Effervescent said:
I don't quite understand the meaning of this.
A girl and a guy have a normal conversation. Then she leaves when he asks her for her phone number which I would interpret as showing no interest in a romantic/sexual aspect. And she isn't obligated to, just because she's had a simple human interaction with him.
I see no judgement however. This comic shows none of it, or at least has failed to show it the right way.
The point of it is about how some say that it's wrong to judge women for having a high number of sex partners, when we don't judge men for having a high number of partners - implying that it's wrong to judge a person's worth or morality based on their number of sex partners. Then the guy is relieved that he thinks the woman doesn't judge people based on their number of sex partners, because he doesn't have any at all so he thinks he finally met someone enlightened enough to not judge him for this common thing that most people judge and shame others for, only for the woman to judge him on his number of sex partners after she just said that judging people based on their number of sex partners was wrong. Not only that, but the woman doesn't even bother to try and find anything else out about the guy other than his partner count - the very thing she just ranted against. Once he said it was zero, everything else about the guy was automatically written off as worthless because she didn't bother to ask to even try to find something more important or redeeming about him. In the end, his partner count was all that mattered after all. It's irony.
That's another thing I've seen these days that rubs me the wrong way. It's become a "thing", so to speak, a cultural phenomenon, for people to use the pretense of "not owing anyone anything" to excuse their own flaws and shortcomings and unwillingness to do what they tell others to do. A person can be totally shallow, stuck-up, cold, turning their nose up at people for totally stupid reasons like in the picture, and might say that they don't owe anyone anything to justify them not confronting that side of themselves - they figure that they can use the fact that they are high-status to justify being a crappy person, and there really isn't much anyone else can do except hope and try to prove them wrong, maybe, if it's worth it. It's ironic again, because these same people who themselves say "they don't owe you anything" are probably the same people who tell those who struggle in dating to "be more open-minded" or "give people a chance".
It's a good defense, because it works - factually, they don't in fact owe anyone anything. But at the same time it seems like a way to justify having a shitty attitude without feeling guilt or needing to acknowledge having any shortcomings or faults. It's rotten. And they do have the freedom to be rotten if they want, and people will probably still love them anyway. But it's still rotten, and it is also fair to say that.
Xpendable said:
No one is shaming themselves, this isn't just some bitches; it's most people in real life. They don't even have to be rude about it. The can feel pity, confusion, disgust, even projected shame. It's so easy to have sex that people think there's something wrong with you. They won't admit it but it's an issue in their minds. It can be a big or small issue but they will always react in an unsettling way.
It reminds me of the Republican mindset - it's so easy to make money, if you can't do it, there's something wrong with you, you must be lazy, wicked, stupid, defective or inherently inferior. I think that dating and capitalism have a lot in common since they're both markets, both based on status and competition. Most people don't want to admit this, they want to think it's "romance" or "chemistry" or random chance. I don't think so. I think romance and all the mushy stuff can happen, but not if you don't make it through the competition phase. I think that's where a lot of people get stuck.
Most people think it's easy to have sex, or at least, they think it's not as hard as it is for some people, because to them, it really isn't. Some people's career, abilities, or personality are better suited to the competition phase of sex and relationships. They can't comprehend what they haven't experienced, which is why I'm trying to stop identifying with old social roles, because most people haven't experienced that and are unwilling or unable to relate to it. Most people weren't outsiders, they don't get what that's like and they don't want to, so I need to cut it out of my personality in order to relate to others, so it doesn't determine the course of the rest of my life. Also, the feelings it creates, like you said - pity, confusion, disgust, projected shame. These feelings are attraction killers because they're all associated with weakness, incompetence, losing. At best, people feel bad for those who lose, and at worst they feel contempt, disgust, feelings of "eww (because I don't want that to be me)". Power and winning is sexy, losing isn't. Trump's whole campaign was built on appealing to this base instinct in people, and it worked like a charm.
I guess we have to find some way to project a feeling of power and winning, which I think is the big challenge for guys who haven't had sex for a number of reasons. One, because I think a lot of guys who end up in this position are the non-macho types, people that are more bookish, mellow, friendly, easy to get along with. I'm like this myself. People who for whatever reason just want to do their own thing instead of living life to compete and dominate. Not the cutthroat kill-'em-all type, whether we are talking about crude, rebellious, delinquent tough guys or the more polished Wolf of Wall Street wannabes. You don't see too many of those on here, having these problems. The second thing is because of this cultural norm of measuring a guy's "winning"-ness based on his ability to have sex. Having sex is winning, not having sex is losing, and having no sex at all is ultimate losing, total defeat, the weakest of the weak, you're so anemic and ineffectual in your ability to project your power on the world that you can't win any women over. It's pretty much the number one thing, that's why guys are told to make money and risk life and limb and make a big show of themselves - to get noticed by women, for the purpose of having sex. Sure, there are a few people, both men and women, that are more enlightened than this. But they're definitely in the minority.
