today society, where rape histeria and guilty until proven inocent is applied to heterosexual men, you'll get into many problems by just approaching women. And saying that to a shy person is kinda naive. We're supposed to go step by step. You probably think i'm exagerating but rejection is a big fear and uncertainly is also a big risk when you're the only one that is expected to approach.

 

[TheRealCallie]

What if your interests are not the type that puts you around many women?
I'm kinda ashamed of saying I joined this book club to see if girls went there. They weren't. I was also determined to choose to study in a place where there isn't many women. Sometimes I see other students for other universities and I see how the demographic is 50/50, but where I study is 1 girl for every 20 men.

Well then, you get additional interests that DO have girls going to them....or you talk to girls in other ways. Such as saying hi to them as you see them on the street or in the store or wherever else you may visit that has girls.

Well, I don't know. "get interests" is what I thought too but they won't be really interests if they are forced. Like those movies where the boy joins the football team to get closer to the cheerleader. It sounds fake and conformist. Like a social sell-out who goes with everything that makes him belong, independent if that really is what interest him. And about saying "hi" to strangers. No. Not a chance. Would you be ok if a random guy said hi to you while you're waiting the bus? A guy you have never seen before and know nothing about. In today society, where rape histeria and guilty until proven inocent is applied to heterosexual men, you'll get into many problems by just approaching women. And saying that to a shy person is kinda naive. We're supposed to go step by step. You probably think i'm exagerating but rejection is a big fear and uncertainly is also a big risk when you're the only one that is expected to approach.

I don't recall saying to get FAKE interests. Find a new hobby or a new something to do that you think you might enjoy.

As for strangers saying hi to me, it actually happens all the time. I don't mind it unless they are saying high to my boobs or my ass or invading my space. Lots of people say hi to strangers. Hell, I say hi to strangers. Sometimes, it just makes people feel good to be noticed, even if it's only a "hi" on your way down the street. Don't be creepy, just say hi and carry on with your business.

 

[Xpendable]

Things that interest me don't interest many females. I've searched in many places. As for new hobbies, I can't just make them up. If something new comes out it would be fine but all the ones I've picked are male-dominated. I talked about approaching as romantic interest, not just to make friends. You don't mind because they don't come to pick you up. But I'm being honest and I don't want female friends, I want a partner, which is a friend with too in many aspects. So I would say hi with the hope of dating. What is creepy is defined by the approached, not the approacher.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Things that interest me don't interest many females. I've searched in many places. As for new hobbies, I can't just make them up. If something new comes out it would be fine but all the ones I've picked are male-dominated. I talked about approaching as romantic interest, not just to make friends. You don't mind because they don't come to pick you up. But I'm being honest and I don't want female friends, I want a partner, which is a friend with too in many aspects. So I would say hi with the hope of dating. What is creepy is defined by the approached, not the approacher.

Well, I hate to break this too you, but you can't just club women and drag them around by their hair anymore. Most people tend to say hi first. You need to form some kind of base before you can just ask a girl out, now don't you?

As for hobbies, there must be SOMETHING that you might enjoy that females also enjoy.....

There is a pretty basic universal guide to creepiness. Sure some women find certain things creepy that other women won't, but there is a general no-no list that applies to **** near every female.
As for guys trying to pick me up, actually they do. I say no, but I still say hi back.

 

[Paraiyar]

Getting female friends (or just new friends in general) could increase your chances of getting a partner.

 

[Xpendable]

Getting female friends (or just new friends in general) could increase your chances of getting a partner.

True. I guess I'm not friend material to them. Don't get me wrong, female friends are welcome. What I tried to say is that if I like a girl, I won't approach the same way as a friend. Just today I was chating with an argentinian girl I knew in a site and she said she was bored from chating with other people. I asked her if it was the same with me. She logged out. I guess I'm like being that exists for them, but they never seem to think "what a cool guy, I want to know him better". Even when I open to conversation and can be funny and likeable.

 

[Paraiyar]

She might have logged out for other reasons, people do that a lot online.

 

[Xpendable]

Well, I hate to break this too you, but you can't just club women and drag them around by their hair anymore.

Ok, don't know where this come from.

Most people tend to say hi first. You need to form some kind of base before you can just ask a girl out, now don't you?

I prefer a more subtle method. I need them to approach me for X reason. I've said before that approaching gives the power the other partie. The power to reject you. I prefer to create the situation where they have to approach me first.

As for hobbies, there must be SOMETHING that you might enjoy that females also enjoy...

Well, there was books but that went nowhere. Only female in my class (has bf) doesn't share many musical similarities with me. Sometimes I help her with a question, but she already has her boyfriend and they are more similar and make a good couple. I've tried joining meetups but all of them are in the capital and I can't afford to travel there. I'm a casual anime fan and I've realized there's no girl who is also casual, they are totally into it or don't care at all. Hardcore anime fans can be a little weird and off-putting. Apart from that, there isn't many activities that are mainstream or have a place to be exposed. Like art galleries or meetings. Most of the cultural medium is pretty dead and when an even is made, girls always have someone to go with in advance.