keep meeting new girls - ending failing, no response to text, no follow up with me

[ardour]

NM

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

I see, so he thinks because he's an Asian male that women discriminate against him. 

It's interesting that he feels personal preferences are racism, discrimination, etc. when he has said that he has personal preferences as well. 
As for his opinion of the media stacking the deck against Asian males interested in dating, I don't agree.

Well, because you're not an Asian male, and you see things differently.

I think I will educate you, read this article below from Huffington post.

Asian men and black people Harder Time dating on OK Cupid

It's not just OK cupid where there is difficulty for dating. It's pretty much all the other dating websites such as eharmony, match.com, zoosk, coffee meets bagel app, etc.

 

[Northern Lights]

I see, so he thinks because he's an Asian male that women discriminate against him. 

It's interesting that he feels personal preferences are racism, discrimination, etc. when he has said that he has personal preferences as well. 
As for his opinion of the media stacking the deck against Asian males interested in dating, I don't agree.

Well, because you're not an Asian male, and you see things differently.

I think I will educate you, read this article below from Huffington post.

Asian men and black people Harder Time dating on OK Cupid

It's not just OK cupid where there is difficulty for dating. It's pretty much all the other dating websites such as eharmony, match.com, zoosk, coffee meets bagel app, etc.

Reading articles like the one above might set you in a self-pitying, hurtful cycle where you blame your race and discrimination for rejection. 

As an Asian female - I have done this most of my life. Reflecting on it now, I realize how wrong I was. Simply put, I hadn't met the right person yet.

There is an active internet poster (won't name him) that runs countless blogs, forums etc. blaming his poor dating life on being an Asian male. Reading this posts, I could see clearly why no one would want to date him. He has a hateful attitude towards women, was racist himself, possessed narcissistic tendencies, and refused to address his personality flaws because he blamed his dating failures solely on race. 

I'm not suggesting that you are the same, but I'm bringing up this example because I believe it's important not to fall into a mindset where you start blaming race for your problems. The fact is, there ARE women out that that exist and do date Asian males. Aside from race, there are many standards/ desired traits in a partner that every person has. It's hard to find a "right fit" but you can only keep trying. 

Have you done some self-reflection? Truly self-reflect about your own personality, what you have to offer, your attitudes etc. and how they might be impacting your efforts. E.g. Are you going into the dating scene with a jaded attitude? If so, people tend to back away from negativity etc.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

Reading articles like the one above might set you in a self-pitying, hurtful cycle where you blame your race and discrimination for rejection. 

As an Asian female - I have done this most of my life. Reflecting on it now, I realize how wrong I was. Simply put, I hadn't met the right person yet.

There is an active internet poster (won't name him) that runs countless blogs, forums etc. blaming his poor dating life on being an Asian male. Reading this posts, I could see clearly why no one would want to date him. He has a hateful attitude towards women, was racist himself, possessed narcissistic tendencies, and refused to address his personality flaws because he blamed his dating failures solely on race. 

I'm not suggesting that you are the same, but I'm bringing up this example because I believe it's important not to fall into a mindset where you start blaming race for your problems. The fact is, there ARE women out that that exist and do date Asian males. Aside from race, there are many standards/ desired traits in a partner that every person has. It's hard to find a "right fit" but you can only keep trying. 

Have you done some self-reflection? Truly self-reflect about your own personality, what you have to offer, your attitudes etc. and how they might be impacting your efforts. E.g. Are you going into the dating scene with a jaded attitude? If so, people tend to back away from negativity etc.

NorthernLights, you have a point. And yes, I have tried to keep myself positive by not thinking that race is a factor to my single-dom.

However, there is some truth to it, and the article I've posted (there's countless articles and studies out there that shows East Asian males facing difficulty dating in the US due to discrimination,and being single) hits the nail straight on the head.

This is why I'm having little to no success with online dating.

And no, I'm not a nerdy looking guy who's favorite hobby is video games (because I don't play any video games! I know jack s--t about Nintendo Wii, playstation, etc). I go to the fitness center a lot, do a lot of cardio work to burn some fat, and also lift weights (although I don't have a ripped 6-pack stomach).

I have only succeeded past the email/messaging portion of online dating (this is with match.com) only once to meet up with the Cambodian girl who messaged me, and finally we decided on a face-to-face coffee date with me. Since she seemed okay with me after the initial coffee date, we scheduled for dinner that Friday evening. After our dinner, she was clearly not interested in me, and at the same time, I didn't like her looks because her photo in her online dating profile depicted a skinnier-looking girl with straight hair.

I'm honestly surprised that you're not having success with finding a good mate/date, because it is usually Asian females who have success with online dating, or heck, any kind of dating outside of the online community.

Are you eastern Asian or south Asian (as in Indian / Bangladeshi) descent?

 

[EveWasFramed]

Reading articles like the one above might set you in a self-pitying, hurtful cycle where you blame your race and discrimination for rejection. 

As an Asian female - I have done this most of my life. Reflecting on it now, I realize how wrong I was. Simply put, I hadn't met the right person yet.

There is an active internet poster (won't name him) that runs countless blogs, forums etc. blaming his poor dating life on being an Asian male. Reading this posts, I could see clearly why no one would want to date him. He has a hateful attitude towards women, was racist himself, possessed narcissistic tendencies, and refused to address his personality flaws because he blamed his dating failures solely on race. 

I'm not suggesting that you are the same, but I'm bringing up this example because I believe it's important not to fall into a mindset where you start blaming race for your problems. The fact is, there ARE women out that that exist and do date Asian males. Aside from race, there are many standards/ desired traits in a partner that every person has. It's hard to find a "right fit" but you can only keep trying. 

Have you done some self-reflection? Truly self-reflect about your own personality, what you have to offer, your attitudes etc. and how they might be impacting your efforts. E.g. Are you going into the dating scene with a jaded attitude? If so, people tend to back away from negativity etc.

NorthernLights, you have a point. And yes, I have tried to keep myself positive by not thinking that race is a factor to my single-dom.

However, there is some truth to it, and the article I've posted (there's countless articles and studies out there that shows East Asian males facing difficulty dating in the US due to discrimination,and being single) hits the nail straight on the head.

This is why I'm having little to no success with online dating.

And no, I'm not a nerdy looking guy who's favorite hobby is video games (because I don't play any video games! I know jack s--t about Nintendo Wii, playstation, etc). I go to the fitness center a lot, do a lot of cardio work to burn some fat, and also lift weights (although I don't have a ripped 6-pack stomach).

I have only succeeded past the email/messaging portion of online dating (this is with match.com) only once to meet up with the Cambodian girl who messaged me, and finally we decided on a face-to-face coffee date with me. Since she seemed okay with me after the initial coffee date, we scheduled for dinner that Friday evening. After our dinner, she was clearly not interested in me, and at the same time, I didn't like her looks because her photo in her online dating profile depicted a skinnier-looking girl with straight hair.

I'm honestly surprised that you're not having success with finding a good mate/date, because it is usually Asian females who have success with online dating, or heck, any kind of dating outside of the online community.

Are you eastern Asian or south Asian (as in Indian / Bangladeshi) descent?

"This is why I'm having little to no success with online dating."
You sure it doesn't have something to do with your misogynistic views of women?
You know...women CAN pick up on things like that. Just like here on the forum.

 

[Xpendable]

You sure it doesn't have something to do with your misogynistic views of women?
You know...women CAN pick up on things like that. Just like here on the forum.

Sure I can appreciate some wild imagination 

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

"This is why I'm having little to no success with online dating."
You sure it doesn't have something to do with your misogynistic views of women?
You know...women CAN pick up on things like that. Just like here on the forum.

Where did I state misogynistic views of women? I respect women. LOL! Man, you crack me up!

 

[Northern Lights]

@GrayandLonesome

I've read many race-related articles (I'm sure I've read the ones that you mention) and even if there is some truth to it - does it really matter? All you want is 1 person - you don't need to liked by everyone. I grew up around a lot of racism as a (Canadian-born) East Asian surrounded by a White population. I've been told to my face that I'm ugly and undesirable because of my racial features. At the time, it really did hurt and it hurt even more when I met East Asian males who said that they'd rather not within their race (e.g. I look like their sister, they find their own race unattractive, racist comments about women of their race etc...it's really messed up). However, after 5+ years of online dating I did meet someone.

I know that if I were White, blonde and blue-eyed I would've had more success and much sooner (There seems to be an obsession with those physical features from many of the males that I've met *shrug*). However, there is no point in even blaming your race because it's something that you can't change and you'll only set yourself up for failure. Your race is nothing to be ashamed of and the right person will accept you for who you are.

You have to keep trying...and trying...and trying. It's ******* exhausting. I feel I've met the entire online dating community in my city. However, as long as you try, there is always a chance of hope. If you don't try, there is no chance at all. I never thought I would find someone but I did. 

From the posts I've read from you, I see you're only listed on a few dating sites. Join more.
Plentyoffish
OKCupid
There are many others but I can't remember anymore...

Is there an Asian church or community group in your area? You have to look harder and all you can do is just hope for the best and be honest with yourself about your situation.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

@GrayandLonesome

I've read many race-related articles (I'm sure I've read the ones that you mention) and even if there is some truth to it - does it really matter? All you want is 1 person - you don't need to liked by everyone. I grew up around a lot of racism as a (Canadian-born) East Asian surrounded by a White population. I've been told to my face that I'm ugly and undesirable because of my racial features. At the time, it really did hurt and it hurt even more when I met East Asian males who said that they'd rather not within their race (e.g. I look like their sister, they find their own race unattractive, racist comments about women of their race etc...it's really messed up). However, after 5+ years of online dating I did meet someone.

I know that if I were White, blonde and blue-eyed I would've had more success and much sooner (There seems to be an obsession with those physical features from many of the males that I've met *shrug*). However, there is no point in even blaming your race because it's something that you can't change and you'll only set yourself up for failure. Your race is nothing to be ashamed of and the right person will accept you for who you are.

You have to keep trying...and trying...and trying. It's ******* exhausting. I feel I've met the entire online dating community in my city. However, as long as you try, there is always a chance of hope. If you don't try, there is no chance at all. I never thought I would find someone but I did. 

From the posts I've read from you, I see you're only listed on a few dating sites. Join more.
Plentyoffish
OKCupid
There are many others but I can't remember anymore...

Is there an Asian church or community group in your area? You have to look harder and all you can do is just hope for the best and be honest with yourself about your situation.

^^ Wow, I'm very shocked and surprised that many Asian bro's up in Canada told you that they didn't want to date you because you look like their sister. Dayum, wtf?! I'd kick their @$$ inside out for those rude comments towards you.

Well, I'm glad that you found somebody through online dating. And I can see where you're coming from when you tell me to keep trying and trying. However, I'm approaching my mid 30s come January. It's scary to see that my younger sister has been married for six years, and already has two sons (although I dislike her husband, and I don't call him a brother inlaw). My friend bryce also got married four years ago, and he has a 7-month old daughter. All of my cousins (father's side that is) are married and have children.,
It's just me, the only guy in the entire family (father's side) who is not married and do not have any children. It really pisses me off.

Furthermore, my mother has tried COUNTLESS number of times to find a girl for me. She's finally throwing in the towel and giving up. She has asked her clients at her shop for single girls they know. Somehow, some of my mother's clients did set me up with certain girls. I have met many, three so far during this year to be exact. However, they only resulted in one coffee shop date, and after the first date, we only texted each other for two weeks, until one of the 3 girls stopped texting me. The 2nd girl was a foreign girl from Korea. She was a great match for me. The turn off for her, which I'm assuming, is that my Korean spelling and grammar is not good. Hence, she probably got turned off and thought I was stupid. The third girl was introduced to me by a business partner of my mother. That girl was rude, because my mother's business partner scheduled a set time for the girl to come to her business office. When the time passed, and 20 minutes went by, my mother asked her partner where the girl was. Business partner called the girl, and the girl apologized for sleeping in. Then it took her another 30 minutes to walk to my mother's business partner's office. I told myself "no way,....reject her" because that girl looked irresponsible and she kept looking at the floor when I was talking to her during the introduction of our date conversation. Basically, she was not really interested in me. The sad part is that I have moved away from home for my job opportunity couple months ago and live 2500 miles away from home. Hence, I am new to my area, the culture is a little different from where I'm orgianlly from, and it's tough to find a decent woman.  


I think, and I may be wrong, that I may have a better chance of getting a date in Canada because people are more tolerant up north (since you've stated that you live in Canada, and I've heard great stuff about Canadian dating for Asian guys like me. In fact, I live couple hundred miles south of Vancouver, BC, and was hoping to take a road trip up there to check out what's life like there.

Lastly, you have mentioned that I should check out Asian churches in my area.
I actually have been to around THREE different Korean Christian/Baptist churches in my area. I was basically church hoping (and still plan on doing so, since I cannot find a single woman at my current church). However, I cannot continue to do this as I will get a negative reputation from the Korean communnity around here for only going to churches to find a woman. The current church I go to is an English-speaking Asian Christian church. However, the downside is that there are all young adult couples, and older adult couples with kids (kids old enough that they're graduating from highschool next year in May). Come to think of it, I am the ONLY single guy at my current church!
I feel the urge to quit this current church I'm attending and sadly, will have to commute farther than my current town to attend church to find the right girl for me.

 

[ardour]

In New Zealand East Asians seem to have a very strong in-group preference. Most don't seem like they're particularly interested in anyone outside their national/ethnic groups, romantically or otherwise.

Maybe it's just that you're isolated.

 

[Northern Lights]

You're still young - I met my husband in his 30s too. Not everyone gets married in their 20s and it seems that you are putting additional pressure on yourself from comparing yourself to others. Stop comparing yourself with others.

I was unlucky growing up being the only East Asian for my grade, but times are changing and I am noticing more multiculturalism.

If you do plan to go to Vancouver, check out the site Travbuddy. It's a site that'll help you connect to locals to show you around. People are safety-conscious; so any locals would want to chat with you for a while until they are comfortable with meeting you. My mom and I were able to meet a local when we were visiting Waikiki. She was great and showed us around. It's not a dating site, but it's an option you can look into. Don't take offense if females are not responsive - many women might not be comfortable travelling with a male stranger. There are also tour groups that are constantly running as well.

There is an incredibly large Asian population in Vancouver. People refer to it as Hongcouver sometimes lol. Richmond is great too - check out the Night Market:

Another thing is that if you are only pursuing Asians and live mostly in an non-Asian community; then you are shrinking down your dating pool to a puddle lol. If you are only interested in slim women - again, you are lessening your options. I'm not saying that physical attraction is unimportant, but I notice a common pattern with some of the male posters here...lamenting about failing at dating but then they have many strong preferences for certain physical attributes that cut out a large portion of the female population. Try to open yourself up more than you already have.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

You're still young - I met my husband in his 30s too. Not everyone gets married in their 20s and it seems that you are putting additional pressure on yourself from comparing yourself to others. Stop comparing yourself with others.

I was unlucky growing up being the only East Asian for my grade, but times are changing and I am noticing more multiculturalism.

If you do plan to go to Vancouver, check out the site Travbuddy. It's a site that'll help you connect to locals to show you around. People are safety-conscious; so any locals would want to chat with you for a while until they are comfortable with meeting you. My mom and I were able to meet a local when we were visiting Waikiki. She was great and showed us around. It's not a dating site, but it's an option you can look into. Don't take offense if females are not responsive - many women might not be comfortable travelling with a male stranger. There are also tour groups that are constantly running as well.

There is an incredibly large Asian population in Vancouver. People refer to it as Hongcouver sometimes lol. Richmond is great too - check out the Night Market:

Another thing is that if you are only pursuing Asians and live mostly in an non-Asian community; then you are shrinking down your dating pool to a puddle lol. If you are only interested in slim women - again, you are lessening your options. I'm not saying that physical attraction is unimportant, but I notice a common pattern with some of the male posters here...lamenting about failing at dating but then they have many strong preferences for certain physical attributes that cut out a large portion of the female population. Try to open yourself up more than you already have.

@ NorthernLights

I myself, don't consider myself young. I will be turning 35 in about four weeks. It scares me that I haven't married yet, no kids, while my younger sister already married six years ago, my other college friend married four years ago and he just had a baby daughter this past June. ALL of my cousins both my mother and father's side of the family has married and have kids, or is currently engaged. Not just dating. Heck, but me? I'm still looking around like a hungry wolf.

It's funny you've mentioned Waikiki, because I'm originally from Hawaii. So totally different growing up experience than you being the only Asian minority in your neck of the woods in Canada. However, I no longer live in Hawaii, and moved to Oregon (Portland area) for my job in early April, and it was a great opportunity. So I have moved away and left home, my parents, and some friends I have had back there (some whom no longer keep in touch with me, well.....because I'm no longer living there....sheesh). I do go back occasionally to see my parents because people here in the Pacific Northwest tend to be antisocial, my co-workers are cliquish, and there are a lot of traveling co-workers, so I do meet some interesting people, but they only have a contract for three months, then leave. Portland area is predominantly white and there's growing hispanic population. There is a small Korean community here.

What also hinders me from getting a Korean girl is that my father is 1/2 Japanese, and hence, my lastname is Japanese ancestry. If you don't know much about East Asian history, Koreans hate Japnese because of WWII attrocities and their government denies warcrimes, etc. Hence, that's also another factor as to why I have difficulty finding a Korean girlfriend, or whether they find interest in being with me long-term (i.e. marriage).


I have also done some of my job by asking the ladies around here in Portland to introduce me to girls. Some of the ladies ask me "wow, a good-looking guy like you not married yet?" I shake my head because a lot of these Korean women are clue-less about discrimination against Asian males in dating. Clueless! However, I ask them to introduce me to a girl they know.

I have been introduced to girls by people in the churches I was attending, by another lady whom owns her bakery in a Korean store, and most-recently, my barber. All of the girls who were introduced to me,... I was able to initiate the text messaging, or initiated by calling them up. After texting or talking on the phone, we usually finally agreed on a first date at a coffee shop. It's strange because I only meet with these girls only that ONE/FIRST time at these coffee shop escapades, and then we keep in touch via text message or Kakao Talk (a text message / chat system) for about a week to a month (depending on the girl) and bam, no response from the girl after that one-week or month!
It's as if there was an invisible curse surrounding me, or an invisible "LOSER" message written on my forehead that made these girls not want to meet with me for the 2nd time.

Anyhow, I will try Travbuddy. I doubt I will find a person (preferably female) who will travel with me from a long-ass road trip from Portland to Vancouver, BC. But it's worth a try.

You also told me that I'm reducing my woman pool by looking for Asian women in my area. I think there is a decent-sized Korean and Chinese community here. But the girls here, I've noticed, and I hate to generalize, is that they're flakes. They only meet you one-time, and after that one-time, they're not interested.

I am also currently using online dating websites, such as match.com, Zoosk and OKCupid. I tell you, it's not cheap. For a three-month membership, I pay around $120.00. On top of that, I have to pay extra $$$ to have my profile more available to women. Another $20.00 if I want regular-member women to respond to my email messages. Such bullshit! But I have spent that kind of big money on these dating websites.

I have also broadened my horizon by sending messages to white, hispanic, black and middle eastern women. Guess what? No responses. I can tell, at least on match.com, that they have read my message because it's labelled "read by receiver." (<-- cost me $25.00 for me to be notified if the girl read my message).

I don't know NorthernLight.

I'm sad, and the freaking weather here isn't helping much either. It snowed last week, it's cold, overcast, most of the fall days have over-cast skies (like really gray).

I have been to meet-up events here. But the locals here aren't interested in talking to me. I have also been to Japanese language meet up to meet a girl, only to make friends with a girl, and then she ends up moving away.

I've already said this, but people in the Pacific Northwest tend to be more introverted and antisocial. Heck, even my neighbor doesn't even say hi or good morning to me. Just smiles at me when he passes by....same for his wife.
The same honeysuckle at work. People/co-workers just walk pass me, don't even acknowledge me, don't bother to say 'good morning' or ask me 'how was your night shift?'


On the other hand, I like the independence and freedom of living here, as opposed to me living at home back in HI. I love the outdoor lifestyle here (i.e. hiking).

However, there is that loneliness,...... that empty feeling that I have that saddens me, especially when I come home from work. I also don't do much during the weekend.

My Christmas this year sucks so bad! So bad, that I didn't even bother to purchase a live Christmas tree. I didn't even bother to buy much gifts because my family are back in HI, I don't talk to my young sister anymore, and I'm just in the "bah humbug / grinch" mood right now.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

In New Zealand East Asians seem to have a very strong in-group preference. Most don't seem like they're particularly interested in anyone outside their national/ethnic groups, romantically or otherwise.

Maybe it's just that you're isolated.

@ Ardour, well, you're living in New Zealand, so that's a different ball park.

And I'm guessing you're basing your observations off of foreign exchange students from Asia? Not the Asians born and raised in New Zealand.

I will be honest and state I'm more of an introvert and on the shy side when it comes to meeting a female whom I do not know. But I do keep a good conversation once I get to know the person more.

I am opposite of the Asians you've described in your observation. I have been to two speed-dating events where most of the female candidates were White, one Black, and two Asian females (kind of that racial mix). The second speed-dating event was in the Seattle area. I drove 3 hours to Seattle just for that event!

I am open to dating outside of my racial or ethnic group, but honestly, I have a preference for same-ethnic women due to cultural reasons. Getting back to the speed dating result, I got no love, nada, from those women. Of those two speed-dating events I have attended, NONE of the females had interest in meeting up with me again. You can check your "love status" by logging into your account, upload your photo, and you get to see which female candidate wants to have a 2nd date with you. I stopped going to those speed dating events after my failure results of the 2nd speed-date event.

Am I isolated? meh, maybe.

This is why after working at my current job for another 12-14 months, I'm heavily and seriously contemplating on moving to Canada, or may want to leave the US to find a nice girlfriend, whom I can eventually tie the knot with! As the years go by, I find that my race and living in the US makes me a very very lonesome person.

 

[user 139760]

Hey Gray, if you're still around, it's been two years, I'm curious to see where you ended up

Hope everything went your way and you found a nice Canuck to copulate with lol.