I feel a little depressed because I'm an ugly female...
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constant stranger
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This thread is going off topic. Loveableplatypus shared some serious issues and it's discourteous to her for the subject to be hijacked.
constant stranger said:
Yes, I'm sorry. It's just that I feel I've seen this thread many times now: Someone comes with a problem of self-love of perception of themselves, and they always get the same answers. Basically as we had notes prepared to repeat to anyone with the same issues. Do this advices work? Maybe, maybe not. Serious issues need serious reflexions. I'm willing to dig into unpopular considerations to evaluate those issues. I don't want just to say to that person they should feel better, I want them to actually fear the answers they could get if they go to the source of the problem. A clinic, cold and unapologetic inspection of the real cause of their misery.
I do have an advice to Loveableplatypus (to stay on topic)
First. Ugliness is a pretty defined concept. We have to accept this. Biology have been studied by centuries and, as any other science, It can't be dismissed because we don't like what it says. Our facial symmetry and proportions generate a response in the opposite sex. We're genetically predisposed to be pleased by certain bodies and faces. Some people are more susceptive to that and others less, but its there.
Second. As an unattractive person myself I can say the options are limited. Is not enough just to listen people telling you exactly what you want to hear. Less be honest, many threads on this forum are just for seeking sympathy and validation. We know we'll get compliments and social gratification. That's why a different approach is told to get out.
My personal advise (and what I'm doing) is to have a totally honest introspection of yourself. Take a piece of paper and write down all the pros and cons of you; physically and on a personality level. Have feedback from the people you know about these things; ask them how they see you and more importantly, tell them they have to be brutally honest.
After that you have to decide what you want to change and what you want become. Investigate about what makes a remarkable human being. Be objective about this, ask yourself what version of you is better to be placed between the people of the world. To do this you have to accept what reaction your physical appearance caused to others. Accept how you look. Not in a way that denies the biological preferences of the species, but in the sense that you look like you... and that's all. "I'm not beautiful on the outside, lets see how I can be beautiful in other ways"
One of the most difficult things in life is to become someone who can overturn his/her own loneliness. To be someone who's mental and spiritual development is so big that they can survive on their own love. I know this because I see myself trying to do this but I'm in no way close to achieve it. I crave company; it consumes me to think that I don't fit in anyone's "appeal list". So the first thing I did was to accept that I couldn't change what reaction people had to by physical appearance. What reaction had to my voice, my posture and my social performance.
You have to brake the cycle. Look for happiness in you, enjoy your life doing things you love and always look for ways to stand out from the rest. Do art, study science, be passionate about hard subjects, question everything people tell you and don't give a honeysuckle about the "happy lives" of others.
Happiness is not stationary. Happiness is not an end, but a road. A road builded on your own persona. On your own mind and capacities. You can feel bad about how you look, but not amount of self loathing and vacuous advice is gonna change anything. You're ugly. So what. You can be more.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
Xpendable, what the honeysuckle are you talking about? All these posts I'm reading from you either have nothing to do with a cup of tea on Jupiter, or your holier-than-thou fog is so thick, you can barely see through it. Honestly, if you really have nothing to input - be it something positive or something constructive - then at least try to make some sense.
Anyway... To the OP, I don't know what you look like nor do I think it's necessary for me to know, but I'd just like to tell you that a lot of the ugliness we see in people has nothing to do with their physical appearance. If you truly think you're ugly, there's probably a negativity deeper than just what you look like. If you think there's not, then just remember that some of the prettiest people are the most ugly inside. No point in having a picturesque face if someone's just going to treat others like garbage. I'd rather be ugly and kind than mean and pretty.
Anyway... To the OP, I don't know what you look like nor do I think it's necessary for me to know, but I'd just like to tell you that a lot of the ugliness we see in people has nothing to do with their physical appearance. If you truly think you're ugly, there's probably a negativity deeper than just what you look like. If you think there's not, then just remember that some of the prettiest people are the most ugly inside. No point in having a picturesque face if someone's just going to treat others like garbage. I'd rather be ugly and kind than mean and pretty.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
Xpendable said:
If you think that attempting to speak in riddles makes you enigmatic, I'm here to tell you - It doesn't.
there is no hope
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For what it's worth, I don't think Xpendable is ugly if that's him in the avatar, just going off a first glance impression. My opinion doesn't mean much for obvious reasons.
Given OP's age group, it's a pain in the ass to deal with people, especially with the world being what it is today. Maybe the problem isn't her, or maybe she has unrealistic expectations of what this world is. Hard to say without knowing her social position.
Given what the world is becoming, it's hard not to feel worthless and rejected... especially with what sexual relationships are becoming. Pretty soon the whole process will be reduced to artificial insemination, women will be required to obtain licenses for that even, and the vast majority of people are looking at a life of eternal solitude. But, as many men and a few women already know, mere solitude and rejection is not enough...
Given OP's age group, it's a pain in the ass to deal with people, especially with the world being what it is today. Maybe the problem isn't her, or maybe she has unrealistic expectations of what this world is. Hard to say without knowing her social position.
Given what the world is becoming, it's hard not to feel worthless and rejected... especially with what sexual relationships are becoming. Pretty soon the whole process will be reduced to artificial insemination, women will be required to obtain licenses for that even, and the vast majority of people are looking at a life of eternal solitude. But, as many men and a few women already know, mere solitude and rejection is not enough...
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
I see nothing wrong with that picture.
Triple Bogey
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Stonely said:
Yes a good post.
How many unattractive people wear rubbish clothes ?
Plenty !
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
Believe it or not, you aren't bad looking. It's your attitude (from what I've seen on here) that's very off-putting.
dd11
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Others can only embrace you to the extent that you embrace yourself. To be loved, you have to first love yourself. And, to be attractive, you need to do things that make you feel attractive in your own skin. If you do, others will then see that as well. But, it really has to start with ourselves.
ardour
Well known loser
Pretty normal for someone of mixed south american origin I imagine.
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
Xpendable said:
I'd much rather put up with someone who was a little closed-minded (if that's their true conviction) than someone who has a bad attitude. Having a closed-mind isn't necessarily bad. We're all capable of thinking what we want. But if someone wants to be an ******* about things, that's when they're unattractive.
