Merry Xmas from my girlfriend

[Lonesome Crow]

It takes the guilt and shame out of the equation.

Its all perfernce...

I knew what I was getting into
Being with Renae.
I shopped around, checked under the
hoods, and took many test drives.
The women i was dating had this same
Maturity or comprehension.

RENAE IS OPEN TO ME WITH HER
PAST AND WHP SHE IS.
I KnoW EVERY INCH OF HER BODY ( analogy)
SHES NOT PERFECT AND HAVE MANY ISSUES.
Ii
MANY PEOPLE WOULDNT WANT ANYTHING TO
DO WITH RENAE. MANY TRIED TO CONVINCE ME
TO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH RENAE.
THAT I CAN DO BETTER..PLENTY OF FISH IN
THE SEA.

I LOVE MY STING RAY..


ITS MY CHOICE TO BE WITH HER.
I MUST HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTIABLE
FOR MY CHOICES AND ACTIONS.
I DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR MY DECISIONS
NOR I BLAME RENAE FOR BEING
HOW SHE IS AT THE MOMENT.

Putter say, he was awear this women
Lied to him 5 mins intp it.
Yet he continues to pursuit het and want her..
What's up with this???
To focus on her shortcomings is simply
living in denail.
At some level Putter is aware of this.
Some how or someway Putter must
Come to peace with this..

Its about mental and emotional bagges
That we must all let go to forward without it
Effecting our lives today and our future.

---

Acknowledging that it is my chioce to put myself out there.
Whether in the position to get hurted or be loved.
Is more about me...getting myself back. Being in control
Of what i do, what i think, how i feel.
Being ably to live in my own skin.
In order word.

.PEACE OF MIND, PEACE OF HEART.

---

LOVING MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY. ACCEPTING MY UNCONDITIONALLY.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

What's Renaes perception of me?

She say im her....CRAZY. lmao
As a car...she say im like a black OPAL.hahahaaaa

 

[putter65]

No, I didn't sleep with her. And it seems pretty certain the other guy was. Since she spent the weekend at his place after she saw me for the first time.

God ! I made the decision in November not to have anything more to do with her. Because I knew about the other guy and I could see on her facebook the messages she sent him.

And she sent me this text and 2 hours later (out of politeness) I answered her saying as little as possible. Of course then she rang me up and things moved on after that. If only ..

If I were you, I would just delete her phone number and take her off Facebook, sever any contact.

It's completely your choice, but the fact that she still has this apparent power over your emotions is a bad thing.

She's not going to apologise - people that are this callous generally do not. And even if she were to suddenly do that, would it mean anything? It'd likely be more bullshit. She wouldn't be sorry, she'd be trying to reel you in again for goodness knows what reason.

I can understand what it's like to feel manipulated/cheated like this, a similar thing was going through my mind around 6 months ago, though I didn't even get to a vague relationship stage before I began to feel controlled.

I got over it by just forgetting the girl in question completely. Stopped calling/texting her, stopped talking to her, brushed her off when she tried to flirt with me. I felt so much better for doing that, she lost any sort of power she held over me almost instantly.

The sooner you can just establish in your mind that she is a selfish human being not worthy of your attention, the sooner you can move on to finding a woman that will genuinely want to make you happy

Thanks, I've already deleted her off my facebook.

---

Hey putter,

You mentioned being determined to get to the bottom of it as far as what this deceptive individual has done- maybe you should just let it go. Someone that callous and manipulative likely won't give you a straight answer anyhow, kind of seems that you're setting yourself up for more of her twisted games.

I'm not trying to insult your intelligence when I say this but what happens if she turns on the charm and gives you some kind of b.s. story that sucks you back in? You wouldn't be the first (or last) guy in the world that a self centered person hasn't toyed with emotionally- its a nasty roller-coaster ride that I wouldn't wish on anyone

We will have to wait and see if she gets in touch or not.

I am certainly not going to fall back into her arms the minute she turns up.

---

Some... kind of... metaphor?

lol! I get you, LC.


Putter, in the time you'll no doubt need to recover from this, I hope that you'll consider what kind of person YOU wish to be. You can't change her but you can be stronger. You can be the superior being, not that I would encourage you to think of it in those terms. While I haven't been through anything as extreme as this, I can tell you that I was on the brink of letting myself drift away from someone. But in all that time of thinking, all I could feel myself doing is damage to myself. It wouldn't have been simply drifting away. It would have been drifting away with bitterness, something I don't wish to hold inside of me as I grow older. Long story short, "I pass the test! I will diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel." I managed to remain myself, and I feel more at peace about the whole thing, peace that I don't believe I would have found had I chosen another path.

Feeling negatively about people does me no good. That's just who I am. It pays to forgive people, even those who don't ask for it.

Thank you !

I will be okay. I haven't cried or anything. ( And I do cry alot !)

I find myself walking past things and wanting to slam my fist into them hard. So mad and annoyed. I won't do anything stupid (like go round to her house demanding answers.)

I really need another woman to take my mind off this one !

---

It takes the guilt and shame out of the equation.

Its all perfernce...

I knew what I was getting into
Being with Renae.
I shopped around, checked under the
hoods, and took many test drives.
The women i was dating had this same
Maturity or comprehension.

RENAE IS OPEN TO ME WITH HER
PAST AND WHP SHE IS.
I KnoW EVERY INCH OF HER BODY ( analogy)
SHES NOT PERFECT AND HAVE MANY ISSUES.
Ii
MANY PEOPLE WOULDNT WANT ANYTHING TO
DO WITH RENAE. MANY TRIED TO CONVINCE ME
TO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH RENAE.
THAT I CAN DO BETTER..PLENTY OF FISH IN
THE SEA.

I LOVE MY STING RAY..


ITS MY CHOICE TO BE WITH HER.
I MUST HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTIABLE
FOR MY CHOICES AND ACTIONS.
I DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR MY DECISIONS
NOR I BLAME RENAE FOR BEING
HOW SHE IS AT THE MOMENT.

Putter say, he was awear this women
Lied to him 5 mins intp it.
Yet he continues to pursuit het and want her..
What's up with this???
To focus on her shortcomings is simply
living in denail.
At some level Putter is aware of this.
Some how or someway Putter must
Come to peace with this..

Its about mental and emotional bagges
That we must all let go to forward without it
Effecting our lives today and our future.

---

Acknowledging that it is my chioce to put myself out there.
Whether in the position to get hurted or be loved.
Is more about me...getting myself back. Being in control
Of what i do, what i think, how i feel.
Being ably to live in my own skin.
In order word.

.PEACE OF MIND, PEACE OF HEART.

---

LOVING MYSELF UNCONDITIONALLY. ACCEPTING MY UNCONDITIONALLY.

---

---

No, she lied 5 minutes into our first date. I found this out 2 weeks later when the next door neighbour rang me up and told me everything. I did cool my interest for another few weeks and I wasn't bothered.

I only got more interested when the woman asked me down for coffee and the next door neighbour was dropping hints left, right and centre that this woman liked me. I presumed she had stopped seeing that other guy. I trusted both of them. The next door neighbour wouldn't set me up if she knew this woman was seeing other men. That is what I figured.

The next door neighbour is a very sweet woman who wouldn't do anything bad to me. We are old friends. She likes setting people up. I trusted her judgement. She thought it was great that we were getting on so well and was very upset when I told her about the fake holiday and the other fella.

Hope this explains everything.

And it was 'serious' to me because she was my first girlfriend for 15 years.

 

[putter65]

She sent me a text today, asking me down to her house for a chat.

I'm going, my dad said go and see what she has to say.

 

[Hoffy]

Good luck, but don't let her fool you again mate.

 

[Lonely in BC]

Best of luck putter

 

[putter65]

Thanks to both of you.

She obviously got back today.

I have no idea what to expect. First thing I'm going to say is no lies, tell me the truth.

I have never been in a situation like this before, it's all new to me !

 

[Anten]

Tell us how it went and the lies she spewed.

 

[Sci-Fi]

You better get a piece if you go see her.

jk

It should be interesting to find out what she has to say.

 

[jjam]

Thanks to both of you.

She obviously got back today.

I have no idea what to expect. First thing I'm going to say is no lies, tell me the truth.

don't...do that. You already know she lied, right?

Look, we can all see that you'd like for at LEAST a friendship to continue with this woman. I know the feeling. But that's not going to happen if you keep in your mind that she's a liar and that you put in her head that you suspect her of being a liar. Did she lie? Yes. But if you are going to be friends, forgiveness MUST happen. GENUINE forgiveness. Try to replace negative thoughts of her with positive ones. It doesn't mean become naive. It doesn't mean FORGET what she's done. Just try believing that people (including her) are capable of change while also having leveled up (you're better equipped to take another blow) from being let down by her.

If she talks to you about the incident rather than some friendly small talk, then PLEASE be calm throughout it all. Avoid being tumultuous.

My point is this. If you want a positive relationship, embrace positivity. Negative things should be addressed, but perhaps subtly?
I don't know. I'm still working through stuff like this also, but I know what works better for me. I feel a whole lot better reflecting on positive interactions than negative ones, that's for sure. Goodness knows I wouldn't want a relationship where she and I are at each others' throats all the time.

 

[putter65]

Thanks to both of you.

She obviously got back today.

I have no idea what to expect. First thing I'm going to say is no lies, tell me the truth.

don't...do that. You already know she lied, right?

Look, we can all see that you'd like for at LEAST a friendship to continue with this woman. I know the feeling. But that's not going to happen if you keep in your mind that she's a liar and that you put in her head that you suspect her of being a liar. Did she lie? Yes. But if you are going to be friends, forgiveness MUST happen. GENUINE forgiveness. Try to replace negative thoughts of her with positive ones. It doesn't mean become naive. It doesn't mean FORGET what she's done. Just try believing that people (including her) are capable of change while also having leveled up (you're better equipped to take another blow) from being let down by her.

If she talks to you about the incident rather than some friendly small talk, then PLEASE be calm throughout it all. Avoid being tumultuous.

My point is this. If you want a positive relationship, embrace positivity. Negative things should be addressed, but perhaps subtly?
I don't know. I'm still working through stuff like this also, but I know what works better for me. I feel a whole lot better reflecting on positive interactions than negative ones, that's for sure. Goodness knows I wouldn't want a relationship where she and I are at each others' throats all the time.

It wasn't how I imagined, far from it.

These are the main points:

She never said 'sorry'
Was disgusted by my behaivor
Saw nothing wrong with lying about the 'fake holiday'
Refused point blank to say where she was at xmas
Said I was too possesive
She lied about the holiday to avoid hurting my feelings because she didn't want to spend xmas with me
Said she enjoyed meeting me though
gave me back my xmas presents

She started cold and hostile but warmed up alot. We talked for an hour. She said throughout she wanted to stay 'friends' - when I asked if we could be more she said it was upto me. (Which I find odd because in her mind I did all the wrong things)

So I went expecting her to say sorry and in the end I was the one saying 'sorry' all the time. I was honest and admitted I have gone a bit overboard with presents for her.

We parted on quite good terms. I've sent a few texts today and she has answered just like the old days.

I have been wondering to myself why the hell I am bothering. But I've got to admitt to myself there is something about her I find compelling. The way she looks, smiles, talks - it just seems 'right'

No idea what is going to happen now. I will try not to be so serious about her, just go with whatever happens. And I realized I got carried away a bit because in the end she is only a friend and it was never serious.

 

[Sci-Fi]

So it was all one sided on all the things you did wrong. Hmm...yeah if you want, keep her as a friend but I wouldn't go any further then that. It's good to know where you may have gone wrong but for her not to realize how her behaviour was, is bad in my opinion. I was taught long ago that if you are going to point out someone else faults then you have to admit to your own too. Otherwise you end up in one of those relationships where you are always in the wrong and they are always in the right.

You've learned something from this so you can at least hold you head up high knowing that, even if she just crapped on you.

 

[kamya]

I wouldn't even keep her as a friend. Shut that ***** out. You should have gone in with a hostile attitude and let her know the stuff she did was not ok. Now she will never learn. Who cares if you piss her off or hurt her feelings. Tell her what's what. And here I was hoping things would change when I got older. Seems like some women still pull the same BS that they always have.

 

[putter65]

Everybody has said the same things, dump her etc.

We'll see what happens. I feel a millions times better today, more like my old self.

I might invite her for a coffee next week and see how that goes. (If she wants to that is)

---

Everybody has said the same things, dump her etc.

We'll see what happens. I feel a millions times better today, more like my old self.

I might invite her for a coffee next week and see how that goes. (If she wants to that is)

It is crazy that I am thinking of getting back with her. Everything she has done, she wasn't a great girlfriend in the first place !

It all boils down to I am 43 years of age and women haven't shown any interest in me. And I know most people don't understand that. It is just how I feel, nothing anybody can say will change it.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Maybe at this point let her make the moves, don't waste too much energy on her "friendship".

From my point of view, there are trust issue with her. You know she's a liar, who says she won't just because you are "friends". It's a behavioural pattern she has. You might enjoy her company but to me there's always that nagging voice wondering if she'd being truthful or greedy. She wants what she wants from you but doesn't seem to want to give as much in return.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

My experience with Renae have
Been as JJam stated.

To more i pointed out Renaes
Flaws to her , the more she faught
Me and became self distructive.
The more she wanted nothing to
Do with me...
Ive learned to STFU.
renae is fully awear of her actions.
Im not her dady nor dose she
needs to answer to me..

As,i said i knew what i was walming into
Im not blinded nor nairve.
Im not het victim.
I love her vrry much.
I CHOOSE TO BE WITH HER.

I DONT EVEN GO AROUND TELLING HER
I FORGIVE HER...ITS AN INTERNAL THING
I DO WIYHIN MYSELF.

---

RENAE GIVES ME WHAT SHES CAPABLE OF GIVING TO ME AT THE MOMENT.

SHE LOVES ME VERY MUCH.

---

Geeze....we can go into the sex factor.
RENAE AND I HAVE/ Had sex with each other
Thousands of times.

RENAE gives me lots and lotS
Of love, understand, friendship, forgiveness..etc.

 

[kamya]

It sounds like you are desperate and she can probably sense that from you. Maybe other women get that vibe from you too. You have to go your own way on this one. It's not going to work out. She's already done so much to prove that she is not a good match for you.

 

[putter65]

Maybe at this point let her make the moves, don't waste too much energy on her "friendship".

From my point of view, there are trust issue with her. You know she's a liar, who says she won't just because you are "friends". It's a behavioural pattern she has. You might enjoy her company but to me there's always that nagging voice wondering if she'd being truthful or greedy. She wants what she wants from you but doesn't seem to want to give as much in return.

Your right, I won't make a massive effort with her. It won't be like before. I was always buying her stuff, wine, chocolates etc. That's gone. And I won't be bombarding her with texts either. It's going to be slow, if anything happens. By the looks of it, she wants things back to where they used to be before xmas.

---

It sounds like you are desperate and she can probably sense that from you. Maybe other women get that vibe from you too. You have to go your own way on this one. It's not going to work out. She's already done so much to prove that she is not a good match for you.

She had never asked me my dating history. I told her it yesterday. I told her lots of things. We did part on good terms and the coldness had gone from her. I always could make her smile. We'll see what happens and I will take it a day at a time. But at the end of the day I feel much better about things than I did. I don't see it as a problem anymore.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I have been wondering to myself why the hell I am bothering. But I've got to admitt to myself there is something about her I find compelling. The way she looks, smiles, talks - it just seems 'right'

So this girl practically cheats on you, lies to you several times (with no sense of guilt or remorse). Now she's demonstrating that she can bend you around her little finger verbally too.

You're apologising to her for how she treated you? Wow. I bet she's having a good laugh!

What she did was inexcusable and she sounds like a really unpleasant piece of work. The saddest thing is that it sounds like even after that, she's playing you like a violin!

Everybody has said the same things, dump her etc.

We'll see what happens. I feel a millions times better today, more like my old self.

I might invite her for a coffee next week and see how that goes. (If she wants to that is)

...

It is crazy that I am thinking of getting back with her. Everything she has done, she wasn't a great girlfriend in the first place !

It all boils down to I am 43 years of age and women haven't shown any interest in me. And I know most people don't understand that. It is just how I feel, nothing anybody can say will change it.

It's not crazy, it's foolish! Sorry to say it like that putter, but I don't think I should dress it up. You're a decent chap, but this is really not a good thing to do.

People that manipulate others relentlessly and repeatedly like that usually have psychotic or sociopathic issues. In all likelihood, she probably feels nothing for you, but senses you don't seem to have the backbone to resist her deceit and so is now looking to see what else she can squeeze out of you.

I'd advise you, as someone that cares for your emotions at the end of all this, to reassess what you're doing here.

You're essentially saying that just because you're 43, you'd rather be in an untrustworthy relationship with a stone cold pathological liar than single?

Because I think if you put your mind to it and got out there, there'd be far better women for you than this one. I'd avoid her like the plague, full stop.

(Sorry if I seemed harsh. I just can't believe what I'm reading here really...)

 

[putter65]

I have been wondering to myself why the hell I am bothering. But I've got to admitt to myself there is something about her I find compelling. The way she looks, smiles, talks - it just seems 'right'

So this girl practically cheats on you, lies to you several times (with no sense of guilt or remorse). Now she's demonstrating that she can bend you around her little finger verbally too.

You're apologising to her for how she treated you? Wow. I bet she's having a good laugh!

What she did was inexcusable and she sounds like a really unpleasant piece of work. The saddest thing is that it sounds like even after that, she's playing you like a violin!

Everybody has said the same things, dump her etc.

We'll see what happens. I feel a millions times better today, more like my old self.

I might invite her for a coffee next week and see how that goes. (If she wants to that is)

...

It is crazy that I am thinking of getting back with her. Everything she has done, she wasn't a great girlfriend in the first place !

It all boils down to I am 43 years of age and women haven't shown any interest in me. And I know most people don't understand that. It is just how I feel, nothing anybody can say will change it.

It's not crazy, it's foolish! Sorry to say it like that putter, but I don't think I should dress it up. You're a decent chap, but this is really not a good thing to do.

People that manipulate others relentlessly and repeatedly like that usually have psychotic or sociopathic issues. In all likelihood, she probably feels nothing for you, but senses you don't seem to have the backbone to resist her deceit and so is now looking to see what else she can squeeze out of you.

I'd advise you, as someone that cares for your emotions at the end of all this, to reassess what you're doing here.

You're essentially saying that just because you're 43, you'd rather be in an untrustworthy relationship with a stone cold pathological liar than single?

Because I think if you put your mind to it and got out there, there'd be far better women for you than this one. I'd avoid her like the plague, full stop.

(Sorry if I seemed harsh. I just can't believe what I'm reading here really...)

All good points. I may come to my senses soon.

Last year I was besotted with this other woman. I sent her text after text and she hardly replied. She played me for a mug, asking me to work overtime in her shop and then saying she would spend time with me (playing golf of all things) - Most of the times we were due to play golf she would be ill or tired or something like that. I worked crazy overtime shifts for her and she used me. I did this for 6 months or so and then it was a switch going off in my head and I stopped. Now I don't bother with her. (She in fact sends texts to me now asking me how I am)

The point is I seem to have a flaw in my character where I cling onto people. The same is happening with this new woman. They may be a time when I suddenly think 'what am I doing here ?'

It hasn't happened yet. I am not planning on having a relationship with her. All she is to me now is a casual friend who I am going to send text messages to every now and again.

I hope that makes sense !