My Cookie!
- Thread starter Arnie
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Jilted John
Well-known member
Now we've got flying applepears? Come on people,keep it real!
ThatOneGirl
Well-known member
Jilted John said:
Wow...just wow! *claps hands* That deserves a cookie!
Jilted John
Well-known member
John shields his eyes from the unyielding Arizona sun,and sees the devious applepear hybrid trying desperately to gain height,flapping her puny arms to no avail.He drew his 12 gauge from it's back holster,and aimed at the now flailing hybrid fruit bird.The gun made the noise of a cannon going off, as the sound echoed off the Arizona canyon walls.The fruit bat as John now sees, is what this flying abomination really was all the time! As the applepear bat hit the canyon wall with a sickening splat,John walked over to where it would slither down to.As the creature finally reached the desert floor,John saw it was still clutching the stolen cookie in it's right claw.As John turned to walk off into the now dying Arizona sunset, he wiped the pieces of apple and pear from otherwise undamaged cookie.And as he started to munch the cookie,he couldn't help but think of the time he'd had with another girl, in another State, who also had bat problems
LOL!
John you must have really wanted that cookie, you started to kill us all off.
Okay we need a new cookie, John ate it.
John you must have really wanted that cookie, you started to kill us all off.
Okay we need a new cookie, John ate it.
Jilted John
Well-known member
John sits in front of his cosy log fire,reminiscing about his cookie hunting days,and then becomes melancholy when he thinks of his old adversaries.He begins to count them inside his head,as a log rolls in the fire to to create a stronger glow in the little room.
There was Arnie,proabably his best opponent,nobody's seen him since he left for Vegas with his dope smoking alien friends looking for "easy earth girls".Then there was that nutty Texas dame, kept sending vampire bats and the like to him.And that Canadian weirdo that could change himself into a cartoon at will,but he's out action till his butt hole mends.There was the strange fruitbat chick,who is now just a long fruity stain on a canyon wall in Arizona.And that Reggie guy that started all that honeysuckle in Arizona by sending me spoof draft papers,he's now wearing an orange jumpsuit,in some place called Gauantanemo Bay,sounds nice!
But John misses them all now,and wishes somehow they could all come back,and as his head began to droop into his chest,and he began to gently snore,as the cookie packet rolled off his knee,and to the floor.
There was Arnie,proabably his best opponent,nobody's seen him since he left for Vegas with his dope smoking alien friends looking for "easy earth girls".Then there was that nutty Texas dame, kept sending vampire bats and the like to him.And that Canadian weirdo that could change himself into a cartoon at will,but he's out action till his butt hole mends.There was the strange fruitbat chick,who is now just a long fruity stain on a canyon wall in Arizona.And that Reggie guy that started all that honeysuckle in Arizona by sending me spoof draft papers,he's now wearing an orange jumpsuit,in some place called Gauantanemo Bay,sounds nice!
But John misses them all now,and wishes somehow they could all come back,and as his head began to droop into his chest,and he began to gently snore,as the cookie packet rolled off his knee,and to the floor.
ThatOneGirl
Well-known member
While John sleeps..Courtney breaks into his house sets the crazy teapot off..lets a bunch of bats in, and steals the packet of cookies from the floor.
My cookie!
I'M BACK!!
My cookie!
I'M BACK!!
Jilted John
Well-known member
John was awoken suddenly,by an ear piercing shreaking that filled the small room,there were vampire bats everywhere,but his crazed teapot was downing them at a ferocious rate.By the time John had turned round and grabbed the poker,there were only two left,one he got with a back hand smash,and the last with a full volley.As it went quiet,the teapot spouted "Game,set,and match to you boss, I think"
"How the hell did they get in here?" gasped John to the teapot."It was the whacky one from Texas" croaked the cracked teapot.
So, she wasn't finished after all,mused John."Which way did she go!" he screamed at the teapot."No good screaming at me"answered the teapot"Can't see through f**king walls!" So John grabbed his teeth from the teapot,put them in,and legged it outside.
He looked down to see a small trail of sand leading off in the direction of the driving range.He bent down, and picked up a few grains of sand and sniffed it.Yes,he thought,the only sand like that comes from just one place on earth,The Texas Panhandle! He loped off in pursuit,and when he reached the golf driving range,he could just make out Courtney running towards the 300 yard marker.He asked a friend who was practising there,"What do you think,a 3 wood?" "No" replied his friend," The rate she's travelling at I'd use the driver!" "Do you mind" asked John as he selected the driver.He addressed the ball steadily and whacked it towards the 500 yard marker that Courtney was fast approaching,the ball lofted high,and the following wind caught it beautifully.
The ball caught Courtney just behind the left ear,knocking her out cold.There were still little coloured birds circling her head when John reached her.He bent down and picked up the stolen cookies,turned and began to stride back to the clubhouse for a celebratory gin and tonic.
My cookie!
"How the hell did they get in here?" gasped John to the teapot."It was the whacky one from Texas" croaked the cracked teapot.
So, she wasn't finished after all,mused John."Which way did she go!" he screamed at the teapot."No good screaming at me"answered the teapot"Can't see through f**king walls!" So John grabbed his teeth from the teapot,put them in,and legged it outside.
He looked down to see a small trail of sand leading off in the direction of the driving range.He bent down, and picked up a few grains of sand and sniffed it.Yes,he thought,the only sand like that comes from just one place on earth,The Texas Panhandle! He loped off in pursuit,and when he reached the golf driving range,he could just make out Courtney running towards the 300 yard marker.He asked a friend who was practising there,"What do you think,a 3 wood?" "No" replied his friend," The rate she's travelling at I'd use the driver!" "Do you mind" asked John as he selected the driver.He addressed the ball steadily and whacked it towards the 500 yard marker that Courtney was fast approaching,the ball lofted high,and the following wind caught it beautifully.
The ball caught Courtney just behind the left ear,knocking her out cold.There were still little coloured birds circling her head when John reached her.He bent down and picked up the stolen cookies,turned and began to stride back to the clubhouse for a celebratory gin and tonic.
My cookie!
worn out, flat busted broke, hungry, and thirsty, arnie is on the road from vegas. he spots a clubhouse along the way and decides to stop for a beer. upon entering the bar he finds his old adversary john in some sort of kooky uniform sitting quietly at a table sipping on a drink and fiddling with something in his lap.
when arnie approaches, john jumps up and says “i thought you were with the Zogonians!” arnie replies “i was **** it. we went to vegas to find easy earth girls, but now i’ve returned.” john says, “did you find easy earth girls there?” arnie says, “we sure did. have a look!” and hands john this card.
john looks at the card and immediately pulls his phone from his pocket and starts dialing.
arnie takes this opportunity to snatch the cookies and make a bee line for the door.
my cookies!
when arnie approaches, john jumps up and says “i thought you were with the Zogonians!” arnie replies “i was **** it. we went to vegas to find easy earth girls, but now i’ve returned.” john says, “did you find easy earth girls there?” arnie says, “we sure did. have a look!” and hands john this card.
john looks at the card and immediately pulls his phone from his pocket and starts dialing.
arnie takes this opportunity to snatch the cookies and make a bee line for the door.
my cookies!
Jilted John
Well-known member
John sat,and reread the card,"****! I thought it meant free brandy!"he thought,turning to look at the naked blonde now sprawled across his lap."Get some clothes on girl!" he shouted "You've got to help me get back that cookie"
John and the blonde jumped on the quad bike,that he always left parked behind the clubhouse,should an occasion like this arise.They took off in pursuit of that alien loving,low down shmuck,Arnie.
It wasn't long before John spotted Arnie up ahead,he quickly threw a right,nearly unseating the blonde who was hanging on for dear life behind him.Once they had managed to get ahead of Arnie on the back road,John pulled up behind a big oak tree. "Right" he said "Arnie will be here in two minutes,so get in the middle of the road and start getting undressed"
The blonde giggled and did just that.When Arnie came into view,he took one look at the blonde,who was now down to the skimpiest of panties,and stopped dead!His eyes came out on organ stops,and a heart shape started to beat in and out of his chest,toon style.His mouth fell open,and the cookie he was about to stuff into it fell to the floor.It rolled along and was stopped by Johns waiting hand.
John and the now naked blonde,jumped back on the quad,and rode off into the sunset in a flurry of dust,giggles,and cookie crumbs.
My cookie! (and naked blonde!)
John and the blonde jumped on the quad bike,that he always left parked behind the clubhouse,should an occasion like this arise.They took off in pursuit of that alien loving,low down shmuck,Arnie.
It wasn't long before John spotted Arnie up ahead,he quickly threw a right,nearly unseating the blonde who was hanging on for dear life behind him.Once they had managed to get ahead of Arnie on the back road,John pulled up behind a big oak tree. "Right" he said "Arnie will be here in two minutes,so get in the middle of the road and start getting undressed"
The blonde giggled and did just that.When Arnie came into view,he took one look at the blonde,who was now down to the skimpiest of panties,and stopped dead!His eyes came out on organ stops,and a heart shape started to beat in and out of his chest,toon style.His mouth fell open,and the cookie he was about to stuff into it fell to the floor.It rolled along and was stopped by Johns waiting hand.
John and the now naked blonde,jumped back on the quad,and rode off into the sunset in a flurry of dust,giggles,and cookie crumbs.
My cookie! (and naked blonde!)
WishingWell
Well-known member
What the heck do these long stories have to do with the simple rules of this game?
Here is the real game's answer:
Look over there, it's Brad Pitt. My cookie!
Here is the real game's answer:
Look over there, it's Brad Pitt. My cookie!
while john is distracted by the unexpected presence of brad pitt (lol), the now jealous and naked brandy hops on the bike with arnie (who isn't so easily distracted). they cruise on down the road as john remains transfixed on the cardboard cutout of brad pitt that arnie had stolen in vegas and placed by the road as a sure fire john distraction.
soon they come upon wishingwell at a road side rest area. brandy says to wishingwell "look, celine dion!". this distraction works perfectly. arnie is able to grab the cookie and they are on the road again. and yes, this too was a cardboard cutout stolen from vegas and planted by arnie.
my cookie!
soon they come upon wishingwell at a road side rest area. brandy says to wishingwell "look, celine dion!". this distraction works perfectly. arnie is able to grab the cookie and they are on the road again. and yes, this too was a cardboard cutout stolen from vegas and planted by arnie.
my cookie!
ThatOneGirl
Well-known member
Oh dear Lord! I leave for a while, and when I come back you two have brought naked blondes into this.
Courtney takes out a gun, and shoots the stupid, giggling, naked blonde deflating one of her fake breasts and subsequently killing the girl. While Arnie and John stand watching the tragedy before them, Courtney takes the cookies and speeds away.
My cookie!
Courtney takes out a gun, and shoots the stupid, giggling, naked blonde deflating one of her fake breasts and subsequently killing the girl. While Arnie and John stand watching the tragedy before them, Courtney takes the cookies and speeds away.
My cookie!
Jilted John
Well-known member
John and Arnie stand and watch the slowly deflating naked blonde.John offers Arnie a tissue,which he gratefully accepts,and they both wipe away their tears.
Just as they were blowing their noses for the final time,John spots a Wishing Well on wheels,rolling down the road.He jabbed Arnie in the ribs and says"Get a load of that!" The Wishing Well rolled by, screaming "Will you shut the f**k up and play the f**king game!" John looked at Arnie and winked.They both ran,and caught the Wishing Well,and when it had ground to a halt,they both threw in all the loose change they had,and wished like they'd never wished before.Within seconds,the naked blonde re inflated with hands full of cookies!
John and Arnie walked back to the clubhouse,with arms each over the shoulders of the naked blonde.And do you know what?They were all munching cookies!
Our cookies!
Just as they were blowing their noses for the final time,John spots a Wishing Well on wheels,rolling down the road.He jabbed Arnie in the ribs and says"Get a load of that!" The Wishing Well rolled by, screaming "Will you shut the f**k up and play the f**king game!" John looked at Arnie and winked.They both ran,and caught the Wishing Well,and when it had ground to a halt,they both threw in all the loose change they had,and wished like they'd never wished before.Within seconds,the naked blonde re inflated with hands full of cookies!
John and Arnie walked back to the clubhouse,with arms each over the shoulders of the naked blonde.And do you know what?They were all munching cookies!
Our cookies!
ThatOneGirl
Well-known member
:club:
Jilted John
Well-known member
Ha,ha,ha.I just don't no how you do it Arnie!
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