I wish I had the courage to euthanise myself

[CAS]

To be free from all of this burden would be such a blessing. However, I don't think I could do it to my parents. They're the only reason I'm really carrying on.

fresia everything, for nothing is real
Life is a drag, my bruises won't heal
Sleeping and booze is my ideal way
Of making an attempt to get through the day
People don't like me, and although I've tried
I know very well, they''re not on my side
So just let them think about all they've said
What will they say when they find out I'm dead

 

[Splenda-Kills]

To be free from all of this burden would be such a blessing. However, I don't think I could do it to my parents. They're the only reason I'm really carrying on.

fresia everything, for nothing is real
Life is a drag, my bruises won't heal
Sleeping and booze is my ideal way
Of making an attempt to get through the day
People don't like me, and although I've tried
I know very well, they''re not on my side
So just let them think about all they've said
What will they say when they find out I'm dead

Suicidal people, at least I have heard,
Don't always have it bad, so it gets on my nerves.
Yeah, the world SUCKS, and people aren't worth living for.
Yet you might never realize, 'till death knocks on your door,
When your last breath is out and your life is all done,
Your enemies will utter two words: "We've won."
Pardon my rhythm, even though I had rhymed,
But you'll die eventually, so why speed up the time?
Will you be known to be the one who doesn't fight, but retreats?
Just know if you go before your time, you're just admitting defeat.

 

[Hon]

Forget about killing yourself. Now that you have to live for your parents then why not try to live happily. Forget people and do things which make you happy and start loving yourself. I know it doesn't happen overnight but then when you know you have to do it they why not give it a shot!! What say??

 

[yamaha CS5]

Sorry, but these above two comments are horribly wrong. You really should only speak on things you know something about. Obviously, something who wants to kill himself does have it very bad; his situation might not be bad (but what do you know about that anyway?), but people don't need to have their family and friends all die, their houses bulldozed and their jobs outsourced to feel like ****, sorry to burst your bubble. Human emotions are not always rational, and more importantly people are not always rational either. That doesn't mean they feel any less bad, it just means they wouldn't have to feel as bad as they do if they got help for that.

You're not helping him, and that really pisses me off.

I think it's praiseworthy to have the guts and the conscience towards your family not to commit suicide in the face of how bad human beings can feel sometimes, and I speak from experience.

That said, you might want to look somewhere else than this site for help, because I read somewhere that it's not really allowed to post about these kinds of things here, so PM me if like and I'll see what I can do.

 

[Splenda-Kills]

Sorry, but these above two comments are horribly wrong. You really should only speak on things you know something about. Obviously, something who wants to kill himself does have it very bad; his situation might not be bad (but what do you know about that anyway?), but people don't need to have their family and friends all die, their houses bulldozed and their jobs outsourced to feel like ****, sorry to burst your bubble. Human emotions are not always rational, and more importantly people are not always rational either. That doesn't mean they feel any less bad, it just means they wouldn't have to feel as bad as they do if they got help for that.

You're not helping him, and that really pisses me off.

I think it's praiseworthy to have the guts and the conscience towards your family not to commit suicide in the face of how bad human beings can feel sometimes, and I speak from experience.

Furthermore, I was merely telling him to reasess his life before trying to do something so drastic. If that's bad advice, well, then I suppose he <i>should</i> look elsewhere.

That said, you might want to look somewhere else than this site for help, because I read somewhere that it's not really allowed to post about these kinds of things here, so PM me if like and I'll see what I can do.

Actually, You are not one to speak on what we do or do not know (Moreover, many suicidal people see things for worse than what they really are, and I know this first-hand because I did it, too. A lot of my friends did it. A lot of people in general do it. See a pattern here?). I, too, have wanted to commit suicide on several occasions but I have a sick and disabled sibling who I take care of like a mother and would not wish to do such a thing and damage her. For what? So she can be sent to an orphanage and watch herself degenerate and die without proper treatment? Yeah, I didn't think so. I know exactly what it is like to feel as though there is no point in living. This person feels as though if he's dead then those against him will think twice. Sorry to burst your bubble, but they will never think twice. I always thought that suicide would be my trump card, but I realized that no one would give a crap. They'd be sad for a while and then move on. That's what humans do. That's what humans should do. Why should anyone settle for such a shallow victory? I realized that my defiance against those who I hate the most is the only way I can get ahead in life, and then, if I feel like it, rub it right in their face. There are people who have said themselves that they would kill themselves if they had to live the life I lived; the life of an exploited, abused, isolated "slave" (yes, a SERVANT) who had, and still has, no way out except to either endure it or die. They have seen it. I know what I'm talking about. Yet I think this life isn't so bad that I won't be able to just get over it.

But, you know, what would I know about that, right?

You coddling him does not help either. Life sucks. All you can do is endure and get over it.

Furthermore, I was merely telling him to re-think his life before making such a drastic and permanent move. If that's bad advice, then...just wow.

 

[yamaha CS5]

Ok, I think it might be a good idea if a mod could wrong either me or Splenda-Kills or neither of us and then delete our posts here so that other people don't have to see this thread being hijacked by us two quarreling co-forumdwellers because it's not what this thread needs. I just feel obliged to counter this, this is the last I'll say on it.

Actually, You are not one to speak on what we do or do not know (Moreover, many suicidal people see things for worse than what they really are, and I know this first-hand because I did it, too. A lot of my friends did it. A lot of people in general do it. See a pattern here?). I, too, have wanted to commit suicide on several occasions but I have a sick and disabled sibling who I take care of like a mother and would not wish to do such a thing and damage her. For what? So she can be sent to an orphanage and watch herself degenerate and die without proper treatment? Yeah, I didn't think so. I know exactly what it is like to feel as though there is no point in living. This person feels as though if he's dead then those against him will think twice. Sorry to burst your bubble, but they will never think twice. I always thought that suicide would be my trump card, but I realized that no one would give a crap. They'd be sad for a while and then move on. That's what humans do. That's what humans should do. Why should anyone settle for such a shallow victory? I realized that my defiance against those who I hate the most is the only way I can get ahead in life, and then, if I feel like it, rub it right in their face. There are people who have said themselves that they would kill themselves if they had to live the life I lived; the life of an exploited, abused, isolated "slave" (yes, a SERVANT) who had, and still has, no way out except to either endure it or die. They have seen it. I know what I'm talking about. Yet I think this life isn't so bad that I won't be able to just get over it.

But, you know, what would I know about that, right?

You coddling him does not help either. Life sucks. All you can do is endure and get over it.

Furthermore, I was merely telling him to re-think his life before making such a drastic and permanent move. If that's bad advice, then...just wow.

I reckoned that if you were as heartless towards this kind of thing as your first comment made it seem, you couldn't have experienced anything like it yourself. I still do, I don't really believe that you have, either that or this is your way of coping with what you went through.
One of the points I made was that people don't always think rationally, that is exactly what you're also talking about when you say suicidal people see the world as worse than it is, I completely agree. But just telling them that doesn't help, that's what a mental illness is, something that makes you not see the world as it is, and unable to snap out of it.
You say you wanted to kill yourself but didn't because you couldn't do it to your sibling. That's a commendable thing, but you're somehow using it as an argument against what I said even though I just said the same thing about CAS, that he should be proud for caring that much about his dear ones. What you did, he is doing right now, aren't you able to sympathize with that?
You say killing himself to make his enemies feel guilty would be a shallow victory, and that's also true, and I didn't say it would be good, I didn't say he should kill himself. CAS didn't say he was going to do that. CAS was obviously not talking about his family when he said this, and I think the thought of killing yourself to take revenge on others who have done you consciously wronged you is very normal one and nothing to be ashamed of, no matter how untrue it is for multiple reasons.
You forget that it is not always a matter of victory or defeat in life, you can't win over or be defeated by yourself. If you're always in a struggle with your enemies, I can indeed guarantee you that life will suck. If you don't, you might find that life can be really great, that it doesn't have to suck at all. You might also find that can still feel bad even though you're being defiant towards your enemies, that mental illnesses don't care whether you give in to them or not, that you're still screwed, hateful feelings towards others or not. And if that is the case, as it is here (it says he has depression in his bio), and people are telling you that you should stop being such a wuss and take up the fighting spirit, it might not make a whole lot of sense to you.
Also, you have no idea how his situation is, that is what I was referring to when I said you should only talk about things you know about. For all you know his life is worse than yours.

Furthermore, I was merely telling him to re-think his life before making such a drastic and permanent move. If that's bad advice, then...just wow.

No you weren't, that's simply not what you said and everyone can look that up for themselves.
Now, unless you want him to actually kill himself, you should be supportive, because he has done nothing wrong. In fact he's doing something very good right now, holding on out of love for others, just like you did.

 

[PieBeNice]

Pie shall end conflict. Yamaha wins.

Suicide are bads dun do pls.

 

[Aedammair]

Its not worth it. While it may seem like a viable option it really isn't. There seems to be a builtin mechanism that just makes us as humans want to fight for survival. Reguardless of what you are going through someone has it worse.
Have you ever been beaten by someone you know and trust because they were a little angry? I have. As a 12 year old did you ever felt like you had to protect your family from the person who was suppose to be protecting them? I have. I am not saying this as a way to relate a sob story. I am simply saying while life may suck right now you can make it through it. My life is now 1000 times better. Ending my life wouldn't have the right thing to do.
I am not saying you don't have your own unique pains that seem to darken the sun. It is simply that for me it is impossible to lay down and die.
I am a fighter. When I feel I cannot go on because of girls family, or just the pure drama of life I simply tell myself

I will not die because it would give my enemies that satisfaction
I will not cower before the storm. I will walk into it with my head held high. If I don't come out the other side it will not be a fault of mine

Life sucks. It really does. However we have to face it on our feet. Killing yourself is the easy way out. I rebel against the fact that there are restrictions on my life. Not like laws or curfew or anything like that. I am saying when the world says "you can't do tha"t you just need to laugh in its face and say "Watch me"


Don't give up yet mate. Death isn't nearly as fun as people make it seem
Aedammair

 

[BornMisfit]

When I was very young I tried several times to kill myself; obviously without success! Then I thought I'd give my life a chance until I was 40 to see if it would be great or fulfilling; but it hasn't been. So I decided five years ago I'd see my plan thru to kill myself after I've got all my affairs in order, and most importantly after my two dearly beloved dogs have died, because they're everything to me and love me, and I have no family or friends at all in the world, so I owe them a good life until they pass away - this will be within the next few years as they're elderly now, and when they've gone I'll have nothing at all to live for, and I definitely won't want to carry on, as it's pointless. This is not a sad decision for me; I am not sad about it as it'll be a pure relief to let go of this existence, and no-one else will be sad or will miss me (because there is no-one), so it's not a problem. I feel very positive about it. I'll go to the euthanasia clinic in Europe and get it done there; thanks goodness for such a wonderful organisation for providing those like me with the option of letting go in an easy painless way.

I think if you feel sad about letting go then killing yourself isn't an option. If you feel guilty about it then it's not an option. There are plenty of other options for most people to consider.

 

[packyourbags]

;(

(hug)

 

[Punisher]

Suicide are bads dun do pls.

PieBeRite, but I thought PieBeEvil? maybe you have a mental illness like pro choice? PieBeBroken :O
______________________________________________________________________________________

CAS, hopefully the feeling won't last too long.

 

[DrMorlenheim]

CAS, I suspect you are affected by MLS.

Please know there are millions of males affected by this condition.

You are not alone.

Dr. Morlenheim

 

[CAS]

CAS, I suspect you are affected by MLS.

Please know there are millions of males affected by this condition.

You are not alone.

Dr. Morlenheim

Sorry to appear ignorant, but what exactly is M.L.S. ?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

One of the reasons I stopped drinking at a very young age was it made me depressed as hell.
I was going through a very challenging time in my life drinking and partying all the time was
the way I used to escape, cope or numb the fresia out . Eventaully it didn't mattered how messed up I got.

Aside from not facing or working through my problems I accumilated more problems.
It became a visous cycle becuase my body became dependent on alcohol. Alcohol is a depressent..
I'd get up with hung overs and felt depressed as hell...So I'd drink to numb the fresia out from my hung over.
I had to drink just to feel normal...but normal wasn't normal anymore.lol
Also being in a depressive state my perception of life changed and became a bit wrap.
Gradaully my life became more and more unmanageble..the more unmanageable it got...the more messed up
and partying I did..lol It got progressive with compounded interest after a while.
Hell even my drinking and getting high buddies didn't wanna hang out with me anymore
honeysuckle even I didn't wanna hang out with me anymore...so I got more messed up to escape from my own fucken shadow.

I had to hit a bottom...and I wanted to end my life again....

It wasn't the easist thing in the world to give up drinking and using...but I had to stop putting chemicles
into my system that wasn't healthy for me so I can get well, process life with a clearer mind.
I had to stop the visouse cycle of chemicle dependency first...First things first.
Yeah...drugs and alcohol kicked my ass...

I started attending support groups to seek help. There were plenty of people there that understood me,
Went through simular experinces. Stoping drinking and using didn't solved all of my problems, however
with cleaer thinking I was able to work through my problems...mentally, emotionally and spiritaully.
I also learned / gained healthier copping skills and living tools.

I worked through guilt issues, adandenment issues, abused issued, selfesteem issues...and a crap loads of other issues.

I don't lack motivation....I don't lack anything.
The thing about motivations is.....I'm either more motivated to be lazy, lay in bed all day or more motivated to get up off of my ass to do something about my life.
I wouldn't change overnite...Obviousely I wanted my life to change overnite...sueicide is another extreem case of me wanting a quick fix to everything.lol
It was my perminate salution to an tempory circumstance...drinking and using was just that for me...a quick fix.
So I took baby steps....5%. I set small goal that I can accomplished...honeysuckle, even those little goals were a challenge to me at first.
As simple as just getting out of my house for an hour each day or doing 5-10 sit ups everyday...
I built on that....whatever success i had...even the slightest sucess I had such as getting up every morning a taking a shower.
If I didn't drink for that day...I was sucessful for that day. Slowly I gain my selfesteem and self discipline back.
I'm a musician....I have the motivations, love ,passion and dicipline within me already...practice...practice ..practice.
hahahaaa..I didn't come out of the womb knowing all the music scales or knew how to played the guitar...I had dedicate myself and practice a lot.
It felt the same when I first learned how to play my guitar....it felt awkward as hell and I maDE a honeysuckle loads of mistakes...but I practiced everyday.
I simply just had to apply these principles in other area of my life.
I also had to stop comparing myself to other people.
I can go for a 5-10 miles bike ride now...I can do 50 sit ups today, now.

Sometimes i couldn't even do it oneday at a time...I had to do it an hour at a time or even 5 mins at a time.
Sometimes my day would turn out all messed up...I allow myself to start my day over again...a freah start. I gave myself a break.
I stopped beating up on myself. I stopped judging and condeming myself. (if I did this...obviously I'm not going to let other comdem me either)..
I did reseach on the inner vioce...everybody has this. My previouse inner vioce was too critical or self comdeming.
I simply followed the instructions, practice and apllied it. I simply replace the "I can't" to " I can".
I had to sit still in a quite place to be able to recogonized my critical inner vioce...it was very subtle. I'd catch it sooner and sooner when I comdem myself.
It wasn't easy at first..becuase I'd get up in the morning and my mind would go on AUTO PILOT of negative thinking. I had to practicing control my mind.
mmmm...bascailly sometimes I can't control my mind....I just don't listen the to BS it throws at me and run with it...The principle of cease fighting, acceptence and letting go.
Errr....if i don't listen to my own negative BS....obviousely, I not going to listen to other people's neagative BS and run with that either.lol
I'm the master of my brain and mind...If I don't control it....It'll control me.lol I had to break those unhealhty habits....

Will honeysuckle...if I had to practice controling my own mind...I'm not going to let anyone else control it either.
In a nutshell...there's nothing wrong with me. It's just me not being aware of it through old fualty programming of competing, comparing, guilt, shame, comforming of how
other people think or feel how I should live my life in accordance to thier beliefs, morals, values, the lesson and teaching they wanted me to learn.
As I healed, I became more aware or became more consious as my mind open. I am Free to think, feel, belief, and live as I chose...There's nothing worng with me.
Knowing this truth for myself...I'm no logner compel to get messed up or drunk to be ok with me. I no longer need to escape from me or life.
Knowing that I'm free and there nothing wrong with me...I am no longer compelled to bend over backwards just to fit in, allow myself to get missed treated or be manipulated by anyone.

Obiviously...those that wants to control me or tell me how to live would keep re-enforcing that there's something fucken wrong with me...The god **** epxerts.lmao
As if I need an expert's opinion and permission to live...so they can sell thier books (ideas) or fucken persciptions of how I should live Or whatever the fresia terms, labels and conditions
they fucken make up...Just becuase it has mulit sylibals of retardedNeedienestcomplexUrfuckedUpAndwRongSyndrom...just makes it sounds intelligent.
Ya probably have to be pretty god **** way the fresia out there to come up with words that the experts come up with.lol
It's a fucken endless cycle of insanity of keeping me in a fixing mode.. Wheather I do whatever to fresia they think I should do or self medicate of fixing..fixing fixing.lmao
Hello??? I don't wanna fixed...that's becuase theres nothing wrong with me.

I also had to learn and recognize my feelings and emotions. I took the same approched as I did with my music...
I didn't know what I was feeling or missed lable them. I simply just made a list of posiable emotions and feelings and expending on my emotions volcabuary.
The more I did this...the more emotionally mature I became.
I'm not me feelings or emotions...I experince or feel my emotions. It helped me to recognize the guilt, shame and fear I was feeling. Sometime I would make
unhealthy decisions base on my emotions. Other times I allowed myself to be manipuilated by others through guilt, shame or fears...
I no longer have to be held emotionally hostage...

I also learned how to trust myself and my own intuition of what is right for me....What's right for others dosn't necessary ment it was right nor healthy for me.
There's a simple saying or slogon in recovery....
" what works for me might kill ya.....what works for you might kill me"....
Recovery had been a process of setting me free as a person....beyound just the drinking and using.
Abusing drugs and alcohol was just a symtoms of my deeper inner problems or challenges...
Heck i don't even think there's problems in my life anymore...that's my attitude now...they're just challenges that I know I came overcome.
I have the power within myself to do so. I lack nothing. I was born with the abilties and power to solve any challenges as any human being that was ever borned.
I don't lack courage either...I already have it...I was borned with this ability.

My inner vioce or dialogue is neutral...it dosn't care what I put in there. I'm free to change it to whatever I want and chose to. I re programmed myself.
Well....commonsence tells me. maybe I ought to be supportive and loving to myself. After all, I live with myself 24/7s.

I had to stop being my own worst enemy and be my own best friend. That's the riddle to "love your enemy" ...ya know. I was my own worst enemy.
I also had to stop playing the victim...I was my own victim.....I make a crapping ass victim...I whine too god **** much.lmao
I bascailly ignore people that were negative or wasn't supportive of me...I don't need that honeysuckle in my life today. (my selfesteem has gotten better)
As corning as I was....I made myself look in the mirror everyday and tell myself I love myself no matter what...and I still practice doing this.

I also had to stop taking myself so god **** serious all the fucken time and luagh at myself....I'm serious about this.
Once I can luagh at myself...Well honeysuckle, it breaks the spill of other people laughing at me or judging me. Bacailly I stopped worring what other people think about me...
honeysuckle.... i stopped worrying what I think about myself for all that matters...
Laghter is healing...it's a natural process of releasing of stress.

 

[Steel]

CAS, I suspect you are affected by MLS.

Please know there are millions of males affected by this condition.

You are not alone.

Dr. Morlenheim

Sorry to appear ignorant, but what exactly is M.L.S. ?

It's something the "doctor" made up. I would take anything he says with a pinch of salt.

 

[Pasha Selim]

... I don't think I could do it to my parents. They're the only reason I'm really carrying on.

I think this is an extraordinary fact

In my proud opinion you should search information about the Messiah of psychology ... Viktor Frankl ...

 

[cheaptrickfan]

To be free from all of this burden would be such a blessing. However, I don't think I could do it to my parents. They're the only reason I'm really carrying on.

The fact that you recognize the impact your suicide would have on your parents is a good sign, IMO. I look at it as if you are hanging off the side of a cliff and there's a small hand-hold or toe-hold for you to cling to while you rest and gather your strength.

I felt the same way after my son died. I did not want to live for myself. The thought of it was offensive to me. I was horribly afflicted with a parent's survivor guilt: How could I possibly go on living now that my child had died?

I was fortunate in that I had another child at home. I lived for her. In the early days of this grief, she was the reason I got out of bed, that I tried to eat, that I attempted to do anything normally. If I hadn't had her to think of, I am 100%-positive that I would have swallowed a bottle of pills.

In time, things got better. The suicidal ideations gradually went away.


Now if you are battling suicidal thoughts, I'd suggest that you find someone to talk to. You would be surprised just how much the right person, whether a therapist, a counselor, or a priest, can help you through times like these as you make your way back up the cliff.

(((CAS)))

 

[Remedy]

CAS, I suspect you are affected by MLS.

Please know there are millions of males affected by this condition.

You are not alone.

Dr. Morlenheim

I'm sorry but your posts aren't usually that comforting they only make people like us feel worse. Maybe after all the suicide attempts or successful ones males under this type of pressure attempt will show how things really are. Because I know there are plenty of good guys out there who are overlooked but some of us are just to unattractive or shy to attract anybody. Its a sad thing when shyness is considered weird or if someone is too ugly for someone to like them.

-Sorry wasn't trying to hijack this post but just wanted to respond to the dr because he never has anything comforting to say or positive( I know I don't have many positive things to say either :/ but if hes truly a doctor I think he should)-

@CAS
Please don't do it because there are plenty of people who care like on this forum and in real life such as your parents for example.I too have had suicidal thoughts but after awhile when i truly think about it I think about all the people that I would hurt in the process.It just ends up not seeming worth it since you would crush the lives of so many around you.You also seem like a great person who is bound to have someone truly care about you just dont give up. You just haven't ran into the right people yet, they have to be out there for you I just know it.

 

[Remedy]

When I was very young I tried several times to kill myself; obviously without success! Then I thought I'd give my life a chance until I was 40 to see if it would be great or fulfilling; but it hasn't been. So I decided five years ago I'd see my plan thru to kill myself after I've got all my affairs in order, and most importantly after my two dearly beloved dogs have died, because they're everything to me and love me, and I have no family or friends at all in the world, so I owe them a good life until they pass away - this will be within the next few years as they're elderly now, and when they've gone I'll have nothing at all to live for, and I definitely won't want to carry on, as it's pointless. This is not a sad decision for me; I am not sad about it as it'll be a pure relief to let go of this existence, and no-one else will be sad or will miss me (because there is no-one), so it's not a problem. I feel very positive about it. I'll go to the euthanasia clinic in Europe and get it done there; thanks goodness for such a wonderful organisation for providing those like me with the option of letting go in an easy painless way.

I think if you feel sad about letting go then killing yourself isn't an option. If you feel guilty about it then it's not an option. There are plenty of other options for most people to consider.

Please don't do anything so drastic there are actually people care like on this site even if you have posted subjects and statements that got people going in a negative way against you.But the point is I know I don't know you but I do care for you as a person who deserves much better like I know many people would think the same if they got to know the real you.I bet you are a kind and caring person even if you post in a bitter negative fashion. Life just makes us so bitter and I can understand maybe not completely but I do understand to a point. Nobody deserves to be put through such pain but I have only witnessed a small fraction of it since I'm merely 22. I don't know why this world is so cruel to some people but please dont do anything.Reading your post made me so sad and the point is I do care.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

As long as I love myself I can't say nobody loves me.
As long as I have hope, I'm giving me a chance.

I'm 43. I went through a really bad break up a couple years ago from a long term relationship.
It messed with me mentally and emotionally. My ex-gf bascailly left me for dead.
For a while I felt really, really bad...and yes life seems a bit piontless.
I thought I would never heal or be able to continue. I use to awaken
everymorning with hurt, anger, grieving.

I reached out to people. And I know for a fact there's plenty of people that
loves me and cares for me. I met plenty of people on here and I've also met
plenty of people in my life this past year. It helped

At the sametime..I still lone for that specail someone...Someone I really love and cared for.
At the sametime...I was very scared to love again. Alot of trust had been destroyed.
I had my moments this summer when life seem really retarded no matter what I did.
It got so bad sometimes..all I could right in my journal is "I love myself" a couple thousand times.
I couldn't write anything else. Sometimes I'd just sit and cry for hours alone. I feel better after a good
cry. As i healed, there were plenty of people that came across my path.

I'm glade I didn't do anything drastic becuase LIfe changes...
And there she was...just like the first day she came into my life many many years ago..totally unexpected.
Michelle calls me all the time to tell me that she loves me.
I'm grateful for her love. I'm grateful for her friendship.
I'm grateful she's taken the time ,energy and effort to let me know that she cares for me and loves me.

The challenges I was having many, many ago was becuase I went through a divorce. I had a really hard time accpeting that.
Michelle is my ex-wf....