Need Help Understanding!

[lovebookstoomuch88]

Okay, so I am having trouble understanding my situation with guys in general. I am a female, 22 years old, an English major in college, and I haven't had a date at all in college. I am getting ready to graduate. As in like, a guy has never asked me out! I mean, I don't think I am entirely unattractive. I look at other girls and I'm like What am I missing that they have? I understand that guys like confident women, and lately I have been confident. I think I am confident in myself, but I don't take the time to explain that to people ya know? I've been told to do myself up with makeup and curls, smile all the time, dress nicely, etc. I have done all of this to no effect. Plus, every guy that I have ever liked has liked me back only as a substitute for someone else. I am not kidding, this has happened to me pretty much every single time except this last time. There was this really great guy that I worked with and I asked him out, but he just wants to be friends. I will admit that I am a little shy around guys, and that might come off as that I am uninterested. But like I said, I have been trying to give off this image that I am not a cold, stuck-up ***** you know? I keep asking myself if I am just dull and boring, but I have talked to plenty of people who like my sense of humor. So what is is that I am doing wrong? It's not exactly like I am on a man hunt or anything, but I would still like some suggestions as to what I could do in this situation. I don't even know where to start.

 

[RavenRose]

I think your approach may be wrong, or at least difficult to understand. What kinds of guys are you trying to attract? Are they the typical good-looking hunks that all girls go for? Competition is fierce for those kinds of guys. If this is the case try widening your horizons and look around at all the other guys.

Your attempts so far seem to have been to do what you've been told to (dress up and smile). Try something different instead of blending in with the others. Look for the lonely guys who might understand how you feel, I certainly understand.
Remeber though - looks aren't everything!

I hope I have helped.

 

[Joseph]

Your question was "what am I doing wrong?"

My question is "what are you doing right?"

I read your post. Is your frustration that you aren't in a relationship? Are you looking for a long-term relationship or just casual dating? Are you waiting for the right guy to appear in front of you in life magically? If you are actively seeking a mate, you need to actively SEEK a mate. As in hit the dating scene.

What puzzled me from reading your post is it sounds like you are frustrated you aren't getting any dates, but I didn't see anything about you joining a dating website or going to places where you are likely to meet a date. The odds of Mr. Right just stumbling into your life by bumping into you on the street or at work are very slim.

Good luck to you!

 

[blackwave]

How about you ask some guys out. Why do we have to do all the work?

 

[spectacles]

How about you ask some guys out. Why do we have to do all the work?

She said she asked this guy out...

I dont know lovebooks, Im as lost as u. Hard to find a connection with guys.
Good luck!

 

[ChiCowboy]

Your question was "what am I doing wrong?"

My question is "what are you doing right?"

I read your post. Is your frustration that you aren't in a relationship? Are you looking for a long-term relationship or just casual dating? Are you waiting for the right guy to appear in front of you in life magically? If you are actively seeking a mate, you need to actively SEEK a mate. As in hit the dating scene.

What puzzled me from reading your post is it sounds like you are frustrated you aren't getting any dates, but I didn't see anything about you joining a dating website or going to places where you are likely to meet a date. The odds of Mr. Right just stumbling into your life by bumping into you on the street or at work are very slim.

Good luck to you!

She's already a member of perhaps the largest dating group ever invented: College.

 

[lovebookstoomuch88]

I think your approach may be wrong, or at least difficult to understand. What kinds of guys are you trying to attract? Are they the typical good-looking hunks that all girls go for? Competition is fierce for those kinds of guys. If this is the case try widening your horizons and look around at all the other guys.

Your attempts so far seem to have been to do what you've been told to (dress up and smile). Try something different instead of blending in with the others. Look for the lonely guys who might understand how you feel, I certainly understand.
Remeber though - looks aren't everything!

I hope I have helped.

Yes, I know that looks aren't everything. However, as least for me, it has been hard to find a guy where looks aren't the only factor. After all, the first thing a guy sees when he looks at me is my outward appearance. I have tried looking at other guys, but I am saying in general I must not know how to talk to guys and they don't seem interested in me, whether they are hunks or not.

---

Your question was "what am I doing wrong?"

My question is "what are you doing right?"

I read your post. Is your frustration that you aren't in a relationship? Are you looking for a long-term relationship or just casual dating? Are you waiting for the right guy to appear in front of you in life magically? If you are actively seeking a mate, you need to actively SEEK a mate. As in hit the dating scene.

What puzzled me from reading your post is it sounds like you are frustrated you aren't getting any dates, but I didn't see anything about you joining a dating website or going to places where you are likely to meet a date. The odds of Mr. Right just stumbling into your life by bumping into you on the street or at work are very slim.

Good luck to you!

I have tried to join the dating scene. I have been out to bars with friends and been involved with groups on campus but I doubt I am going to find serious relationship material there. I know the right guy is not going to appear in my life magically, I am not that naive. But what constitutes as the dating scene? Where are the places that I could meet a guy? And what should I say to a guy that doesn't make me seem desperate or immature (because I'm not). I am tired of being the one to ask the guy out because I have always been the one to do that with every guy I've been interested in. So if you have some advice, I would love to hear it.

 

[juggiekins]

Okay, so I am having trouble understanding my situation with guys in general. I am a female, 22 years old, an English major in college, and I haven't had a date at all in college. I am getting ready to graduate. As in like, a guy has never asked me out! I mean, I don't think I am entirely unattractive. I look at other girls and I'm like What am I missing that they have? I understand that guys like confident women, and lately I have been confident. I think I am confident in myself, but I don't take the time to explain that to people ya know? I've been told to do myself up with makeup and curls, smile all the time, dress nicely, etc. I have done all of this to no effect. Plus, every guy that I have ever liked has liked me back only as a substitute for someone else. I am not kidding, this has happened to me pretty much every single time except this last time. There was this really great guy that I worked with and I asked him out, but he just wants to be friends. I will admit that I am a little shy around guys, and that might come off as that I am uninterested. But like I said, I have been trying to give off this image that I am not a cold, stuck-up ***** you know? I keep asking myself if I am just dull and boring, but I have talked to plenty of people who like my sense of humor. So what is is that I am doing wrong? It's not exactly like I am on a man hunt or anything, but I would still like some suggestions as to what I could do in this situation. I don't even know where to start.

I'm glad you're confident about yourself, but are you being yourself? Based on your comments you sound like you've been given feedback to dress a certain way or behave a certain way. Do you feel comfortable in this shell? Maybe people are getting the vibe you are not behaving as your normal self. You sound like you have a sense of humor, which is a nice plus, but you don't always have to be all smiles either.

Yes, I know that looks aren't everything. However, as least for me, it has been hard to find a guy where looks aren't the only factor. After all, the first thing a guy sees when he looks at me is my outward appearance. I have tried looking at other guys, but I am saying in general I must not know how to talk to guys and they don't seem interested in me, whether they are hunks or not.

Curious, but what has been your approach when talking to guys? Are you beginning with casual conversations first or are you straight up flirting with them? I commend you on being pro-active, but I do not know if you're trying to bag a date right away or trying to build up a connection with the person first? I hope you're not trying to date the person right off the bat. Of course I wish myself there were more aggressive girls over here.

I have tried to join the dating scene. I have been out to bars with friends and been involved with groups on campus but I doubt I am going to find serious relationship material there. I know the right guy is not going to appear in my life magically, I am not that naive. But what constitutes as the dating scene? Where are the places that I could meet a guy? And what should I say to a guy that doesn't make me seem desperate or immature (because I'm not). I am tired of being the one to ask the guy out because I have always been the one to do that with every guy I've been interested in. So if you have some advice, I would love to hear it.

Hotspots? Depending on the opportunities in your areas there are sometimes club activities where coordinators would have people participate in outdoor activities, see comedy shows, go bowling, etc. (of course some I've heard are a tad expensive). As to college classes are you trying any recreational/leisure subjects outside of your core or main concentration? (i.e. archery) Finding something you have interest in and meeting others with a similar taste might help.

I would probably save the online dating scene until maybe later when you are not surrounded as much around people in a similar age as yourself.

 

[SourGlow]

I'm the same age as you and I have the same problem (except guys don't even like me as a replacement). Guys rarely even look my way actually. I've never been liked by a guy and guys like competition so maybe they can sense that no one likes me.

Sorry I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know that makes 2 of us.

 

[athwart]

Maybe you can try finding a meet-up group that has similar interests to you. You like manga? Live in Illinois? Maybe a group like this would be for you? Do you live near Champaign? Bars stink for meeting people. Need to put yourself in places with lots of people with similar interests.

http://www.meetup.com/Central-IL-Geek-Army/

 

[Kataphractos]

To tag onto what Joseph said, are you frustrated about not getting dates because you feel as if you should be dating? I ask that in the sense that do you feel as if your family or society expects you to be dating or in a relationship?

Also, how are you giving off signs that you're attracted to a guy? I'll leave the question open-ended since I suck at reading body language and can be dense at times when it comes to reading women.

And it's the 21st century. There's nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out. Try it, you might be surprised.