is an inexperienced man a turn off to women???

[ladyforsaken]

When you go on a job interview with an empty resume, you think anybody is going to hire you? Its as simple as that. I would think that women would want to make sure the guy they are with KNOWS how to treat and handle a woman properly.

You know, if all you show on your "resume" is a history of your sexual experience...that is going to be the real shameful display.

This is the core of all my stress. I can be willing as I want to learn it still will take me a long time for me to learn how to have sex correctly, and anything else a woman would want me to do in a relationship. Im going to ruin alot of good opportunities because im so slow and stupid. Im not happy about it "taking much longer than the average person" because i wont be young anymore by the time i finally learn!

You mentioned that you suffer from anxiety, but seriously...chill the fresia out and give yourself a break. Relationships aren't rocket science so I doubt your rash self-criticism of being totally slow and stupid is anywhere close to reality - or helpful as LadyF said up there. I'm 23 myself with little to no experience (and seriously bad ones). But it's not that hard to be a decent person and that's where it begins. So loosen up, pal. The average woman's prime concern is not your sexual proficiency and in the unlikely event it actually is...you better bail out, cause that's not the basis for a healthy long-lasting relationship.

+1
Couldn't have said it better.

 

[VanillaCreme]

This is the core of all my stress. I can be willing as I want to learn it still will take me a long time for me to learn how to have sex correctly, and anything else a woman would want me to do in a relationship. Im going to ruin alot of good opportunities because im so slow and stupid. Im not happy about it "taking much longer than the average person" because i wont be young anymore by the time i finally learn!

And even if a girl were to stay with me for a good couple of years they are going to see how generally slow and stupid I always tend to be and they are going to get frustrated and eventually they are going to get tired of me. I am going to become women's biggest regret of thier life.

Well ****... Ain't no one else even have to make fun of you. You do it yourself. That can't be good to put yourself down like that. Calm down, dude. Relax. And stop being so mean to yourself. How could you expect anyone else to treat you with respect when you can't even do that for yourself?

Also, I don't think there is a "correct" way to have sex. Sex varies a lot from person to person, and differs in many relationships. There is no one correct way.

 

[Xpendable]

On the internet everyone loves you for who you are.

 

[Tealeaf]

Sex isn't rocket science. You don't have to perform a 48-step secret handshake in order to get a penis inside a vagina, or your mouth on one--and from there out it's asking and listening to what feels good and understanding that straight penetrative sex doesn't work for all women. Some things are literally no more complicated than "lick there, and keep licking". There is no "correct" way to do it except not in the ear.

The belief that relationship experience is the deciding factor between someone knowing how to act in one and not is just buying into the alternating "virgins are losers" and "getting women automatically means I'm awesome" macho hype out there. It's also incredibly destructive as it places women in some category of mysterious "other" where knowing how to resolve conflict, find common ground and connect, and take other people's thoughts into account is no longer the basics of close social interaction.

If you can't do that comfortably, that's a far bigger barrier than inexperience.

I play in a game with two married couples raising young children and the men aren't bitter, unemotional ********. The women didn't flock to them for their babyjuice because they're so badass and alpha that they've slept with hundreds of women. They're just normal people. One of the husbands doesn't even talk in mic or chat beyond saying hi and his wife asks questions for him.

 

[Batman55]

Jimbo74, don't be so down on yourself. "Slow and stupid" is the result, not the cause, of anxiety. Believe me I know how it is. One begins with shyness; that shyness later on, in one's teen years, morphs into anxiety; then at that crucial time when everyone is developing their cognitive ability, your head is plagued by anxiety and you obviously cannot do your best.. so what happens is your cognitive growth lags behind. It can catch up, though, if 1) you figure out some way to deal with your anxiety 2) you keep your mind busy and active as possible.

Overall, my point is that you're probably not innately dumb and stupid; but that you're at least partially a victim of your disorder, which happens to affect one's thinking ability in negative ways. That's what happened to you, I'm almost sure of it.

 

[Veruca]

You mentioned that you suffer from anxiety, but seriously...chill the fresia out and give yourself a break. Relationships aren't rocket science so I doubt your rash self-criticism of being totally slow and stupid is anywhere close to reality - or helpful as LadyF said up there. I'm 23 myself with little to no experience (and seriously bad ones). But it's not that hard to be a decent person and that's where it begins. So loosen up, pal. The average woman's prime concern is not your sexual proficiency and in the unlikely event it actually is...you better bail out, cause that's not the basis for a healthy long-lasting relationship.

This!

Jimbo, I can empathize with your feelings of anxiety but stressing out about the possibility of women not accepting you for your lack of sexual experience isnt going to make you feel better or help the situation.

My view as a woman is that I would happily go out with a guy who had zero experience provided he made me feel good otherwise. If he was a decent, good natured guy, then bad sex is just a small hurdle. Besides practice makes perfect!

Also, being confident about not being experienced in itself would be an attractive quality. There's too much focus on sex and we women also feel insecure about being good in bed. So if a guy seemed to not care too much about this issue then we are likely to not worry about it either.

I know its hard to ignore the anxiety inducing thoughts but I hope by focusing on it less you'll feel better.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I am 23 years old and I have never had even one long term mutual relationship. And to many I have told it seems very surprising to them. I often am told im a handsome person. I have a unique humorous personality. I am even musically talented and play guitar in a band.

Jimbo, I think you are in a good place to start with, honestly. You have said here yourself that you are good-looking, humorous and talented, which are all things that I have heard women say that they like. I don't mean it in that "girls like guys in bands" way, but rather in the way that you're knowledgeable about something (your instrument), and have something going on in your life. You're pursuing an interest or passion. Many times, I have seen women say that they like a guy who has something going on in his life, and you have that.

I think you are beating yourself up too much, I think it's the anxiety talking. And I know that can be rough, I am a pretty anxious person myself - I too feel like I have a hard time learning and that maybe I just can't do it, maybe I'm just born luckless, thoughts like that. But what I do to counteract it is to remind myself of all the assets that I have, the things I have going for me in life, and everyone and everything I am thankful for. I can't speak for anyone else but it works a little for me. Maybe it could work for you too, to help you see that you actually have a lot going for you. Good luck!

 

[there is no hope]

I would guess based on what I know from womens' own words to me, women don't really think about this sort of thing as much as men do. What is worse than inexperience is bad experience, men who show signs of weakness and are bad in bed will be known and knowledge spreads.

People will probably cite this as a reason precisely because they know it's a sore spot for you (as it would be for most men, naturally). The "experience" you need to get started can be acquired second-hand if you can take time to listen, read, and analyze information that is not too hard to dig up.

I suppose this is a good enough place to say that there is a lot of shitty advice on how to seduce/pleasure women on the internets. If you read the word "redpill", run like hell, it's a trap.

Then again I've always been a failure with women, but the reasons for my failure are by this point truly immutable things. No amount of experience or confidence can change them now. With that in mind, I feel a lot better that I didn't get too involved with anyone, but I regret that I burned way too much time, energy, and hope into what was always a lost cause. I guess the best thing is to ask yourself in practical terms, are the reasons for your failure truly immutable things, and do they really matter?

 

[Lana Llama]

And even if a girl were to stay with me for a good couple of years they are going to see how generally slow and stupid I always tend to be and they are going to get frustrated and eventually they are going to get tired of me. I am going to become women's biggest regret of thier life.

Well ****... Ain't no one else even have to make fun of you. You do it yourself. That can't be good to put yourself down like that. Calm down, dude. Relax. And stop being so mean to yourself. How could you expect anyone else to treat you with respect when you can't even do that for yourself?

Also, I don't think there is a "correct" way to have sex. Sex varies a lot from person to person, and differs in many relationships. There is no one correct way.

I can't agree with this enough. I'm sure you wouldn't speak about another person the way you're speaking about yourself here, Jim.

 

[Bored]

Is an inexperienced woman a turn off to a man?

 

[MissBehave]

Is an inexperienced woman a turn off to a man?

Ahaha. Good one

I don’t think it’s a turnoff at all.

 

[Xpendable]

Men don't give a honeysuckle.
Unless you have been with more men than half your age.

 

[Bored]

All the more proof I truly have not met the right man.

 

[ardour]

Is an inexperienced woman a turn off to a man?

I'd prefer it. Not because I want some naive person to  manipulate. I'd like someone on the same page, or at least the same chapter, someone who doesn't feel superior to me due to the disparity in experience. Someone who doesn't act like she's doing me a giant favour. I'd rather be alone than with someone constantly debating with herself over whether she has enough patience for it.

Generally women aren't viewed with the anything like the same suspicion over this issue. A man my age however, Christ where do you begin... every stigma and red flag imaginable. It's ironic that women are more scared of a relationship with a virgin than a man used to getting what he wants. Someone without much experience might  be a bit more understanding.

 

[Bored]

All too true! I think a lot of people have those red flags for women too. But it’s just not part of our common society. It’s usually men who take the brunt of being the butts of jokes or remarks. But in 2019 it’s far more socially acceptable to have had lots of partners instead of none or few for women.

And while some men wouldn’t take issue with it, I think most experienced men would also not be understanding and patient enough to want to be the first. It’s like you said wanting to be on the same page or chapter. I feel like I’m not even at the same library as most people my age.

 

[ardour]

.nm..mistake.

 

[ardour]

If only it were just dumb virgin jokes.... It's everything from hopeless social inadequate to pervert...even pedophile. Older men without relationship experience get hit with nasty stigmas. Did you ever see the movie The Lovely Bones? Think of the serial killer, that is one of the stereotypes.

 

[MissBehave]

If only it were just dumb virgin jokes.... It's everything from hopeless social inadequate to pervert...even pedophile. Older  men without relationship experience  get hit with  nasty stigmas. Did you ever see the movie The Lovely Bones? Think of the serial killer,   that is one of the stereotypes.

Me and a friend tried to watch that movie. 
He didn’t want to continue at all.
I kind of didn’t mind quitting either. 

Condescending women that’s thinking they are doing you a favor by popping you. 
Sounds like bitches to me.

 

[Bored]

I didn’t see that movie. But it doesn’t sound like I missed out. 

Not only is the portrayal less than favorable in the movies but even worse, in reality we’re stuck with representation from terrible people who I’m not so sure wouldn’t be violent IF they had a partner.  Or even in some online outlets you get that 22 year old who’s gripe is they’re still inexperienced and think it’s the end of the world. That’s usually the male side of it. On the female side you get articles of “I was a 23 year old virgin” and “I decided to wait” they’re talking about being so old and how magically the perfect guy who fell in love with them didn’t care. When I was in my 20s I didn’t think it was THAT bad. Maybe it was youthful hope. Because I never thought I’d really be “The 40 year old Virgin” one day.  

In closing, yes, some serial killers are not exactly ladies men, same with pedophiles, and random perverts. But most of these people still attract some if not many partners. While some may jump to those stereotypes, I don’t think it’s really applicable.

 

[MissBehave]

Every decent serial killer needs to learn how to bait. 
Suppose there are some tips in that manual too. Not sure how healthy they are.