Loneliness is literally killing me (and you too)

[Dabnis_Brickey]

Greetings,

We all are dying. As soon as we are born we start our journey towards death. Unfortunately for me - and most likely most of you - we are dying faster because our loneliness.

It's a fact: http://goo.gl/XtW4N

My story is that I am 28 years old. I don't have a girlfriend (nor have I ever) and I have very few friends - most of which are workmates. The friends part doesn't seem that critical to me. If they continue to be friends at work, I think I can manage. Not having a partner... that is killing me. I have lost so many days being depressed because of my situation. My apartment is in disarray, my finances are not looking good, my health is declining, etc. etc. I can't manage this for much longer.

 

[Baka]

Greetings,

We all are dying. As soon as we are born we start our journey towards death. Unfortunately for me - and most likely most of you - we are dying faster because our loneliness.

It's a fact: http://goo.gl/XtW4N

My story is that I am 28 years old. I don't have a girlfriend (nor have I ever) and I have very few friends - most of which are workmates. The friends part doesn't seem that critical to me. If they continue to be friends at work, I think I can manage. Not having a partner... that is killing me. I have lost so many days being depressed because of my situation. My apartment is in disarray, my finances are not looking good, my health is declining, etc. etc. I can't manage this for much longer.

I don't think we're dying because of loneliness, but we are having a horrible time because of it. I understand where you're coming from, really. Even though I would never say it aloud, I really want to love and be loved by someone. I feel like I've been lying to people for so long, that I've actually begun to believe my own lies.

Telling people that I like living alone, that I don't want the complications that accompany relationships, and that I don't want to get married; they are all true to a certain extent. I started saying some of those things when I realized that girls aren't that into me, and that I find it near impossible to trust them. However, I've always wanted someone, notwithstanding the challenges. I envy people who can have relationships.

I guess the things I tell myself and other people protect me in some way. If I stop believing those things, then I might feel even worse. I really don't believe in marriage, but as a "closet romantic", I really do believe in love. This is an extremely painful situation to be in.

 

[ardour]

The mid-to-late 20's can be a tough age really, desperation sets in with the realization that this is going to be life. Don't know what to say really, other than you'll probably feel marginally better in a few years.

 

[xaero]

Some days I actually feel sick because I'm so lonely :/

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Greetings,

We all are dying. As soon as we are born we start our journey towards death. Unfortunately for me - and most likely most of you - we are dying faster because our loneliness.

It's a fact: http://goo.gl/XtW4N

My story is that I am 28 years old. I don't have a girlfriend (nor have I ever) and I have very few friends - most of which are workmates. The friends part doesn't seem that critical to me. If they continue to be friends at work, I think I can manage. Not having a partner... that is killing me. I have lost so many days being depressed because of my situation. My apartment is in disarray, my finances are not looking good, my health is declining, etc. etc. I can't manage this for much longer.

Please don't give up. You're very young. Do you want to know how old I am? I'm 39. This is the last year of my 30s and I'll be 40 in 2014 and I strongly believe that regardless of what it seems like now, that I could be alone for the rest of my life, the hope lives on that someday I will find someone I'm really going to love and grab him. Don't underestimate the power of connecting with others in ways that are not about finding a partner, even though we, of course want that. Do you communicate with family on a regular basis? Do you sometimes have an interesting conversation with a stranger? Do you make acquaintances? I think it all counts. They're connections, no matter how small. Even if you are alone, I would suggest don't be a hermit, go out, get into the world, do something, anything to increase your chances of meeting people, even if you don't meet people on most days when you go out, chances are higher that you might. What would you like to do? I live in San Diego and I need exercise so I'm thinking of heading out to Pacific Beach, renting a bike on the weekends, going swimming, rollerblading stopping at a place for a bite to eat, or one day I could check to see what is going on at Balboa Park. I may just do all these things on my own and never meet anyone but the point is, you never know what might happen when you are out exploring your planet instead of hiding in your room. Anything is better than sitting at home which is what I did this weekend besides the grocery shopping trip and quick trip to Starbucks (I guess that counts too) and I've been depressed as a result. Sometimes I get together with girl friends and do things with them and while this doesn't fulfill the kind of needs I could satisfy from from having a boyfriend (all the hugs, kisses and physical affection I crave and can't have right now) it does help ease the pain of loneliness so understand that you need connections of all kinds, not just to find a partner but simply relating to other human beings. You have your whole life ahead of you so stay positive and please take care of yourself as best you can. You have to be positive to attract positive people in your life. I know it's easier said than done. I have plenty of moments when I just want to cry and I do, but I keep on going and go back to thinking positive after the negative moments hit me.

 

[Cucuboth]

Some days I actually feel sick because I'm so lonely :/

Same ...

Some days it actually feels very crippling. Why move out of bed, or why go out, when you know there's nobody to see and talk with. Sometimes, going out just to 'put yourself out there' doesn't work. Or, as for me, it can make me feel even more rejected and isolated, since it highlights the feeling that I don't fit in anywhere, or with anyone.

Still try and hold on to the hope that I fill find a connection with someone. But hope isn't inexhaustible ....

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't really think being lonely speeds up the process of death. It may even make it slower for some folks who have the thought that each day just passes without anything going on. No doubt it makes life hard for some people. But making it shorter all on its own? I will doubt that.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Some days I actually feel sick because I'm so lonely :/

Same ...

Some days it actually feels very crippling. Why move out of bed, or why go out, when you know there's nobody to see and talk with. Sometimes, going out just to 'put yourself out there' doesn't work. Or, as for me, it can make me feel even more rejected and isolated, since it highlights the feeling that I don't fit in anywhere, or with anyone.

Still try and hold on to the hope that I fill find a connection with someone. But hope isn't inexhaustible ....

It can be depressing to go places or do things alone and it can be less motivating. Last time I went to Sea World alone it wasn't really fun. It's always better with company.

---

I don't really think being lonely speeds up the process of death. It may even make it slower for some folks who have the thought that each day just passes without anything going on. No doubt it makes life hard for some people. But making it shorter all on its own? I will doubt that.

You don't think that long term depression can weaken your immune system and affect your physical self after it damages your emotional health? There is some truth to it. But the point is to be positive so we can be survivors and hopefully get past this tough time.

 

[Dabnis_Brickey]

I don't think we're dying because of loneliness, but we are having a horrible time because of it. I understand where you're coming from, really. Even though I would never say it aloud, I really want to love and be loved by someone. I feel like I've been lying to people for so long, that I've actually begun to believe my own lies.

Telling people that I like living alone, that I don't want the complications that accompany relationships, and that I don't want to get married; they are all true to a certain extent. I started saying some of those things when I realized that girls aren't that into me, and that I find it near impossible to trust them. However, I've always wanted someone, notwithstanding the challenges. I envy people who can have relationships.

I guess the things I tell myself and other people protect me in some way. If I stop believing those things, then I might feel even worse. I really don't believe in marriage, but as a "closet romantic", I really do believe in love. This is an extremely painful situation to be in.

That does sound painful. Which would be more painful? To admit to others that you indeed DO want love of some sort and that you DON'T want to be alone or to continue on in the current state?

The mid-to-late 20's can be a tough age really, desperation sets in with the realization that this is going to be life. Don't know what to say really, other than you'll probably feel marginally better in a few years.

I think one of the more painful part is seeing others your age or even younger obtain what you want most. I envy those who find love, especially so early. I am both happy for them and despise them.

Some days I actually feel sick because I'm so lonely :/

How so?

Please don't give up. You're very young. Do you want to know how old I am? I'm 39. This is the last year of my 30s and I'll be 40 in 2014 and I strongly believe that regardless of what it seems like now, that I could be alone for the rest of my life, the hope lives on that someday I will find someone I'm really going to love and grab him. Don't underestimate the power of connecting with others in ways that are not about finding a partner, even though we, of course want that. Do you communicate with family on a regular basis? Do you sometimes have an interesting conversation with a stranger? Do you make acquaintances? I think it all counts. They're connections, no matter how small. Even if you are alone, I would suggest don't be a hermit, go out, get into the world, do something, anything to increase your chances of meeting people, even if you don't meet people on most days when you go out, chances are higher that you might. What would you like to do? I live in San Diego and I need exercise so I'm thinking of heading out to Pacific Beach, renting a bike on the weekends, going swimming, rollerblading stopping at a place for a bite to eat, or one day I could check to see what is going on at Balboa Park. I may just do all these things on my own and never meet anyone but the point is, you never know what might happen when you are out exploring your planet instead of hiding in your room. Anything is better than sitting at home which is what I did this weekend besides the grocery shopping trip and quick trip to Starbucks (I guess that counts too) and I've been depressed as a result. Sometimes I get together with girl friends and do things with them and while this doesn't fulfill the kind of needs I could satisfy from from having a boyfriend (all the hugs, kisses and physical affection I crave and can't have right now) it does help ease the pain of loneliness so understand that you need connections of all kinds, not just to find a partner but simply relating to other human beings. You have your whole life ahead of you so stay positive and please take care of yourself as best you can. You have to be positive to attract positive people in your life. I know it's easier said than done. I have plenty of moments when I just want to cry and I do, but I keep on going and go back to thinking positive after the negative moments hit me.

I don't know if I can not give up [/poorly worded sentence]. It is hard to find hope.
I do connect with others sometimes. Workmates and family. Often, it feels more like going through the motions rather than actually enjoying the moment.
I find it difficult to leave the house on weekends. I, like you, had decided that being out was better than being in. I did that for about 5-6 years. It often seems more depressing out there. Inside, you are by yourself, all alone. Out there, you are amongst the people but still all alone.

I wish I could be as positive as you but I am not at that point yet.

Same ...

Some days it actually feels very crippling. Why move out of bed, or why go out, when you know there's nobody to see and talk with. Sometimes, going out just to 'put yourself out there' doesn't work. Or, as for me, it can make me feel even more rejected and isolated, since it highlights the feeling that I don't fit in anywhere, or with anyone.

Still try and hold on to the hope that I fill find a connection with someone. But hope isn't inexhaustible ....

I feel almost exactly the same except for I think I have given up on hope. I am in dire need of results.

I don't really think being lonely speeds up the process of death. It may even make it slower for some folks who have the thought that each day just passes without anything going on. No doubt it makes life hard for some people. But making it shorter all on its own? I will doubt that.

It does. There are many studies that show that. One I remember off the top of my head was done at a nursing home. They 'isolated' some patients and monitored their health and other patients they would place in groups and such. The isolated patients did far worse health wise and started dying off. The study had to be stopped.

You don't think that long term depression can weaken your immune system and affect your physical self after it damages your emotional health? There is some truth to it. But the point is to be positive so we can be survivors and hopefully get past this tough time.

While anecdotal, I physically feel my heart beating harder and seemingly struggling more when I am depressed. My blood pressure is considerably higher at those times too. It is a killer.

 

[Batman]

Well honeysuckle. And if the loneliness doesn't kill me, my immense chocolate intake surely will.

 

[Dabnis_Brickey]

Death by chocolate seems a better way to die!

 

[OnlyMe]

It can be depressing to go places or do things alone and it can be less motivating. Last time I went to Sea World alone it wasn't really fun. It's always better with company.

I feel exactly the same way.

For me it seems to really remind me that I don't have anyone to share these experiences with.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I don't really think being lonely speeds up the process of death. It may even make it slower for some folks who have the thought that each day just passes without anything going on. No doubt it makes life hard for some people. But making it shorter all on its own? I will doubt that.

You don't think that long term depression can weaken your immune system and affect your physical self after it damages your emotional health? There is some truth to it. But the point is to be positive so we can be survivors and hopefully get past this tough time.

I'm sure there are cases of it making someone weak. However, I believe that's more so of the power of thinking than it actually doing something. My mom went through it herself, when she felt like she was suffering alone, and when she felt like she was alone, I did notice she seemed weaker. But the mind can be a powerful thing. No doubt, it can damage your emotional health, but I don't think it actually shortens a life span.

I don't really think being lonely speeds up the process of death. It may even make it slower for some folks who have the thought that each day just passes without anything going on. No doubt it makes life hard for some people. But making it shorter all on its own? I will doubt that.

It does. There are many studies that show that. One I remember off the top of my head was done at a nursing home. They 'isolated' some patients and monitored their health and other patients they would place in groups and such. The isolated patients did far worse health wise and started dying off. The study had to be stopped.

There can be all the studies in the world. That doesn't make them all completely true. There's too many variables, too many different types of people to claim that it's true for all of them. Do I believe it makes life spans shorter? No. But that's not to say that other people can't believe in it. People are different though, and what may seem like it kills one person, won't affect another, even if they're placed in the same setting. Someone like my mom, she wants someone to talk to her. She wants to know someone cares, and I bet in her mind, it did seem like she was dying. But someone like me, I don't mind being alone. I could be alone, and it wouldn't affect me like it would my mom.

 

[Dabnis_Brickey]

There can be all the studies in the world. That doesn't make them all completely true. There's too many variables, too many different types of people to claim that it's true for all of them. Do I believe it makes life spans shorter? No. But that's not to say that other people can't believe in it. People are different though, and what may seem like it kills one person, won't affect another, even if they're placed in the same setting. Someone like my mom, she wants someone to talk to her. She wants to know someone cares, and I bet in her mind, it did seem like she was dying. But someone like me, I don't mind being alone. I could be alone, and it wouldn't affect me like it would my mom.

I am not sure why you are so adamant about it. It is true. This has been known for quite a while. Humans are social animals. Remove them from social activities and they suffer.

Of course no one is stating that everyone is affected the same way. As with dealing with most things related to human affairs, when we say something of this nature is true, we usually mean it is true for most - for the average person. Hell, with your logic, we can say that cigarettes don't kill because there are some people who never really succumb to their negative affects.

Beliefs don't really matter when it comes to truth claims.

 

[blackdot]

Unfortunately I am proof that loneliness doesn't kill you.

 

[Dabnis_Brickey]

Unfortunately I am proof that loneliness doesn't kill you.

The death isn't swift. The common example used is that it is akin to smoking. It doesn't usually kill you right away but it takes years off of your life.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

There can be all the studies in the world. That doesn't make them all completely true. There's too many variables, too many different types of people to claim that it's true for all of them. Do I believe it makes life spans shorter? No. But that's not to say that other people can't believe in it. People are different though, and what may seem like it kills one person, won't affect another, even if they're placed in the same setting. Someone like my mom, she wants someone to talk to her. She wants to know someone cares, and I bet in her mind, it did seem like she was dying. But someone like me, I don't mind being alone. I could be alone, and it wouldn't affect me like it would my mom.

I am not sure why you are so adamant about it. It is true. This has been known for quite a while. Humans are social animals. Remove them from social activities and they suffer.

Of course no one is stating that everyone is affected the same way. As with dealing with most things related to human affairs, when we say something of this nature is true, we usually mean it is true for most - for the average person. Hell, with your logic, we can say that cigarettes don't kill because there are some people who never really succumb to their negative affects.

Beliefs don't really matter when it comes to truth claims.

I'm sure if you were to ask a zoologist if it's acceptable to house human beings alone you would be told it's not and if you were to do it you're not qualified to build a habitat for these creatures. That's why the monkeys and apes at the zoo have to be in groups or their emotional and also their physical health will decline and they'll get sick. Human beings are animals too so always look at it from a zoologist's point of view. I would say that yes, you can die from loneliness but it's a very slow death which gives you plenty of time to do whatever you can to fix the problem or at least delay death for a long time. Because it's relative. How lonely are we talking about? Someone who literally has no one to interact with at all or a lonely person who does interact with others, just not to the level that would be satisfying? We are pretty strong and resilient to some extent.

 

[ardour]

Married people live longer on average, so there might be something to it.

 

[newguy]

Sometimes I don't think I'll live past 30.

 

[blackdot]

Unfortunately I am proof that loneliness doesn't kill you.

The death isn't swift. The common example used is that it is akin to smoking. It doesn't usually kill you right away but it takes years off of your life.

How many are we talking about here? Unfortunately it will probably only be 2-3.