List of reasons for rejection
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Paraiyar
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Xpendable said:
I'm sure I've seen you do this quite a bit in your posts but if you say so...
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
Lol
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Paraiyar
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Nice you pick that up because it was my way of illustrate how everyone contradicts what they say in order to being right. Much has been said about how appearance is not everything and how going to the gym doesn't makes your chances of attracting someone bigger. So I express the common spiel about how "the gym doesn't makes you confident" Meaning that the exterior is not more important, as many here would say in the past and conveniently now going to the gym does makes you more confident only because it fits the narrative they needed to fullfil. And btw, I've been in a gym and didn't worked out because you feel constantly watched and preasured to kep up with the rest there. I got mocked and didn't feel very welcome, so I stopped going. And in what part of that thread do I especifically dictate what someone should do?
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Paraiyar
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Xpendable said:
Jeezes, where do I even start? How about the fact that people in that thread already responded to you by pointing out that it isn't all about the exterior but also about the physiological effects that working out has.
Where did you dictate what someone else should do? Um, the part where you said "no gym" meaning that you were saying they shouldn't go.
And everyone has to deal with that feeling of being watched and pressured, you just have to push through it and it goes away and you get used to gymming. I had to and so have most of my friends who have used it. I guess if that is too much for you then the gym suggestion isn't for you but that doesn't mean it couldn't help other people.
ABrokenMan
Well-known member
I wasn't going to offer comment on this but, as a 50+ still single male with only a handful of relationships that all failed (quick, or time invested, painful crash & burn), I'll say that I do not believe the majority of the never / rarely get date males populating this forum could emotionally handle the reason for a female's rejection. Some might just crumble into total paralysis. That's just my inference from reading all of the posts regarding inability to connect with the opposite sex for a meaningful relationship.
I've had to say "No" to a few girls / ladies. I did not give a reason; really, what good would it do to tell them I wasn't feeling any spark, or that she wasn't of my type, etc. I wouldn't want that told to me, even though I got that excuse all the time in my teens and 20s. I still remember how hearing "we're too much alike" female rejection made me feel after developing a friendship that went deeper while I was in college. That is kinda soul crushing. I was brought up to believe that a girl will like you for who you are and not what they want you to be to make up for their own shortcomings. I still believe it but I'm unfortunately jaded by running into females who fall into the latter category. It gets a LOT tuffer to trudge on the older you get.
My advice - stop overthinking. If you are interested in someone, ask, and if you get a "no" simply move on, and keep looking. Also - Don't imagine yourself marrying that gorgeous girl who you think might be interested.
I've had to say "No" to a few girls / ladies. I did not give a reason; really, what good would it do to tell them I wasn't feeling any spark, or that she wasn't of my type, etc. I wouldn't want that told to me, even though I got that excuse all the time in my teens and 20s. I still remember how hearing "we're too much alike" female rejection made me feel after developing a friendship that went deeper while I was in college. That is kinda soul crushing. I was brought up to believe that a girl will like you for who you are and not what they want you to be to make up for their own shortcomings. I still believe it but I'm unfortunately jaded by running into females who fall into the latter category. It gets a LOT tuffer to trudge on the older you get.
My advice - stop overthinking. If you are interested in someone, ask, and if you get a "no" simply move on, and keep looking. Also - Don't imagine yourself marrying that gorgeous girl who you think might be interested.
EveWasFramed
Well-known member
A guy asked me out for a second date. I politely declined and he didn't say anything. (This was on line)
He messaged me a week later and asked for a second chance.
I said, "Honey, can't you see that we don't have anything in common? We're just too different for each other." He thanked me and that was the end of the story.
He messaged me a week later and asked for a second chance.
I said, "Honey, can't you see that we don't have anything in common? We're just too different for each other." He thanked me and that was the end of the story.
No, I said don't go to the gym thinking it will affect your confidence; or solely for that intent. Just do what ever you want but with the right facts. It will release some chemicals in the brain making you feel better, pumping iron will become the next gratification you will use to replace the last neuronal addiction you had before. It won't change your sinapses or your DNA, It won't change your synapses or your DNA, it will only improve your health; which is good by itself but nothing more.
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Paraiyar
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Xpendable said:
You said "No gym" as in telling them not to do it. And it does help with confidence:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1424736/
ardour
Well known loser
ABrokenMan said:
If it's simply "I don't find you [physically] attractive", I can handle that. I'm far from good looking so it wouldn't be much of a shock. However if it were "I was initially interested, but your personality or life circumstances put me off once I got to know you better"; that would be hard to hear, since there was a chance at some point.
What you said about women rejection you for being too much like them, it seems like that might have been a polite way of saying you weren't masculine enough.
SilentLife
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It's true though that plenty of given reasons are not convincing in a sense. It feels like they are often a bit made up to cover some deeper feeling, what does she really see in me, or doesn't see.
Of course I am not a female, so I don't really know, how do they view the world and how do they see men. So it is like guessing.
I think if you really want to go very deep, I suspect very ugly inner thoughts and feelings would come out of plenty of people, how they see the world and based on which criterias do they choose their partners. So in a sense it may be useful to save yourself from that. After all - it is not your problem, if they see the world like that. It feels like the 'inner world' of plenty of people is pretty dark to put it this way.
It applies to both men and women though, that they make bad choices. I see in everyday life, how there are plenty of couples, who are in constant conflict, not happy, etc. Bad choices all around in my book. But it's their life, their decisions, none of my business, what can I do.
Of course I am not a female, so I don't really know, how do they view the world and how do they see men. So it is like guessing.
I think if you really want to go very deep, I suspect very ugly inner thoughts and feelings would come out of plenty of people, how they see the world and based on which criterias do they choose their partners. So in a sense it may be useful to save yourself from that. After all - it is not your problem, if they see the world like that. It feels like the 'inner world' of plenty of people is pretty dark to put it this way.
Xpendable said:
It applies to both men and women though, that they make bad choices. I see in everyday life, how there are plenty of couples, who are in constant conflict, not happy, etc. Bad choices all around in my book. But it's their life, their decisions, none of my business, what can I do.
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Amelia
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All the guys who have rejected me have done so by disappearing. I don't know about other women, but those in my circle have said the same. We will basically ask a guy out or be asked out, things will go seemingly well and they they would just stop texting altogether very suddenly or become very busy and we never hear from them again.
I too have rejected men and it can be for many reasons but when I was younger and very afraid of confrontations, I would use the "busy" excuse myself (so I don't blame guys for doing it to me even though it sucks
). These days, I tell them why. I feel like even if the truth hurts and they get mad at me etc, that at least they have an opportunity to address certain issues if the reasons for being rejected are common for them.
I too have rejected men and it can be for many reasons but when I was younger and very afraid of confrontations, I would use the "busy" excuse myself (so I don't blame guys for doing it to me even though it sucks
). These days, I tell them why. I feel like even if the truth hurts and they get mad at me etc, that at least they have an opportunity to address certain issues if the reasons for being rejected are common for them.
morrowrd
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Amelia said:All the guys who have rejected me have done so by disappearing. I don't know about other women, but those in my circle have said the same. We will basically ask a guy out or be asked out, things will go seemingly well and they they would just stop texting altogether very suddenly or become very busy and we never hear from them again.
I too have rejected men and it can be for many reasons but when I was younger and very afraid of confrontations, I would use the "busy" excuse myself (so I don't blame guys for doing it to me even though it sucks
There are two rejection "camps" that sometimes overlap in forum discussions. Online dating rejections are a little different from the traditional rejection experience. Online dating - is a culture of trading up because it's easy. It's not hard for men to meet women, and ten times easier for women to meet men. And everyone 99% of the time are meeting strangers, not people they have any background with. So everyone meets each other on their best behavior, all dolled up and dressed to impress. Sparks fly when there is mutual attraction, sex happens fast, time spent together - sometimes moving in together quickly, all take place before all the dots get connected. Then - once they do (all that glitters isn't gold) and ghosting happens. Abrupt end to relationships. Another dynamic to these fast microwave dating relationships are the people who keep their dating apps active, and shop around while they're giving the other person the impression that the two are a couple. Again, the ghosting happens as soon as a trade up appears.
Then....there are the more traditional rejections you read about in here, or other online forums. Some poor sap, usually a non-socialite like the most of us, makes eye contact with a pretty cashier at walmart. She laughs at a joke, smiles, and whalah... the non-socialite blushes and posts on here that he needs advice because he missed an opportunity to ask a girl out or get a phone number.
And you know the rest of the story......
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
morrowrd said:
There are just as many online dating mishaps on this forum than "traditional."
user 139760
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Online dating is "caca".
It's too easy. Too easy to meet, too easy to flush, too easy to think you know, too easy to everything...
It's only by having someone in your actual face for at least 1+ hour that you can really start to know or appreciate the person. Eye contact, stance, pose, perspiration, way someone sits...that's how you actually know.
Online is just too easy to think some things aren't real. Too easy to reject too and sometimes, for no reason at all, because we're all different online than who we actually are off, as much as we try to remain ourselves.
It's too easy. Too easy to meet, too easy to flush, too easy to think you know, too easy to everything...
It's only by having someone in your actual face for at least 1+ hour that you can really start to know or appreciate the person. Eye contact, stance, pose, perspiration, way someone sits...that's how you actually know.
Online is just too easy to think some things aren't real. Too easy to reject too and sometimes, for no reason at all, because we're all different online than who we actually are off, as much as we try to remain ourselves.
Osiris
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Richard_39 said:Online dating is "caca".
It's too easy. Too easy to meet, too easy to flush, too easy to think you know, too easy to everything...
It's only by having someone in your actual face for at least 1+ hour that you can really start to know or appreciate the person. Eye contact, stance, pose, perspiration, way someone sits...that's how you actually know.
Online is just too easy to think some things aren't real. Too easy to reject too and sometimes, for no reason at all, because we're all different online than who we actually are off, as much as we try to remain ourselves.
Not to mention online a girl can just ignore you, if you're sat in front of them they can't really just run off halfway through a conversation when they start having doubts. And for me, eyes are really important. You can tell if there's something special by the eyes. Some girls look dead behind the eyes and others you can see fire in them. Also you're right about being different online to who we really are. I try my best to be real but I don't talk much offline. It takes me a couple of minutes to think about what I want to say. If we were completely ourselves online conversations would probably be boring ("You alright" "Yeah, not bad. You?" "Tired, work was really busy today" etc.). I've never tried online dating for this reason! Especially the whole ignoring thing, just tell me you don't like me woman! lol Hope all's good with you man!
user 139760
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Osiris said:Richard_39 said:Online dating is "caca".
It's too easy. Too easy to meet, too easy to flush, too easy to think you know, too easy to everything...
It's only by having someone in your actual face for at least 1+ hour that you can really start to know or appreciate the person. Eye contact, stance, pose, perspiration, way someone sits...that's how you actually know.
Online is just too easy to think some things aren't real. Too easy to reject too and sometimes, for no reason at all, because we're all different online than who we actually are off, as much as we try to remain ourselves.
Not to mention online a girl can just ignore you, if you're sat in front of them they can't really just run off halfway through a conversation when they start having doubts. And for me, eyes are really important. You can tell if there's something special by the eyes. Some girls look dead behind the eyes and others you can see fire in them. Also you're right about being different online to who we really are. I try my best to be real but I don't talk much offline. It takes me a couple of minutes to think about what I want to say. If we were completely ourselves online conversations would probably be boring ("You alright" "Yeah, not bad. You?" "Tired, work was really busy today" etc.). I've never tried online dating for this reason! Especially the whole ignoring thing, just tell me you don't like me woman! lol Hope all's good with you man!
LOL That depends on the people. Lots of people have facades they put up, both online and real. I personally try to be exactly the same. I'm probably worse. First off, we'd be talking and you'd end up hearing my french accent once in a while. I'm out of practice too, so for SURE you'd end up noticing on some words. Second, I got little to no filters. If I don't like it, I say it. If I think someone's dumb, I'll say it. If I don't want to talk to you, I'll say it. Which of course has gotten me in trouble in the past LOL! But it is what it is.
A lot of people however, are different in real life, necessarily. I TRY to be myself, am I really? I don't know. Others could say, because they're watching me, not ME. I think I'm the same but who knows? Meeting me is the only way to know.
I think the same is true for everyone. No matter HOW much you try, you simply cannot be because you ARE online. You're in a different set of circumstances.
So online dating...you get to know someone that doesn't exist. It should be used, to me, for initial contact and "here are some things we share in common, let's check to see if it's real or not". Nothing more. I know "texting" relationships are all the craze with the kids nowadays, but I think it's detrimental in the end.
