I'm a terrible person

[breadbasket]

Even to this day, around my friends. I lose them because I have terrible outbursts. And they run away from me. They are the subjects of war, death, crimes, and politics. They get shoved in my face allot, but I have the unfortunate nature of exploding in something unrelated. I have lost a very good friends by doing so. Even for a ******* like me, the experience is extremely painful. It's even worse knowing I cant get him back. It's shameful to know this is the second time this happens, and I am told over and over again to control myself.

I don't know how to control myself. Even after experiencing this ordeal a few times, one to a very good friend, I still do it. Even after experiencing the consequences of my actions, which includes arrest, it still happens. It's a constant burden that I cannot control myself.

 

[Nicolelt]

Have you ever tried avoiding those topics that cause outbursts? I tend to ramble and get emotional about a few topics and it makes people roll their eyes or get uncomfortable, so I try to avoid those.

You say that people throw these topics in your face, are they doing it on purpose? Are they trying to provoke you?

I would suggest taking a deep breathe when you feel like you are going to have an outburst, then eve if it continues, you are a wee bit calm. Also, if you are around people that prefer those topics, find other people to talk about things that don't up stead you, or have the same opinion as you. I had to do that.

 

[Surcruxum]

Have you ever tried avoiding those topics that cause outbursts? I tend to ramble and get emotional about a few topics and it makes people roll their eyes or get uncomfortable, so I try to avoid those.

You say that people throw these topics in your face, are they doing it on purpose? Are they trying to provoke you?

I would suggest taking a deep breathe when you feel like you are going to have an outburst, then eve if it continues, you are a wee bit calm. Also, if you are around people that prefer those topics, find other people to talk about things that don't up stead you, or have the same opinion as you. I had to do that.

I think they're not trying to provoke. Why would they provoke if the end result will be an emotional outburst? Probably they want your point of view or opinion. Try to keep a cool head while answering these topics. I know defending something in a discussion can lead to emotional outburst and people avoid the person because of his/her sensitivity. I once have a friend and we discussed about existence of aliens (it's an awkward conversation) I said it doesn't exist and suddenly she had an outburst, was defensive, persistent, and wouldn't take no for an answer, thinking she's right and I was wrong, so I gave in and left. Probably it's the same as your situation.

 

[Rosebolt]

You can control yourself. Say that to yourself. The problem is that you don't know how to do so.

I could imagine it being beneficial if you meditate on what exactly it is that triggers an outburst. You mention certain topics, but what about those topics makes you lose control. It also might be beneficial for you to talk about it with someone who you don't know, and who can give an objective point of view, the most obvious option being a psychologist. However, don't go to a psychiatrist, as there's quite a big chance he'll shove some meds down your throat and say "next!"

As a testing ground, you could use this forum too, as there are talks about politics, crime, and death here, too, mostly in the up for debate section. When you do that, it might be good to remove breakable objects near you. You know that hundred times better than i do, as in, what happens when you lose control. Might also be wise to somehow make sure you cannot comment, or you'll lose a valuable support environment.

Message me if i can help with anything, and the best of luck to you.

 

[Veruca]

You're not a terrible person, breadbasket. At least you're aware of what you're doing wrong and feeling remorse.

I agree with the other members...this is causing you a lot of misery, so perhaps you need to try to work it out. Speak to counselor who specializes in anger management, or look up people who have similar experiences in other forums. I think there are many books and articles online on how you can manage your outbursts.

And also, its very normal to feel frustrated and angry when people bring up certain topics that hits a raw nerve in us and causes us to fly off the handle. I myself am guilty of this, then my sister gave me the best advise. She told me to pick my battles. We meet many ignorant people in life, and we can't be fighting them all. So I am learning to just let it go and reserve my energy for a time when my losing it will actually make a difference. Perhaps you can think of that next time someone riles you up? The minute the conversation gets to that risky place, just leave or tune out or politely change topics?

Good luck! You can do it!

 

[jaguarundi]

I definitely think that anger management would be a good idea if its so bad that police and being arrested have been the result. As everyone else has said, being aware that what you are doing shows you are not a bad person. What you need are the tools to help you control this.

Therapy is an option, or perhaps you can find a support group or therapy group somewhere near you, where those who also have this problem and understand your struggle can help you.

I think that it would be great if you could do this, and good luck

 

[TheSkaFish]

Have you ever tried avoiding those topics that cause outbursts? I tend to ramble and get emotional about a few topics and it makes people roll their eyes or get uncomfortable, so I try to avoid those.

This is great advice. All those topics the OP mentioned, war, death, crime, and politics are all big downers if you ask me, and best avoided if a person is serious about wanting to change their mood. I avoid the news these days as much as I can. I even installed a facebook customizer that lets me hide stories based on keywords, so I can hide any status or story with any blacklisted words. Unfortunately, it only detects them as text, so I still have to hide any pictures I find of topics I don't like by hand.

Here it is, if anyone is curious: http://socialfixer.com/

I've used it to hide a number of topics that make me feel angry/hopeless, such as politics, the economy, oil prices, and stuff like that. It works pretty well but again it only detects text, so for example, I have to hide all political cartoons by individually hiding the stories.

---

She told me to pick my battles. We meet many ignorant people in life, and we can't be fighting them all. So I am learning to just let it go and reserve my energy for a time when my losing it will actually make a difference. Perhaps you can think of that next time someone riles you up? The minute the conversation gets to that risky place, just leave or tune out or politely change topics?

Good luck! You can do it!

I like this advice as well. The problem is that if you look for it, you will always find something to be angry or sad about or someone to pick a fight with. We have to pick our battles, otherwise if we choose to fight at every instance of something we don't like, we'll spend our whole lives miserable.

 

[breadbasket]

You can control yourself. Say that to yourself. The problem is that you don't know how to do so.

I could imagine it being beneficial if you meditate on what exactly it is that triggers an outburst. You mention certain topics, but what about those topics makes you lose control. It also might be beneficial for you to talk about it with someone who you don't know, and who can give an objective point of view, the most obvious option being a psychologist. However, don't go to a psychiatrist, as there's quite a big chance he'll shove some meds down your throat and say "next!"

As a testing ground, you could use this forum too, as there are talks about politics, crime, and death here, too, mostly in the up for debate section. When you do that, it might be good to remove breakable objects near you. You know that hundred times better than i do, as in, what happens when you lose control. Might also be wise to somehow make sure you cannot comment, or you'll lose a valuable support environment.

Message me if i can help with anything, and the best of luck to you.

I already am using medication, and I prefer a psychiatrist. Psychologist do help, especially in high school. They give me a reason to skip class.

Though I do agree about meditating, I'm normally the one who brings up the subject. I see every subject as against me; I make harmless subjects seem as if they're against me. So avoiding the subject does not work if it's the only thing I see.

 

[breadbasket]

You're not a terrible person, breadbasket. At least you're aware of what you're doing wrong and feeling remorse.

I agree with the other members...this is causing you a lot of misery, so perhaps you need to try to work it out. Speak to counselor who specializes in anger management, or look up people who have similar experiences in other forums. I think there are many books and articles online on how you can manage your outbursts.

And also, its very normal to feel frustrated and angry when people bring up certain topics that hits a raw nerve in us and causes us to fly off the handle. I myself am guilty of this, then my sister gave me the best advise. She told me to pick my battles. We meet many ignorant people in life, and we can't be fighting them all. So I am learning to just let it go and reserve my energy for a time when my losing it will actually make a difference. Perhaps you can think of that next time someone riles you up? The minute the conversation gets to that risky place, just leave or tune out or politely change topics?

Good luck! You can do it!

I'm a very violent person. I see every subject as ridicule against me. That's what drives me mad. Sometimes the thought of certain subjects come to my mind out of nowhere. I would often times explode in the middle of class. For no apparent reason, for example the mentioning of psychiatrist; I have to admit but that made me really mad. Because my psychiatrist is much more caring than that, as a matter of fact I was infuriated. I hate therapy because I hate other people.

---

Actually... I hate meditating. Because it often times makes me more depressed. Typically it ended with me contemplating suicide, because let's be blunt. If I ask myself, "What should I do to stop this anger?" No matter how long I meditate, it comes to this final conclusion: "Kill yourself you ******* pussy."

And that's meditating for me.

 

[Rosebolt]

^ Good. So now it's clear what makes you angry. I can say that my way of talking about a psychiatrist is just from my experiences, and the opinion i developed as a result. It was not in any way about your psychiatrist or your own experiences, but it worked to see what was the cause of your outbursts.

While killing yourself will stop your outbursts, it will stop so much more that, and in my opinion, it is therefore not a very efficient option. It sounds to me like you have some sort of trauma from the past, where you were ridiculed alot. Or, you've had more subtle ridicule in your past that is tough to place as clear ridicule, but still had a huge impact on you.

I can imagine it being an enormous relief to one day be free from these outbursts, after having dealt with them. That's a way better outcome than killing yourself. And yes, you will feel more depressed along the way, but that's something that cannot be avoided if you wish to be rid of this.