Is race a big deal [to you]?

[Panda]

First off, sorry to the folks on msn and you PM'rs! I've been offline for ages, I've been in counselling sessions recently.

Anyway,... she (councilor) persuaded me to try the support group option out. I really didn't want to do that, I even decided I wouldn't try that, long before seeing her, but yeah, I caved in like the wimp I am.

This won't come as a huge surprise but...I met someone! And yeah, it was another lust at first sight type of thing again, but I stopped myself before it got out of hand because I knew it was ridiculous at that moment when I hadn't even talked to the guy.

When we did get a chance to talk, he was surprisingly nice and easy to talk to. He suffers from depression, he didn't want to be there either but, like me, he was persuaded to give it a go.

2 days later we talked online, just as "friends" (or as close a friend you can be after knowing someone for 2 days) I didn't hint or give any sign that I liked him at all, I'm careful about that usually. Most of the people in the past I've liked never even knew, and still don't.

I saw him again last Friday, we spent the whole time together, and it was great, even if it was nothing more than friends and even if he didn't like me in the same way.

Then everything changed yesterday on msn-

him: "I'm glad you decided to try out the group aswell, we're friends right?"
me: "Yeah, of course"
him: "Actually, I hope you don't mind me being forward but, if I went out (dated) white/Caucasian girls, I would have asked you out, Soph"

Ehhhh? I think he was expecting me to be grateful or something
Maybe I just don't care about race but, even so, why even tell me that? He could've just said nothing and continued to be friends, he didn't even know I liked him.

Heh, of all the faults he could've found in me, he picks the one thing I can't (and of course, wouldn't anyway) change. THEN he tells me he would've wanted more, if only he dated white girls.

So it made me wonder, is race a big deal or even a issue with you all? I've never really thought about it, myself. If I like someone, I like someone.

But I am quite simple...

 

[Silvernight]

In my country, people are 99% white, so the issue doesn't even arise I think that I probably wouldn't seriously consider a guy of another race, maybe because I'm just not used to seeing them around and have no communication experience with them.

 

[Naleena]

So it made me wonder, is race a big deal or even a issue with you all? I've never really thought about it, myself. If I like someone, I like someone. But I am quite simple...

Hello Miss Panda,
I have taken a vacation from talking to people about their problems because I need to recharge my batteries. Trying to keep it light and get through some crap of my own. However, I will make an exception in your case, girlie.

I think the boy was trying to pay you a compliment. You never know what kind of cultural or religious background someone comes from.

It's not easy for some people to make the decision that they will date outside of their race. They have thier families too, to think about. Some of them wouldn't be happy at all.

It can get very complicated when you bring in those cultural factors. I dated a greek boy who I could never marry because I am not greek.
I have had people not like me because I am not completely one race. I am part caucasian and part hispanic. Dad was Cuban and mom a southern girl. You wouldn't believe the hispanics that do not like mixed blood....lol You would think as much racism that is hurled their way they would have a little more heart. I've gotten it from both sides.

As far as my feelings? I think if two people can love each other and are strong enough as a couple to overcome any biases they may encounter, why not? Sometimes the question is, is this relationship worth going through x, y, z? Trust me, those families and friends can be hell on someone who strays out of the circle. Strangers too, but to a lesser degree.

What would I do? I don't care if the person I love is purple with yellow polka dots. If anyone didn't like it, I'd say "f*ck 'em." But that's just me.

 

[Panda]

Thanks Silvernight & Naleena! <3

Admittedly it's never been something I've ever thought much of, (then again, finding a guy of any race is hard enough and my boyfriend history is non-existent ). I don't understand why he'd say that but also let me know he likes me (or would've...if I wasn't Caucasian) in the same sentence, though. Apparently with him it's more a preference thing, maybe if his family had issues with it instead of him, it might not be so bad.

I don't have an issue with him having a preference, but the whole "Oh, but y'know...if you weren't *whatever race*...I'd definitely like you" speech was a bit much considering he doesn't even know I had any interest in him whatsoever

I think i'm better off sticking to being single. Less confusing

 

[Steel]

Its not even just race. I was involved with a portugese woman about six months ago, and the difference in race wasn't the issue at all. The big problem was that she was older than me... not by much, a mere 4 years, but it was the simple fact that I was younger than her that she had a problem with. I don't think it helped that it meant we fell either side of one of those milestone ages... lol.

I agree with Naleena, in that the guy meant it as a compliment (albeit a back-handed one) Its sad that some people allow their culture or religion to dictate whom they should date, and while many people have broken such programming, there is still a long way to go.

 

[Bluey]

Personally I think race is only a big a deal as ppl make it. Would not bother me what race or color a girl was as long as I liked her. Race would just simply not come into it.

I think to say something like he did to you was a bit sad. I agree if he didn't won't to date you and just be friends then he should of said nothing.

Being single is less confusing ye but not as much fun. Specially if you like someone. You need to make your feelings known so you don't go crazy. Well this guy still seams nice so I would still keep him around has a friend and even maybe tell him how you feel about what hes said.

 

[Minus]

In practical terms was pretty ignorant of race in general and what it means to people until i went to college. Then i ran into total strangers that hated me based on the color of my skin and they weren't afraid to say so. It was pretty puzzling at first and i learned to be leery around some people until i got a sense of how they might react towards me. Most people were great but i did learn that skin color was an important factor in how some would react to me. I guess i should mention that i am white, i don't mean to imply differently.

 

[BlackCat]

"Race" is all about opinion if you ask me. Sure, I'm more attracted to white/caucasion girls (hence I am white) but I wouldn't abandon a girl if she were of any other skin color if she was a good person. So, like I said. It's opinion.

Perhaps you should talk to him more, and he might make a change?

 

[NeverMore]

Race isn't really a factor to me the love interest of my elementary school and middle school years was asian and I've had crushes on black girls too, just as long as they are nice and have a personality it doesn't matter what color they are

I remember when my sister dated a black guy, my grandmother disowned her and didn't talk to her for sooooo long, then she had his kid and whew I don't think I have spoken more than a couple times on the phone to each other since.. For older generations it seems like such taboo, but I think we are growing out of that state of mind. A lot of people around here are racist, I think it just depends where you live whether race is a big deal or not

 

[DayvanCowboy]

He doesn't usually date "white" girls!? Is he really ethnocentric or something? If so, I would be cautious because most ethnoheads have views and values that are stuck in the 1950s, or they are just warped.

I don't think the race subject should ever come up at all when trying to just experience a good time out with someone. That's just me though.

I live in Canada and have a VERY middle eastern last name and I have come through the realization from the last few years that all the girls I have met would never dare have association with my last name. But that's life I guess. My sister changed her last name and all of the sudden things get a little easier for her if you know what I'm sayin'.

I guess what I am just trying to do is to make a point that it is more of annoyance than anything that should be alarming or important. I have met so many interesting people from all different ethnicities.

Also, yeah, someone mentioned this before but I think you are really talking about "ethnicity" than race because there are only two....on this planet atleast.

 

[frey12]

Well would I limit who I date because of ethnicity heck no. However am I predisposed to be less interested in a girl because of her ethnicity a bit yes. Like I go to a college with a large asian population at least 45-50%. But due to the fact that I am black, I really don't want to deal with a lot of racism that comes with these girls. Nor do I feel like dealing with their cultural problems that I will encounter. Granted I recently dated a chinese-american girl. Her parents were obviously racist against black people, and she seemed like the type who was just rebelling.
Either way would I not date someone because of ethnicity, would I be a bit more wary because of it yes. Granted I am going to run into a lot of racism in my time from every type, because everyone has it. But also the asian female thing also has to do with attraction and normally they are to petite for me to enjoy. As for minds that is a luck of the roll, and if I find a good mind then i am lucky if not oh well. So far I haven't found much in the personality department.

 

[Antihero]

To me race and ethnicity are not so much an issue as culture and world view.

 

[Frostburn]

Does color of skin effect person's ability to love or feel love?

To me it means as much as color of person's hair really. Most people here are white skinned though, which is understandable since I live in a nordic country. It wouldn't bother me though if I would find someone who I like (and would like me back) if she would have darker skin than I have. Why this person is warding you off only because you are white is absurd in my mind, but hey, if that is his decision about it then it is his own loss. Also of course there is a chance he changes his mind later about it later. I wouldn't personally hang on it though, unless you feel this guy feels like someone who is super-special-awesome in your eyes.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Interesting question. I've never really given it much thought, I guess. Only twice has anyone, other than white men, asked me out. When I was 17, I was asked out by a 20 year old Hispanic guy. He seemed nice enough and he was known by my sister. Not Nal, but my other sister. I went out with him and he tried to put some moves on me, lol. I rejected his advances and made him take me home. I heard later that he'd called me a "damned white girl."
When I was about 32, there was a black guy who asked me out. I turned him down flat. NOT because of his skin color, but because I knew he was a man whore, lol!!! So, while I don't have much experience as far as dating people of a different ethnicity, I can honestly say that, when I was asked out by the two guys I spoke of, not once did their race even cross my mind. I think that who you date/marry is a personal preference. You know who you can be happy with and who you can't and for your own reasons.
I do think however, that the guy you mentioned was trying to give you a compliment. Maybe he is too young to realize it was a back-handed one, at best.

 

[loketron]

im more intrested in what music and political views we share. who really cares, true love is color blind

 

[EveWasFramed]

im more intrested in what music and political views we share. who really cares, true love is color blind

True dat, joe!

 

[Fodderboy]

Dosen't matter as long as they like me... Also, they should be able to make me cookies...

 

[loketron]

Dosen't matter as long as they like me... Also, they should be able to make me cookies...

mmmmmm cookies, and bannana bread
oh yea thats a keeper

 

[Bluey]

im more intrested in what music and political views we share. who really cares, true love is color blind

True dat, joe!

All second that, Good way to put it.

 

[SighX99]

I really dont understand why would people let race interfere with their emotions. I think, if a person chooses his/her mates based on RACE, its not worth it at all. all it means is that that person is judgmental, prejudiced, selfish, narrow minded... it shows nothing nothing positive other than trying to preserve your own race (is there a need for it?")


if anything, id prefer a different race. i really liked going out with different race just because there's something to talk about all the time, CULTURES! that adds excitement.