I am Misunderstood. I am a Monster.

[SofiasMami]

I don't hate myself, I hate the world around me.
It's not the same problem that most people have around here. Most of you have personal problems, internal emotional problems. And I have those, too, but I can deal with them myself and don't need help for those things. The problem I posted about in this topic is something different. I am certainly not denying the problem. I am very familiar with myself and who I am. I've spent years and years reflecting on exactly that.

This is why, when I first came here, I stated I do not really know why I am here. It is because it is not really a problem I think anyone else can help me with... I only posted it to see if anyone else felt the same way. And, if like I said, maybe someone had some suggestions to deal with the issue.

Your problem is not unique, special or rare. But your distorted thinking that your problem is unique and you can't be helped is mostly likely a symptom of your depression rather than an objective truth.

-Teresa

 

[FPL2014]

I suppose, by 'fitting in' I don't mean something like being the same as everyone else. But just by feeling that I'm accepted somewhere, by someone. You're lucky that you have someone does accept you. I can't even really put in to words how much I long for that feeling of being accepted. To be accepted as me. To find someone who isn't seemingly afraid or disgusted to be seen with me. And to touch me (and be touched by me). I used to believe that someone would. I'd still like to believe. I guess that's why I came here, originally, it was to hopefully make connections with people who might be a bit more accepting than most of the rest of society seems to be. You would think the internet is supposed to be. It's supposed to be an easy place to find someone to talk to, and somewhere to fit in. But, in my 20 years of using the internet, I never really have. Just the same as real life, really.

I guess I uses to think somewhere along these lines...

However, the internet is just like this: people will "like" and "follow" you because you are:

a) rich
b) famous
c) handsome
d) funny (perpetually making jokes)

That is, the internet is a perfect mirror of so-called real life. I'm utterly tired of it.

---

I don't hate myself, I hate the world around me.
It's not the same problem that most people have around here. Most of you have personal problems, internal emotional problems. And I have those, too, but I can deal with them myself and don't need help for those things. The problem I posted about in this topic is something different. I am certainly not denying the problem. I am very familiar with myself and who I am. I've spent years and years reflecting on exactly that.

This is why, when I first came here, I stated I do not really know why I am here. It is because it is not really a problem I think anyone else can help me with... I only posted it to see if anyone else felt the same way. And, if like I said, maybe someone had some suggestions to deal with the issue.

Your problem is not unique, special or rare. But your distorted thinking that your problem is unique and you can't be helped is mostly likely a symptom of your depression rather than an objective truth.

-Teresa

I guess I could sum up people's impression of your post like this, despicable me:

You sound too content to be discontent.

 

[tc00]

Despicable Me, You complain about the world and people and that part I understand. But are you doing anything at all about it, to help anyone? I'm not throwing stones, I'm just asking you directly if you are doing anything positive even in a small way, or just complaining. I'm frustrated by the vast corruption of world leaders and their corporate cronies, the sheepish behavior of people and the lack of morals these days, but I can't change all that. Even millions of protesters couldn't stop the war in Iraq, though it was based solely on lies, fear mongering, and an agenda. No one in power listened or cared, that's how it rolls and sadly we as the peasants accept it. We (the USA) are nothing but giant hypocrites when it comes to our on again off again empathy, compassion and action with regards to major issues around the world. If you all of the sudden had a vast mega fortune, you'd then have power and could do much good for those that need it most. That's my dream but it's just that, a nice dream. But reality is one can only do so much given the way things work in this world. Still doing what ya can do is positive. So many in this world complain saying why doesn't somebody do something, but of course they mean somebody else.

You speak of genuine conversation, but the posts I've read seem to dwell on the issues here. I think there are many folks here that are capable of engaging in intelligent conversation on many subjects. Start a thread on something of interest if you are longing for genuine conversation. On the positive side you are not totally alone in life as some of us are. Be thankful for that.

 

[always_lonely]

I think I relate totally. It's like being completely out of phase with everyone else. It just doesn't work and it turns into an exile.

 

[madera23]

I think I relate totally. It's like being completely out of phase with everyone else. It just doesn't work and it turns into an exile.

we exile ourselves for one reason or another.
either we are at fault because of our appearance or our resentment towards others or have nothing in common.
I chose to not make friends because I have high standards, either we have something in common or we don't.
My mind is spiritual not of this world, I find few that are spiritual but
simply of a religious nature, these study and learn intellectually,
they do not understand the depth of the word.
So I choose to be alone rather than to go along to get along.
I help others, I don't need their help, Gods help is sufficient.

 

[Despicable Me]

I suppose, by 'fitting in' I don't mean something like being the same as everyone else. But just by feeling that I'm accepted somewhere, by someone. You're lucky that you have someone does accept you. I can't even really put in to words how much I long for that feeling of being accepted. To be accepted as me. To find someone who isn't seemingly afraid or disgusted to be seen with me. And to touch me (and be touched by me). I used to believe that someone would. I'd still like to believe. I guess that's why I came here, originally, it was to hopefully make connections with people who might be a bit more accepting than most of the rest of society seems to be. You would think the internet is supposed to be. It's supposed to be an easy place to find someone to talk to, and somewhere to fit in. But, in my 20 years of using the internet, I never really have. Just the same as real life, really.

I know how you feel. I'm sorry you have to feel that way.
But if you look in the right places I'm sure you can find someone. Knowing where to look is one of the hardest parts. I'm not really sure I can help you there, I don't know your circumstances and I'm honestly not very good at that anyway. If I were then maybe I'd already have been there and have some friends or something.

Personally, I use the fact that the internet reflects reality as an advantage. Although it is certainly difficult to find people who just accept others for who they are, the internet does provide one thing: It destroys the geographic boundary. While space is obviously still divided, instead of being divided into geographic locations it is now divided into conceptual locations. Therefore, if you know what you're looking for and know where to look for it: You can usually find it (assuming its equivalent exists in the real world).

So there's a confusion here in what you want: What might seem as though something does not exist is actually just something that exists somewhere you're not looking. And while it could be on this forum, your social-relationships and social-connections with others also help to determine that. So there is still quite a bit of searching to do. And then, even if you did find that here, you must face the reality of the geographic difference - and since you can't have people shipped to your door, sometimes it's just easier to look in the real world for people.

I made the odd choice of finding my wife online. I moved hundred of miles to be with her. I left everything that I knew and loved behind. That was tough.
What's more is that I was just becoming somewhat accepted at that time (I made friends in my last year of high school, then moved right after that), so I moved away from acceptance back into isolation, the difference only being that I was now isolated with someone else. So some here seem to think that having someone else can 'save you', but that is wrong. Only you can save yourself, and often that seems to be a prerequisite to finding someone else.

Your problem is not unique, special or rare. But your distorted thinking that your problem is unique and you can't be helped is mostly likely a symptom of your depression rather than an objective truth.

-Teresa

I wasn't depressed when I posted this topic or any of the posts in it. I actually find it very difficult to post anything when I'm actually depressed. That is a symptom of something I have, it does not cloud my every judgment. That is mistake number One.

Believe me, my problem actually is indeed rather unique and rare. The only reason some of you believe it is not is because I have not given you details.

So let me explain: Even among people who believe in the same things that I do, there are only hundreds, at most, world wide. Hundreds, not thousands, not millions. The things I believe in are not popular, they are not "normal". They are not pretty.
If I told you what I believe, probably all that you would see is a monster. This is not depression talking. This isn't someone who can't see "objective truth", this is someone who faces their reality head-on and isn't afraid of it at all.

You are mistaking my situation as low self esteem. That I really think I'm a monster just because other people call me one, as if I cared what they thought and actually believed them.
No, to be honest I think most people are wrong in their views. You, for example, have me misunderstood. You make the assumption that I'm a normal person that is just lost. That is mistake number Two. I am not lost, I am just 'broken'. I am not normal, I just wear a mask that looks normal.
You might believe that everyone has a 'good person' inside of them, but I'm the sort of person who questions the 'good person' and makes them doubt everything they've ever believed in. I take the 'good' of people and show them its true form: moral ambivalence.

I am only a "monster" in the same way that if I told you who I was you'd think I was one. You would not bother to give me the time or the effort to understand me, because you'd have already made up your mind about me.
I've lived more than long enough to know that this normality for me. You would see the sharp fangs and sharp claws and fear me, because you would not take the time to understand that I do not want to hurt anyone but sometimes it is the only way. So I hide the fangs and the claws and the fur. That is, perhaps, what makes me the real monster, if anything. I hide who I really am.

That's the problem here, though. I'm tired of hiding who I am. Why can't people like you just accept who I am? Accept that I have sharp claws and sharp fangs and that, yes, occasionally I will take a bite out of someone. Maybe they deserved it, ever think of that? Why must I hide...? Hm?

Let me explain again. I am not saying anything is wrong with me, I am saying that other people think there is something wrong with me. I'm just wanting to know why. Or maybe where I should be looking to find other "monsters" like me. I don't care if we are all monsters there, I just want to find others like me. I just want to be where I actually belong, and not where others tell me I belong. Does a place like this even exist? I wonder that sometimes.

That is, the internet is a perfect mirror of so-called real life. I'm utterly tired of it.

This is true, but like I told Cucu, you can also take advantage of that fact.
There are certainly other people like you out there in the world, and the way the internet puts everything and everyone else in proximity helps us to find those people. We just need to know where to look and how to approach them.

But of course, if you are dealing with your own personal issues at the time, how might you find someone else like yourself?
For example, it is extremely difficult for two people with low self-esteem or desire to live to even have the energy to find or contact each other.

As I also said to Cucu, what I realized in my life is that other people cannot save you. Only you can save yourself. And when you can do that you will probably find others to relate to. Things will seem clearer, you'll know more places to look, or look at places differently that you might have already looked at before.
I've lived with 'depression' for maybe, 15 years, or so, now. I don't just give in to it, I fight it off every day. It's a battle and while that battle used to drag me down and drain my energy, now it's an experience I accept. Something that has helped to make me who I am today, and I don't think I could give that up for anything. That battle gives me strength and courage. Things a lot of other people don't have.

It seems there are three ways to look at things in life: You can look at everything negatively, you can look at everything positively.
Or you can just accept things as they really are, with nothing being truly positive or negative. Realizing that "good" and "bad" are only perspectives and not real things.

I guess I could sum up people's impression of your post like this, despicable me:
You sound too content to be discontent.

In a way, yeah that is probably true. Does it really seem that weird to have everything a 'normal' person has and still not fit in anywhere? I don't see why that is so strange for people to accept.

I'm very much used to assumptions like this by now. Even when I'm transparent with people they still refuse to understand what I'm saying because they really don't want to believe it. They will pretend I'm just "lost" or "confused" or just outright say I'm "wrong". Whatever helps them sleep better at night, I guess. Though I've certainly seen a few people face up to the superficial reality, the only one they know, and just say "You're a monster." I've heard it many times before.
So I knew misunderstandings were bound to occur if I posted something like this. This is one of the reasons why I probably can't post when I'm actually feeling depressed. I don't like to be misunderstood but it is extremely common for me.

I think I relate totally. It's like being completely out of phase with everyone else. It just doesn't work and it turns into an exile.

Yes, very much so. I would say that I feel very 'exiled'.
Society does not seem to want me for me. And I do not want to pretend to be someone I am not.
So I am exiled.
The consequences of pretending to be someone I'm not results in me being exiled from myself.
The consequences of not wanting to pretend anymore results in my being exiled from society itself.

But people cannot survive without society in this world. They make sure of that. So my choice is ultimately to survive or to die. It's a horrible thing someone must face. Why must this be the choice I am given?

 

[madera23]

I suppose, by 'fitting in' I don't mean something like being the same as everyone else. But just by feeling that I'm accepted somewhere, by someone. You're lucky that you have someone does accept you. I can't even really put in to words how much I long for that feeling of being accepted. To be accepted as me. To find someone who isn't seemingly afraid or disgusted to be seen with me. And to touch me (and be touched by me). I used to believe that someone would. I'd still like to believe. I guess that's why I came here, originally, it was to hopefully make connections with people who might be a bit more accepting than most of the rest of society seems to be. You would think the internet is supposed to be. It's supposed to be an easy place to find someone to talk to, and somewhere to fit in. But, in my 20 years of using the internet, I never really have. Just the same as real life, really.

I know how you feel. I'm sorry you have to feel that way.
But if you look in the right places I'm sure you can find someone. Knowing where to look is one of the hardest parts. I'm not really sure I can help you there, I don't know your circumstances and I'm honestly not very good at that anyway. If I were then maybe I'd already have been there and have some friends or something.

Personally, I use the fact that the internet reflects reality as an advantage. Although it is certainly difficult to find people who just accept others for who they are, the internet does provide one thing: It destroys the geographic boundary. While space is obviously still divided, instead of being divided into geographic locations it is now divided into conceptual locations. Therefore, if you know what you're looking for and know where to look for it: You can usually find it (assuming its equivalent exists in the real world).

So there's a confusion here in what you want: What might seem as though something does not exist is actually just something that exists somewhere you're not looking. And while it could be on this forum, your social-relationships and social-connections with others also help to determine that. So there is still quite a bit of searching to do. And then, even if you did find that here, you must face the reality of the geographic difference - and since you can't have people shipped to your door, sometimes it's just easier to look in the real world for people.

I made the odd choice of finding my wife online. I moved hundred of miles to be with her. I left everything that I knew and loved behind. That was tough.
What's more is that I was just becoming somewhat accepted at that time (I made friends in my last year of high school, then moved right after that), so I moved away from acceptance back into isolation, the difference only being that I was now isolated with someone else. So some here seem to think that having someone else can 'save you', but that is wrong. Only you can save yourself, and often that seems to be a prerequisite to finding someone else.

Your problem is not unique, special or rare. But your distorted thinking that your problem is unique and you can't be helped is mostly likely a symptom of your depression rather than an objective truth.

-Teresa

I wasn't depressed when I posted this topic or any of the posts in it. I actually find it very difficult to post anything when I'm actually depressed. That is a symptom of something I have, it does not cloud my every judgment. That is mistake number One.

Believe me, my problem actually is indeed rather unique and rare. The only reason some of you believe it is not is because I have not given you details.

So let me explain: Even among people who believe in the same things that I do, there are only hundreds, at most, world wide. Hundreds, not thousands, not millions. The things I believe in are not popular, they are not "normal". They are not pretty.
If I told you what I believe, probably all that you would see is a monster. This is not depression talking. This isn't someone who can't see "objective truth", this is someone who faces their reality head-on and isn't afraid of it at all.

You are mistaking my situation as low self esteem. That I really think I'm a monster just because other people call me one, as if I cared what they thought and actually believed them.
No, to be honest I think most people are wrong in their views. You, for example, have me misunderstood. You make the assumption that I'm a normal person that is just lost. That is mistake number Two. I am not lost, I am just 'broken'. I am not normal, I just wear a mask that looks normal.
You might believe that everyone has a 'good person' inside of them, but I'm the sort of person who questions the 'good person' and makes them doubt everything they've ever believed in. I take the 'good' of people and show them its true form: moral ambivalence.

I am only a "monster" in the same way that if I told you who I was you'd think I was one. You would not bother to give me the time or the effort to understand me, because you'd have already made up your mind about me.
I've lived more than long enough to know that this normality for me. You would see the sharp fangs and sharp claws and fear me, because you would not take the time to understand that I do not want to hurt anyone but sometimes it is the only way. So I hide the fangs and the claws and the fur. That is, perhaps, what makes me the real monster, if anything. I hide who I really am.

That's the problem here, though. I'm tired of hiding who I am. Why can't people like you just accept who I am? Accept that I have sharp claws and sharp fangs and that, yes, occasionally I will take a bite out of someone. Maybe they deserved it, ever think of that? Why must I hide...? Hm?

Let me explain again. I am not saying anything is wrong with me, I am saying that other people think there is something wrong with me. I'm just wanting to know why. Or maybe where I should be looking to find other "monsters" like me. I don't care if we are all monsters there, I just want to find others like me. I just want to be where I actually belong, and not where others tell me I belong. Does a place like this even exist? I wonder that sometimes.

That is, the internet is a perfect mirror of so-called real life. I'm utterly tired of it.

This is true, but like I told Cucu, you can also take advantage of that fact.
There are certainly other people like you out there in the world, and the way the internet puts everything and everyone else in proximity helps us to find those people. We just need to know where to look and how to approach them.

But of course, if you are dealing with your own personal issues at the time, how might you find someone else like yourself?
For example, it is extremely difficult for two people with low self-esteem or desire to live to even have the energy to find or contact each other.

As I also said to Cucu, what I realized in my life is that other people cannot save you. Only you can save yourself. And when you can do that you will probably find others to relate to. Things will seem clearer, you'll know more places to look, or look at places differently that you might have already looked at before.
I've lived with 'depression' for maybe, 15 years, or so, now. I don't just give in to it, I fight it off every day. It's a battle and while that battle used to drag me down and drain my energy, now it's an experience I accept. Something that has helped to make me who I am today, and I don't think I could give that up for anything. That battle gives me strength and courage. Things a lot of other people don't have.

It seems there are three ways to look at things in life: You can look at everything negatively, you can look at everything positively.
Or you can just accept things as they really are, with nothing being truly positive or negative. Realizing that "good" and "bad" are only perspectives and not real things.

I guess I could sum up people's impression of your post like this, despicable me:
You sound too content to be discontent.

In a way, yeah that is probably true. Does it really seem that weird to have everything a 'normal' person has and still not fit in anywhere? I don't see why that is so strange for people to accept.

I'm very much used to assumptions like this by now. Even when I'm transparent with people they still refuse to understand what I'm saying because they really don't want to believe it. They will pretend I'm just "lost" or "confused" or just outright say I'm "wrong". Whatever helps them sleep better at night, I guess. Though I've certainly seen a few people face up to the superficial reality, the only one they know, and just say "You're a monster." I've heard it many times before.
So I knew misunderstandings were bound to occur if I posted something like this. This is one of the reasons why I probably can't post when I'm actually feeling depressed. I don't like to be misunderstood but it is extremely common for me.

I think I relate totally. It's like being completely out of phase with everyone else. It just doesn't work and it turns into an exile.

Yes, very much so. I would say that I feel very 'exiled'.
Society does not seem to want me for me. And I do not want to pretend to be someone I am not.
So I am exiled.
The consequences of pretending to be someone I'm not results in me being exiled from myself.
The consequences of not wanting to pretend anymore results in my being exiled from society itself.

But people cannot survive without society in this world. They make sure of that. So my choice is ultimately to survive or to die. It's a horrible thing someone must face. Why must this be the choice I am given?

We make our own choices in life and deserve what we get.

 

[Despicable Me]

We make our own choices in life and deserve what we get.

Is this what you tell yourself? Is this why you're lonely?
Is this why you're here? Because you truly believe this lie?
It's not true, madera.

People do make their own choices, but they do not always get what they deserve. That's the trick to reality - Karma does not really exist. There is no divine being that is somehow exacting all rights and wrongs on the individual level. There is no earthly judgement.

For someone trying to be so 'godly' and 'spiritual' as yourself you should know this, shouldn't you? Why is it you think people get what they deserve when children, who have done no wrongs, can die on the street hungry? When they can go without parents? When they have no clean water to drink? When they can die of disease? What, madera, have they done to deserve these things?

What has been done when good people can be murdered or robbed of their spirit?
What has been done when bad people can be praised or even worshiped? When they can take whatever they want and people will just give it to them?

Your divine justice is a lie, madera. It has no substance in reality. Look around you, do you see it anywhere? Anywhere at all? For anyone?

If there is a god, and you believe in this entity, then how can you not already see this yourself? Your perception of justice is too near-sighted. You don't see the bigger picture. If real justice exists, a divine form of Justice, it cannot be based on what people deserve, but it must be based on the final outcome of all things entirely. It must be based entirely on the final outcome of the universe, the end.

You seem to believe in the Bible, so why have you not even given its Word any thought? You want to speak of Religion to me? Then get some, then we will talk.

 

[TheRealCallie]

We make our own choices in life and deserve what we get.

Our choices tend to lead us where we end up, but that does NOT mean we deserve what we get....

 

[madera23]

We make our own choices in life and deserve what we get.

Is this what you tell yourself? Is this why you're lonely?
Is this why you're here? Because you truly believe this lie?
It's not true, madera.

People do make their own choices, but they do not always get what they deserve. That's the trick to reality - Karma does not really exist. There is no divine being that is somehow exacting all rights and wrongs on the individual level. There is no earthly judgement.

For someone trying to be so 'godly' and 'spiritual' as yourself you should know this, shouldn't you? Why is it you think people get what they deserve when children, who have done no wrongs, can die on the street hungry? When they can go without parents? When they have no clean water to drink? When they can die of disease? What, madera, have they done to deserve these things?

What has been done when good people can be murdered or robbed of their spirit?
What has been done when bad people can be praised or even worshiped? When they can take whatever they want and people will just give it to them?

Your divine justice is a lie, madera. It has no substance in reality. Look around you, do you see it anywhere? Anywhere at all? For anyone?

If there is a god, and you believe in this entity, then how can you not already see this yourself? Your perception of justice is too near-sighted. You don't see the bigger picture. If real justice exists, a divine form of Justice, it cannot be based on what people deserve, but it must be based on the final outcome of all things entirely. It must be based entirely on the final outcome of the universe, the end.

You seem to believe in the Bible, so why have you not even given its Word any thought? You want to speak of Religion to me? Then get some, then we will talk.
[/quote



Parents are responsible for their children.
everything i said is in the bible.
I suggest that you look it up.

 

[Despicable Me]

Parents are responsible for their children.
everything i said is in the bible.
I suggest that you look it up.

Nothing you've said is in the Bible. You're merely twisting the Bible's words to fit whatever twisted argument you are trying to make.
I have studied many religions, and this includes Christianity and you are wrong on this. So if you're trying to argue, you are doing it wrong. It is against the rules to argue religion directly on the forum, so if you want to argue that you'll need to PM me. I will change your mind.

In fact, honestly I find the things you have to say rather insulting, madera23. You are incredibly 'preachy' but what good is it doing you? You just seem to be trying to be self-righteous.

Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
Matthew 6:1

So I keep having to remind myself what forum this is, and why you have probably come here. So why are you lonely, madera23?
Religion just seems to be your defense mechanism. You say you are "spiritual" but I've not seen it yet. Where is the answer to any of my questions? If I ask you a serious question, why do you avoid it and give a shallow answer? That isn't what a "spiritual" person does.
In the Bible, Jesus speaks of people who see but do not see, hear but do not understand. Are you merely just condemning yourself to be one of those people?
Don't be afraid of the real Truth. PM me and I can help you with that.

For now, I think we should end the religious conversation as I don't think it is heading in a forum-approved direction.

 

[madera23]

You better look up Mathew 8:16
We are responsible because of sin.
and it speaks of demons that have entered. Which you fail to believe in.
please know your bible, you read, but you do not percieve.
no you are the one who does not percieve.
you have condemned yourself.
it is no wonder you call yourself despicable.

 

[Despicable Me]

Madera23, your beliefs are detrimental to the people on this forum. Your ideology is not supportive, it is destructive. I'm just reporting your posts from this point forward. The above post was extremely insulting. If I actually cared what others thought of me, like many here do, then I might have been hurt by what you said. That isn't a nice thing to say.

And by the way: If there is a God and he condemns me simply for being who I am then he's no god to me. He'd be an evil god. Why create something to be one way and then expect it to be something different? That is nonsensical. If that's the God you choose to believe in, then so be it. But someday hopefully you'll realize the error in this belief. Maybe take a moment to actually think about these things? I'm not sure what you've done that you think you might deserve your fate, but you need to forgive yourself. You tell me to read the Bible, but that's rather silly when you're the only one not taking its advice.

And FYI: "Despicable Me" is an animated family movie. My username is named after this movie because I both loved the movie and associate a lot with the main character. The "Hero", if you will. You might call him a "villain" or a "monster" though. You seem extremely judgemental like that.

 

[Despicable Me]

I don't really need people to tell me about religion, so back on topic, because I don't think it is really resolved and discussion has gone off-topic.

Despicable Me, You complain about the world and people and that part I understand. But are you doing anything at all about it, to help anyone? I'm not throwing stones, I'm just asking you directly if you are doing anything positive even in a small way, or just complaining.

I've not even been complaining, I'm just explaining the facts and wondering if anyone knows what to do.

On the topic of 'helping people', what does that even mean to 'help' someone?
Does solving someone's temporary situation, momentarily, actually help them or does it just enable them and teach them to depend on others?
Regardless of the temporary problems, what can even be done when the problems are too deep to be solved by one person alone? Do you expect me to raise an army to solve everyone's problems? Do you expect me to be a one-man army?

So maybe you want me to "help" with people's momentary situations? Yes, I do that sometimes. But what good does that do? If you think that this is really "helping" anyone then you are mistaken, and it certainly can't be seen as helping everyone.
So in this world, what kinds of things are you expecting me to do to "help"? If you have suggestions then I am listening. That is exactly what this topic is about.

Personally I do believe I do something to help everyone, but in the same regards it causes me to become the outcast to society, to be hated by society. And I want to do even more, something that will change everything, but if I do that then I'll only become even more hated. I could go even farther and become the martyr, sacrificing everything for the world. Would you have me do that, too?

I'm frustrated by the vast corruption of world leaders and their corporate cronies, the sheepish behavior of people and the lack of morals these days, but I can't change all that. Even millions of protesters couldn't stop the war in Iraq, though it was based solely on lies, fear mongering, and an agenda. No one in power listened or cared, that's how it rolls and sadly we as the peasants accept it.

And this is exactly the problem - you lowly "peasants" do nothing. You truly help no one. Meanwhile you want everyone else to do it for you and at the same time you want to hate them for doing it.

We (the USA) are nothing but giant hypocrites when it comes to our on again off again empathy, compassion and action with regards to major issues around the world.

And what are YOU doing to be any different? Calling yourself a peasant and suggesting you can't do anything, so why even try? What good is that?

Maybe you're proving your point, but you surely aren't doing me any favors by telling me this. What exactly is your point?
Are you trying to sympathize with me, about my 'complaints' of society, and how you don't do anything yourself to help anyone?

If you all of the sudden had a vast mega fortune, you'd then have power and could do much good for those that need it most. That's my dream but it's just that, a nice dream. But reality is one can only do so much given the way things work in this world.

You're too preoccupied with "the way things work in this world" to actually understand the solutions, just like everyone else.

You really think that money, a fortune, would solve the problems? Ha. It is truly ironic when people believe that, and so many people do believe it.
Do you really not get the problem lies in exactly this? The fortunes and the dreams of those fortunes. These things are the way of society that reinforces the way of society - to ensure nothing ever really changes.

Don't you see? If you want to change the system you cannot play by the rules of that system.
When has anyone EVER really changed things in the world by playing by the rules?

Still doing what ya can do is positive. So many in this world complain saying why doesn't somebody do something, but of course they mean somebody else.

Of course they do, just like you're doing, too.

"Why can't those people with mega fortunes solve the problems in the world?"
"Why can't I just have some mega fortunes myself so I can do it myself?"
"I can't have mega fortunes so I'll just focus on fixing small problems because I'm a small person ("a peasant")."
Your mentality is the problem, don't you see?

This is what I disagree with. This is one of the very reasons why people hate me. Because I cannot agree to this charade. To pretending to help people by not helping them, by pretending to be "doing something" by not doing anything.
I am actually rather disgusted by this and my condemnation of these very things is why many hate me. But it does not stop there. I don't just complain - I have solutions - and it is those solutions which people hate even more. Why? Mostly because they require change. People don't like change. As the old saying goes: People fear what they do not understand.

You might think it is "positive" to help people with their small problems, and sure, yeah, it helps those people in some ways. But is it all you can do? Are you really a "peasant"? No, that's the lie people tell themselves so that they can feel justified in not doing more.

You speak of genuine conversation, but the posts I've read seem to dwell on the issues here.

What is the point of a topic but to discuss it? Of course I'm going to "dwell on the issues here" since that is the entire point of the topic, to talk about these issues and maybe find solutions.
I will have other conversations with people outside of this topic. I don't want to go off-topic again.

I think there are many folks here that are capable of engaging in intelligent conversation on many subjects. Start a thread on something of interest if you are longing for genuine conversation.

I'm not saying that there aren't intelligent people here at all, but the things I'm interested in talking about surely aren't common subjects. That's one of my problems with relating to people and finding some "friends". I turn people away with esoteric subjects that others are rarely interested in.

On the positive side you are not totally alone in life as some of us are. Be thankful for that.

Again, I find this a little insulting. You're trying to say that I'm not alone just because I have a significant other in my life?
There are different kinds of loneliness and different kinds of ways to be alone.
Just because I am not 'alone' like you might be alone does not mean I do not feel just as alone, or even more so, then you do. You shouldn't try to compare loneliness like that, it's not a game.
I do not need others to tell me what to be thankful for... I am fully capable of understanding these things myself, but that does not diminish or remove my problem.

I apologize if I might have offended you with this post, but I have to be honest. I didn't respond until now so I could think of some things to say without being too harsh and still get my point across.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You better look up Mathew 8:16
We are responsible because of sin.
and it speaks of demons that have entered. Which you fail to believe in.
please know your bible, you read, but you do not percieve.
no you are the one who does not percieve.
you have condemned yourself.
it is no wonder you call yourself despicable.

You have been warned numerous times about making posts like these, guess this time you get a longer ban.

 

[SofiasMami]

On a side note, I'm glad religious discussions are moderated here. It's one of the reasons I've stuck around so long on this forum.

-Teresa

 

[Batman55]

Despicable Me, how about you just get to the point? Pages of posts and all I can see are crumbs of your manifesto.

What do you propose... have you begun your quest yet... if not, what will it take to make you begin this Grand Quest, sir?

If you detect a semi-mocking tone here, you wouldn't be very far off. I detect arrogance here with you. Whether you've achieved things most can only dream of and believe your arrogance is "justified" and you won't suffer fools gladly, I really don't care. I have never enjoyed this particular character trait, and suspect it is the main reason you don't get along with people. Arrogance is just as great a flaw as apathy, even worse, perhaps.

 

[Locke]

Seen the show 'Breaking Bad'? Walter did not do it for the money, that was never what he really wanted. He did it because it was who he really was. For so long his true self was being oppressed. He was a genius, but forced to teach High School chemistry classes due to circumstances. His talents were wasted, so what else would he become but a "monster"?

Know what I'm saying?

Walter White's circumstances are a extreme example, but...

He made the choice to sell his part of his business. He made the choice to be a high school chem teacher and repress "his true self". Later, after he started cooking meth, he made the choice to be manipulative and evil. He poisoned a little boy, for instance.

Yes, there were circumstances: He was broke and worked two jobs; he had cancer and worried for his family's future. Everyone has circumstances. We all have to deal with honeysuckle. Circumstances don't make you a monster. Your choices do.

An example of a choice you're making:

But I generally undermine people who really annoy me and I've gotten rather good at it, too.

Society isn't responsible for you undermining people. And yes, if someone sees that you're undermining them just because you think they're annoying, they may think of you as a monster.

I would give my life in a heartbeat if it would change the world for the better. But I'm not MLK or Ghandi. So I do what I can. I stand up for my ideals and beliefs when I need to. If an opportunity arises to help someone, I help them. Maybe someone I help will turn out to be the next MLK. Probably not, but help can still make a difference in lives, and that's good enough for me.

If I owned a car that destroyed things as it passed, I'd stop driving it. Not because people would label me as a monster, but because I don't want to hurt anyone. Harming others because you don't care what they think is a crappy excuse.

I don't hide behind a mask, I'm not oppressed. I don't need masks to hide behind. That would just be a waste of time and energy. I suppose it's because, no matter how unpopular my beliefs can be, I'm not afraid of them.

If I told you what I believe, probably all that you would see is a monster. This is not depression talking. This isn't someone who can't see "objective truth", this is someone who faces their reality head-on and isn't afraid of it at all.

If you're not afraid of it, why not share your beliefs? Maybe it's just the way I'm reading your posts, but you keep hinting at things, like you don't mind extreme actions, and you'd love to solve what you see as the world's problems. So in case that's what you're getting at, let me make it clear to you: If you daydream about fixing the world by murdering billions, you are a monster.

I have no idea if that's what you're talking about though, since you've also mentioned several men of peace in your posts. It all seems a little pointless to me, honestly. If you're oppressed, who's fault is it again? Well, no, not even fault: Who's decision is it? You're the one who's not being very open here.

This entire thread summed up:

"I'm a monster. People misunderstand me!"
"Huh? Why?"
"I can't tell you because you'll think I'm a monster!"

Do you see how frustrating that is? If anyone misunderstands you, maybe it's because you keep going on about Pokémon and Jesus, instead of telling us.

It's your choice. Again, it's pretty simple: If you want to hurt people, then people will see as a bad guy. Some views are generally frowned upon: Racism, sexism, homophobia, religious intolerance. If you believe or practice any of those things, then yeah, you're a dick and you'll be treated like a dick. If you're a wanna-be mass murderer or a complete ass, then you go ahead and wear your mask to fit in with people, because you won't be wanted otherwise.

You might believe that everyone has a 'good person' inside of them, but I'm the sort of person who questions the 'good person' and makes them doubt everything they've ever believed in. I take the 'good' of people and show them its true form: moral ambivalence..

How? By asking them if they want to be Martin Luther King? My 5th grade philosophy teacher did the same thing. The math teacher was the real monster though.

I tease because I'm not a big fan of evasiveness. Sorry.

I am only a "monster" in the same way that if I told you who I was you'd think I was one. You would not bother to give me the time or the effort to understand me, because you'd have already made up your mind about me. ..

You are the one who is judging other people by not giving them the opportunity to see the "real" you".

So I knew misunderstandings were bound to occur if I posted something like this.

0_o

Despicable Me, how about you just get to the point? Pages of posts and all I can see are crumbs of your manifesto.

If you detect a semi-mocking tone here, you wouldn't be very far off. I detect arrogance here with you.

+1

 

[Despicable Me]

Despicable Me, how about you just get to the point? Pages of posts and all I can see are crumbs of your manifesto.

What do you propose... have you begun your quest yet... if not, what will it take to make you begin this Grand Quest, sir?

If you detect a semi-mocking tone here, you wouldn't be very far off. I detect arrogance here with you. Whether you've achieved things most can only dream of and believe your arrogance is "justified" and you won't suffer fools gladly, I really don't care. I have never enjoyed this particular character trait, and suspect it is the main reason you don't get along with people. Arrogance is just as great a flaw as apathy, even worse, perhaps.

You only prove my point.

I open up to the people here and what happens? I get called "arrogant". I get called "despicable" (although that is part of my username and the person was banned, but still...). Like I said, I've been called everything under the sun and I really don't care.
You think I'm arrogant? So what? I still don't care.

The questions you ask aren't even part of the topic. The topic is about what to do when the world hates you. No one has even answered the question yet.
You're asking me to open up even more, and to you, to someone who basically just insulted me? And you think I'm the one being arrogant?

There were some people here who tried to associate with what I am going through even if they couldn't answer my question, and others who tried to help even if they couldn't associate. But you're just attacking me, aren't you? What is the point of that?

Society isn't responsible for you undermining people. And yes, if someone sees that you're undermining them just because you think they're annoying, they may think of you as a monster.

You are twisting what I've said around to make me look like a monster, rather than trying to understand where I'm coming from. You, too, are only proving my point.

Rather than trying to understand what I mean - you make your own conclusion of which puts all of the blame on me. But am I really to blame? You don't know that - it's merely an assumption you're making.

And even if I were to blame for some of the things I do, so what? Just like Batman55 you are missing the entire point. As I've pointed out, why should I be hated for who I really am? Why does it matter if I'm to blame for some of it or not? The question still remains.

I would give my life in a heartbeat if it would change the world for the better. But I'm not MLK or Ghandi. So I do what I can.

Truthfully you will give your life to make the world a better place?
I don't think that is really true. You say you aren't MLK or Ghandi, but what does that even mean? Did MLK or Ghandi give their lives before they gave their lives?

If you're just to merely to state you are unable to give your life to change the world, when in fact it is exactly that very thing they did, you are merely proving that you would not give it so freely.

What is stopping you from being the next MLK or Ghandi, Locke? There is absolutely nothing stopping you except yourself.

And this is the truth that you don't wish to face.

If I owned a car that destroyed things as it passed, I'd stop driving it. Not because people would label me as a monster, but because I don't want to hurt anyone. Harming others because you don't care what they think is a crappy excuse.

You're taking things a little too literally. You do understand everything I've said is figurative, correct?

I don't hide behind a mask, I'm not oppressed. I don't need masks to hide behind. That would just be a waste of time and energy. I suppose it's because, no matter how unpopular my beliefs can be, I'm not afraid of them.

Funny. Because you just said you'd give your life "in a heartbeat" to change the world, yet I've just proven you would not do this. And you say you don't wear a mask yourself?

As for being oppressed - believe whatever you want, this doesn't mean its true.

Are you really not afraid of your beliefs? Then why not go give your life, as you say you would do, in this very heartbeat? I ask you again: What is stopping you?

If you're not afraid of it, why not share your beliefs? Maybe it's just the way I'm reading your posts, but you keep hinting at things, like you don't mind extreme actions, and you'd love to solve what you see as the world's problems. So in case that's what you're getting at, let me make it clear to you: If you daydream about fixing the world by murdering billions, you are a monster.

The 'monster' thing is a superficial appearance. It's a judgement people make about me when they don't know the real me, and perhaps when some people don't even know themselves or choose not to face reality. It is not the actual real me.

Obviously you can't solve the world's problems by murdering billions of people. How would those two things even go together?
But let's assume that I was a real monster, that I actually believed this. Why does it make me a monster if this horrible thing would in fact actually solve all the world's problems? Is it so wrong to question morality like this?
What if there actually were real solutions that people simply just didn't like because people just didn't like them?
What makes something 'good' and what makes something 'bad'? Can you answer that for me? It is, in a way, related to the topic question and I'd like to know the answer.

Anyway, I won't share my beliefs because I am not prepared yet. I still have some use for this forum and I'd like to think that others here still might have some use for me and the advice I can give. There is a time and a place for everything. That time is simply just not right now.

I have no idea if that's what you're talking about though, since you've also mentioned several men of peace in your posts. It all seems a little pointless to me, honestly.

If you read all of my posts you'd see that people like Jesus, Gandhi, and MLK were seen as monsters by many, many people in their times.

What about someone like Nelson Mandela? He was literally deemed a "terrorist" before he was deemed a Hero, before he unified the nation. And would those people who called him a "terrorist" be wrong, per se? Depends on your perspective, doesn't it? What your definitions of 'right' and 'wrong' are, and how you can unify these qualities in reality, if you can.

If you're oppressed, who's fault is it again? Well, no, not even fault: Who's decision is it? You're the one who's not being very open here.

Because you do not even realize your own oppression, I can't explain this to you. You'll merely have to take my word for it that it is not any of our faults, it is not our decision.

This entire thread summed up:
"I'm a monster. People misunderstand me!"
"Huh? Why?"
"I can't tell you because you'll think I'm a monster!"

I like how you conveniently ignore the entire topic post, summing up the entire topic as only resembling the title, and don't even bother to address the main point.

Don't you think that is a little... you know... naive? Do me a favor and actually read the main post. There is a main point to the topic, a question even, that I have not yet been given any answer.

Do you see how frustrating that is? If anyone misunderstands you, maybe it's because you keep going on about Pokémon and Jesus, instead of telling us.

It's even more frustrating when people:
1. Misunderstand you.
2. Insult you.
3. Jump to conclusions.
4. Ignore the main point and all questions.
5. Etc.
Don't you think?

If I felt it was necessary to elaborate on the details to have my question answered I either would not have created the topic or I would have given those details. I'm not stupid. I have given more than enough information for someone to answer my questions.
And in a very odd way, I think that question actually has been answered. Minus a few people who seem to agree with me, I have gotten mostly the same responses here as I have anywhere else, even when I am less vague. This confirms my prior conclusions.

It's your choice. Again, it's pretty simple: If you want to hurt people, then people will see as a bad guy.

Let me give you an example here where this 'rule' falls apart:
If a man takes over an entire nation, starts gassing millions of people in a genocidal rampage, and the only way to stop him is by starting a war and hurting a lot of people - Are you the "bad guy" or the "good guy" or something else?

Your 'rule' seems to fall apart in reality. Sometimes it is necessary to hurt people - sometimes many people - to help others.
The "choices" here only being who you help, and when and where you help them.

How? By asking them if they want to be Martin Luther King? My 5th grade philosophy teacher did the same thing. The math teacher was the real monster though.

Your "answers" you provided don't seem to work in reality.
It seems you assume there are 'black and white' areas of morality yourself, so the questions I've posed to you should give you some pause. If you honestly ask yourself these questions, and face reality, I think you'll find that some of your moral guidelines are themselves questionable.

So you want to know how? I've provided several examples, and the questions I pose to people only get harder and harder as the conversation continues.

I tease because I'm not a big fan of evasiveness. Sorry.

I don't mind teasing. It's the unnecessary assumptions (and insults) that I don't like.

If you have a question about something I said, just ask. Obviously I've already explained I won't be stating my exact beliefs, for a few reasons, but anything other than that is free to ask. I can still use plenty of analogies for the things I can't answer.

You are the one who is judging other people by not giving them the opportunity to see the "real" you".

You don't think I've tried?
I'm not judging anyone here - I'm just being safe for now.
What would be the point in opening up to people I don't really know at all, only to have a most of them either dismiss me or attack me simply because of their prejudices?

I've only used metaphors so far and look at what has already happened. One person was banned, another insulted me, and you think I might be a genocidal maniac or something (although that is probably partially my fault for the vagueness).

Jeez. You don't even want to know what it's like when I actually open up.
That's my problem. The more I open up the more destructive everyone around me becomes.
As I said before, people simply just do not want change. If you talk about change, real change, they freak out. They go crazy. They treat you like a monster.

You talked about Breaking Bad in the opening of your post. You say he was a monster because of his choices, but what choices did he really have to make? Wasn't he just doing what he could to stay alive? Didn't he stop at one point?
And was he really the monster of that story? I don't want to give any spoilers for people who might not have seen it all, but you see real monsters unfolding through the story. There are people in the series that make Walter look like an angel compared to them.
And the end to it all... Do you realize what he did in the end? Because of his final acts the world became a better place.

So, really, tell me: Was he really a monster? What was he, exactly? I want to know.

Originally I meant this topic mostly just as a question as to how to find other people like myself, but I think now I'm more interested to know why people like myself are so hard to find.

+1

Don't "+1" people who are insulting, even if you don't quote the most insulting part of the post. It only makes you just as guilty.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Okay this ends right now. Despicable Me I am going to reference something you just said to Locke

Don't "+1" people who are insulting, even if you don't quote the most insulting part of the post. It only makes you just as guilty.

From what I've read in this thread alone, you yourself have no room to talk. You have been very rude and insulting to many people here who are only asking for more information to try and understand you more because they don't. Not everyone can simply read beyond what you offer. You have also been aggressive towards other members and treat them disrespectfully. So you've gotten that in return.

Knock it off, everyone, if you can't reply to each other with some respect and decency then don't reply keep it off the forum. If that can't stop and we see any more of this or feel people are still being rude, insulting, aggressive, disrespectful, or argumentative, or if we receive anymore complaints/reports this thread will be closed.

This isn't up for discussion or debate on who is slinging mud at whom or who is to blame, it's a standard warning for everyone involved including the OP. Please don't send us PM's either complaining or trying to point fingers at others.

Treat each other with kindness, respect and understanding.