Nicolelt said:
You know, SkaFish, it sounds like you reject them just as much as they reject you. They weren't good for you anyways. It's like double rejection! What the heck do we call this phenomenon?!?!?!
I take your word for it. Different places, sizes of classes, intuition, that all plays a roll in this. The more and more that I meet people from other parts of the world, the more and more I realize how really different we all are. Like, in California, there is no way in hell I am a 10, but in the midwest, I'm not that bad. I am beginning to see this. I think that is why everyone gets into so many arguments in the forum.
I think in the adult world we have it even worse with leagues. You have things that show status (house, cars, etc.), and some professions are seen as more prestigious than others. There are leagues, but some people choose to ignore them as well.
Yeah it's a strange thing. I guess it's just when both people know that the other one is not what they're looking for, so there's no conflict and no pain. Even today, there are types of girls that I wouldn't even start talking to because there's no reason. They'd reject me because they think I'm "uncool", and I wouldn't want to hang out with them anyway because they aren't into anything I like or am curious about, so we'd have nothing to talk about.
I've never known where I fit in. Maybe I'd be able to avoid more rejection if I knew. I'm definitely not a street person, rule-breaker type at all, but at the same time, I don't really fit in with those from the white-collar business backgrounds either. I had the education but not the money and therefore not the "coolness". I don't know where I am on the looks scale. As a kid I thought I was ugly and weird-looking, I believed people's insults as proof of my low status and it all contributed to my low self-image that I still have to fight. Then I started feeling like, you know what, maybe I'm better than I thought. There are things I could do to look better, like adding some more muscle mass. But I've gotten compliments. I know I'm not the worst-looking guy ever and I do feel more confident that I'm better-looking than what I thought about myself before. It kinda makes me mad though. People seem to get it twisted when I get mad about this, but I'm not saying I'm the best in the world. I'm just saying I know I'm not the worst guy in the world, and I know I do have at least some good traits. I'm not worthless, not inferior and I won't be treated that way anymore. I feel like when I say that, I'm being confident like I'm supposed to be. It feels like one of those "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situations.
And the adult world leagues, yeah it's totally worse. I find that the people who genuinely choose to ignore it are few and far between. Even I get caught up in it a little bit, though I mostly feel those things about myself. I want to have at least a certain level of respectability
not to dominate others, but for my own confidence.
ardour said:
Nicolelt said:
Xpendable said:
We men need to know why. It's valuable information.
But what makes it valuable? Are you going to change who you are for some woman that doesn't and probably won't be in you?
Maybe not change who we are, but adjust the approach or change aspects of ourselves that could feasibly be changed, yes.
I don't blame you for not being honest if you just aren't attracted to them in a general way. Depending on the reason though, the information could be useful.
Example: a lot women don't like it when men wait too long to ask them out. If it were something like this, it would be good to know that for future reference.
There might also be specific parts of someone's personality or mannerisms that acted as turn offs or red flags. Although probably hard to hear, it could be helpful to know about them.
I sort of agree. The information helps, especially the personality and mannerisms parts - maybe not to completely change who we are, but just to get a better idea of what women like and what they don't so we can at least avoid the general mistakes. A lot of those are things that we shouldn't be doing anyway, like not being confident enough, or being overly sensitive, or too awkward. We got it wrong, somewhere. It seems like this is a huge issue for a lot of women, much more than women who don't care about it, I feel. I'd like to know what's wrong with me so I can stop doing those things, and what I should be doing instead and seeing if I can work these things into my personality.
Nicolelt said:
That makes perfect sense. I just hope no guy ever changes himself to extremes for some dumb girl that rejects him. That is my fear.
I feel like I've become a lot more jaded because of my experiences. It has tempted me to take a lower view of women. It's only made me angrier and want to free myself from the "loser" stigma even more. That's what this all means to me, the stigma of being a loser, being someone who is in life to get dominated, kicked around, insulted, humiliated, kept in their place and powerless to hit back - everything I desperately want to get away from. It's almost a holy war for me, to show the world I'm not inherently a loser, inferior to the macho men, just not good enough for what I want. The problem is, getting angry at it still isn't the "cool" type of aggression.
I don't really think I could change into that kind of guy though, even if I wanted to. I'm not physically capable of changing into that, I don't come from that background, and I just don't believe their way of life works - both the guys in high and low places. I don't want to have to be a "cool guy". "Being myself" hasn't worked, but I can't be one of them either. I know I need to change, if I want to change my results. But I really don't know what I can change into.