Never Ending Cycle.

[PinkDelusion]

Why is it whenever I make a friend, it never lasts long? It happens like this:

-I'm extremely lucky today and I've found someone to talk to.
-We talk for awhile. Soon I began to feel depressed and lose all confidence again when they mention things I don't have or can't do. (EX. They have a lot of friends, they can go out to concerts and parties, they are confident or happy.)
-Afterwards I grow doubtful and afraid because I can't be their friend for whatever reason I come up with. (They have "too many" friends, have a life, makes me feel ashamed to talk to only them when they have many others to talk to.)
-I began to avoid them, soon we never talk again.
-I'm alone again.

It's like when I find someone to befriend I back away as soon as I get to know a little more of them, or I just feel pathetic for talking to them because of their social abilities. Another scenario is when I find someone like me and we argue over something and I never talk to them again. I don't know why I'm discouraged from pursuing friendships over these reasons. Afterwards I feel like i'll never make friends because of it and I decide that an isolated life is my destiny. I feel as if no one can care about me because they have plenty of people to care for or my concern for them isn't important because their other friends' concerns are far more significant.

This horrible habit makes it tremendously hard to attempt at overcoming my social anxiety. and then I overanalyze what just happened after talking to someone. What I did wrong, how awkward I was, how stupid I sounded, and how ugly my appearance was. I keep saying to myself that people think i'm weird after talking to them. That's not good either...

 

[[email protected]]

Hi you......

This cycle can be broken you know? ; ). Its called taking risks and making the effort to do something you're not used too. Ok,so you had trouble
Keeping friends before (ive had that problem too,it sucks). but Just because
Whoever you befriend has a different lifestyle than hou or possibly really sociable
Doesnt mean you two cant be friends. You, yourself too can be confideng and just as happy,dont doubt yourself either. Shooting your own self is a way to kill an opportunity without letting it live long enough for you to grab. : ) work on breaking that cycle ok? You can do it : ).....

 

[Ak5]

Hi there.

My advice for you is, forget about making friends. Forget about how people will judge you.

Accept yourself! Once you do that your confidence will sky-rocket. Don't care how people think of you, believe it or not, people like that.

Nobody has a perfect life. What they "show off" is one thing what they have "inside" is another. They may go to countless parties but will a party-goer be successful in life? No.

You can make friends, accept yourself and open up to people! Don't over think, take things calmly. You can do it.

Also, in arguments, always ask for forgiveness; if they don't forgive you they are not the kind of people you want to be friends with in the first place.


Good luck.

 

[paulo]

weird people are way more fun than the "normal" ones

 

[IgnoredOne]

Paulo speaks truth.

 

[omniac]

Why is it whenever I make a friend, it never lasts long? It happens like this:

-I'm extremely lucky today and I've found someone to talk to.
-We talk for awhile. Soon I began to feel depressed and lose all confidence again when they mention things I don't have or can't do. (EX. They have a lot of friends, they can go out to concerts and parties, they are confident or happy.)
-Afterwards I grow doubtful and afraid because I can't be their friend for whatever reason I come up with. (They have "too many" friends, have a life, makes me feel ashamed to talk to only them when they have many others to talk to.)
-I began to avoid them, soon we never talk again.
-I'm alone again.

It's like when I find someone to befriend I back away as soon as I get to know a little more of them, or I just feel pathetic for talking to them because of theiru social abilities. Another scenario is when I find someone like me and we argue over something and I never talk to them again. I don't know why I'm discouraged from pursuing friendships over these reasons. Afterwards I feel like i'll never make friends because of it and I decide that an isolated life is my destiny. I feel as if no one can care about me because they have plenty of people to care for or my concern for them isn't important because their other friends' concerns are far more significant.

This horrible habit makes it tremendously hard to attempt at overcoming my social anxiety. and then I overanalyze what just happened after talking to someone. What I did wrong, how awkward I was, how stupid I sounded, and how ugly my appearance was. I keep saying to myself that people think i'm weird after talking to them. That's not good either...

I have to apologize. I actually though this post was hilarious! Your too picky, looking for someone that doesn't upset your delicate sense of self. Its easier to accept the fact that you have a disorder than deal with the things that make you fearful, competition.

 

[PinkDelusion]

Why is it whenever I make a friend, it never lasts long? It happens like this:

-I'm extremely lucky today and I've found someone to talk to.
-We talk for awhile. Soon I began to feel depressed and lose all confidence again when they mention things I don't have or can't do. (EX. They have a lot of friends, they can go out to concerts and parties, they are confident or happy.)
-Afterwards I grow doubtful and afraid because I can't be their friend for whatever reason I come up with. (They have "too many" friends, have a life, makes me feel ashamed to talk to only them when they have many others to talk to.)
-I began to avoid them, soon we never talk again.
-I'm alone again.

It's like when I find someone to befriend I back away as soon as I get to know a little more of them, or I just feel pathetic for talking to them because of theiru social abilities. Another scenario is when I find someone like me and we argue over something and I never talk to them again. I don't know why I'm discouraged from pursuing friendships over these reasons. Afterwards I feel like i'll never make friends because of it and I decide that an isolated life is my destiny. I feel as if no one can care about me because they have plenty of people to care for or my concern for them isn't important because their other friends' concerns are far more significant.

This horrible habit makes it tremendously hard to attempt at overcoming my social anxiety. and then I overanalyze what just happened after talking to someone. What I did wrong, how awkward I was, how stupid I sounded, and how ugly my appearance was. I keep saying to myself that people think i'm weird after talking to them. That's not good either...

I have to apologize. I actually though this post was hilarious! Your too picky, looking for someone that doesn't upset your delicate sense of self. Its easier to accept the fact that you have a disorder than deal with the things that make you fearful, competition.

Glad i made you laugh. -_-
I'm so happy you understand.

 

[omniac]

Why is it whenever I make a friend, it never lasts long? It happens like this:

-I'm extremely lucky today and I've found someone to talk to.
-We talk for awhile. Soon I began to feel depressed and lose all confidence again when they mention things I don't have or can't do. (EX. They have a lot of friends, they can go out to concerts and parties, they are confident or happy.)
-Afterwards I grow doubtful and afraid because I can't be their friend for whatever reason I come up with. (They have "too many" friends, have a life, makes me feel ashamed to talk to only them when they have many others to talk to.)
-I began to avoid them, soon we never talk again.
-I'm alone again.

It's like when I find someone to befriend I back away as soon as I get to know a little more of them, or I just feel pathetic for talking to them because of theiru social abilities. Another scenario is when I find someone like me and we argue over something and I never talk to them again. I don't know why I'm discouraged from pursuing friendships over these reasons. Afterwards I feel like i'll never make friends because of it and I decide that an isolated life is my destiny. I feel as if no one can care about me because they have plenty of people to care for or my concern for them isn't important because their other friends' concerns are far more significant.

This horrible habit makes it tremendously hard to attempt at overcoming my social anxiety. and then I overanalyze what just happened after talking to someone. What I did wrong, how awkward I was, how stupid I sounded, and how ugly my appearance was. I keep saying to myself that people think i'm weird after talking to them. That's not good either...

I have to apologize. I actually though this post was hilarious! Your too picky, looking for someone that doesn't upset your delicate sense of self. Its easier to accept the fact that you have a disorder than deal with the things that make you fearful, competition.

Glad i made you laugh. -_-
I'm so happy you understand.

I'm sorry. I can sense the sarcasm I was insensitive. What I should have said is that you need to hang in there and you'll find the right friend soon

 

[SophiaGrace]

I tend to pick friends...that're shy. I don't argue with them I just share my day with them and talk about silly stuff.

 

[MechanicalMishka]

I know the feeling. I can be wrong, it is only your place to decide who are you and what is good for you but try to answer the following in your mind:

1. Do you want to have many friends?
2. Do you want to go to parties or other crowded social places like bars and night clubs?
3. Do you consider leading a socially active life a virtue?

Some people like you or me are introverted. Do you often prefer to spend your time alone or with one or two close trusted friends? I know I do.

When I had friends they'd often come, knock on my window and say something ridiculous like 'DUDE WE'RE HAVING A PARTY, LOTS OF WEED, VODKA AND BITCHES YOU'VE GOTTA COME!' in a chorus of overjoyed voices. On some days when I felt too apathetic to resist the voices I'd go and revel in my SA around said 'bitches' until I was drunk and sleeping. So why should I even feel the need to bother with parties and loud 'friends'? I enjoy my time alone much more and I'm content with that. This doesn't mean that I'm inferior or does it? So you shouldn't have this feeling either. Maybe your more socially active friends know and respect that you're not fond of parties and having incredible amounts of social contacts? Maybe in fact they appreciate and value your company? You definitely deserve a good friend or two. Having less friends or less of a 'life' does not make you in any way inferior, just different, and having a rich reserved personality introverts tend to have makes you unique.

and then I overanalyze what just happened after talking to someone. What I did wrong, how awkward I was, how stupid I sounded, and how ugly my appearance was. I keep saying to myself that people think i'm weird after talking to them. That's not good either...

Well, it seems you already know that overthinking is doing you no good. When next time you are doing that remember that you're certainly judging yourself too harshly. Other people usually have their personal concerns to worry about. They tend not to spend as much time evaluating the level of your awkwardness, conducting in-depth analysis of your remarks' possible stupidity and closely reviewing the flaws of your physical appearance as you do. Basically they'll think simple, like 'I enjoyed the conversation' and carry on about their business. You are nurturing anxiety within yourself all by, well, yourself. I know it's hard to be rid of this habit and I wish you success.

I'm sorry if I said something wrong. I mean well, I apologize if I lack tact.

 

[RJLJD]

My best advice would be to be open about who you are to potential friends as much as possible.
I worked a new job this summer that involved working lots of 12+ hour days with the same people every day and most of them were college aged like myself. I tried to let my real personality show when I was with them and was very upfront about the fact I don't drink. They were cool about it, and we became friends. Now I wasn't as tight as a few of the guys were together because they would spend extra time drinking together, but I would still consider everyone I worked with this past summer my friend now. It was a nice middle ground I found.
I guess my point is to be you around new people, and find people that you're going to be around a lot and get to know them. They can be a good asset.