i feel like only bad things/bad people...

[headbanginghorseman]

happen to me. despite all my best efforts, situations in my life seem to only go from bad to worse [and i'm not one to over exaggerate]. what do i do? :c how do i keep up hope and ward off depression when things are always so negative?

 

[Stride]

like what kind of situations? a little tough to advise without some examples, but i think we all feel at times that nothing is going our way despite our best efforts. the best you can do is keep trying and eventually something good will come.

 

[jjam]

[video=youtube]

 

[Pheenix]

You might not be the one to exaggerate, but you can still fall for mindtraps. Have you ever noticed how, once you learn a new concept, you seem to notice that concept everywhere?

 

[IgnoredOne]

Unfortunately, from what little I've read of you, you seem to be at least partially responsible for your situations.

 

[headbanginghorseman]

Unfortunately, from what little I've read of you, you seem to be at least partially responsible for your situations.

i really couldn't disagree with you more. all i have ever done was be kind to people. no one expects ill treatment for their kindness. i don't want to turn myself into a bruiser, because that would be letting other people win and change me into something i never wanted to be.

one can not prevent situations they don't expect, and one can not walk around automatically assuming that EVERYONE else is bad. i imagine it was my post on guys being too amorous that you read. not to play the victim, but how am i suppose to control someone else's lack of self-control? :/

---

You might not be the one to exaggerate, but you can still fall for mindtraps. Have you ever noticed how, once you learn a new concept, you seem to notice that concept everywhere?

i'm speaking mostly of situations that are completely out of my control. for example: i've had many very adverse reactions to food, which led me to fear eating most things for several years. after my family and i came to the conclusion that this was becoming an even more serious problem, we went in for allergy testing. all the tests were coming back as negative, so that made me very happy. unfortunately, my very last set of tests determined that i was allergic to species of mites that live in almost every food except fresh fruits, vegetables, and meat. so i can eat all the foods themselves, but these mites render anything that isn't a fresh fruit/veggie or meat product out of my diet. no spices, no seasonings, nothing that has been stored can be part of my nutrition plan :/ major bummer.

 

[Pheenix]

Yes, but even outside your control, if you have a streak of bad luck, you might see bad luck everywhere.

Obviously, I haven't seen your life, but we both know that "lots of bad things happen to me" and "being nice to people doesn't help" is illogical on a base level, even if we don't try to scrutinize the specific examples.

 

[headbanginghorseman]

i know it sounds like i am whining here, but i really and am truly convinced that i have what can be described as a "very unlucky" and very depressing life. nothing seems to be going my way. i have sought professional help, and taken their advice, along with really putting my heart into what they've asked me to do, but there was no positive aftereffect.

it's just hardship after hardship. and i don't understand why so many of these hardships seem to flock my way. [even my therapists have asked my how i've withstood all the torment.] it's all just very frustrating. i was hoping to get some advice from people concerning how they deal with hardship, not be forced to attempt to prove to people how hard my life is :/ i know people often like to whine about how difficult their middle-class, semi-privileged lives are, but that is not what this is. i just really need help sorting things out, because they are indeed exceedingly difficult. i don't want to divulge my whole life's story here. i would just like some help, please.

 

[Pheenix]

Well, you wrote "how do I keep my hopes up when everything is so depressing" to which I think the most effective answer, if one believes in it, is "things aren't depressing". But, if you sincerely believe what you say, I wouldn't have an answer. I wonder if there is one.

No offense intended here, just trying to be analytical and effective.

Stop reading if you've had enough of my shtick, but I'll try something different: Perhaps you have some very unnoticeable small flaws? Like a discreet clumsiness that you never notice, or something like that? Perhaps something is gnawing at your subconscious making you more reactive?

 

[headbanginghorseman]

hmm...well, i could see where that could be an issue for situations that somehow depended on my intervention to arise, but what about those out of my hand? [i think those are the ones i have the greatest problems with, at this current time.]

i have spent a lot of time reflecting on my thoughts and actions. [i am very meticulous about my character.] i think a big flaw of mine is keeping people close that do not deserve to be close, simply because i am so lonely. i am almost certain that this is why i have issues with "bad people." i'm sure that, to at least some degree, the bad deflect the good, because, by associating with them [the bad], the good must come to believe that my intentions are also ill.

and i greatly appreciate your input. it is just hard to paint an accurate portrait of one's life to a stranger without going into great detail. i am certain that is why we are having a bit of difficulty with our communication.

 

[Pheenix]

Yup yup.

It definitely makes sense that you will be mistreated a lot of you accept too much bullshit from people.

Things outside your control... Yeah the only thing I can think of is that the issue is perception. Something works in your mind to make you see more than is there, or fixate more on what is there than other people do.

 

[headbanginghorseman]

okay, so how would i go about thinking more positively? i really give it an honest try, sometimes, but, when things start making a turn for the worse, and then the even worse, i get pretty discouraged :/

 

[Pheenix]

Well, there can be many different problems, I don't know what you have, if any.

For one thing, if you've already sought professional help, I don't think there is much I can do for you. That's sorta the be all end all of advice.
If I should try to recommend something; over a longer period of time, keep in touch with your thoughts and emotions. Keep them all in tab, write them down if you must. Try to check for patterns, etc. If anything appears conspicuous, scrutinize it. This is usually where professional help moves beyond ordinary help; you start meticulously scrutinizing your thoughts, even if thoughts are already hard to explain and sometimes illogical as it is. You question everything.

 

[allanh]

Have you tried antidepressants? Sometimes depression can alter the perception of mind and make bad things seem even worse. While there is a lot of psychological part to it, there are well-recognised chemical imbalance (namely serotonin deficiency) and medications can help in that instance.

 

[freedom]

sorry to make things more negative, and you're probably going to think i'm an a-hole for saying this, but these "bad things/bad people" that happen to you are because of you.

there is no such thing as good luck or bad luck, just luck: luck that you create. fortune that you build in your mind and believe in, and think about, and churn slowly until it comes out.

this is going to sound like a broken record on some level, but that's because it's true: you need to start thinking and being more optimistic, and you'll see how things will change for the better. stop being depressed (yes, you CAN just drop it), stop moping around about all the honeysuckle that's happened to you, stop living in yesterday, and start thinking your way to prosperity.

i wish you the best.

 

[Pheenix]

I don't believe that an act of will alone will drive one away from depression. This is the final step if you are prepared, but there is a much more noticeable work period before changing your mind is the last step.

 

[headbanginghorseman]

i really don't think medication is the answer here. usually, it ends up doing more harm than good.

and i have studied psychology for 5 years. i was planning on being a psychologist, when i was younger. what ultimately made me drop this goal was the fact that i believe life is horrible, and i wouldn't be able to urge patients to keep on living and not resort to suicide when i, myself, don't believe that life is all that great. when you get right down to it, i think life is depressing. i don't think there's a way around seeing or believing this, because examples are around us everyday, everywhere we look. i wish this wasn't so, but the plethora of evidence just makes it so obvious.

and i agree with you, pheenix. i don't think an act of will alone can drive one away from depression. unfortunately, no matter how hard some of us try, it seems like we will never be able to blow the dark clouds away. i remember reading somewhere that, among people with serious, long-term depression, only 5% "recover", and most of those will relapse. the one's that don't relapse are usually so bonked out on pills, they lose all touch with reality.

so maybe there is no real "cure." perhaps it's all a matter of personality types and tendency towards certain attitudes. to change your perception, you would have to change how you think, and perhaps your brain chemistry, and that's where the bogus pills come it :l

 

[IgnoredOne]

Life is horrible.

You can make the parts that are within your control less horrible through effort. An act of will can begin the process of improvement, but by itself, will not be enough - you can use willpower to start a journal, by it is only by the daily journaling that you may actually change your bheavior.

Pills can be useful for an initial assistance, or perhaps for long-term correction of an imbalance of mental chemicals. I personally despise them. I accept that they may have utility for some, but in my case, they served only to make me stop caring and as they caused my grades to drop, were of an objectively and functionally destructive.

 

[headbanginghorseman]

i think you and i are on the same page, ignoredone.

 

[Ak5]

We as humans perceive a lot of things. Let me tell you an example: When I was in Middle School, I was a loner, and the feeling and the emotions of what a loner felt stuck to me.

Now I realize that I did have some acquaintances, a few (very few people) DID say "hi" to me, but I never responded to them, because I was in my "I am a loner, life will never be better" state of mind. Years later, I now realize that if I would have just changed my point of view, and my perception of things; I could have maybe made 1 or 2 friends in Middle School and would not feel as lonely.

Hope that helps a bit.