Is it abnormal to never feel safe?

[Tiina63]

Does anyone else here never feel safe? I always feel I am on a tightrope over an abyss and I have to keep going as there is noone to catch me if I fall. I have no family, so my fear does have a basis in reality, but should I be feeling so unsafe all the time, so afraid and alone? I'm not speaking on a physical level (being scared of burglars or of falling over at home, breaking a leg and not being found) but on an emotional and psychological level.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sometimes, depends on how bad my anxiety/stress level is. I don't think it's abnormal in today's society. I live alone, I have no family or real friends here so I often fear if something happened to me no one would know. People might find it odd that the place I work at is closed since I'm the only full time employee, and I can go days without my part timer in. He might try to contact me if he came in and saw I wasn't around, but I doubt he'd come looking for me. I don't socialize with my neighbours at all either and rarely run into them. It would probably be a few days before anyone came looking for me. I fear something happening to me at work too, I work around a lot of heavy machines. Depending on how busy of a day it is, it might be hours before a customer comes in and finds me pinned under something or hurt in some way. I could bleed to death before then.

Okay...now that I rambled on I've freaked myself out. lol

 

[Tiina63]

Hello Scifi and thank you for answering. You wrote that you dont think my feelings are unusual in today's society. Do you think this is becaase we are generally more isolated now than people usually were in the past? There is so much stress on individuality.

 

[perfanoff]

Agreed, people are taught to fool themselves that they can ever be self-sufficient physically and emotionally. I feel it's just too hard to have any people to rely on except blood family or childhood friends. But I know they will all go one day. That is why I'm looking for somebody to share my life with - someone who will stick through thick and thin.

 

[Tiina63]

Thank you Perfanoff fgr replying. I hope you meet someone to share your life with. I want to meet someone as well. Life is lonely when there is noone in your corner.

 

[Gutted]

I actually used to feel rather alarmed due to a member of my family. My older Brother. He had his moments of good. But 90% of the time he was a bully. A pitiful excuse of a man. Now he pays the harsh price. Other then that, the only time that I have not felt safe no matter what, was when I had no money and a big bill to pay earlier in the year. It's sorted now though, thanks to me working like mad

 

[iris]

Hi Tiina.

I too feel some kind of existential angst, like there's no safety in the world, but I repress this fear (as I do with many other feelings). I don't think it's the same thing you were referring to, though. I feel this for other people and animals, as well.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Hello Scifi and thank you for answering. You wrote that you dont think my feelings are unusual in today's society. Do you think this is becaase we are generally more isolated now than people usually were in the past? There is so much stress on individuality.

Yes, and technology plays big in that too. We have social media, texting, etc, that takes the personal out of life. I see friends of mine own children make comments on Facebook on their parents status messages, instead of maybe saying to them directly.

 

[Tiina63]

Do you think that technology can also help reduce loneliness at all, by bringing us into contact with people we would never normally encounter, owing to geography etc?

 

[Sci-Fi]

That's the only benefit to technology, having sites like this one. But the answer to that question greatly depends on my mood, which right now isn't the best. So to answer it I'd have to say no. Even though I do chat with people from here in different countries it has done nothing to reduce my loneliness. It just helps to give someone to talk to that understands it. I'm a very shy introverted person, yet I like to have someone sitting next to me I can physically talk to. Talking over the phone or IM's/PM's doesn't help as much. I'm a more visual person, I like to see peoples expression, see their reactions, see them laugh and smile or see them cry if that what it be. Talking via other means still puts up that wall, you don't know how that person is really reacting. Whether they are being genuine or just rolling their eyes at you.

 

[Tiina63]

I know what you mean-I would much prefer to be with someone now in real life instead of sitting here communicating through a machine. But, given that I am alone, this is much better than noone at all. At the same time it does highlight the lack of closeness in my life.

 

[aribeth]

Its been 5 years since being alone and still can't get used to it. Getting older doesn't help either. Means the pond gets less and less for suitors. If it wasnt for IMing my son every couple of days I'd be lost. The biggest fear is getting sick and there's nobody around to call an ambulence. Like having a heart attack. And the thought of growing old alone is very depressing.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

I only feel unsafe depending on my environment or is some guy is making me uncomfortable. But other than that I'm fine. Another thing when I feel unsafe is when I'm alone in public cause I have this fear of a guy trying to rape me. I went through a lot when I was younger and I used to be scared of everything almost. Now I just get scared of going out in public alone unless it's at the movies.

I even bought myself mace in case a guy was to try anything. That's like my biggest fear.

 

[fox]

If it is abnormal, I can not say. But I also never feel safe.

I have no family and no group of friends to rely on.. only one person. My life is better than ever it was because this person, but also it could be the whims of this person who let it go back to the way it was again. If i have some place to live, and food to eat, some one to care about me, and most of all, any happiness at all, it can all end with the whims of this person.

And myself, certainly I can not rely on myself...

So always there is a fear about it, and never completely a feeling of safety. So easily I could end up lost in my own mind, no place to live, and alone.

 

[Parabolani]

I grew up in a high crime area so we had a few break and enters when I was just a kid. So for a long time I was scared at night but one day I just decided that if one of these rats breaks into my house I will just kill them. If i have to spend years in prison for doing it who cares, i'd rather spend a few years in prison for killing some rat than spend my whole life in fear.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello Fox-you sound very like me. It sounds really frightening to have just the one person to rely on. As you say, you are reliant on their whims. This worries me about marrige. I want very much to get married, but I am scared of depending on someone even though I long to depend on someone. And your fear of not being able to depend on yourself is my fear as well. My anxiety is at times (like now) so deep that I am scared it will drive me mad. I worry about going so far down inside myself that I will never come back out.
Aribeth-yes, getting older alone is very frightening. I am over 50 and really worry about having absolutely noone to bother about me when I am frail. Do you often feel that your life was never meant to have turned out this way? I do, all the time.
Wallfowergirl and Parabolani-thank you for your replies. I do have this worry as well, as my area is not great. But my fear is more of an emotional lack of safety, rather than a physical one, though sometimes I am nervous on this level too.

 

[Sarah_Lbnz]

It's one thing to take precautions and be street-smart, but it's another to constantly expect disaster. I feel like I used to be so naiive, thinking I was all tough and everything but then I realized just how vulnerable I am. I was followed home by strangers a couple of times, I've been raped and I witnessed a violent shooting. I don't always think that disaster is going to happen but judging by my instinct-like responses in the past few months to i.e. the sound of firecrackers, people running up behind me, guys who feel shifty, I'm now primed to run, protect, hide or fight due to those traumatic events. I too wish I could just chill out but it is what it is. Did something, like an event happen to you or someone you know that made you more afraid? If it is significantly impairing your life, one suggestion is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy with a therapist.

 

[IgnoredOne]

The world is a dangerous place.

 

[iris]

The world is a dangerous place.

True.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I don't know if it's abnormal but I don't always feel so safe. So many awful things happens all the time for someone. In my small city, someone once stabbed someone who he didn't know, front of popular grocery in mid-afternoon. So sad.