I feel a little depressed because I'm an ugly female...

[Xpendable]

Others can only embrace you to the extent that you embrace yourself. To be loved, you have to first love yourself. And, to be attractive, you need to do things that make you feel attractive in your own skin. If you do, others will then see that as well. But, it really has to start with ourselves.

"And, to be attractive, you need to do things that make you feel attractive in your own skin. If you do, others will then see that as well."

Any hard evidence about this? Honest question.

Also, too bad I can't communicate "tone" by my writing. Because that was me joking btw. Laughing at yourself can be healthy at some extend. No, I don't reject myself, I actually embrace many of my traits. There's many things about myself that I wouldn't change. The thing is they are all interior. I do have issues with my image, but who doesn't? This forum is the only place in which people have complained about my attitude, mainly because I can express here (I hope) more openly about topics I can't bring in real life because people around me are to devoid from reflection. Again, don't take me to seriously.

---

Pretty normal for someone of mixed south american origin I imagine.

Not at all.

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I'd much rather put up with someone who was a little closed-minded (if that's their true conviction) than someone who has a bad attitude.

Conviction =/= Being right.

Having a closed-mind isn't necessarily bad.

You knew there's people who prefer to pray that to seek medical help? Sometimes resulting in the dead of children.

We're all capable of thinking what we want. But if someone wants to be an ******* about things, that's when they're unattractive.

Would you think I'm an ******* if I agree with everything you say?

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'd much rather put up with someone who was a little closed-minded (if that's their true conviction) than someone who has a bad attitude.

Conviction =/= Being right.

It doesn't matter if one is right or wrong. I can respect someone who's not easily swayed, and who stands by what they think.

We're all capable of thinking what we want. But if someone wants to be an ******* about things, that's when they're unattractive.

Would you think I'm an ******* if I agree with everything you say?

I wasn't calling you an *******. Apologizes if it read that way. I meant that if someone wants to be rude and mean about things, that kind of attitude is very off-putting.

And I don't have to agree with someone to like them. Someone doesn't have to agree with me for me to like them. Feel free to disagree with me all you want.

 

[Serephina]

I have no idea who you are or what you look like but I don't think the problem is looks. I have spent a long time feeling the same way. I think the main problem is self confidence,if you believe in yourself more you end up giving out positive vibes instead of negative ones and all the things such as how you look will improve because you are feeling better about yourself and people will start to pick up on this.

 

[Xpendable]

It doesn't matter if one is right or wrong. I can respect someone who's not easily swayed, and who stands by what they think.

So, do you respect me then?

I meant that if someone wants to be rude and mean about things, that kind of attitude is very off-putting.

Is a mistake to think what you percieve as an ******* is someone doing it "on purpose". Some people are called ******** for simply voicing their opinions. An ******* rarely thinks he/she is one. Sure, many times they would be ******** because they are mistaken or have bigoted views. But an ******* is not someone who just upsets you.

And I don't have to agree with someone to like them. Someone doesn't have to agree with me for me to like them. Feel free to disagree with me all you want.

I don't know if you really have that capacity. Let's hope so.

---

I have no idea who you are or what you look like but I don't think the problem is looks. I have spent a long time feeling the same way. I think the main problem is self confidence,if you believe in yourself more you end up giving out positive vibes instead of negative ones and all the things such as how you look will improve because you are feeling better about yourself and people will start to pick up on this.

I would like some scientific evidence about this.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It doesn't matter if one is right or wrong. I can respect someone who's not easily swayed, and who stands by what they think.

So, do you respect me then?

I think some understanding escapes you, but sure.

And I don't have to agree with someone to like them. Someone doesn't have to agree with me for me to like them. Feel free to disagree with me all you want.

I don't know if you really have that capacity. Let's hope so.

Sure I do. Just because I don't agree with someone doesn't mean I dislike them. I don't dislike people for no reason. I'm hard to offend, so if I don't like someone, they probably did something really out there.

I have no idea who you are or what you look like but I don't think the problem is looks. I have spent a long time feeling the same way. I think the main problem is self confidence,if you believe in yourself more you end up giving out positive vibes instead of negative ones and all the things such as how you look will improve because you are feeling better about yourself and people will start to pick up on this.

I would like some scientific evidence about this.

I don't think there's anything scientific about this. Having proof or evidence of something doesn't always have to be scientific.

 

[Serephina]

Xpendable,I would take all the dust off of my Psychology research books but I really can't be bothered lol.

 

[Xpendable]

I think some understanding escapes you, but sure.

What's to understand? You value conviction more than validity. You don't care if someone is wrong. You think I'm wrong, therefore not respecting me would be a contradiction. Because I stand in the same conviction you described.

Sure I do. Just because I don't agree with someone doesn't mean I dislike them. I don't dislike people for no reason. I'm hard to offend, so if I don't like someone, they probably did something really out there.

We have a different standard of "hard to offend".

I don't think there's anything scientific about this. Having proof or evidence of something doesn't always have to be scientific.

The other day you said a study with little variable spectrum was "a piece of crap", and now you say scientific evidence is not necessary for something to be considered true.

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Xpendable,I would take all the dust off of my Psychology research books but I really can't be bothered lol.

People here doesn't cosider Social Science to be valid, so don't worry.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think some understanding escapes you, but sure.

What's to understand? You value conviction more than validity. You don't care if someone is wrong. You think I'm wrong, therefore not respecting me would be a contradiction. Because I stand in the same conviction you described.

It doesn't matter to me if you're right or wrong. You're reading way too much into it. But, you continue to prove my point in that understanding escapes you. Many of your posts just come across as you wanting to be right, regardless of anything else. When really, when it comes to things that really boil down to opinion and personal liking - such as attractiveness - there is no right or wrong. People are attracted to different things.

 

[Xpendable]

Many of your posts just come across as you wanting to be right, regardless of anything else. When really, when it comes to things that really boil down to opinion and personal liking - such as attractiveness - there is no right or wrong. People are attracted to different things.

Isn't the same you're doing? wanting to be right?
Anyway, opinions also can be explained by science so I guess we are arguing over nothing.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Many of your posts just come across as you wanting to be right, regardless of anything else. When really, when it comes to things that really boil down to opinion and personal liking - such as attractiveness - there is no right or wrong. People are attracted to different things.

Isn't the same you're doing? wanting to be right?
Anyway, opinions also can be explained by science so I guess we are arguing over nothing.

I don't express my opinions to be right. And it's not necessary for anyone to agree with me.

 

[BeyondShy]

I think some understanding escapes you, but sure.

What's to understand? You value conviction more than validity. You don't care if someone is wrong. You think I'm wrong, therefore not respecting me would be a contradiction. Because I stand in the same conviction you described.

She said she respects you but that wasn't good enough? I never met anyone who can twist things around as easy as you can. You must be a real treat to talk to in real life.

---

I don't express my opinions to be right. And it's not necessary for anyone to agree with me.

Please, please give up with this guy.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Seems like the looks are everything... Oh, I know, I've seen "less attractive" girls in relationships. But I can't get over my own looks.

Also I think I am very boring. Cold. Not interesting. I don't think anyone's really been interested in me ever. I'm sorry, this must sound very pathetic.

The thing is that I have never had thoughts that _I_ could be in a relationship. I've always had a low self-confidence. To be honest, it is a rare feeling for me to feel when I feel I need someone. Still it bothers me. I don't know what I'm missing. I'm ugly so I guess it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone that I've never had anyone in real life. But it still bothers me. No, I wouldn't do anything out of my comfort zone to prove a point. This is where I get very depressed. I don't want a relationship but I feel like there's something missin... Maybe? Or maybe not? But I'm not good with people. If there was someone out there PATIENT enough then I might have a chance. But... who would want to be patient for an ugly girl?

And I don't even know if I want to have sex. Maybe sometimes. But not regularly. I know I shouldn't compare to others. I know wery well that I'm not a very sexual person.. So this far: ugly, untinteresting, boring girl with low self-confidence and not interested in sex... Ah hah. I almost feel like laughing. I'm 22 years old. I don't know what I want. All I know thus far is that I am ugly, uninteresting, unappealing... awkward, shy, horrible. Yet I dare to dream of somehting special. Why? Why do I think there was someone special for me?

Oh hi, person who made this thread!

I really doubt you're as ugly as you think you are. You need to do what you can to change what you don't like about your appearance (New haircut, teeth whitening, losing weight if you need to, new style of clothes...things like that, not plastic surgery) and accept what you don't like that you can't change.

Don't be so hard on yourself, there's someone out there for everyone, you just have to go out there and look.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Don't be so hard on yourself, there's someone out there for everyone, you just have to go out there and look.

That's right. Like Pokemons. Or catch 'em on the internets. Gotta catch 'em all.

 

[Nuke1967]

Could be worse, you could look like me.., seriously it's what is on the inside that counts, I have seen some nice looking people who were ugly as sin on the inside.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Seems like the looks are everything... Oh, I know, I've seen "less attractive" girls in relationships. But I can't get over my own looks.

Also I think I am very boring. Cold. Not interesting. I don't think anyone's really been interested in me ever. I'm sorry, this must sound very pathetic.

The thing is that I have never had thoughts that _I_ could be in a relationship. I've always had a low self-confidence. To be honest, it is a rare feeling for me to feel when I feel I need someone. Still it bothers me. I don't know what I'm missing. I'm ugly so I guess it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone that I've never had anyone in real life. But it still bothers me. No, I wouldn't do anything out of my comfort zone to prove a point. This is where I get very depressed. I don't want a relationship but I feel like there's something missin... Maybe? Or maybe not? But I'm not good with people. If there was someone out there PATIENT enough then I might have a chance. But... who would want to be patient for an ugly girl?

And I don't even know if I want to have sex. Maybe sometimes. But not regularly. I know I shouldn't compare to others. I know wery well that I'm not a very sexual person.. So this far: ugly, untinteresting, boring girl with low self-confidence and not interested in sex... Ah hah. I almost feel like laughing. I'm 22 years old. I don't know what I want. All I know thus far is that I am ugly, uninteresting, unappealing... awkward, shy, horrible. Yet I dare to dream of somehting special. Why? Why do I think there was someone special for me?

Oh hi, person who made this thread!

I really doubt you're as ugly as you think you are. You need to do what you can to change what you don't like about your appearance (New haircut, teeth whitening, losing weight if you need to, new style of clothes...things like that, not plastic surgery) and accept what you don't like that you can't change.

Don't be, , you just so hard on yourselfhave to go out there and look.there's someone out there for everyone

That last sentence must be the biggest load of crap ever written on a forum !

It's so much of a cliché to say there is someone for everybody.

I agree with the first bit though. Grooming, losing weight, nice clothes - all very important !

 

[African_weasel]

I'll just ask you one thing. And advise you to apply it to every point you made in that post.

Did you try your best yet?

Looks -> Clothes, haircut, etc. These don't have to take much effort but may improve your looks. You don't need to look like a model.
Not sexual -> You're not intimidating that way. Also, see it as an interest. Not everyone has the same interests, sex included.
Uninteresting -> Could you challenge yourself more? Learning skills and experiencing new things always means challenging yourself.
Low self-confidence -> This is a symptom. Not a cause. Fix other things with your life.

Good luck.

Pretty much and try to get a job if you can. There are people who have a masters or Ph.D.working for minimum wage and or management, but don't stop at just one area. Go to other areas if you are able to.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Seems like the looks are everything... Oh, I know, I've seen "less attractive" girls in relationships. But I can't get over my own looks.

Also I think I am very boring. Cold. Not interesting. I don't think anyone's really been interested in me ever. I'm sorry, this must sound very pathetic.

The thing is that I have never had thoughts that _I_ could be in a relationship. I've always had a low self-confidence. To be honest, it is a rare feeling for me to feel when I feel I need someone. Still it bothers me. I don't know what I'm missing. I'm ugly so I guess it doesn't come as a surprise to anyone that I've never had anyone in real life. But it still bothers me. No, I wouldn't do anything out of my comfort zone to prove a point. This is where I get very depressed. I don't want a relationship but I feel like there's something missin... Maybe? Or maybe not? But I'm not good with people. If there was someone out there PATIENT enough then I might have a chance. But... who would want to be patient for an ugly girl?

And I don't even know if I want to have sex. Maybe sometimes. But not regularly. I know I shouldn't compare to others. I know wery well that I'm not a very sexual person.. So this far: ugly, untinteresting, boring girl with low self-confidence and not interested in sex... Ah hah. I almost feel like laughing. I'm 22 years old. I don't know what I want. All I know thus far is that I am ugly, uninteresting, unappealing... awkward, shy, horrible. Yet I dare to dream of somehting special. Why? Why do I think there was someone special for me?

Hi loveableplatypus,

I just thought I'd tell you that I really relate to your post a lot. But also, it won't do you any good to stay down and out.

I know it can seem like looks are everything, but that's not always the case. Not only that, but you're probably better-looking than you think you are. I used to feel that I was ugly growing up, but really I just wasn't grooming myself as best I could, I didn't have good posture, and I wasn't wearing clothes that really represented me. Now, when I do a little grooming, stand up straight, and smile, I think I'm a pretty good-looking guy after all.

And I really empathize with you on feeling like you are boring. I worry that I am boring too. But whenever I feel that way, I try to ask myself what it would take for me to be interesting instead. I look at people that I consider interesting, and I ask myself what do I think makes them interesting. I also think about what interesting means to me, and I ask myself what more I could be doing.

For me, I think a person is interesting when they are knowledgeable about something, when they are creative, and when they have one or more hobbies or passions.

If you can't see yourself in a relationship, ask yourself, what would it take for you to feel like you are relationship-worthy? You probably are already, but to build some confidence, take some time to figure out what you think you need. Like I said, it's probably not your looks or anything like that.

Like you, I also struggle with low self-confidence. But I think the problem is, if you only list out all the things that you think are wrong with you and none of the things that you think are right, then it makes you feel even worse. Also, it doesn't help when you don't follow through with a solution. It can be strange to think of yourself as confident if you were not confident already, I know it is for me. But you also have to know that you definitely won't get better if you beat yourself up.

I would say that first, you should write down all the things you like about yourself, to remind yourself that you do have some good traits. Start small, and work your way from there. And for everything you don't like about yourself, write down what you would like to be instead.

Get specific. If you want to lose weight, write down how much and when. If you want to be interesting, write down exactly how you want to do that. Have a plan.

I also really like what Oldyoung said in this thread: Did you try your best yet?

Break down your problems by area and see what you could be doing better in each area.

Anyway. I hope you're well, platypus, and keep us updated on your progress.

(hugs) and take care,

Ska Fish

PS - "loveableplatypus" is such a cute name

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Only about 10% of people are actually "ugly." Most people are average, and since they don't fall into the top 20% that society goes gaga over, they consider themselves ugly.

I sincerely doubt you fall into that 10%. There are 7 billion people in this world. Do you know how statistically impossible that is?

 

[Xpendable]

I sincerely doubt you fall into that 10%. There are 7 billion people in this world. Do you know how statistically impossible that is?

1 in 10.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I sincerely doubt you fall into that 10%. There are 7 billion people in this world. Do you know how statistically impossible that is?

1 in 10.

Okay. That's 700 million people. Leaving 6 billion, 300 million left in the world who aren't.

There are close to 400 million people in the United States alone. Most of the people I refer to as in that percentage are in foreign third world countries, where there is a health risk involved (war and disease), and there might be some deformity.

And many of those bottom 10% people are in relationships, and don't let their deformity stop them, so just because you're not in the top 20%, that doesn't mean you can't find someone. You will only not find someone if you don't try.

I'm more of an optimist. I believe that everyone can find someone, if they work on themselves and keep an open mind. Giving up is not the answer. People find other people in their 70's and 80's, there is no timeline or race in finding a relationship.

This is also coming from someone who thought I was ugly in high school and college, because other people told me so. I took a good look at myself, and observed the way people who aren't asshats treat me and the way I actually look, and I realized I'm in the 70% that is neither ugly nor hot. I just am average. 70%, that is 7 out of 10 of the population. I'm sure that the OP most likely falls into the average category, and was told, just like I was, that I was in the bottom 10%.