morrowrd said:
Anger problems come from frustration and frustration is when you feel you do not have power. Depression usually follows, or is already a part of the dynamic...and both feed on each other.
I definitely agree with this.
Siku said:
You're an introvert. And being a guy or girl makes no difference. Don't let society's view of an alpha male make you think you're less of one just because you aren't a charismatic extrovert.
There are plenty of guys like you. Including myself. I suffer from very bad social anxiety and I've done the same on countless occasions. I think you've been dealt a bad hand at life and have been over-looked by many. No one took the time to see what's underneath. I understand the resentment and self-destructiveness. I've been there extremely recently. It truly does feel hopeless.
All you can do is fight for what you always wanted. That's the only fix there is, sadly. That means coming out of this shell. Sadly, not many people have the heart to see what you're going through and see the transparency. I really hope someone finally sees you soon before it's too late.
You have no where to go and no one to talk to that understands you or wants to understand you. You're isolated to yourself. You have thoughts and feelings that need out. That's what the rage is about. Believe it or not, that rage, that's your will doing that. And it wants out. You're stronger than you give yourself credit because it's actually being done to thing you hold dear. Maybe try channeling that anger towards yourself and see where it may lead.
I wonder, do you play guitar in hopes people will finally see you? Feeling your heart and soul in your music? That would also explain why you take it out on them.
The fact that you play guitar as well speaks volumes in itself. I'm sorry people can't see how awesome you are. I think you're awesome and I'm actually jealous that you have the patience to learn it lol. I don't.
I hope things change for you very soon. Meanwhile, keep on rockin'!
+1.
This is what I would call a helpful, understanding post. And I liked how you explained all your ideas very tactfully. That's what I think this site, and just advice in general should be about. Less shaming, more listening, and remembering there's more than one way to make a point - some more helpful than others.
ITellYouHhwut said:
I don’t know what to do about my issues, but they’re more serious than I thought. I cannot go out to a social thing without curling up by myself in the corner, resenting everyone, and feeling down on myself. Also, I’m a guy, not a girl, so these issues are not normal. I also end up causing damage to myself at some point. Like tonight I went out with a friend of mine and his friends wherein I closed myself off from everyone, got jealous of the attention my friend was getting, then went home early. When I got home I picked up my expensive guitar and dropped it on the floor intentionally, breaking it irreparably.
I always do stuff like this. This is actually the second guitar I’ve broken like that. I just get into these fits of rage where I want to do damage to something very valuable to me, and sometimes I do it. I guess you could call it self-destructive. I absolutely hate myself, and wish nothing but destruction on myself. I wish I was dead every day. I’ve got nothing to offer. I’m a botched individual, and nobody likes me. I don’t know what to do with myself because I’m too old to change. Seems like I should just kill myself at this point.
I hear you. I don't feel quite the same things, or as many of these things as intensely anymore, but I think I know where you're coming from.
I also worry that I have nothing to offer, that I'm too boring, that my mind is just too conventional to be interesting. That I'm not imaginative or adventurous or "wacky" enough. I'm not "dangerous", I don't look like a criminal/"rebel" type, and I'm not dominant at all. And I'm not funny, not reliably at least. And definitely not witty. I worry that I'm a botched person too, or not so much botched, just inferior. Where I didn't come out wrong per se, I came out fine, everything works, but what I am, just isn't good enough. And I'm not crazy about what I can get, so it leaves me nowhere to go.
And I definitely hear you where it seems like dating is some kind of class system, where the upper class is always flaunting what they have in your face, and making you feel like you'll never have it and there's nothing you can even do about it no matter how hard you work, cause they're the "high" people, and you're one of the "low" people. Your metaphor was pretty much how I feel too, where it's like a restaurant that won't serve you. I feel like it's more like a gated community or an elite social club that won't let you in, because you had to have had the good luck of being born to it, and if you didn't, you'll never be good enough. That feeling is one of the banes of my existence.
I try to look for people with common interests that I can talk to, have some topics ready ahead of time, and show interests in others by asking them more than I talk about myself (cause I don't have that much to say about me right now anyway - nothing that isn't problems, at least).
And I try to remember to NOT overshare about problems, and NOT put out a sort of "nervous" energy. You said you went out with your friends. How do you talk with your friends? Are you laid-back and gregarious with them, with people you know well, but have a hard time doing that for others? Maybe if a woman sees you being talkative and lively with your friends, they'll be more keen to getting to know you. Something similar worked for me lately, even though I wasn't trying to do anything and still don't really know how I feel about it/if I'll follow up on it or not. But I was friendly, talkative, showing interest in people, and laid back, not nervous (and buzzed but idk if that's your thing). So maybe that will work for you, too. Just throwing ideas out there.
PS - I'd say that you already have some good things going for you if you are creative enough to play guitar, and smart enough to run that farm business you talked about and make a lot of money. I know I'd feel better if I could do things like that. So those are some things to be confident in. I think you could say that you at least know that you're a competent person. That's why I think "just be confident bro" doesn't work, cause it's like confident in what? You have to be competent at something, to be confident in. But it seems like you have that.